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The Autyssey
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THE AUTYSSEY


A MAD CAT LADY'S AUTISTIC ODYSSEY

Posted on October 17, 2024 by Autie Catwoman


FEEL THE BURN(OUT)

Argh. Another years-long hiatus. But I am not giving up the cat fight,
nosirreebob.

As a matter of fact, I’m now feeling that burnout is a topic that should be
covered, since there’s been much discourse on it over recent years; particularly
on Bluesky, where you can find me microblogging nowadays. Recovering from
burnout is a process unto itself, and I want to talk about the recovery journey
since it’s now just beginning after more than a year. (I don’t want to share
exactly what it was that triggered the burnout to begin with; not exacerbating
it by recalling the cause is an important early step.)

It began the summer before last, and since then I’ve tried on and off to dip my
claws into online activity to see if I could recover the spoons for it. For a
lot of that time I asked myself, what the hell was I still doing here, what more
was there to do with my life, what new connections could I make to help scratch
my way out again? But as usual, it wasn’t connections I needed, it was a lot of
introspection. I concentrated on my day job, which was plenty to keep my mind
focused and prevent it from drifting into more incendiary territory. (“There’s
new work in the day room, I can’t lounge online, don’t you laugh, I’d sell a
giraffe and I’d give you half just to occupy my mind…” Thank you, Gord, for that
little slice of life from the Depression Suite. Strangely appropriate it’s been
7 years to the day since we lost you and here I am sharing your wisdom.)

A major boon to self-care and cognitive reassembly has been not trying to please
every fricking body whose path I cross… after all, you know what they say about
black cats crossing your path, though in my case I felt like I was obligated to
reverse the bad luck that I brought to people. Till finally I was like, you know
what, this isn’t my problem, whatever is going to happen is going to happen and
it’s not my sole personal responsibility to make reparations for it. That made a
big difference, not trying to fix everyone else’s problems and instead just
fitting my (uncomfortably large) self into the niche that I’m meant for.

This is not to say that I don’t care about other people’s troubles or pain or
suffering — it’s more along the lines of what they say on airline flights, “put
your own mask on before helping someone else put on theirs.” In other words,
make sure you’re in a good place to help people before you rush in. (I think
that’s why I failed at the real-life superhero schtick years ago. Well, aside
from all the feuding and infighting I encountered in it, only to encounter more
of it in the autistic circles.) I won’t say anything about the metaphor of
“putting your own mask on” considering how much we’ve discussed masking and the
harm it can do to an autistic person. All I want to say about it is that, while
in burnout, I haven’t tried to mask at all — I’ve just kept interpersonal
interactions to the bare minimum necessary to get from one day to the next.

Now that my cognitive functions and focus are somewhat improved, it’s occurred
to me that I should resume *ahem* other activities that are good for my body and
brain chemistry. Perhaps I’ll be back to share more thoughts on burnout
recovery; but first, since it’s still in its early stages, we’ll see how it
progresses. Watch this space, and Bluesky, especially if you’ve never
experienced a major burnout before and you’re worried about what it will do to
you/how to deal with it.


Posted on October 29, 2022 by Autie Catwoman · 3 Comments


AUTISTIC MYTHOLOGY

“Me debunk an American myth, take my life in my hands?”

So goes the first line of one of my favorite Tragically Hip songs, “At the
Hundredth Meridian.” And let me tell you, there aren’t many myths more American
than the myth that autism can be cured, much less prevented. (This seems like a
good place for a reminder that a crowd called “Cure Autism Now” is one of the
component rabbles of Autism Speaks-for-itself, which was founded and
headquartered in New York City.) And there is NO myth, American or otherwise,
that I’m more committed to debunking, even — or especially — if I’m taking my
life in my paws.

Not far from where I used to live in Massachusetts, there was an office building
with the words “AUTISM INTERVENTION CENTER” spelled out on its side. The first
time I saw this, I frowned, bristled, arched my back and hissed. I asked myself,
whence comes this need to “intervene” in the development of an autistic child?
Do we feel the need to “intervene” in the development of any other child, or
only those who have trouble with communication and self-expression in a manner
to neurotypical liking? Seems a little discriminatory, if you ask me.

