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~RASH CREAM & GROCERIES'

~ Remember that "Tennis Elbow" is far better than the dreaded "Tennis Ball"! ! !


19 MAY 2006


WOZA FRIDAY...


~ happy friggin' Friday to all...

so pull up a stool and have youself a beer... you deserve it!!!


~billyb##zer




posted by Unknown at 12:08 PM | 0 comments


24 APRIL 2006





When I was a little kid... my mother told me not to stare into the sun, so once
when I was six, I did. At first the brightness was really overwhelming, but I
had seen that before. I kept looking, forcing myself not to blink or tuen away,
and then the brightness began to slowly dissolve. My pupils shrunk to lil'
pinholes & everything came into focus and for a brief moment I understood...




~billyb##zer

.




posted by Unknown at 2:42 PM | 0 comments


13 APRIL 2006


GROUND-BREAKING HIV PREVENTION TECHNIQUES



~billyb##zer




posted by Unknown at 12:58 PM | 0 comments


08 MARCH 2006


~ SHOW ME DA' "ZIMBO" MONEY


Please welcome in the all brand new "$50 000" Zim dollar Note or in this case
the more politically correct... an Expiring "Bearer's Cheque" front and back, in
glorious full colour!

On its back is depicted the mighty Victoria Falls, the water plunging over the
precipice into the gorge below! Have a long look by scrolling down at your
leisure and at the bottom you will be told what it will buy.













This wonderful new denomination now buys precisely ~

A Whole 3.6 eggs!
Or 4 candles to help fight the power-cuts!
Or 1.25 loaves of basic bread!
Or 100g mince meat!
Or 160g margarine!
Or (this is the worst)...0.714285714285714 beers - in the supermarket and In a
pub 0.25 of a beer!!!!! Holy Friggin Crap!

It is unfortunately a sad joke... and to top it off... have a close look on the
front of the note... As each note has a sell-by-date where you have to use it
before the end of the year... incase it is worthless in 2007!

I friggin do not know... Can it get any worse... ? Is it not time for some-one
to issue a "running-kick-fuck-slap" too that old bastard?

~billy-expat-b##zer







posted by Unknown at 12:46 PM | 0 comments


07 FEBRUARY 2006


A "CHEAP-FUN-YUMMY-PUT-YOU-ON-YOUR-ASS" PARTY PUNCH RECIPE...


So back in the day at one of the yearly Portuguese fests in the deep-Souf of
Jo-burg...

We happened to stumbled upon and have a few glasses of this punch listed down
below... it is a sweet-ish... lemon-ish... taste-like-friggin-more punch /
cocktail / drink !!!!

What is even better than our first beer-mug full of this stuff... is that we
recently happened to find out the easy, way-too-simple and cheap recipe on how
to make the friggin' stuff!!!

So with my sista's B-day at the end of January... I decided to do a lil'
brewing... and it turned out so good... it would be a sin to keep it all to
myself!!! So see below on how to make it...

:- Main Ingredients Needed:

~ 3 bottles of Cane
~ 1 Bag of Lemons
~ 500 grams bag of Brown Sugar
~ 5 Big-ass bags of Ice
~ 1 Large Plastic Container / Dog Dish / Cooler Box / Fish Tank

:- Some Optional extra's I could recommend:

~ A glass of water with same headache pills next to your bed
~ A Old' Mop and bucket
~ A Camera to capture the Mayhem
~ Apology letter for your behavior / actions / nudity
~ A Designated driver if you traveling...

:- Method & Procedure:

It starts off with... the 3 Bottles of the cheapest naughtiest~assed Cane you
can get your hands on being added into the biggiest container you can find or
steal...

Then add the Bag of Lemons... which need to be chopped into 8 pieces and then
squeezed into the Cane mix... you also need to throw peels into the huge
container with the 5 big bags of ice and the 500 gram bag of Brown sugar...



Leave the mixture to stand for about 3 to 4 hours... as all the goods need to
meet & greet each other and turn into the Delicious tasting... micheal-jackson
dancing poison!!!



Once it has settled for the 3 - 4 hours... take it out to the guests... and help
them drink the stuff as shown above!

Then before you have too many helpings of this sweet nectar... be sure to leave
the mop, bucket, Apology letter and headache pills out...

As this stuff has a evil way of sneaking up and whacking you dead over the head
as I happened to learn that evening!!! ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa!





So give it a bash children... and let me know how your brewing / partying
goes...

~billyb##zer







posted by Unknown at 3:40 PM | 4 comments


26 JANUARY 2006


PEOPLE WHO CRY-FRIGGIN'-WOLF...



Well with it being over 10 years of grass-roots-level of our new Constitution
and a new democratic government in this lovely rainbow nation of ours… and with
everything as I would like to think of as having came a long-looooooong way
since the 3 colour flag volk-stat and “blou-van ons se’ hemel” days and that
things such as human dignity, the achievement of equality and the advancement of
human rights and freedoms, blah blah blaaaah and everything like that has
improved drastically!

Then why is it I still get so friggin’ tired of reading and hearing head lines
in the news paper and on Tele’ regarding some sports star or local singer or
politician being accused of being racist, using racist slogans etc… etc and he
should be punished and blaah blaah blaah and the victims trying to claim
compensation for the personal damage caused.

When really I think far tooo many people just use & hide behind the whole
“race-card” now a days…

I have been accused on a few occasions of being huge “gasp” racist… but what I
want to know… is the exact meaning & action of a racist… So I dropped into
Google for a quick meaning check and the first one to pop up was this:

o A Racist is someone that hates a type of people because of their Race.
Sometimes they will try to kill the group of people. That is called genocide.

Now from my understanding of that explanation it means… “Basically with no
exceptions… I hate an entire particular race… basically for the colour of the
skin or beliefs!” And this is what I have been accused of…?

And just for reference this is NOT true in my case… As I do not hate / dislike
any particular Race or colour of skin… As some of my best friends from all ends
of the earth and colour spectrum… so then how can I be classed as a fully
fledged practicing racist…?

Is it perhaps because I swear and give the ol’ finger to a few taxi drivers…
cuss, get mad and wanna kill some people and roll cars onto their roofs most
days of the week…?

Hmmmmmm… Nope… No... Never... Cos you see… I do these things cos it’s the
friggin' arrogant, self-serving, no mannered or careless for those around you
sort-of-people that just plan ol’ piss on my battery and want to make me go
Postal Worker on their ass!

Cos every single time I have ended up cussing, hating or wanting to beat or kill
someone… it was because of their direct actions at that one single moment… and
not because of their skin colour, their preferred food or music type or because
their aunties, uncles brothers sister 1000 years ago did this or that…

It is just because I feel why shut the hell up… just tell the person that “he /
she / it” is in the friggin’ wrong and that they have pissed you off… Regardless
of his or his families origin, colour of skin, hair style or belief system… just
be like… “Hey fucking asshole… you friggin’ X-Y-Z… or what ever the case might
be!!!”

So I ask you this… does that make you a racist…? I think fucking not!!!

