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NEARLY 50 YEARS AFTER DEATH OF WIFE AND DAUGHTER, EMPATHY REMAINS AT JOE BIDEN'S
CORE

The president-elect has dealt with unthinkable family tragedies.

ByMolly Nagle
19 December 2020, 11:00
• 9 min read
Share to FacebookShare to TwitterEmail this article
2:32


When Joe Biden was a young senator at age 30

ABC News' Bob Clark profiled Joe Biden in 1972, when he was just old enough to
serve a...Read MoreRead More
Joshua Roberts/Getty Images

In November 1972, Joe Biden made headlines as the 29-year-old lawyer who pulled
off an upset win against Sen. Caleb Boggs to represent Delaware in the Senate --
one of the youngest people ever elected to the body. But it was a different
headline a month after the election that would forever change his life: "Biden's
wife, child killed in car crash."

"I was down in Washington hiring staff and I got a phone call from a first
responder. They put a pretty young woman on the phone. She was so nervous, she
said, 'You gotta come home. There's been an accident. A tractor trailer hit your
wife and your three children while they were shopping,'" Biden recalled at a
campaign event in Newton, Iowa, last August.



"My wife was killed and my daughter was killed," he continued. "And my two boys,
but for the jaws of life, and a rescue crew saving their life, would not have
been around either."

Friday morning, on the 48th anniversary of the accident, the president-elect
refrained from public events, instead visiting the graves of his late wife,
Neilia, and daughter, Naomi, at Brandywine Roman Catholic Church with his wife,
Jill, near his home in Wilmington, Delaware.

AP
Joe Biden, carries both of his sons, Joseph, left, and Robert during an
appearance at the...Read MoreRead More

The anniversary comes, as it did in 1972, as Biden is preparing for a new role
in public life -- this time the presidency. The role caps off a lifetime in
politics that almost ended before it began. Biden had initially decided to stay
in the Senate for only six months following his wife and daughter's deaths and
in order to care for his injured sons.

Despite his initial unwillingness to serve, Biden remained in the Senate and
public life, turning his grief into a way to connect with others through empathy
-- a trait that has perhaps most defined his career.

"I think empathy is a critically important thing. It doesn't make it easier to
talk about because you've been through it, but when you've been through it and
you talk to people about it, they go, "OK, I know he or she understands, because
they've been through it,'" Biden said Thursday during an interview on "The Late
Show with Stephen Colbert."


MORE: When Joe Biden was a young senator at age 30

Anecdotes of Biden's acts of empathy have drawn headlines over the years, with
many resurfaced during his 2020 campaign. Just under a month before the
election, a 2002 apology letter Biden sent to a woman -- after his office
continued to send letters to her late husband -- went viral

"[T]hough I would never presume to know how you feel, I understand something of
what it means to lose a spouse suddenly. For me, it went far beyond grief, to a
kind of anger and guilt and sense of the world being turned upside down," Biden
wrote in the letter, apologizing for "screwing up" and causing her pain.

"I often tell people who lose a loved one that the 'firsts' are always the
hardest -- the first Christmas, the first birthday, the first anniversary. I
know from my experience how little words can mean at such a time, but I know, as
hard as it can be to believe, that time does heal," he continued.

Alex Edelman/AFP via Getty Images
President-elect Joe Biden and his wife, Jill Biden, leave St. Joseph on the
Brandywine Ro...Read MoreRead More

In 2014, the then-vice president sent a memo to his staff urging them not to
prioritize work over family obligations, saying if he found out that staffers
were working instead of attending a family event, it would "disappoint [him]
greatly." He noted prioritizing family time was "an unwritten rule since [his]
days in the Senate."

"The way we all rationalize, 'I'd have to take the red eye back home for her
birthday, but it really doesn't matter that much to my wife -- her birthday,'
or, 'If I just make this business trip, I'll miss his last football game, but
he'll understand.' It's just a bunch of malarkey. It's just not true," Biden
said on "The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon" in 2016.

MORE: Remembering Vice President Biden's son Beau

"I don't want anybody in my staff feeling an obligation to do something for me
when there's something that matters in the family," he said.

Biden almost did not make a third run for the White House, after suffering
another personal tragedy as vice president, when his eldest son, Beau Biden,
lost his battle with glioblastoma at the age of 46 in 2015.

Bettmann Archive via Getty Images
Senator-elect Joseph Biden and wife Nelia cut his 30th birthday cake at a party
in Wilmin...Read MoreRead More

The former vice president, who actively considered a run in 2016, ultimately
decided against it, retreating from public life to pen his memoir, "Promise me,
Dad," about the loss of his son.

"I wanted to give people hope that there is -- through purpose -- you can find
your way through grief. And that's the purpose of the book," Biden said.

MORE: Forged in Tragedy: See Beau and Joe Biden's 'incredible' father-son bond

Biden's promise to his son to stay engaged even after his death led the former
vice president to make his third attempt at the presidency against Donald Trump
at 77 years old. Now, as Biden is just a month away from taking the oath of
office, he is facing a country struggling, as COVID-19 continues to spread.

While speaking with Colbert, future first lady Jill Biden said she believed
Biden's long-held empathy was part of his win.

Khalid Mohammed/Pool/AFP/Getty Images
Vice President Joe Biden talks with his son, U.S. Army Capt. Beau Biden at Camp
Victory...Read MoreRead More

"I think one of the reasons Joe was elected was because of his sense of empathy.
I think people understand that he's had a lot of tragedy and loss in our family
and he understands what they're going through," she said.

When asked Thursday by Colbert about his view of the presidency amid the
"unaddressed grief" of the country, Biden returned to a message he has often
shared with those looking for comfort after loss.

"The role of the presidency is to say, 'Grieve. There's a reason to grieve.
You've had great loss," he said. "But there will come a time, remind yourself,
just be reminded that the time will come when you'll think of your husband,
wife, son, daughter, mom or dad, and you'll get a smile to your lips before you
get a tear to your eye. That's how you know you're going to make it.'"

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