It strikes me that such “intervention” is meant to alter a child’s growth so
they can act more “normal” (though all they’re really doing is learning to hide
themselves for self-preservation’s sake). So I will ask again: Why is it
necessary to intervene in any child’s growth? Why not just let their development
run its course, and better yet, aid it? As the child grows older, observe their
progress and take note of what what really interests them, whether it’s
mathematics or languages or sciences or maybe even music and theater; and
cultivate that which really interests them and help them develop it into a
life’s work.

As a matter of fact, for the sake of changing perceptions, I think “aid” is a
much more appropriate term than “treat.” Treatment suggests that autism is an
illness, and needs to be cured.

Well… *turns on shoddy, skippy vinyl record player* AUTISM IS NOT A DISEASE. As
a matter of fact, when it comes to life coaching and skill learning for young
autistic people, what say we just stop calling it “treatment” and start calling
it “aid”? Seems a lot more appropriate to me. Aiding young autistic people
implies that you’re actually HELPING them to track down what they’re best at —
hell, there are plenty of non-verbal autistics who excel at math, visual art,
maybe even physical activity. And verbal or non-verbal, if they’re provided with
the aid and accommodation they need, should they still be treated as something
less than human?

Full stop: They never should be treated that way to begin with.

Neurotype notwithstanding, it takes years, but brains grow and change the same
as bodies, no matter who they belong to. It’s called “learning.” Learning that
something’s drastically wrong with you and everyone is always going to hate your
guts unless you behave properly (read: ABA) is not going to teach you anything.
Learning that there’s something great you can do and that it’s possible to
achieve opens up a much wider, brighter path for your life.



Being treated, in a medical sense, teaches you that you’re ill and broken and
need to be taken apart and rebuilt into something you never wanted to be. Being
AIDED teaches you that it’s possible to live your life doing something you’re
good at. I’m thinking of a fella in southern Massachusetts who made the New
England Cable News years ago by being a vastly skilled computer artist and
architect. When he gave his interview, he never once looked the interviewer in
the eye and he spoke in a hushed, inconspicuous tone, but he made mention of the
excellent living he made doing this work he’d been permitted to do because he
was good at it – and no one felt the need to “intervene” in his behavior or
socialization skills.

If we want to intervene in something, let’s intervene in this NT mentality that
all autistic children have to be “cured” or “made better” somehow. Let’s allow
autistic youngsters to be themselves, let’s see what they can do… and then, most
importantly, let’s step back and let them do it (as long as it isn’t contrary to
the just laws of the land). THEN let’s see what kind of world they create for
future generations, if they’re just allowed to do what they were put on this
earth to do, instead of being forced to waste half their lives on trying to fit
in.

There goes the record player again, AUTISM IS NOT A DISEASE.

I think what’s needed here (I’m looking at you, mental health professionals)
could fall under the paradigm of Autistic Inclusion. Something whereby we can
help all autistic people, both children AND adults, by not trying to “cure” them
but trying to aid them in finding their place. Because we all have a place, an
important place, a place into which each of us uniquely fits, and the biggest
help you can possibly offer is in finding it, filling it and making a positive
change in the world.

Autistic Inclusion. Let’s see it done.


Posted on October 22, 2022October 22, 2022 by Autie Catwoman


IMPERFECT CIRCLE


Posted on October 16, 2022October 16, 2022 by Autie Catwoman · 2 Comments


HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT

Sooner or later, we all traverse this pipeline…

You’re a child. You’re so overwhelmed by the light, the sounds, the
expectations, the turmoil the world throws at you from every degree that it
crushes you, you either melt down or blow apart. Doesn’t help when people expect
you to behave a certain way and your persistent state of overload makes that
impossible.

Still, you’re taught that it isn’t acceptable to react that way to being
overstimulated. As you gain more experiences of the world, you learn how to
avoid some situations and react to others in a way that is “acceptable.” In
short, you mask.