So next time you or anyone else feels like you a victim of racism in South
Africa… Do yourself and everyone else a friggin’ favour, when things don’t go
your way or you end up hearing something you did not like… before ya get all
uptight, start crying, phoning the lawyers and pulling the “already-so-tired &
lame race card…” start out by first dropping this question in your head… “Is it
really because I am Black / Coloured / Indian / Jamaican / Mexican / blaah
blaah… then proceed to ask yourself a few more quick questions… “What did I do
to bring this on…? Why is it being directed at me…? Is it becos I swerved in
front of them… or jump the line or did I in cringed on someone else’s personal
space or beliefs… Did I perhaps actually deserve this response / action /
running-kick-fuck-slap to the face...?

Then… only if you can not solve these easy questions or have answered no to all
of them… Can you honestly say you a victim of racism and are then probably &
most unfortunately dealing with someone from the minuscule percentage of todays
S.A-ians that have not moved on from “die ou’ khaki dae” and it is best you walk
away and leave them alone… as they have enough problems of their own to deal
with… like falling off horses, fixing tractors and sipping back “klippies”
brandy for breakfast!

This sort of character can also easily be confirmed by looking the trade marks
of ex AWB supportor such as the hand-bar moustaches, khaki bush clothes,
brandy-tans with a huge pot-belly tucked into their undies, wanked out
veld-skoens, Texan-plain cigarettes or wooden smoking pipe and a greasy
comb-over-the-bald-spot hair-cuts… These types are best to be avoided if at all
possible!

But at the end of the day… I make no claim that racism no longer exists, as
though it has been somehow magically erased & forever banished from our country.
As narrow-mindedness, the foundation that provides soil for racism to grow… is
still friggin' with us.

All I am saying is that in this country, which has played such a historic role
in awakening S.A core values of fairness over the last couple of years… I think
we are just exposed to the cry of racism far tooooo often.

So we should try resist, condemn and mega-bitch-slap the accuser of the charge
when it is misused and un-called for... For when the time comes to truly
scrutinize or condemn an act of clear racism, we may no longer be able to
recognize it…

But... its just a thought... So like... Use it... Dont use it!!

Wat-eva...

~billyb##zer




posted by Unknown at 11:18 AM | 3 comments


08 DECEMBER 2005


NO~WHERE MAN...


The unknown is what it is. And to be frightened of it is what sends everybody
scurrying around chasing dreams, illusions, wars, peace, love, hate, all that.
Unknown is what it is. Accept that it's unknown and it's plain sailing - John
Lennon (1940-1980).

Today in "1980" - John Lennon was shot to death outside his New York City
apartment building by a deranged fan.




~billyb##zer




posted by Unknown at 11:39 AM | 1 comments


26 NOVEMBER 2005


HANDSETS & TUMOURS



Having just recently sorted out a new phone contract for myself... after weeks &
weeks of batteling endless problems, extremely poor customer service and alround
bad everything from one particular "4UrSelf" network provider...

I came to realise... If I didn’t have a cell phone, I would probably never talk
to half the people in my life ever again.... then again I am not sure that would
be an entirely bad thing either!

So come on people…Write a friggin' letter or drop by for a cuppa coffee once in
a while…

I am going to get a tumor if this phone keeps ringing!

~billyb##zer




posted by Unknown at 11:01 PM | 2 comments


08 NOVEMBER 2005


THE NEW SOUTH AFRICAN IPOD



posted by Unknown at 9:05 AM | 1 comments


03 NOVEMBER 2005


WHEN IT IS JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS...



posted by Unknown at 12:29 PM | 1 comments


21 OCTOBER 2005


TYPOGLYCEMIA...


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it deosn 't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny
iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and yuo can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs
is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as
a wlohe.

Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia :)- Amzanig huh?

Yaeh Msis Wihte... and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.

~blliybzoeor




posted by Unknown at 9:16 AM | 1 comments


13 OCTOBER 2005


GETTING OLDER...


With my B-day around the corner... I have been thinking a lot about growing up,
and all of the relationships, shit and broken hearts we go through while waiting
around here on earth to die…

I always wonder how many times people have said "I love you" to someone and knew
they didn’t really mean it…It makes me think about all of the people that have
said they love me and didn’t mean it as well, and I get really pissed off,
because I hate when people lie…

I mean, if they were lying to get in my friggin' pants, well that is one thing,
but just for the sake of dragging this heart through the mud and mine-field of
razors just for shits and jiggles… that aint too cool!

Cos being a plain-simple-straight-up booty call without the twisted web of lies
and pit of hurt aint too bad i suppose… Isn’t that what we all want out of life
at some time or another; to be someone’s 3am. "go-to" sex slave…

I forgot what I was talking about…

Oh yeah, Love…

Love sucks!!!


~billyb##zer




posted by Unknown at 9:20 AM | 2 comments


12 OCTOBER 2005


R.A.F - HELP STOP DA' GOVERMENTS SHIT IDEA...


I am sure everyone has heard the current shit with the R.A.F (Road Accident
Fund) and how the goverment wants to do away with it and Blah blah blaaah...
excuses... and more excuses!!

As we all know the Road Accident Fund is supposedly billions in the red thanks
to Great-mismanagement, corruption and a handful of
faceless-greedy-mofo-fat-cats. And as usual, instead of tackling and solving the
problem, the FRIGGIN' government heads straight for citizen's pockets and is
about to change the law to cover their own butts.

The Government is about to remove your common law rights and remove most
personal injury benefits from the Road Accident Fund and basically butt rape the
nation further - While we still pay 31.5c to for every litre of petrol we buy
(+/- R16 per full tank of juice!!). So we Pay more in future and get less! The
proposed changes are unfair, unconstitutional and unrealistic. but are we
Surprised...?

What this really means is that when you are in a serious accident and you can't
work, or you have serious injuries, there will be severe limits as to what you
are able to claim for from the fund. Facture a leg, an arm and be scarred -
that's not considered serious by the government! Imagine you now have to sell
your home to pay medical bills or recover from your losses - thanks to the
government!

More than that, you won't be able to sue anyone else for compensation, because
our President would have removed common law rights that would enable you to do
so. So, if a drunk millionaire crashes into you, and you suffer a fractured leg
and some scarring on your face, your injury won't be considered serious enough
for you to get pain and suffering money from the Road Accident Fund - and you
can't sue the millionaire!

Insurance companies say they will give us optional extra cover - and they are
excited about all of this, because it gives them a chance to sell us more
policies - at thousands a year! Lets put safety first - ahead of extra profits
for private insurance companies. There is no need to change the current
system... just sort it out and get rid of the fat~cats that are dipping their
fingers into the tell!!!

So make your voice heard - vote with your mouse and join thousands of South
Africans in protesting the government's unconstitutional bull-shit action.

Take a few seconds & clicks to save thousands.

Go to " www.stopthebill.co.za "

Go... go and do it... do it... do it now!!

PLEASE FORWARD THE WEB-ADDRESS ABOVE TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE.

Shot...

Cheers bye!

