www.washingtonpost.com
Open in
urlscan Pro
23.45.108.250
Public Scan
URL:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2024/10/03/carolyn-hax-husband-lied-kids/?utm_campaign=wp_post_most&utm_medium=email&utm_...
Submission: On October 03 via api from BE — Scanned from DE
Submission: On October 03 via api from BE — Scanned from DE
Form analysis 1 forms found in the DOM
<form class="wpds-c-gRPFSl wpds-c-gRPFSl-jGNYrR-isSlim-false">
<div class="transition-all duration-200 ease-in-out"><button type="submit" data-qa="sc-newsletter-signup-button" class="wpds-c-kSOqLF wpds-c-kSOqLF-uTUwn-variant-primary wpds-c-kSOqLF-eHdizY-density-default wpds-c-kSOqLF-ejCoEP-icon-left">Sign
up</button></div>
</form>Text Content
Accessibility statementSkip to main content Democracy Dies in Darkness SubscribeSign in Advertisement Democracy Dies in Darkness AdviceAsk ElaineAsking EricAsk SahajCarolyn HaxMiss MannersParenting AdviceWork Advice AdviceAsk ElaineAsking EricAsk SahajCarolyn HaxMiss MannersParenting AdviceWork Advice CAROLYN HAX: HUSBAND HAS BEEN LYING FOR ENTIRE MARRIAGE ABOUT WANTING KIDS Her biggest fear is not becoming a mom. She just learned her husband is secretly “overjoyed” at negative pregnancy tests. 3 min 1681 (Illustration by Nick Galifianakis for The Washington Post) Column by Carolyn Hax October 3, 2024 at 12:00 a.m. EDT Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: My husband and I have been married for eight years. We started dating when I was a senior in high school and he was a senior in college, and we got married after I completed dental hygienist training — always with the plan to have many kids. I have always been upfront about my deep desire for kids, and he always said he wanted them, too. Subscribe for unlimited access to The Post You can cancel anytime. Subscribe Skip to end of carousel ABOUT CAROLYN HAX (For The Washington Post) I’ve written an advice column at The Post since 1997. If you want advice, you can send me your questions here (believe it or not, every submission gets read). If you don’t want to miss a column, you can sign up for my daily newsletter. I also do a live chat with readers every Friday: You can submit a question in advance or join me live. Follow me on Facebook and Instagram. End of carousel We’ve been trying for five years now with no luck, and he’s very unsympathetic and just keeps saying it’s no big deal. Last week we fought about his not getting tested, while I have had multiple tests. Everything came up 100 percent normal with me. He finally admitted that he won’t get tested because he’s been lying about wanting kids the entire time we’ve been together, but thought he could “adapt if we had them.” This whole time, he’s been overjoyed that I’m not pregnant while I’ve been distraught. Advertisement Story continues below advertisement My biggest fear has been that I’ll never be a mom, and it turns out that my husband is okay with that. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to in life now. I love him with all my heart, but I don’t know how to get past this. Since the fight, he seems very remorseful, but that doesn’t really fix my broken heart, does it? 🗣️ Follow Advice Follow — Brokenhearted Brokenhearted: It’s your heart, so I can’t say. But as you dissect this holy-crap sandwich he just handed you, make sure you identify all the problem components: · He big-fat-lied to you. He did not fib, shade or spin. · The topic was something you regard as the core of your being. · The lie caused you to suffer visibly to him over a span of five years. Five. Years. He watched you manage suffering he could have eased but chose not to because he liked his life better when you were suffering. Not even a, “There, there.” Advertisement Story continues below advertisement · Instead, he kept the lie going. I have so much “wow,” I could get arrested for intent to distribute. I will take your loving him “with all my heart” on faith, but hope you’ll give the lovability of such searing cruelty a good think. I can’t make promises, but with all the people on Earth, I believe there are many you could love who would actually love you back. Readers’ thoughts: · Gently — are you totally sure he hasn’t had a vasectomy? · Get out. Make your plans, set aside your funds, talk to a lawyer, file and get out. I went through the same thing with my now-ex-wife. Took about three years to pull the truth out of her, a few more of her fake commitments and a wasted decade before the divorce was final. It’s the ultimate betrayal. File, get free and don’t look back. Story continues below advertisement Update from the next chat: Advertisement Dear Carolyn: So, my marriage is over. I asked my husband to please get tested, and he said there’s no point. He won’t explain why or look into donor sperm or adoption. Children won’t happen with him as my husband, so I’m leaving. I’m moving to my mom’s this weekend because he’s screaming at me all the time asking why he’s not enough for me. Wish me luck. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this. I’m heartbroken 10 different ways. — Heartbroken again Heartbroken again: I am so sorry. Please be very careful. This sounds like a volatile situation: 800-799-SAFE, thehotline.org. I hope you’re feeling better soon and write back again. MORE FROM CAROLYN HAX From the archive: She doesn’t do housework or even bother to read his mind No jumping for joy but no grief over ex-husband’s death Amid multiple red flags, a wife won’t raise the white one Less-favored daughter fears her baby will be ‘second-banana’ grandchild Boyfriend’s friend wants ‘her turn’ to be his girlfriend More: Sign up for Carolyn’s email newsletter to get her column delivered to your inbox each morning. Carolyn has a Q&A with readers on Fridays. Read the most recent live chat here. The next chat is Oct. 4 at 12 p.m. Resources for getting help. Frequently asked questions about the column. Chat glossary Show more Share 1681 Comments NewsletterThursdays for 12 weeks Voraciously: Meal Plan of Action Dinner needs a game plan. Menus and meal prep guides for the week ahead — every Thursday for 12 weeks. Sign up Subscribe to comment and get the full experience. Choose your plan → Advertisement Advertisement Advertisement Advertisement Company About The Post Newsroom Policies & Standards Diversity & Inclusion Careers Media & Community Relations WP Creative Group Accessibility Statement Sitemap Get The Post Become a Subscriber Gift Subscriptions Mobile & Apps Newsletters & Alerts Washington Post Live Reprints & Permissions Post Store Books & E-Books Today’s Paper Public Notices Contact Us Contact the Newsroom Contact Customer Care Contact the Opinions Team Advertise Licensing & Syndication Request a Correction Send a News Tip Report a Vulnerability Terms of Use Digital Products Terms of Sale Print Products Terms of Sale Terms of Service Privacy Policy Cookie Settings Submissions & Discussion Policy RSS Terms of Service Ad Choices washingtonpost.com © 1996-2024 The Washington Post * washingtonpost.com * © 1996-2024 The Washington Post * About The Post * Contact the Newsroom * Contact Customer Care * Request a Correction * Send a News Tip * Report a Vulnerability * Download the Washington Post App * Policies & Standards * Terms of Service * Privacy Policy * Cookie Settings * Print Products Terms of Sale * Digital Products Terms of Sale * Submissions & Discussion Policy * Sitemap * RSS Terms of Service * Ad Choices COOKIE CHOICES FOR EU, SWISS & UK RESIDENTS We and our 94 partners store and access personal data, like browsing data or unique identifiers, on your device. Selecting "I Accept" enables tracking technologies to support the purposes shown under "we and our partners process data to provide," whereas selecting "Reject All" or withdrawing your consent will disable them. If trackers are disabled, some content and ads you see may not be as relevant to you. You can resurface this menu to change your choices or withdraw consent at any time by clicking the ["privacy preferences"] link on the bottom of the webpage [or the floating icon on the bottom-left of the webpage, if applicable]. Your choices will have effect within our Website. For more details, refer to our Privacy Policy. If you click “I accept,” in addition to processing data using cookies and similar technologies for the purposes to the right, you also agree we may process the profile information you provide and your interactions with our surveys and other interactive content for personalized advertising. If you are an EU, Swiss, or UK resident and you do not accept, we will process cookies and associated data for strictly necessary purposes and process non-cookie data as set forth in our Privacy Policy (consistent with law and, if applicable, other choices you have made). WE AND OUR PARTNERS PROCESS COOKIE DATA TO PROVIDE: Actively scan device characteristics for identification. Create profiles for personalised advertising. Use profiles to select personalised advertising. Create profiles to personalise content. Use profiles to select personalised content. Measure advertising performance. Measure content performance. Understand audiences through statistics or combinations of data from different sources. Develop and improve services. Store and/or access information on a device. Use limited data to select content. Use limited data to select advertising. List of Partners (vendors) I Accept Reject All Show Purposes