But over time, you get so tired of hiding yourself as you try not to be spurned
by everyone you meet, you can’t keep a grip… and you start losing the ability to
hide, to mask. You may even react to situations the same way in your early 40s
as you might have in your early 4s, with overloaded reactions, distressed
outbursts, outright meltdowns.

Now, what if we lived in a world where all unusual behavior was acceptable?
Where being non-violent, non-aggressive, undistressed and yet not typical was
considered just another extension of the human condition? How tiring would that
be?

Posted on October 15, 2022October 15, 2022 by Autie Catwoman


“PEOPLE WITH AUTISM CAN’T COMMUNICATE!”

… says everyone from parents to the psychology community, hoping to discredit
every word we say in self-advocacy.

It began decades ago with “autism is characterized by an inability to
communicate properly” or some dated nonsense from the DSM. Now it’s led to…

Autistic people: *turn to Twitter, FB, YouTube, etc. to share our stories*

Martyr parents: “People with REAL autism can’t use social media!”

Autistic people: *sigh*

NTs: “People with autism can’t communicate!”

Buddy, autistic people are trying to tell you something you don’t want to hear
but still have to. Autistic people who are nonverbal — temporarily or otherwise
— will explain to you in their own good time why they’re unable to express
themselves in a manner more to your liking. True, a lot of autistic people have
trouble with speech processing and articulation and need to write or type their
thoughts to express them completely — thus it was that we rejoiced when texting
became a suitable alternative to talking on the phone, my friend.

“People with autism can’t communicate!”

Maybe if you would shut up and let autistic people get a word in edgewise
without interrupting every thought they try to express, their communication
skills would amaze you. Autistic people can communicate just fine; you, Señor
NT, are the one who won’t listen. That’s a you problem. You’d be surprised how
much better autistic people are at communicating when YOU DON’T INTERRUPT.

“People with autism can’t communicate!”

Autistic people don’t do boring small talk. Fold your cards, shuffle the deck
and deal with it. Autistic people are too busy thinking deep, far-reaching
thoughts to become mired in irrelevant conversation.

“People with autism can’t communicate!”

Listen, buster…

…And that’s it.

Just shut up and LISTEN, as we communicate in our own way.

“People with autism can’t communicate!”

Okay, you want communication, how’s this?

Posted on October 12, 2022October 13, 2022 by Autie Catwoman · 2 Comments


SPECTRAL ANALYSIS


[CW’S FOR SUICIDAL IDEATION, MENTAL ILLNESS, BULLYING & TRAUMA]

Autism is a spectrum because it isn’t black and white; it’s every color you can
imagine. There are infinite possibilities that come with being autistic. You
can’t just toss it all in one bucket, or worse, divvy it up into different
baskets like fruit.

But there’s another spectrum that collides with it in matching colors as well as
clashing ones — the spectrum of trauma.

Read more

Posted on October 9, 2022October 9, 2022 by Autie Catwoman


OPEN AUTISM NIGHT

Since time immemorial, I’ve been wondering: Why do ableist neurotypicals go the
distances they go to make us look like a plague to be wiped out (even in the
middle of an actual plague that threatens to wipe out a lot more than just us)?

Media representation has a lot to do with it, and no, I’m not just talking about
“Music” or any other film or TV they’ve weaponized against us. Do you ever
notice how, whenever there’s an incident like a school shooting or a dude in a
van mowing down people on a street, the first conclusion people pounce to is “he
must be autistic and unable to comprehend what he’s doing”? That was, after all,
the defense used for Alek Minassian after he ran over 26 people with a van in
Toronto in 2018.

Well, setting aside the problem of autistic people being picked on until they’re
in such a distressed emotional state as to drive them to commit acts of
violence, these unfortunately are the kinds of incidents that garner a lot of
media attention. (Mind you, I am by no means saying that acts of violence are a
necessary consequence of autistic people being picked on. Some of us have
learned a hard lesson about reacting to negative stimuli. We’ve learned it’s a
lot safer to shut down and dissociate than to risk a meltdown and/or outburst
that could bring us to serious grief with the authorities.)

