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HOW DO YOU STACK UP AGAINST THESE CELEBRITY TRIATHLETES?


FROM THE KING OF DENMARK TO THE KING OF CULINARY TELEVISION, TRIATHLON HAS SEEN
MANY A CELEBRITY ENTER OUR WORLD. WE DUG UP THE TRI FINISHING TIMES FOR ACTORS,
KINGS, FORMER ATHLETES, AND MORE, SO YOU CAN SEE HOW YOU STACK UP AGAINST THE
CELEBRITY CLASS.

Published Apr 4, 2024 Tyler Neville
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Photo: Tiffany Rose/Getty Images, Gregg DeGuire/WireImage, Sean M. Haffey/Getty
Images, Matt Peyton/Invision, Paul Phillips

How do you stack up against these celebrity triathlon finishing times? From
Jennifer Lopez to the King of Denmark, we've rounded up some of the most famous
multisporters to take the course. Photo: Tiffany Rose/Getty Images, Gregg
DeGuire/WireImage, Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images, Matt Peyton/Invision, Paul
Phillips

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Without a doubt, the triathlon community is a beautiful place. It’s full of
people who lift each other up, and who often only compete against themselves and
their own PRs. The original Ironman triathlon awarded each finisher a (literal)
Iron Man trophy – regardless of the time it took them to complete the
cross-Hawaii trial.

Boring! Give me something to strive for! How about kicking Matthew McConaughey’s
perfectly-formed a**?

From Malibu to Kona and beyond, the celebrity class has occasionally found its
way into our corner of the endurance sports world. Most recently, world-famous
climber Sasha DiGiulian put down her first 70.3 event, joining a long list of
actors, athletes from other sports, and even royalty to swim-bike-run their way
off the silver screen or away from the doldrums of political office and into our
own competitive theater.

If you’re looking for a time to paint on your bedroom ceiling—so it’s the first
thing you see in the morning and the last at night—check out this hit list of
some of the best celebrity triathlon performances to date. This list is by no
means comprehensive – as it turns out, plenty of celebs have taken on
swim-bike-run challenges (Stars! They’re just like us!). From the sprint- and
Olympic-distance bigwigs to the iron-distance idols, we’ve got a VIP for you to
beat this year.

Check out the who’s who, followed by a chart of how they stacked up, below:


CELEBRITY TRIATHLON FINISHING TIMES: SPRINT & OLYMPIC

Academy Award nominee America Ferrera on the cover of the July 2017 issue of
Triathlete magazine. (Photo: Triathlete)

One of our besties, America Ferrera, caught the triathlon bug and became the
cover star of the July 2017 issue of Triathlete magazine. Laila Ali, who
finished her professional boxing career undefeated and is still somehow the
second-most famous boxer in her family, took on the classic Olympic-distance New
York City Tri in 2012. The very next year, gold-medalist and softball legend
Jennie Finch took on the Big Apple and posted a 2:51:15.

And then there’s Melanie Chisholm, also known as “Sporty Spice” of Spice Girls
fame, who told us what she wants (what she really, really wants), and it’s a
finisher medal. She got it, and then some – her triathlon career spans several
years, and she penned an op-ed for The Telegraph about her “perfect weekend,”
which included lots of swim, bike, and run. Movie star Jennifer Garner even took
a break from Hollywood to race a sprint or two.




CELEBRITY TIMES AT THE MALIBU TRIATHLON

The Malibu Triathlon is about one thing: celebrities. The swim-bike-run can be
broken up into relay teams – and has been tackled by names like Robin Williams,
Will Ferrell, Tom Cruise, and more. For the sake of tidiness, however, let’s
stick to celebrities who opted for the complete sprint effort.

In 2008, participants could have shared the course with Matthew McConaughey, who
posted a 1:43:48 time, or his Wedding Planner co-star Jennifer Lopez, who
tackled the sprint course in 2:23:28, just seven months after giving birth to
twins.

Max Greenfield of New Girl fame has participated multiple times at Malibu since
2012 (no word on if he was wearing his driving moccasins). Both Mario Lopez and
Rainn Wilson finished just above the two-hour mark in their efforts, with the
Saved By The Bell alumnus’ final time narrowly edging out the proprietor of the
best fictional bed-and-breakfast beet farm in the land. Schrute Bucks were
assumedly awarded to all finishers – and yes, they can be traded in for Stanley
Nickels.

The most impressive performance on this list, however, belongs to actress Claire
Holt. Pretty Little Liars, The Vampire Diaries, Mean Girls 2 – yes, yes, all
fine accomplishments. But a blistering 1:44:31 effort in 2012 shows that Holt
might’ve missed her true calling; reach out to us, Claire, we have awesome
training plans and questions about some plot holes in H2O: Just Add Water…



CELEBRITY TRIATHLON FINISHING TIMES: HALF AND 70.3

Before becoming a member of the NASCAR Hall of Fame earlier this year, Jimmie
Johnson raced a 72.3 – the extra two miles came from a wrong turn on course
(we’re guessing he turned left). Current U.S. Secretary of Transportation Pete
Buttigieg used our training plan (no big deal) to prepare for a successful 70.3
Michigan debut, and the aforementioned world-champion rock climber DiGiulian
crossed her first half-iron finish line just a few months ago in Panama.