~billy




posted by Unknown at 8:43 AM | 0 comments


26 SEPTEMBER 2005


I ACTUALLY DO LIKE BEETROOT…


I just discovered a few days ago that I actually do like beetroot…

This really sucks butt, cos' when I think of all of the beetroot I have skipped,
picked off and thrown away over the years…It got me thinking…"What else is out
there that I have been missing by being such a picky eater...?"

So I have decided to pay the beetroot back by launching a "Love for Beetroot"
campaign…

The Slogan…"Love Beetroot…Fuck Egg-plant! "… so spread the word children!


~billy




posted by Unknown at 2:54 PM | 3 comments


21 SEPTEMBER 2005


NEWS JUST IN...


Men all over the world must stop giving their wives, girlfriends, or whatever
they want to call their female companions, any chocolates... No chocolates...
not on Valentines Day, not on her birthday... NEVER!

As it has recently been scientifically proven that when a woman eats chocolate,
it causes the body to release the same sort of hormones that are released after
an orgasm and she then feels satisfied.

A quick translation of the scientific talk above... "This means that the guy
WILL HAVE EVEN A LESS OF A CHANCE OF GETTING ANY." Or don't they know this?

Jeeeeezzzz... luckily this has been discovered just in time before Christmas and
Valentines day next year!!!

Spread the word guys... we need to look after our species interests!!!


~billy





posted by Unknown at 12:43 PM | 1 comments


14 SEPTEMBER 2005


POOR... POOR LOBSTERS


Having seen Lobsters during the flick i went to go see last nite... it got me
thinking about what i saw in a restuarant a few months back that I was meaning
to have a bitch about!!!

So here it is... It is plain and simple... I think the process of how Lobsters
are cooked just sucks... They boil the poor sons of bitches ALIVE in a pot of
hell-hot boiling water!

Jeeeeeeeez, could we find some crueler way of cooking these invertebrates,
animals or shell-fish, perhaps? Maybe flame broil them alive? Or, hell, let's
just eat them raw and alive; rip those snapping claws right off, and bite in!

I knew humans were mean, lousy bastards, but this is cruel even for them... How
would YOU like to be boiled alive?? I think that's what we should do to people
who do cook lobsters like that...

Don't get me wrong; I have nothing against people killing thingz to chow down
on, but I just think we should be a hell of a lot more humane about it... At
least kill the poor lobster before cooking it... Just think of the uproar there
would be if we made our steaks by throwing a live calf on a fire... and watch it
flop around, scream-mooo and kick around in agony for a few minutes!!!

Sure, the animal-lovers would crawl out of the wood work and there would be huge
upset about THAT, but apparently lobsters aren't as important to them as cows...
After all, lobsters aren't as cute to look at, and don't make any sort of sound,
they aint furry or even have any facial expressions, so why feel bad about
killing them any way we want?

Oh how I hate such self-serving human attitudes... Of course, I know they'll
never change, and lobsters will likely continue to be boiled to death so people
with huge amounts of money to blow can have a gourmet dinner...

But... an intresting fact is that lobsters are primarily bottom scavengers /
feeders... which means they will eat almost anything, dead, decaying or alive!
So I hope evil-cruel-gourmet dinner buyers all choke and get blocked bums!!!

~billy





posted by Unknown at 3:04 PM | 0 comments


09 SEPTEMBER 2005


~BILLYB##ZER IS BACK HOME... WITH ALL THE FINGERS, ALL THE TOES... AND NO
VD'S!!!!


Well... I.R back from the my travels... back in da' R of S.A... friggin kickin'
& fighting the first week back @ the office in da' concrete jungle and
slit-throat-rat-race of Jo-ma's-burg!

Grrrrrrr... although so far so good! So I can't really complain! I suppose I do
still have a bit of the lazy-chilled holiday vibe left, the beach tan, a
maxed-out-cryin' credit card and 3 weeks of dirty laundry to remind me of the
holiday!!!

So all in all... the holiday was totally awesome, just what the witch doctor
ordered!!! I saw and did a whole lot of diffrent, beautiful and strange things!
Travelled to through to Paris, Toulouse, Spain and the UK... where my visit and
the Reading Festival with my best-est mate "BiG-C" was out of this world!!!

Sadz & I drank, we partied, we moshed, we laughed and had some good ol' much
needed fun!!! I still cant believe it flew pass so quickly! just like the other
day we were starting our mornings off with a Carlberg's beer at 9am and group
moshing the pommies into the ground and drinking cold beer all day long in the
sun!!!
Now I am already back... no beer, no sun and no head shakening music! I think I
am starting to develope the D.T's already!!!!

The festival was jammed pack'd...wit
all types of creatures from all corners of the earth and even some from
beyond!!! The punk'd, the goths, the lost, the small and then the BIG &
scary!!!!






NOFX, Foo-fighters, Rise against and even MM were by far the best at the
festival really putting on a show and making the crowd go absolutely ape-shit!!!

There were however a hand full of dissappointments... bands i thought would kick
serious ass!!! Like "The (fat-cant-sing) Pixies", "Iggy
(I-took-a-double-hit-of-street-crack-B4-i-played) Pop, Dinosuar
(we-cant-play-instruments) Jnr, All American (I-get-paid-to-whine) Rejects and a
few other bands sounded like lil' hi-school wanna-be's rather than the kick-butt
energctic rock Gods they used to be back in the day!!!

Which makes me believe... if I was a famous rock icon / singer or Adut movie
star... " I would rather die or fade away long before my time... as so many did
like Kurt, Lennon, Bob, Jimmi, Tupac and Debbie'does'Dallas did... rather than
30 or 40 years down the line be playing a badly-lifeless re-union gig while in
nappies to some stoned kids who are young enough to be their grand-children! Or
is that just me...?

Whats the saying... have your candle blown out early... instead of burning down
to nothing and flickering out... or something like that...? Blaah Blaaah blah!!

Anyways... the few poor bands, the large-pushy-stinky-crowds, the
puke-inducing-swomp-donkey-filthly-public Toilets and a few punches here or
there did not spoil the entire festival!!! It was totally awesome and I would
have to recommend everyone should attend a music event the size of Reading at
least once in their lives!!! Its out of this world!!!

So... on that note... I have to be off!!! Gotta work... and then go on lunch!!!

But before I do sign off... I just wish human cloning was legal in todays
world... As I would clone every single lady & mofo out there a 1980 model copy
of MY bud Sadz... aka BiG-C... As he is the best... he is the funniest... he is
the most generous... and he was my wingman in the biggest mosh I have ever been
in and he is my life-long--no-shit-no-frills-here-a-beer BUD!!!!!!!!!!

I think the world / life / people in general would be less fucked up if there
were more people out there like him!!! So please people... do yourselves a
favour... should cloning ever be legalised in the future... keep your eyes
peeled for the carbon copy of Sadz aka BiG-C! As he has a heart the size of his
left shoe, his mouth and fists as big as his right shoes... and well ladies...
everything else as BIG as both his shoes (size 11)!!! (N.B - This is only
hear-say and not actual perossnal hands on eye-witness shit OK!!!) (ha hahaaa)

So people... Thats that! Have yourselves a good Beer and Burp filled two day
break... As it is F...F...Fr..Frrrr... Friiii....
FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~billyb##zer.







posted by Unknown at 11:13 AM | 9 comments


18 AUGUST 2005


AND WHO IS THIS...?