So media coverage does tend to poison people’s perceptions. It happened with
Alek Minassian in much the same way it happened with Adam Lanza, the notorious
machine-gunner of Sandy Hook Elementary in 2012. Autism, and an accompanying
absence of mental competency, was the defense that Minassian’s attorneys used;
and if the finger gets pointed in that direction to explain Men Behaving Badly,
public opinion is all “OH NO DE AUTIZIMZ ” which also has a poor effect on
parents whose children have just been identified.

So I think what we, the autistic people of the planet Earth, in order to form a
more perfect humanity, need to do is try to draw media attention to our positive
achievements as we make them. Maybe not as sensational, maybe less likely to get
attention from the press, unless of course it’s something particularly positive
and impactful, like on the Greta Thunberg scale. People who are
#ActuallyAutistic, or believe they are autistic, who accomplish something great
shouldn’t be afraid to let their neurological identity be known if they receive
media attention. (Although it would be nice if they were better human beings
than Muskallunge, whom I still hold to be an overrich douchebag who could find
better things to do with his excessive wealth than privatize Twitter.)

And you know what else would help? If people like lawyers and teachers and
politicians stop using autism as an excuse for a person’s shitty behavior. Not
only does it give #autistic people yet another black eye, it’s not likely to
help their case — it didn’t help Alek Minassian for sure. After all, as noted,
Minassian was an incel — which is a trait that does not in any properly
researched book go paw in paw with autism. Incels, in my estimation (and
experience), come in all neurotypes. They have serious work to do on their
self-improvement so that they will be at least more likable, and might find
other paths to direct their energy rather than sitting around wringing their
hands and waiting for a manic pixie dream girl to come along and do all the work
for them. Blaming women for your own bad behavior is no more justifiable than
blaming your neurology and misrepresenting it as a whole.



What would help more than anything is if a person could just for once safely
disclose to employers, authorities, etc. that they are autistic and not be at
once shunned, dismissed, canceled, or targeted for harassment that would
immolate their mental health. A friend on AutiComm relates how she opened up
about being autistic at work, and was accepted at first until her job came under
new management, and: “When they found out I was openly autistic (and much more
well liked than they), they started to purposely antagonize me, so I would have
meltdowns and they could claim I was a danger and unfit for the job.”

With that, we’ve gone from misrepresentation to outright discrimination. I can
count on one paw the number of people at my job who know I’m autistic, none of
whom is a manager. Even if I did open up, all it would lead to is “well we all
gotta deal with the same shit and none of us needs an exception, so we’re not
making any, oh and show us your tits.” (Not word for word, but that’s the
general idea.)

There are certain ethnic groups that are targets for violence and discrimination
due to the actions of a very, very few of them. Autistic people are already
targets for discrimination and prejudice — we need no more preemptive violence
inspired by media sensationalism.

Posted on October 8, 2022 by Autie Catwoman · 2 Comments


AUTISTIC FOR LIFE


[TW’S FOR BULLYING, POLICE BRUTALITY AND SUICIDE]

“YOU’RE NOTHING LIKE MY CHILD!”

…is an all-too-common response from a parent when an autistic adult shares their
journey on social media. Can sometimes include such indictments as “you’re not
SEVERELY autistic, you can use social media, you can speak, you’re not autistic
at all” ad nauseam.

Well… no, quite right, I’m not like your child. I will quote no Nazi eugenicists
and call no kettles black, but no two autistic people, child or adult, are
exactly alike. So what if #ActuallyAutistic adults aren’t like #autistic kids?
We’re still autistic, years be damned, but we have different challenges in
adulthood than we do in childhood. And if we’re gonna be totally honest… among
those challenges is just staying alive while the rest of the world continues to
pick on us. And make no mistake — it IS a challenge.

