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Text Content

Skip to content
 * Pick An AppleMenu Toggle
   * Ambrosia Apple
   * Arkansas Black Apple
   * Autumn Glory Apple
   * Blondee Apple
   * Braeburn Apple
   * Cameo Apple
   * Candy Crisp Apple
   * Cortland Apple
   * Cosmic Crisp Apple
   * Crimson Gold Apple
   * Cripps Pink Apple
   * Empire Apple
   * Envy Apple
   * EverCrisp Apple
   * Fuji Apple
   * Gala Apple
   * Golden Delicious Apple
   * Golden Russet Apple
   * GoldRush Apple
   * Granny Smith Apple
   * Green Dragon Apple
   * Honeycrisp Apple
   * Hunnyz Apple
   * Jazz Apple
   * Jonagold Apple
   * Jonathan Apple
   * Juici Apple
   * Kanzi Apple
   * Kiku Apple
   * King David Apple
   * Koru (Plumac) Apple
   * Lady Alice Apple
   * Lemonade Apple
   * Lucy Glo Apple
   * Lucy Rose Apple
   * Ludacrisp Apple
   * Macoun Apple
   * McIntosh Apple
   * Melrose Apple
   * MiApple Apple
   * Modi Apple
   * Mutsu (Crispin) Apple
   * Newtown Pippin Apple
   * Opal Apple
   * Pazazz Apple
   * Pink Lady Apple
   * Pink Pearl Apple
   * Pinova (Piñata) Apple
   * Rave Apple
   * Red Delicious Apple
   * Rockit Apple
   * Rome Apple
   * Ruby Frost Apple
   * Ruby Jon Apple
   * Silken Apple
   * Smitten Apple
   * SnapDragon Apple
   * SnowSweet Apple
   * Stayman Winesap Apple
   * SugarBee Apple
   * Sundowner (Cripps Red) Apple
   * Sunrise Magic Apple
   * SweeTango Apple
   * Sweetie Apple
   * Sweet Orin Apple
   * Top Secret Apple
   * Wild Twist Apple
   * WineCrisp Apple
   * Wolf River Apple
   * Zestar! Apple
 * How Apples Are Ranked
 * CategoriesMenu Toggle
   * Baking Apples
   * Cider Apples
   * Sour Apples
 * About
 * Donate
 * Shop


Main Menu
 * Pick An AppleMenu Toggle
   * Ambrosia Apple
   * Arkansas Black Apple
   * Autumn Glory Apple
   * Blondee Apple
   * Braeburn Apple
   * Cameo Apple
   * Candy Crisp Apple
   * Cortland Apple
   * Cosmic Crisp Apple
   * Crimson Gold Apple
   * Cripps Pink Apple
   * Empire Apple
   * Envy Apple
   * EverCrisp Apple
   * Fuji Apple
   * Gala Apple
   * Golden Delicious Apple
   * Golden Russet Apple
   * GoldRush Apple
   * Granny Smith Apple
   * Green Dragon Apple
   * Honeycrisp Apple
   * Hunnyz Apple
   * Jazz Apple
   * Jonagold Apple
   * Jonathan Apple
   * Juici Apple
   * Kanzi Apple
   * Kiku Apple
   * King David Apple
   * Koru (Plumac) Apple
   * Lady Alice Apple
   * Lemonade Apple
   * Lucy Glo Apple
   * Lucy Rose Apple
   * Ludacrisp Apple
   * Macoun Apple
   * McIntosh Apple
   * Melrose Apple
   * MiApple Apple
   * Modi Apple
   * Mutsu (Crispin) Apple
   * Newtown Pippin Apple
   * Opal Apple
   * Pazazz Apple
   * Pink Lady Apple
   * Pink Pearl Apple
   * Pinova (Piñata) Apple
   * Rave Apple
   * Red Delicious Apple
   * Rockit Apple
   * Rome Apple
   * Ruby Frost Apple
   * Ruby Jon Apple
   * Silken Apple
   * Smitten Apple
   * SnapDragon Apple
   * SnowSweet Apple
   * Stayman Winesap Apple
   * SugarBee Apple
   * Sundowner (Cripps Red) Apple
   * Sunrise Magic Apple
   * SweeTango Apple
   * Sweetie Apple
   * Sweet Orin Apple
   * Top Secret Apple
   * Wild Twist Apple
   * WineCrisp Apple
   * Wolf River Apple
   * Zestar! Apple
 * How Apples Are Ranked
 * CategoriesMenu Toggle
   * Baking Apples
   * Cider Apples
   * Sour Apples
 * About
 * Donate
 * Shop


