gretchenrubin.com Open in urlscan Pro
2a04:fa87:fffd::c000:42bd  Public Scan

Form analysis
1 forms found in the DOM

/

<form action="/" class="searchForm__form--3IHhJ" data-reactid="167">
  <h3 class="searchForm__heading--1L1B0 typography__heading2--am7w4 typography__heading--iPtyY" data-reactid="168"><span data-reactid="169">What are you looking for?</span></h3>
  <div class="searchForm__inputWrapper--a6TFX" data-reactid="170"><label for="search" data-reactid="171">Search</label><input type="search" name="search" class="searchForm__input--3_kha" value="" data-reactid="172"><button
      class="searchForm__button--1gBYO buttons__buttonYellow--2jLgP" type="submit" data-reactid="173"><span class="searchForm__buttonText--2YeHk buttons__buttonText--1F0Q2" data-reactid="174">Search</span></button></div>
  <div class="searchForm__options--3AaLy" data-reactid="175">
    <div class="searchForm__option--w4ALQ" data-reactid="176"><input type="radio" id="searchAll" name="searchScope" value="searchAll" class="searchForm__optionInput--fAjc3" data-reactid="177" checked=""><label for="searchAll"
        class="searchForm__optionLabel--8ePtj" data-reactid="178"><span class="searchForm__fauxRadio--3LVcW" aria-hidden="true" data-reactid="179"></span><span data-reactid="180">Search everything</span></label></div>
    <div class="searchForm__option--w4ALQ" data-reactid="181"><input type="radio" id="searchPodcasts" name="searchScope" value="searchPodcasts" class="searchForm__optionInput--fAjc3" data-reactid="182"><label for="searchPodcasts"
        class="searchForm__optionLabel--8ePtj" data-reactid="183"><span class="searchForm__fauxRadio--3LVcW" aria-hidden="true" data-reactid="184"></span><span data-reactid="185">Podcasts only</span></label></div>
  </div>
</form>

Text Content

You need to enable JavaScript to run this app.

Get weekly newsletter updates from Gretchen.Subscribe

Dismiss
 * Home
 * About
   * About
   * For the Press
   * Manifesto
   * Live Events
   * Live Video
   * Contact
 * Courses
 * Four Tendencies Quiz
 * Books
   * All Books
   * Outer Order, Inner Calm
   * The Four Tendencies
   * Better Than Before
   * Happier at Home
   * The Happiness Project
   * Forty Ways to Look at Winston Churchill
   * Forty Ways to Look at JFK
   * Power Money Fame Sex
   * Profane Waste
   * The Restatement of Love
 * Podcasts
 * Blog
   * All Posts
   * Top 100
   * Quizzes
   * Tips
   * Happiness
   * Health
   * Relationships
   * Habits
   * Mindfulness
   * Productivity
   * Self-Knowledge
 * Shop
 * The Happiness Project
 * The Happier App


WANT MORE HAPPINESS AND GOOD HABITS?
I HAVE A NEWSLETTER FOR THAT!


Subscribe
 * Facebook
 * Instagram
 * Twitter
 * LinkedIn
 * YouTube
 * Pinterest


Dismiss


WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

SearchSearch
Search everything
Podcasts only
Browse all posts



GRETCHEN RUBIN

 * Facebook
 * Instagram
 * Twitter
 * LinkedIn
 * Email

Menu
 * Books
 * Podcasts
 * Blog
 * Courses
 * Happiness Project
 * Happier App

Search

Get weekly newsletter updates from Gretchen.Subscribe

Menu


GRETCHEN RUBIN

Search

September 25, 2022


A LITTLE HAPPIER: DOES LOVE MAKE YOU THINK, “I MUST BE AT MY VERY BEST?”

A LITTLE HAPPIER

SUBSCRIBE

 * Apple Podcast
 * Spotify
 * Stitcher

how to subscribe?
Play
0:00
Volume
Download

I love reading memoirs, and I love the wonderful 1984 memoir D.V. (Amazon,
Bookshop) by the brilliant, funny, imperious, Diana Vreeland. Vreeland was the
iconic fashion editor of Harper's Bazaar and editor-in-chief of Vogue, and she
helped shape the world of high fashion for decades.

She has many great observations in her memoir, for instance, “Songs last
forever. They fix particular years in your mind.”

One thing I think about a lot is the nature of love. There are many kinds of
love. I was very interested in an observation that Vreeland made about the
nature of her relationship with her husband, Reed Vreeland.