Guess who was sharing the boat trip with us while seeing all the sites and shit
in Paris from the river...

No... no... no... it is not our beloved Patricia Lewis... but Tara Reid!!!

Look carefully... it is the blonde with huge dark glasses... she was hiding from
me after I refused to sign her boob with my " ~billyb##zer autograph!!!"
hahaaaa!!

Yes... yes... i know... i cant lie... it was the Maximator Beer talking again...
ha ha haaaaa!!!

~billyb##zer







posted by Unknown at 6:53 PM | 1 comments


SAME PHOTO UP-DATES FROM PARIS...


The Eiffel Tower...







The view from da' top...




Only 8 656 Km's away from home...











posted by Unknown at 6:47 PM | 0 comments


MAXIMATOR BEER... EEEEEEIIIIIIIIISH

> Maximator... imported from Holland... sold in about every store in France for
> 2 Euro's...
> 
> The taste... well abit like our local beer... just with 2 or 3 tots of russian
> bear vodka added to it!! It burns after every friggin' sip!!! Jeeeeeeeez...
> 
> The effect... well lets just say make sure you sit down and close & lock all
> doors before finnishing one of these babies!!!!
> 
> ha ha haa ~ 11.6 percent booze!! Even that is toooo much for ~billyb##zer!!!
> 
> 
> 
> ~billyb##zer





posted by Unknown at 6:22 PM | 1 comments


08 AUGUST 2005


HAIRY FRENCH LADIES, PALE POMMIES, STELLA BEER, PUNK MOSHING AND HANGOVERS...


Grrrrr-eat-me-tings people!

Just thought I would excuse myself from the working, real and blog world...
before I go moshing the pommies dead at the Reading Festival and drinking France
dry in a few days time!

My ass will be leaving this evening for France... were we are going to go play
in Paris and go blind staring at all the topless ladies on the pebble beaches...
before making my way through to my good ol' mate Sadz in the UK... where we
going to go mad at the 4 day punk/hard rock Reading Festival where we are hoping
to have to pick bits of pommie-punkers out of our shoes!
Just a few of the almost 100 bands playing are -

"All American Rejects, Bad Religion, Finch, Foo Fighters, Hatebreed, Iggy & The
Stooges, Incubus, Iron Maiden, Jimmy Eat World, Kasabian, Marylin Manson, NOFX,
Pixies, Queens of the Stone Age, Simple Plan, The Charlatans, The Futureheads,
The Transplants and The Lost Prophets."

I be sure to try document at least some of the holiday and put a few photo's up
of the maimed punkers and other choas... if of cause i can find a lil time
between the drinking binges, mosh pits, toilet breaks and airline pea-nuts!

So... perhaps same time after the 6th September... once the headache and
hangover has cleared... i will post and up-date you all on my where-abouts and
the events!!!


Cheers~bye!


~billyb##zer




posted by Unknown at 3:29 PM | 0 comments


29 JULY 2005


SNOTTY KID'S & SISSY~SHIT PARENTS...



How come everyone today is too much of a sissy to smack their kids around?

That's what I want to know: why are parents afraid & too polite / scared to beat
the shit out of their kids?

When I was a kid and I screwed up, kicked the dog, did not do my home work etc
etc... my parents beat my ass repeatedly. We didn't have a discussion or talk
about it, they did not ask how I felt… or “what was broken inside of me!!!!!”

It was straight to a severe tanning my ass… I didn't have a "time out." In fact,
I've never even once been grounded in my life. What's the point? Send your kid
to his room and make him play video games, listen to Cd’s and read comic books
all day? Great idea, why don't you take him to a kiddie-shrink while you're at
it so she can pull some mysterious disorder out of her hairy ass to hide the
fact that you're just a plain “bad parent?”

I have noticed that most Kids today are a few ass beatings behind for their own
and everyone’s else’s good! Don't listen to these assholes on TV with their
bullshit hippy psycho garbage… if they had it their way, every child would be
raised in a blue & yellow pastel colored room with Beethoven pumped through the
speakers 24 hours a day.

Then again, it might not be all that bad because it will make your kids
complacent, so it won't be as hard for them to swallow when they realize that
they'll be spending the rest of their lives chained to a desk in a cubicle
punching numbers and writing sales reports and shoveling shit from upper
management to make someone else rich.

The problem is that kids today think their opinions matter… By not beating your
kids, they get a skewed perspective of reality where they start thinking that
they have it rough and that they can get away with dying their hair and
listening to Eminem, Marilyn Manson & Insane Clown Posse. That's where you need
to come in and put the law down.

You tell them to clean their room, they say "no," you beat the shit out of them…
Wola… room stays clean. It's simple; it works.

Our parents, and their parents… and their, their, their
parents-parents-parents-parents-aunties-uncles have been dishing out good ol'
butt-beatings (~and I am not talking about the Greek version here~) as for back
as friggin bushmen / cave people and the human civilization has not done too bad
up to now…

Imagine if that dude that invited the light bulb had a mother and Dad that did
not care or beat him… and say “get in your room and study and invent shit…” or
if that other guy with a kite, lightening and the key… was not beat repeatedly &
told by his folks “To stop playing inside and go fly a kite out side!!!”

We might not have the things like electricity, light bulbs, 2minute noodles and
playstation today!

So Rashcream & Groceries is going to give back to the community, help guide any
future geniuses to success and help you, the negligent parent or parent-to-be,
by putting together a guide to beating & smacking your kids for your
convenience… these methods have all tried, tested and were administered to me
and my friends while growing up!! And we sort of fine now! ha ha haaaa!

(A hint: you may want to even print this guide up and hang it on your fridge as
a reminder to both you and your kids).

- Here are some useful techniques:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Five fingers across the eyes.

This is a very basic maneuver and usually enough to cover most situations when
your child is out of line. Simply put four fingers tightly together and either
leave the thumb off to the side or fold it behind the other four fingers. Then
smack your kid across the face with the back of your hand. Now this is the
tricky part: make sure to snap your wrist just before contact otherwise you
won't get a stinging effect. Very important because you don't want to risk
letting your kid think you're a big sissy.

 The sucker punch.

Just ask the question "Hey stooopid, what's that on your shirt?" and when they
look down, bust their lip. You need to do this every now and then to keep them
guessing. Don't ever let them off the hook. Just because they're not doing
anything wrong doesn't mean that they didn't do something wrong earlier that you
weren't aware of.

 The one-two shut-the-hell-up.

This is priceless when you're shopping and your kid won't shut the hell up: "I'm
hungry, I want toys, I need my Insulin..." etc. First smack your kid (the 5
across the eyes technique works). Wait a few seconds for your kid to start
crying, then smack your kid again to let him know that you mean business. This
usually shuts them up because they see that the amount of crying is proportional
to the amount of beatings.