Autism usually manifests in youngsters as an intense emotional reaction to
sensory overstimulation, before our sensory processes have refined themselves.
Occasional overstimulation still happens when we’re grown; maybe we can cope
with it for longer periods, or maybe we become more adept at masking the effects
of overload, but it isn’t necessarily easier. Autistic youngsters? Their brains
are still learning to process sensory inputs, excessive as that might be, so
they have to stim in order to process and manage their emotional reactions.
Whether their elders are annoyed by it or not is immaterial; autistic adults
with suppressed stims are under intensified mental stress because for years,
maybe decades, they haven’t been allowed to “blow off steam,” as the saying
goes.

Furthermore, far too many autistic youngsters spend far too much of their
precious youth being picked on and hassled without mercy, by classmates and
teachers, even family members. In adulthood, the bullies and their methods are
different, but they do no less damage than judgmental schoolyard thugs.
(Adulthood bullies include such sects as employers, the police, landlords,
homeowner associations, Autism Speaks-for-itself, anti-vaxxers, and the Judge
Rotten-berg Center.) This has the effect of worsening sensory inputs until the
brain is so overwhelmed that it can’t even recognize the inputs for what they
are anymore.

Maybe an autistic youngster had a difficult relationship with a parent who
wanted their ideal of the “Perfect Child™” and didn’t get the pious, obedient,
conveniently affectionate little angel they were looking forward to. Maybe that
difficulty stayed with the youngster well into adulthood, and poorly affected
their ability to make friends and form relationships of their own. Maybe an
autistic youngster had a childhood idol, like a pop singer or an actor in a
classic science fiction series. Maybe after growing up, the youngster learned an
awful truth about this idol, like they really hated autistic people and badly
misrepresented them in media, that totally ruined the euphoria.



Whatever the catalyst, when autistic youngsters are overwhelmed, or for any
other reason unable to comply with a demand, they’re dismissed as recalcitrant
little brats. When autistic adults are unable to comply with a demand, they get
into trouble with either their job or the law.

The saying goes that “Autism doesn’t end at 5.” Maybe it’s referring to time of
day, but let’s assume for a moment it refers to age. In that event, no, autism
doesn’t end at 5. Nor does it end at 18, or 25, or 30. In too many instances, it
ends at 36, or 45 or 50 or at whatever age a person can’t withstand the pressure
anymore.

But autism never goes away — nor should it.

Child or adult, an autistic person is always autistic, always has their
co-occurrences, strengths, weaknesses, talents, drawbacks, interests, bores,
passions, indifferences, childhood, adulthood… HUMANITY.

Past or future, autism is always “present.”

Posted on October 7, 2022 by Autie Catwoman · 2 Comments


VALUE IN INTEREST


“HAS ANYONE EVER BERATED YOU FOR BEING “OBSESSED” WITH A CERTAIN SUBJECT OR ARE
YOU NEUROTYPICAL?”

So read one of the most viral tweets I ever posted. After the massive response
to it, something occurred to me about hyperfocus and #ActuallyAutistic people
who exhibit it; something concerning that wolf in sheep’s clothing that
neurotypicals lovingly call “Applied Behavioral Analysis.”

I thought more deeply about how people react to our “obsessions,” as NTs are
more inclined to call them. But then it occurred to me, isn’t that one of the
ultimate goals of ABA — to forestall #autistic kids from having “obsessions”
that their parents and many NTs object to?

And then I thought, we develop special interests because we tend to hyperfocus
on these subjects that fascinate us so. Based on the replies to that tweet, NTs
have issues with it mainly because they tire of hearing about these topics after
a while. So it wouldn’t at all surprise me if suppressing special interests is a
component of ABA. Perhaps one of you poor souls who has endured it can confirm
this.

Ah, but if suppressing hyperfocus is heading off a kid’s tendency to have
special interests… what’s that doing to their ability to focus overall? How is
that affecting their neurodevelopment? Is it positive?

I seriously doubt it. I feel in my fur that such attempts to curtail hyperfocus
affect those areas of the brain that control ANY focus. Like, a developed brain,
with an occupation (like mine) that requires acute attention to detail, can’t
concentrate on the task at paw because it’s been conditioned to think, “oh no,
this is wrong, I can’t devote all my attention to this, I have to think about
something else!”