APPLE RANKINGS

THE DEFINITIVE LIST OF GOOD AND BAD APPLES.


Generic selectors
Exact matches only
Search in title
Search in content

Post Type Selectors
post

TOP APPLES


SWEETANGO APPLES

"THE HOLY GRAIL"

97
Nearly Perfect


HONEYCRISP APPLES

"THE WORLDWIDE FAVORITE"

95
Nearly Perfect


KANZI APPLES

"THE EUROPEAN PARTY APPLE"

93
Superb


SNAPDRAGON APPLES

"A CHOMP-WORTHY NEWCOMER"

87
Excellent


ENVY APPLES

"THE GUILTY PLEASURE"

86
Excellent


PINK LADY APPLES

"A FIERY TROUBLEMAKER"

86
Excellent


LUCY GLO APPLES

"THE BREATHTAKING CIRCUS FREAK"

85
Excellent


OPAL APPLES

"A TASTY UNWIPED ANUS"

82
Excellent


WILD TWIST APPLES

"A FAMOUS PERSON'S CHILD"

81
Excellent


SUGARBEE APPLES

"THE HONEY GRENADE"

80
Excellent


RAVE APPLES

"THE KNOCKOFF BRAND HONEYCRISP"

79
Very Good


GOLDRUSH APPLES

"A GOLDMINE OF FLAVOR"

76
Very Good


LUDACRISP APPLES

"THE DIRTY SOUTH RAPPLE"

75
Very Good

AVERAGE APPLES


COSMIC CRISP APPLES

"THE MOST OVERHYPED APPLE OF ALL TIME"

74
Pretty Good


BRAEBURN APPLES

"THE CIVIL RIGHTS APPLE"

73
Pretty Good


KING DAVID APPLES

"THE TART OF ARKANSAS"

72
Pretty Good


PINK PEARL APPLES

"THE RED SCARE"

72
Pretty Good


AMBROSIA APPLES

"THE CHOSEN APPLE"

70
Pretty Good


EVERCRISP APPLES

"THE JAWBREAKER"

70
Pretty Good


GALA APPLES

"THE INOFFENSIVE MAINSTAY"

70
Pretty Good


CANDY CRISP APPLES

"A PEAR-CUCKED RED DELICIOUS"

69
Mediocre


RUBY FROST APPLES

"THICK-SKINNED NEW YORK FUCKBOI"

69
Mediocre


LUCY ROSE APPLES

"THE SHALLOW PERSON'S REGRET"

69
Mediocre


SUNDOWNER (CRIPPS RED) APPLES

"PINK LADY'S UGLY BROTHER"

67
Mediocre


JAZZ APPLES

"A DISHARMONY OF FLAVOR NOTES"

65
Mediocre


EMPIRE APPLES

"A SPUNKY OPTIMIST"

65
Mediocre


WINECRISP APPLES

"A BOTTOM-SHELF VINTAGE"

65
Mediocre


JUICI APPLES

"A PANDERING LITIGIOUS GIGOLO"

65
Mediocre


MACOUN APPLES

"THE ONE-NIGHT STAND"

63
Barely Worth It


LEMONADE APPLES

"THE NOT QUITE LEMONADE APPLE"

63
Barely Worth It


SNOWSWEET APPLES

"A RETURNABLE CHRISTMAS PRESENT"

62
Barely Worth It


BLONDEE APPLES

"THE MUTANT GALA"