 The horse-crop, 2 x 4 or PVC pipe.

If you do your job as a parent, this should never have to be administered. This
is for heavy duty jobs only (ie. any time your kid comes home and begins a
sentence with "she might be pregnant..." or "I can _____ if I want to..." where
the blank can be any of the following: smoke, have sex, experiment with drugs,
watch Oprah, etc). Usually the threat of this beating is enough to keep your kid
from screwing up.

 The running Dragon-kick-slap to the face.

If you're interested in a permanent solution to your child giving you lip about
washing the dishes, cleaning their rooms or filing your tax return, then the
Dragon kick might be the technique for you. I guarantee that you will only have
to ask once after the Dragon kick has been administered. Email me if you require
further details regarding this method.

 The skull thump.

A quick blow usually dealt to the side or back of the head. Simply flick them in
the head with your finger. An alternative is to smack your child up side the
head with your palm. Very useful for teaching your child to read when he or she
makes a mistake. Hitting your child when he or she is learning builds
confidence, or undermines confidence--I can't remember which.

 The one-handed chauffeur reach around.

A quick reach around while you're driving to smack your kid and his friends too
if they disrespect. Swerve the car back and forth for the full effect.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There you have it. Use these basic techniques to discipline your child if you
want him or her to turn out to be a success story like me.

And remember: never take shit from your offspring!!! You pay for the friggin'
house, food, their clothes, school... I.E.... You own them. ~ If they don't like
it, they can move out.

So If you really love your snot-nosed kids, love them enough to beat them so
that they don't grow up to be idiots.



~billyb##zer.



.







posted by Unknown at 11:39 AM | 3 comments


DRINKIN', DRIVIN' & CRASHES...



So after hearing about a buddy's brother having a car-prang last nite... be it
after sucking back on the ol' bottle the entire nite before driving home!!!
Grrrr.....

I just wanted to point out... whoever said that "drinking and driving" don’t mix
wasn’t entirely correct...

They actually do mix... just not very well.

Unless you are looking to drive into a wall and not remember it the next day;
then they mix just friggin' fine. (The names and places were changed to protect
the innocent! ~ ha hahaa haaa!)


~billyb##zer.




posted by Unknown at 10:52 AM | 0 comments


22 JULY 2005


IF ONLY...


If money did grow on trees...

I would have been a Lumber Jack…

for about a week and a half!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.


(but is does not so guess i have to carry on whoring my self out!)


~billyb##zer.




posted by Unknown at 12:37 PM | 1 comments


18 JULY 2005


BEFORE ... & AFTER...


There are 10 differences between the two pictures below...



If you can spot and list them... you could get to win a toaster!




~billyb##zer



































.










.




(THERE IS NO REAL PRIZE... I WAS JUST LYING!)






posted by Unknown at 10:09 AM | 1 comments


30 JUNE 2005


GOT A SECRET...??


Aaaaaaah Secrets...

We all have some sort of secrets... some good ones... bad ones... embarrassing
ones... naughty and private ones... Same of these secrets we share with only a
few dear friends... then there are same of them we keep all bound up and hidden
in the dark~damp abyss of our minds... and it is these ones we all really need &
should share... as if they are kept hidden and locked up long enough... they can
potentially and slowly end up rott us from the in side out...

So that is why... "I say share your secrets... Get the stuff off your chest /
shoulders...!!!" and it can be done totally anonymously... just go check out
www.postsecret.com

PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people from all over the
world mail-in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard.
These are then displayed online... Wola... telling the world your secret!!!

I think it can possible be able to do same good out there… sort of air some
dirty laundry... let the world know... and also gives you a chance to see that
everyone else out there goes through same hard times and shit also... and it is
not just the world crashing down on you... it sort of puts things into
prospective... or at least it did for me... reminded me how lucky I really am
and things could always be worse!

So give it a go... use it... dont use it... you got nothing to loose…

Here are a few for example:







posted by Unknown at 12:32 PM | 2 comments


24 JUNE 2005


LIKE...... "THANK F%$K IT IS FRIDAY!!!!!!!!"


All I can say is "Thaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnk F%$K it is FRIDAY!!!!!!!!"

As I can smell the beer and morning after-breathe of the weekend already!!!!
Thank Allah'!!!!

As it has just been on of those crappy-shit-stress filled weeks... the type of
weeks were everyone seems to have halved their general IQ and are just out to
piss you off and push all the wrong buttons!!!

When the traffic is even more shitty and backed up than usaul, when the traffic
lights take longer to change green, when the que's at the shop's take longer and
the cashier does not have change, when you go to bed later and the alarm seems
to go off sooner to wake up, when all the parking spaces are taken and you have
to walk a friggin small matharon to get where you are going, where when you
finally get into work... all the cups are gone, the coffee is finished and there
is no friggin' milk... and it just feels like the entire world is testing to see
where your breaking point is... as if the powers-that-be above have got a bet
going on how soon you will go postal worker on everyones ass, head-butt that
irrating kid at the movies in the face and nail-bomb your MD's office!!!!

It is times like these, when I think of how nice it would be to have a beach
front penthouse, with jet ski's, Yachts, a few bottles of expensive Cognac,
perhaps a generous crowd of topless chicks tanning and shit... so that when
every you feel like you have had a lil' black rain cloud over your head the
enitre week and have no where really to dig a hole for the mass~grave for the
weeks idiot killings... you can just jet off... to party, sun tan and frolic on
the beach and yatch deck while sucking down on a few tropical cocktials with
those umbrella thingies in them!!!

And then if it blew your hair back... you could be a life-guard or Captain or
something to pull the chicks... I have always wanted to be Captain of a yacht or
ship for a day…I don’t really have to sail it anywhere… it could actually just
dock in front of my Beach penthouse, cos I just want to wear that snazy outfit
and make dudes swab the deck and shine shit… as that shit looks hard man!

If I could be Captain, just for one day!! I would also make people call me
Captain, since that is what I would be… My friends would get really confused and
try to call me by my name, but I wouldn’t answer them… They would get really
annoyed and call me Captain Asshole or something, so then I would kick them off
the boat… People would learn to respect me if I was Captain…

Then the next day I wouldn’t be Captain anymore… I would be just plain old me
again… I could apologize to my friends for kicking them off the boat and we
could all walk by the yacht again so I could call the new guy Captain Asshole…

I just want to see this thing from both sides… as it help take my mind of the
numerous ways I could physical harm everyone on my
"You-dumb-and-have-pissed-me-off... so-now-Die" blacklist!

So have try have a super weekend children... and remember... "Eat red meat and
be strong!!"


~billyb##zer




posted by Unknown at 10:53 AM | 5 comments


21 JUNE 2005


A VIEW OF JO'BURG FOR ALL YA OVERSEA'S MOFO'S



posted by Unknown at 2:52 PM | 2 comments


SPIT IN YA EYE...


.


I just wanted to find out… Does anyone else hate it when someone spits in your
eye during a conversation…

And no matter who it friggin’ is… your boss, a stranger asking for directions or
saxy lil’ shop clerk… you feel like you are doing something wrong when you wipe
it out, so sometimes you wait a second... this means you have forgotten to
listen to them and have been consumed by a small bit of saliva that is now
drying in your eye...