We know too well ABA causes mental health problems — this is just another
example. And it got me thinking, in point of fact, that maybe it even leads to
other neurological conditions like ADHD or executive dysfunction later in life.
We know what effect these co-occurring conditions have on our lives, don’t we?
As a matter of fact, we end up exposing ourselves to even more abusive treatment
when we end up having to take unnecessary medications to manage ADHD, or our
executive dysfunction is misinterpreted as laziness, incompetence or outright
stupidity.

This is something that I think requires more research as the ABA debate rages
on. ABA isn’t necessary; other forms of therapy are, and they should include
teaching autistic youngsters the value of their special interests and how they
can guide a life.

Posted on October 6, 2022 by Autie Catwoman


CHANGING PERCEPTIONS

In which an autistic adult describes how, and why, we have to change the
perceptions of autism.

It wasn’t until my mid-20s that the first clues dropped: “Hey, all that weird,
reprehensible shit I did when I was a kitten? It’s all because I’m #autistic!!”
Of course, that wasn’t my attitude at first. I was more like, “Huh, well, that
explains it. So now what?”

It took a while to process the news and to educate myself about what all this
meant. During that process, I still thought “reprehensible” an accurate
descriptor of the behavior of my youth. I still thought I was defective,
chronically ill. This was because in those days, #autism was still thought of as
a mental disease or defect.

But we know better now, don’t we, friends? Knowledge of autism has increased,
even though efforts at unnecessary psychiatric treatment and eugenics have
unfortunately increased with it. With increased knowledge came a change in the
way I felt about being autistic. As I learned that there were advantages as well
as disadvantages, I came to realize that yes, it’s a disability — as my own
sensory and social challenges will attest — BUT IT’S NOT A DEFECT.

Years ago, I thought no one would accept me. Today, after finding my
#ActuallyAutistic village online… well, I quit Twitter when it became
unignorably clear that I’m not well liked by most of the more tenured activists
in the autistic circle there. But I have a good pawful of friends here on
WordPress and on AutiComm, and that’s better than no friends at all. My own
perception of being autistic has changed even more dramatically in recent years.
I’ve gone from regarding it as a weighty, splintery burden to seeing it as a
source of light, a strength, a difference that begets difference.

As knowledge of autism has changed, so must perception. The perception must
reflect the new information. It’s time to toss the DSM-V aside and write an
all-new, autistic-written, autistic-outlined and detailed manual for the fair
and humane treatment of autistic people.

Therefore it’s time for the neurotypicals to sit down, shut up and let autistic
people tell their own firstpaw accounts of what being autistic is like. So we
can change not only our perceptions of ourselves, but of all autistic knowledge
for future generations.


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RECENT POSTS

 * Feel the Burn(out) October 17, 2024
 * Autistic Mythology October 29, 2022
 * Imperfect Circle October 22, 2022
 * Hiding In Plain Sight October 16, 2022
 * “People with autism can’t communicate!” October 15, 2022

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Autistic Science Person



Debibliovore Robinson



My Blog



English with Kirsty

Online English lessons for professionals - helping you to communicate
confidently and authentically!

Autistically Alex



Navigating Life

My Unique Journey

actuallyaspling.wordpress.com/



Brooke Winters



Limbic Noodle



Autism Memorial

Remembering Autistic Homicide Victims

Fire Bright Star Soul

Where intellect meets intuition

Livin' on a Prayer

Life as a chronically ill writer/artist and general nerd

Autistic and Cheerful



Semiotic Spectrumite



Autism Is Individual

Autism awareness

The Liberal Aspie

Home of Cristina Alexander--Aspie. Writer. Gamer.

International Badass Activists

Welcome to the Divergent Revolution.

samanthaspie



anarkoautism

ingen revolution utan utopisk autism

Black NeuroQueer Punk

Black Lives Matter, neurodivergence and LGBTQ


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