62
Barely Worth It


HUNNYZ APPLES

"THE WORST NAMED APPLE"

60
Barely Worth It


PAZAZZ APPLES

"THE DESPERATE MUSICAL THEATER MAJOR"

60
Barely Worth It


RUBY JON APPLES

"A SPIRITED HIMBO"

59
Barely Worth It


SUNRISE MAGIC APPLES

"THE ORPHAN APPLE"

59
Barely Worth It


GREEN DRAGON APPLES

"A DISENCHANTING LEGEND"

59
Barely Worth It


ROCKIT APPLES

"BITE-SIZED SPACE JUNK"

59
Barely Worth It


TOP SECRET APPLES

"A DEAD-END CONSPIRACY THEORY"

58
Barely Worth It


JONAGOLD APPLES

"A FORGETTABLE COLLEGE FRIEND"

57
Barely Worth It


GRANNY SMITH APPLES

"THE ORIGINAL SOUR APPLE"

57
Barely Worth It


FUJI APPLES

"THE JAPANESE POP STAR"

56
Barely Worth It


LADY ALICE APPLES

"A PERFECTLY NICE LADY"

56
Barely Worth It


MUTSU (CRISPIN) APPLES

"THE RICH MAN'S JALOPY"

55
Barely Worth It


KORU (PLUMAC) APPLES

"THE MIDDLE OF THE PACK"

55
Barely Worth It

PURE SHIT APPLES


ZESTAR! APPLES

"THE FAILED MAGICIAN"

53
Not Worth Eating


CORTLAND APPLES

"A DAMP HACKY SACK"

52
Not Worth Eating


AUTUMN GLORY APPLES

"THE GLORY HOLE OF APPLES"

51
Not Worth Eating


SWEETIE APPLES

"A WATERY GRAVE"

51
Not Worth Eating


CAMEO APPLES

"AN UNWELCOME GUEST"

50
Not Worth Eating


PINOVA (PIÑATA) APPLES

"A PAPIER MACHE FRUIT HUSK"

50
Not Worth Eating


MCINTOSH APPLES

"A SEAL-SKINNED CANADIAN LETDOWN"

45
Horse Food


MODI APPLES

"THE ITALIAN DISGRACE"

44
Horse Food


MELROSE APPLES

"THE ALL-AMERICAN APPLE"

43
Horse Food


CRIPPS PINK APPLES

"THE UNDERSTUDY TO THE PINK LADY"

42
Horse Food


SMITTEN APPLES

"THE CURB STOMP OF APPLES"

42
Horse Food


KIKU APPLES

"A FUJI IN DISGUISE"

42
Horse Food


STAYMAN WINESAP APPLES

"A CIVIL WAR ERA MISTAKE"

41
Horse Food


WOLF RIVER APPLES

"THE MIDWESTERN SLEDGEHAMMER"

40
Horse Food


JONATHAN APPLES

"AN ODD HOMESCHOOLED BOY"

39
Horse Food


MIAPPLE APPLES

"THE NARC OF APPLES"

39
Horse Food


SILKEN APPLES

"THE CANADIAN CHARITY CASE"

36
Horse Food


GOLDEN DELICIOUS APPLES

"THE WEST VIRGINIA HAS-BEEN"

33
Horse Food


SWEET ORIN APPLES

"THE IMPOSTER APPLE"

33
Horse Food


CRIMSON GOLD APPLES

"A CRABAPPLE IN DISGUISE"

31
Horse Food


ROME APPLES

"QUEEN OF THE BAKING APPLE"

28
Despicable


RED DELICIOUS APPLES

"COFFEE GRINDS IN A LEATHER GLOVE"

25
Despicable


ARKANSAS BLACK APPLES

"A TEETH-SHATTERING ODDITY"

23
Despicable


GOLDEN RUSSET APPLES

"A PUTRID CORPSE"

22
Despicable

APPLE HELL


NEWTOWN PIPPIN APPLES

"LONG ISLAND'S SAND-FILLED CONDOM"

19
Vomitous Filth

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