So I suggest next time this happens to you, you should hock a throat scratching
loogy and fire it right at the persons mouth…

Just to buy yourself some time to dry your eyes of their spit…



~billyb##zer




posted by Unknown at 2:52 PM | 2 comments


15 JUNE 2005


MORAL OF THE STORY...


I came across this joke... and i am always up for a good moral of the story or
two... so thought i would share it...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment to get their parents to tell
them a story with a moral to it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began telling their stories. Most
of them were the usual "Don't put all your eggs in one basket," or "don't count
your chickens before they're hatched," variety until the teacher asked little
Michael to tell his story.

"My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Helen, " he began. "AuntHelen was a
flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over
enemy territory and all she had was 2 bottles of whiskey, a machine gun and a
machete. So she drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then
she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops!




She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets,
then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke, and then she
killed the last ten with her bare hands!

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy
tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the fuck away from Aunt Helen when she's been drinking!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

ha haa h ha - i think i might have a few friendz dat could be related to Aunt
Helen then!!! ha haa

~billyb##zer.








posted by Unknown at 10:34 AM | 0 comments


08 JUNE 2005


DARTH ~ ALI...


Darth ~ Ali...
Originally uploaded by Rashcream.


Hahahaa ~





posted by Unknown at 9:00 AM | 1 comments


02 JUNE 2005


DRUNKEN BASTARDMAN


Drunken BastardMan
Originally uploaded by Rashcream.


Ha haha - Good morning, good afternoon and Goodnite to you all...

Just a quick up-date... to help you all get through until the weekend...

So to laugh your balls off guys... and laugh~rip your nipples off chicks... go
check out the following site!

http://www.drunkenbastardman.co.za

It has become my new favorite-est-est site... Drunken BastardMan takes a clear
look into all the problems facing South Africans today... everything from S.A
Democracy, Affirmative action, Culture, politics, Glue Kidz, fuckward Americans,
Movie reviews, Fashion and the man in the street... and gives it his
shoot-from-the-hip thoughts... no pussy footing around with etiquette,
formalities, social norms and the dam hush~hush attitude that most people in
this county have developed over the years…

I personally love the slap your mother… tuff-fucking-dry-wank if you do not like
it, go cry in a dark corner while bending over touching your toes and take it up
the ass sort of way he writes!

You can not argue... this Drunken BastardMan has talent... and hits the nail on
it head almost ever time around!

So check it out... let me know...
Cheers bye...

billy/b##zer~






posted by Unknown at 11:17 AM | 0 comments


25 MAY 2005


CHILDHOOD MEMORIES...


Having returned from spending some time with my family this past weekend... I
would like to find out… has anyone else ever noticed… that your parents don’t
seem to remember the same friggin things about your childhood as you do.

Cos I found myself sitting there... staring blankly at the ol' folks wondering
what the hell they had been smoking... as they were interrogating me about my
past with questions like "oh.... remember this," or "remember that," or "when
that happended"... And you almost always say "No…...?"/ "Nope...?" and "No...
sorry...?" to their questions. Then you say, "Oh but… remember how mad you guys
got when I pee'd on the cat and got pierced my nipple on the same day?" And then
they say "No!!!"

So it got me wondering if perhaps I was raised by some sort of imposters or
rent-a-parent while my actual parents vacationed in the tropics and were sipping
on pina~colada cocktails and perhaps pulling back on some good chronic. Ok...
maybe my real-folks stopped in for a day or two every once in a while; just to
make sure the imposters were doing a good job. Shit... you know what... they
really had me and my sister fooled.

I wonder what the imposters are doing in retirement. I really miss them…



.billy/b##zer~




posted by Unknown at 3:13 PM | 1 comments


17 MAY 2005


WINTER COUGHS AND SPLATTERS...


vomit
Originally uploaded by Rashcream.



So with winter on its way... I am just waiting for the sniffs, colds and coughs
to climb on up in my ass and make me sick and blue...

But then it got me thinking... at least the one good thing about getting sick
is... I get to have cough syrup! Mmmmmm Mmmmm! I don't know who it was that
invented cough medicine, but how about a friggin' round of applause for that
guy!!!!

I would drink Vicks Cough syrup out of a hip-flask and with every meal if they
would let me... Cos let's face it, it sucks to cough and cough and cough...
although it sucks even worse to puke!!!

Wait, although that is not always true.... Puking is good sometimes...
Especially if you just ate warm pancakes... cos they really are just as
delicious the second time you taste them... But still, coughing does suck!!!!

Especially when you cough up a little stomach-bile-puke and have to swallow it
back down... I had a friend in primary school who did that a lot, and I always
wondered what he was tasting when he did it, but of course I never asked... I
just wait for him to spit it out every once in a while, and give it a good once
over... & At that point, I could usually get a feel for what it must have tasted
like to him!!!

It left me sort of feeling bad for him... He did not eat many pancakes....





.billy/b##zer~








posted by Unknown at 10:42 AM | 1 comments


13 MAY 2005


A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT...


Sadz Pimp
Originally uploaded by Rashcream.




I would like to take a quick sec and give little credit...

I say this because I believe you should give credit where credit is due and one
of my friends has some long outstanding credit due to him!!

So first I would like to introduce you to him... you all can call him Sadz! But
he also answers to "Big-C, Pimp-Daddy, Your-my-daddy, and Corn-boy"

Sadz is the type of friend that would bend over backwards... to reach his beer
(& make sure everyone one is having a good time and of course has their own
beer)! He is also always up for a good party, plenty laughs and a few pints
whenever and where ever... as there is no threatening or scarring Sadz with a
good time that is for sure!!! Cos he can go out and drink his, yours and a
friends beer and drinks the entire evening and will still end up being the one
carrying your drunken-ass home at the end of the party.

Sadz is not that type of friend who would be the one to come bail your ass out
of jail... cos he is the type that would be sitting right next to you saying....
"Shit bud... that rocked!!!

Sadz also has one of the best and most resourceful net-works of networks...
where he can just about organize & source you anything on this earth what so
eva... from any cd's and songs, to asian-twins, to rhino-horn, Banned adult
mag's, some wicked alcohol mixtures, Pro-touch sneakers, slappers telephone
numbers and rash-cream and groceries! You name it... and Sadz will source it!

And it was thanx to Sadz... that my hairy-butt will be going to the "Reading
Festival' in the U.K later this year to watch some 64 top liner
"Marsh-you-into-the-ground" International bands over a 3 day period... where I
can guarantee you there is going to be plenty punking, marshing and
body-slamming, stella-beer-drinking, probably some or a lot of puking and very
lil' sleep!!!

A few bands that I am wetting my pants to see that weekend are the following...
~ All American Rejects, Bad Religion, Finch, Foo Fighters, Hatebreed, Iggy & The
Stooges, Incubus, Iron Maiden, Jimmy Eat World, Kasabian, Marylin Manson, NOFX,
Pixies, Queens of the Stone Age, Simple Plan, The Charlatans, The Futureheads,
The Transplants and The Lost Prophets.

