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CAN A.I. IMPROVE YOUR DATING LIFE?


CAN AI IMPROVE YOUR DATING LIFE? LOTS OF APPS THINK SO. BUT ARE THEY RIGHT?

Anouare Abdou
August 3, 2024
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Bumble’s founder, Whitney Wolfe Herd, recently made the headlines for laying out
a vision about AI and the future of dating. “There is a world where your dating
concierge could go and date for you with other dating concierges,” she said at
the Bloomberg Tech Summit in San Francisco. That way, you don’t have to go and
“talk to 600 people.”

That future may not be that far away, considering the surge of AI-powered
features on dating apps and AI dating assistants.

On Tinder, for example, you can use the “Photo Selector” feature to choose the
best pictures to upload to your profile.

Other ways dating apps are leveraging AI include optimizing matches and
filtering out fake profiles and inappropriate content, says Yanina Strylets, CEO
and co-founder of AI dating service SciMatch.

Outside of dating apps, a new market is booming: Solutions aimed to help daters
streamline and maximize their online dating experience. There is Meeno, an AI
relationship coach that users can turn to for advice.There is Rizz, an AI dating
assistant that helps you craft openers and witty responses in conversations with
new matches. Some apps, like Replika, even allow people to date AI chatbots.

RELATED: Does Having an AI 'Partner' Count as Cheating?

For better or worse, AI is already transforming dating. But should you consider
using it to improve your love life? The potential pitfalls may just outweigh the
benefits. Here’s what you need to know.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


WHY SOME DATERS ARE TURNING TO AI

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Online dating can be time-consuming: A Forbes Health survey revealed that people
spend on average 51 minutes per day on dating apps – and it’s leading to
fatigue. When asked how often they felt emotionally, mentally or physically worn
out by dating apps, 78% of respondents reported experiencing these feelings
sometimes, often or always.



RELATED: How to Handle Online Dating Fatigue

There are plenty of reasons to feel burned out when trying to meet people on
apps. Swiping for hours without getting a match. Finally matching with someone
only to have a dead-end conversation. Going on a constant string of first dates
that never evolve into second ones. Being ghosted, breadcrumbed or lied to.
Wanting connection, but feeling disillusioned about the lack of connection that
online dating can breed.

These scenarios may lead some daters to embrace a little help from technology to
tackle the early dating stages. According to a Match survey, 43% of singles have
used artificial intelligence to help write their dating app profile and 37% used
it to help write a first message.

Keep in mind that men tend to have a different experience of dating apps than
women and may be more inclined to use artificial intelligence to market
themselves. While women are more likely to feel overwhelmed by the number of
messages they receive, 64% of men reveal they have felt insecure because of a
lack of messages, according to the Pew Research Center.

Dmitri Mirakyan, co-founder of YourMove AI, a platform that offers an AI profile
generator service, told CBC News that about a third of the platform’s users are
young men. He added that some people rely on the service because they're
introverted or are older and unfamiliar with dating apps.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


THE PITFALLS OF USING AI FOR DATING

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

But can AI really lead to more human connection? While using it as a tool to
speed up the process of meeting people or standing out in a sea of dating
profiles may seem tempting at first, it has the potential to backfire.

A recent study examined the impact of using AI to enhance the profiles of Airbnb
hosts. Participants mistrusted hosts whose profiles were labeled as or suspected
to be written by AI. These findings have implications on the dating front too.

If you’re using AI to chat with a dating app match, they might sense that
something is off and feel a lack of trust without being able to pinpoint why. Or
they might meet you in person and sense a clash between your real-life
personality and the way your AI messages made you seem.



RELATED: Why People Lie About Themselves on Dating Apps, Explained

Authenticity is the backbone of meaningful connection, after all. And that can't
be faked — at least not in the long run.

“Using AI to draft messages can lead to a lack of authenticity, which, in turn,
can cause an emotional disconnect,” according to Dr. Jess O'Reilly, a
relationship expert at Tinder. “Finding and building on connections is all about
learning more about each individual and what makes them tick.”

O’Reilly adds that while AI tools can help you figure out prompts and questions
to ask, over-utilizing them in conversations can water down your personality,
lead you to feel less engaged in the initial stages of building a connection,
and potentially mislead your matches.

As for using AI-generated photos, it’s not much different than using photos that
actually represent you in other ways, such as old ones or Photoshopped ones:
It’s a recipe for an awkward (and possibly unpleasant) first encounter.

RELATED: How to Tell if a Dating Profile Is Fake

“My advice to users considering AI-generated profile pics is to just imagine how
you'd feel if the person you're chatting with did the same thing, and how you'd
feel when you finally meet IRL,” says O’Reilly.

Your date is more likely to feel tricked and deceived than to focus on getting
to know you, at that point.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


SHOULD YOU USE AI FOR DATING?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As a dater, you may be wondering if there are ways to rely on AI without
sabotaging your efforts to connect or completely misleading others.

Using it here and there to get inspired while staying true to your personality
could, in theory, help you in the moment. It might save you time and energy. It
might turn a match into a conversation and a conversation into a date.



But it might also lead you to focus on the wrong things — impressing a match
versus exploring whether you are compatible, for example.

Real relationships require intentionality. What happens when you have your first
vulnerable conversation and can’t rely on a chatbot or virtual dating assistant
to navigate it? How will you cultivate relationship skills if you become used to
seeing dating as a numbers game instead of people as people?

“There's a risk that users may become overly reliant on algorithms to make
decisions about relationships. We encourage users to use our AI as a tool to aid
their decision-making, not replace it,” notes Strylets.

AI-driven dating app features may enhance the online dating experience by
preventing you from getting catfished or lining up better matches for you. The
effectiveness of such algorithms remains to be seen, and they aren’t necessarily
harmful per se.

Quite apart from the fact that it looks as though AI’s steep energy use is a
real environmental concern, if people are already suffering from online dating
burnout, there is a bigger conversation to be had about love and connection —
one that transcends new digital solutions and tools. 

Technology has the power to help us meet new people, but it can also make us
feel lonely and disconnected. The same can be said about AI. If you choose to
use it, do so sparingly — and responsibly.

Also, remember that AI won’t magically solve your love life challenges.
Fostering relationship skills, being your true self and aiming to get to know
romantic prospects for who they truly are may seem like an overly simple — and
sometimes frustrating — proposition in the world of online dating, but it’s the
only path to meaningful connection.

You Might Also Dig:

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