Then there’s Don Davey, former NFL-player-turned-triathlete, who told Triathlete
that multisport helped him find a new identity as an athlete after retirement.
He’s joined by race car driver Jenson Button, who was disqualified for – of all
things – speeding at 70.3 Oceanside in 2017. He later redeemed himself with many
half-iron finishes, including a spin at the world championships.

Soap opera actress Katherine Kelly Lang didn’t just take up triathlon, she dove
right in, completing multiple races and serving on Ironman’s Women for Tri
advisory board to recruit more women into the sport.




CELEBRITY TRIATHLON FINISHING TIMES: IRONMAN AND IRON-DISTANCE

The iron distance’s most prominent participants rise above celebrity, into the
even more rarified air of political and monarchical royalty. King Frederick X of
Denmark can trace his family’s rule back to around the year 900 A.D., and his
status as an Ironman back to 2013 when he put down a sub-four marathon at
Ironman Copenhagen.

Not to be outdone, the 2022 M50-54 age group champion at the Europe Triathlon
Challenge Long Distance Championships recently upgraded his title to “President
of Finland” – Alexander Stubb.

Finally, in one of the more bizarre entries on the list of power players, the
former Prime Minister of Australia Tony Abbott completed Ironman Australia in
2010 while serving as a member of the Australian Parliament… and was promptly
embroiled in a drama down under for passing his travel and hotel expenses on to
the Australian people. Bold move, we’ll say that.

Beyond the ruling class, we find actor Sean Astin, who taught us that one does
not simply walk into Kona, but one can swim-bike-run to the finish line — Astin
finished his 2015 Ironman World Championship effort in 15:30.31.

Jeff Conine also took on Kona, just a year after he retired from a 17-year
career in Major League Baseball. The two-time MLB All-Star is the only person in
the world who can tell us what’s cooler – the All-Star Game Most Valuable Player
Award or the finisher medal from his 14:43.45 time at the 2008 Ironman World
Championship.

Conine is joined in the “we’ve-still-got-it” category by another freshly retired
professional athlete: Hines Ward took home the Super Bowl MVP honors in 2006,
leading the Pittsburgh Steelers to their first Super Bowl title in 26 years.
After his final football season in 2011, we extensively covered Ward’s journey
to the finish line in Kona from his first sprint tri, to a successful 70.3
Kansas, and eventually to a 13:08.15 finish at the 2013 Ironman World
Championship.

In 2013, celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay took a break from constantly making
cooking shows I can’t stop watching, putting together a 14:04.48 in Kona. Ramsay
was even nice enough to appear on the cover of Triathlete before returning for
another attempt on the Big Island the following year. Alas, an Achilles injury
flared up and Ramsay had to withdraw before 2014’s race. Back to being just the
world’s most famous chef and crafting the perfect idiot sandwich.



Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay on the cover of Triathlete magazine

Out of all these iron-distance efforts, Olympic gold medalist Apolo Ohno posted
the fastest celebrity time on this list, a blistering 9:52.27 at the 2014
Ironman World Championship. The most decorated Winter Olympics athlete in Team
U.S.A. history took us along on his journey, and we were there every step of the
way until his finish line – a finish that came within just two hours of the
men’s champion that year, Sebastian Kienle.




EVERYONE IS A CELEBRITY AT A TRIATHLON FINISH LINE

Of course, we write this all with our tongue firmly in our cheek. Most of these
celebrities raised boatloads of money for charitable causes through their
triathlon pursuits, and the finishing time is the least important statistic of
their triathlon careers. Still, it’s fun to imagine passing the King of Denmark
(good luck, that monarch moves) or the king of culinary TV (get ready to learn
some new British swear words) somewhere out in the lonely landscape of the Queen
K Highway. Maybe even a Super Bowl MVP at your 70.3 event in Kansas, or Samwise
Gamgee in the Energy Lab.

Plus, let’s be honest, few places make you feel more like a celebrity than the
finish line of a triathlon, and a triathlon has always held the calling card of
all athletes being equal participants, regardless of how many sitcoms, throne
rooms, or Olympics appear on their resumé.

While you’re chasing your personal slice of the limelight, just be sure to keep
Matthew McConaughey’s aforementioned gluteus maximus at the forefront of your
mind.


Tyler Neville
Tyler Neville is a writer, photographer, and graphic designer who serves
as Triathlete’s day-to-day social media manager. A former college athlete, he
spends his days running and climbing around Colorado and procrastinating his
inevitable first triathlon.


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