So please do me a favor... stare at his p.i.m.p-ing picture... feel the energy
that is Sadz and give BIG-C a moment silence...

Cos Sadz... "You da MAN!!!!!!"



.billy/b##zer~





posted by Unknown at 2:39 PM | 2 comments


SOME OF MY BUDZ MODELING THIS "YEAR'S" NEW FASHION LOOK!


Models
Originally uploaded by Rashcream.

As shown in the picture, Bright-pink-&-Red-edged poly-nylon jumpers and
Crazy-plastic helmets are the new "BLACK" this season...

These are two of my bestest buds... pulling their "Blue-Steel" look for the
camera... ha haha hahaaaa!!!





posted by Unknown at 12:30 PM | 0 comments


11 MAY 2005


FRIGGIN AIRPORTS & Q'S...


I want to know... "Why the hell does it take so long for people to get off of a
freakin’ airplane…?" I have been pondering this simple question after I recently
returned from a short trip to France…

Cos everyone is in such a bloody rush to get on the plane that when they tell us
to line up, we lose the ability to think or even form a simple line…there is
total mad choas, as we all crowd in, start pushing, lil children lose limbs & go
missing, there is standing on peoples toe's, old people getting tipped out their
wheel chairs, there is people elbowing others in the ribs & faces while grunting
and fighting for the overhead bins and the prime postion to lay their 8ft.
prized S.A wooden-Giraffe!!!!

Then we land, and everyone seems to be stuck in slow mode and taking their time…
no rush or care in the world!!!! I am like... "Look man…I have been on this god
damn match-box of a plane for 10 or so hours… eating microwaved mush meant to
resemble food ("that gets your guts running like a fine indian seafood curry"),
having been crammed like sardines and having to deal with gay tinkel-bell
air-hostess-dude... So Get your shit, dont give the frail ol' granny a chance to
get up and get your friggin ass to baggage claim…"

Oh and while your at it, please wind-mill punch the friggin asshole behind me
that has been kicking my seat the entire fucking flight and using my seat back
as a helping hand to get up and sit down over and over and over and over again…

And keep your kids away from the electronic doors and off the freaking baggage
claim belt… Sure, the kid in Jerry McGuire was really cute when he was lost and
came rolling around on the thing, but get this…I want my suit case and I want it
now and if your kid gets his hand caught in the belt, chances are it will shut
down and I will stand here while they cut his hand off with a saw…

I have a cold beer waiting on me… Lets go people!!!!

.billy/b##zer~




posted by Unknown at 10:32 AM | 0 comments


09 MAY 2005


PUBLIC TOILETS ARE A PAIN IN THE ASS.


There are certain unique challenges to being a woman, brought on, I suspect,
from our upbringing, which, although we don’t like to admit it, are quite
different from boys. Boys are encouraged to have burping competitions with their
father and friends – boys know how to spit three meters before they are even out
of nappies, boys think that cupcaking is the ultimate in high class humour,
especially if you manage to do it with the victims own fart… girls are not
allowed to burp. Farting, heaven forbid, is something that smelly snot nosed
boys do – not something any self respecting Barbie doll connoisseur would stoop
to… I feel that we are done an injustice…I’m talking here in particular about
our higher risk of developing colonic cancer due to our general inability to
push putt in anyone’s home but our own, and god forbid we try at a public
restroom… “people will hear noises…they’ll KNOW…”

I have met numerous men who will walk into someone’s home, introduce themselves,
walk straight into the bathroom, as the rest of us sit awkwardly in the lounge
and try to make small-talk while the gentle sounds of someone gripping his
ankles for better leverage and biting down on a face sponge (he has manners, you
know) filters through the door – followed closely by the unmistakable scent of
what can only be described as a good imitation of the largest sewer farm in
existence – yes, you do see dead seagulls floating in there. He’ll exit,
satisfied with a job well done and make an arbitrary remark about the 3 dozen
burrito’s he ate last night that he suspects fell off the back of a truck…whoo
hoo hoo, does anyone mind if he helps himself to a cheese, pickle and Bovril
sandwich?

Did these men’s moms give them a sweetie once they were done? Did they get a pat
on the back and a comment about how proud mommy was that they finished their
business?? Who da big boy then, who, who??? I suspect so. Women, on the other
hand, slink out of offending toilets only once they have established - by
sitting still and holding their breath, listening for any sounds of occupancy,
to checking under the cubicle door - that no other being is actually anywhere
near the drop zone. We dash out, like someone fleeing from a hit and run, close
the door almost all the way – in the universal sign for future cubical users to
NOT GO IN THERE – wash our hands in shame and creep out, preferably pretending
that we, in fact, were not in the bathroom at all, but admiring the fine
workmanship of the grouting on the tiles in a room as far away from the
offending loo as is possible. We bundle up big rolls of toilet paper to line the
bottom of the toilet with so as to disguise the noise made by doing something as
essential to existence as eating. We buy large handbags so that we have space to
keep deodorant bottles at hand in case of any emergency – no – there is no other
reason, women would be quite capable of surviving with just a wallet and car
keys if it wasn’t for our desperate need to conceal the odour associated with
dropping the kids off. We sit for an extra five minutes in the bathroom every
time we go, so that when we do eventually do need to do a number two – no-one
will be able to tell based on the length of time we were away… yes my friends,
this is the awful world we live in.

Just a little tip here guys, if you’ve ever taken your girl out, and you end up
spending the day visiting friends or going to watch a movie, and she suddenly
changes from being the sweetest lil hunny bunny that you ever did see into
something that gives new meaning to Alien vs Predator – I can guarantee you that
it’s not because she hates your friends/doesn’t want to spend time with you/is
riding the cotton pony…it’s because she is barely holding on to her sanity due
to severe stomach cramps and the thought of using a toilet that - because it is
not her beautiful secluded porcelain throne at home with the legless Barbie in a
doily hiding a toilet roll under her skirt – has all the appeal of the revolting
latrine in Trainspotting – you know the one I’m talking about – where you have
to be a heroin addict to consider using it. Have a heart guys - take the poor
girl home.





posted by Anonymous at 12:20 PM | 0 comments


06 MAY 2005


TO DRIBBLE OR NOT TO DRIBBLE....


A quick question for all of the guys out there…

Does anyone else go through periods where when you are done having a huge piss,
you throw the ol’ tackle back in… pull up the fly and then it happens… a little
squirt of pee decides it wants to make a daring escape and places a little wet
dot ever so neatly on the front of your pants…

I fucking hate when this happens… If it is really bad, you have to then put a
little extra water on so people will think the sink was just really strong… And
when you return to your group you have to announce, "Jeeeeez Man, watch out for
the sink… It is a soaker." While pointing to your crotch area and laughing
nervously to yourself.

I am having a dry spell today, but a few days ago, it was really bad… And I
don’t wear underwear, so basically it was going down my leg… giving me damp
socks!

Really uncomfortable on a cold day.