> He had a fantastic glamour for me. And he always retained it. Isn’t it curious
> that even after more than forty years of marriage, I was always slightly shy
> of him? I can remember his coming home in the evening—the way the door would
> close and the sound of his step….If I was in my bath or in my bedroom making
> up, I can remember always pulling myself up, thinking, "I must be at my very
> best." There was never a time when I didn’t have that reaction—ever.

I have to say, this is not the attitude that I bring to my husband Jamie. It was
fascinating to consider a completely different approach to a loving
relationship.

This passage reminds me of another story that I discuss in A Little Happier
episode, about a story that singer-songwriter Rosanne Cash told about a remark
made to her by her husband, the musician, producer, songwriter, and recording
engineer John Leventhal. After a recording session, she did with some other
people, he told her, “I would’ve pushed you harder.”

Both these stories capture an important tension that exists within loving
relationships. We want the people around us to accept us unconditionally, and we
also want them to expect the best from us.

It’s one of my aphorisms: The opposite of a profound truth is also true. Love
accepts you just as you are, and love insists that you live up to your
potential. Love is unconditional, and love is demanding.

For Diana Vreeland, it seems, love was demanding, and that was the kind of love
she valued most. I don’t think that’s true of everyone, but it was true of her.



Share This
 * twitter
 * linkedin
 * email

0
Comments
 * twitter
 * linkedin
 * email




SOME FAVORITE THINGS

 * Sponsored
   
   
   KRUPS EGG COOKER
   
   $36Buy Now
 * Sponsored
   
   
   PRISMACOLOR COLORED PENCILS
   
   $74Buy Now
 * Sponsored
   
   
   FLYING WISH PAPER
   
   $10Buy Now

See All Favorite Things


WE'D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU

 * callUs
   
   CALL US
   
   77-HAPPY-336

 * emailNewsletterLight
   
   EMAIL US
   
   podcast@gretchenrubin.com

 * twitterBlueCircle
   
   TWEET US
   
   @gretchenrubin @elizabethcraft

 * emailNewsletterLight
   
   SIGN UP
   
   to get an email alert when we release a new episode

 * emailNewsletterLight
   
   SUBSCRIBE
   
   to my free monthly Gretchen Rubin newsletter

 * rateReview
   
   RATE AND REVIEW US
   
   Help other listeners discover us by adding your rating or review


MORE EPISODES FOR YOU

Up Next


A LITTLE HAPPIER: A STORY FROM THE ANCIENT WORLD REMINDS ME TO BE GRATEFUL FOR
LITERATURE

A story from ancient Greece reminded me how much we humans value literature in
all its forms.
September 18, 2022
 * Apple Podcasts
   
   
 * Spotify
 * Stitcher

Little Happier


A LITTLE HAPPIER: MORE GOOD ADVICE FROM MY MOTHER

When I became editor-in-chief of the law review at Yale Law School, my mother
made a helpful observation about the nature of success.
September 11, 2022
 * Apple Podcasts
   
   
 * Spotify
 * Stitcher

Little Happier


A LITTLE HAPPIER: REFRAMING “I HAVE TO DO IT” TO “I GET TO DO IT”

Mindy Kaling and I both give examples from our lives of when we reframed “I have
to do it” into “I get to do it.”
September 5, 2022
 * Apple Podcasts
   
   
 * Spotify
 * Stitcher

More Podcasts

One Last Thing


WANT A NEW PODCAST TO LISTEN TO?

With the same vibe as “Happier,” The Onward Project is the family of podcasts
that I’ve launched, for podcasts that are about “your life, made better.”


Learn More


Dismiss


GET MY WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Sign up to get my free weekly newsletter. It highlights the best material from
here, my Facebook Page, and new original work.


Subscribe


TRYING TO FIND...?

 * Secrets of Adulthood
 * Contact Gretchen Rubin
 * Tips
 * Videos
 * Collections
 * Galleries
 * Short Bio
 * Merch


RESOURCES

 * Four Tendencies Quiz
 * Video Courses
 * Four Tendencies Workshop
 * All Resources
 * Book Downloads
 * Podcast Downloads
 * Other PDF Downloads
 * Happier Podcast Sponsors


STAY CONNECTED

 * Newsletter
 * Facebook
 * Instagram
 * Twitter
 * LinkedIn
 * Pinterest
 * YouTube
 * Feedburner
 * Goodreads


BOOKS

Previous Slide

Next Slide
We use cookies on this site to gather data and improve your experience. For more
information, see our Privacy Policy
I ACCEPT
Email Gretchen: grubin@gretchenrubin.com© 2022 Gretchen Rubin. All rights
reserved.When making recommendations, I sometimes use affiliate links. These
links don’t impose any extra cost on you, and they help support the free content
I provide here.Terms, Conditions of Use & Privacy Policy