.billy/b##zer~





.




posted by Unknown at 11:50 AM | 1 comments


GRRRRRRRRRRR......


Just a quick thought and bitch for the morning... that was triggered by
listening to the radio this morning on the way to work...

I fucking hate South African bands that fucking play Brit pop and say it's
something you've never fucking seen before. We really have some good talent and
bands on the local scene... yet you get these pommie-wanna-be's who just copy
the gay-boy-bands from the u.k... and think we going to be impressed by it...
recycled gay clap, sync'ed vocals with some guitar music... really!

Their music, like their food, is so fucking bland they had to kill and destroy a
large amount of the third world in pursuit of some fucking decent spices.

Naked fucking chef my ass. More like.... "Naked-fucking-butt-rape-the-rest of
the world whose food tastes much better than mine because I've got a degree in
making fish and fucking chips chef."

So to those bands who cant not strive to be better than brit pop... Go eat a
turd.

To the rest of you enjoy good S.A punk/rock... go check out
www.humphreytheteacup.co.za and quite supporting wanna-be's!!!

Cheers bye... its Friday... so have a beer!!!

.billy/b##zer~




posted by Unknown at 9:37 AM | 0 comments


04 MAY 2005


SOUTH-AFRICA, PURPLE-GUMS, TWAT-BOSSES AND CULT MEMBERS...


~ Ag well... after scratching my balls and having done a quick check and a bit
of math’s… I have came to the conclusion that things this side of the world are
not too bad… as I still have my health, my friends & family, my car, my teeth
(in my side of town that is amazing!), a few cold Amstel dumpies in the fridge,
my credit card is not red-lined or maxed out this month and it is already middle
of the week with weekend just around the corner… so all in all.. It’s pretty
good! (that is if you strong or dumb enough to turn a blind eye and ignore the
arrogant grass-root level previously disadvantaged ass-rectums working in our
government, 24-7 road rage, escalating fuel price, oil-spoiled seals & penguins,
Purple-gums selling coat hangers and cell phone chargers at the robots and out
local SABC shit tele... over look all that... it can be pretty good!)

Although I wish I could say the same about work... has been like a huge Freak
side show… especially the last 2 or 3 weeks!!! Ha haa haaa - from certain cows
doing their soap-drama crying scenes and “Woo-is-me… I think everyone hates me”
(I felt like saying…”Nope… it is not ‘think’… but rather “DOES” hate you!”). To
the MD trying to convince himself and pretend to try be the model-Boss of the
year… and the female business partner still being the number one
diet-pill-industry supporter & genie-pig and true-living evidence that you can
take what ever 100 diet supplements you want to loose weight… but if you are
still eating like a pregnant horse… they aint going to do shit!! To
“turn-around-touch-the-ground” and
“shove-the-word-down-your-throat-&-in-your-face-bible-punching-bitch” crying and
taking days off of work cos of personal-stress… all because the “Cult-church”
she has joined is not treating her nicely (Surprised…?) and she is not allowed
to hug guys from the front no more… as it is way too Sexual and thus will make
baby-jesus cry and cancel your one way ticket to heaven and make you clean
windows and toilets for the rest of your days!

Like Really… what fucking age do we live in...?!!! I was trying to think of the
69 million occasions where I have hugged any of my girl – dash – friends at the
office, at home or even out when I am out drinking and have actually thought to
myself “‘Wow man – that was so-so hot and sexual… Shit I think I may need to sit
down, crack a quick dry-hand-wank, have a smoke… and try catch my breathe back!!

Honestly… if that was the case… men all over the world would be on chicks legs
humping and grinding away like horny alley dogs!! But cos she is a true
Christian (Insert hysterical laugh here) she is not allowed to think for herself
or ask the question - “why or how came??” … She must just do what the elders
say!!

Rrrrrrrreally…? I can not see how people can get side tracked and herded like
blind sheep... and have their life butt rammed by the worst of all… other humans
who claim they holy / god / yoda like and living the perfect holy life but in
matter of fact probably sleep with farm animals / alter-boys, have heaps of
speeding fines, downloads kiddy-porn every nite and do not pay their T.V license
!! I am totally whack-me-on-my-ass fucking dumb-struck with that idea!

For example she is interested in a poor guy from the same cult as her… but he
told her… he first needs to pray to god… ask him if she is the one he is meant
to be with… and then he will get back to her in 3 weeks time… seriously… 3
weeks… = 21 days ?

Is that the general time it takes for god to check his email and respond or send
one of his angels to answer your prayers… if it is the case… god must work for
the SOUTH AFRICAN POST OFFICE!!!

Anyways… he finally got back to her after 3 weeks and said… “Sorry ~ god says he
is destined to be with a “Red-head”!!! hahahaa now seriously… that does not
sound like god to me… that sounds more like his “little-pink-headed monster’” in
his under-pants talking there!! Seems the lil’ fella would like a lil
ginger-minge! Ha haa haa – shit I do not know!!

She recently sent us all a message one nite to invite us to join her church…
sorry I mean CULT… I suppose they need more members to join cos the cult leader
/ priest / pope / dj / a.ka “that dude in front” needs to pay for a new house,
sports cars or the numerous drug-habits or to pay the under-age whores he takes
home every other nite!!

Cos she told us...“god does not want the elders to be poor you know…! Stuff
that… It is the elders not wanting the elders to be poor! Ha haaaa!! Shit I
could go on for ages… but I won’t… I will stop now!! Before I have crosses
burning out side my front door…

So generally things in the office are weird yet interesting as ever… I am
seriously thinking of writing a play, book, movie script using my experiences
and tales from the office… cashing it in by selling it to large movies companies
over sea’s and maybe even a few psychologists to use as a case studies for
future developments in solving what makes “FREAKS” tick…?

Ha ha ha haaaaa – sometimes I wonder how the hell the rest of us actually make
it through everyday at work… I think we feed off each other to help keep sane! I
think if one of us has to go we would all quit the same day!!! I am just happy…
that I barely have to answer to anyone... I sit here in my corner… have my own
clients… do my own thang and then go home… & only once a month I deal with the
MD at month end… other than that… it just me… which is cool beans!!

To make this week slightly worse, I had to arrive back from sunny France... to a
pile of work and shit weather here... is has just officially hit a new level of
crap… it has been shitty here for a while too... it was unusually hot here for
the last few weeks… no rain or wind or anything...then all the sudden… you wake
up in it feels like you in mid winter… then by 1 pm lunch time… it is
sweaty-clammy-ball-bags & mine-digger armpits !!! Yip… hot as hell man!!!!!!
Really crap… I hate it… Weather must be a female… Cos it decides its hot, then
its cold, then hot, then I am not sure… then its hot… then do you love me… then
its cold… then it just wants to cuddle… then do i look fat in this outfit...

Anyways... i have to run... got a meeting in 5... Grrrrrr.... and... Hmmmmmmmm…
just in time too... as i do not have much else bitch about… so I suppose this
better be the part where I end it off…

cheers-bye...

.billy/b##zer~




posted by Unknown at 4:47 PM | 0 comments


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