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Krish(na) ● They/Any ● ↑20



aries sun, aquarius moon, libra rising





Hello! My name is Krish, and this is my personal blog. You can read a little bit
more about me and my blog here. I also have a personal site that has more about
me if you care for it.



Cliques, Listings, and Webrings Under the Cut

Tags: pinned post
Pinned


AS THE (BRAIN) FOG LIFTS


⊹ ࣪ ˖ ꒰ঌ CURRENTLY... ໒꒱ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

Mood: Thoughtful

Weather: Sunny

Current Song on Repeat: "That's So True" by Gracie Abrams

Reading: Mozart : the reign of love by Jan Swafford

Watching: Gilmore Girls Season 3

Playing: Life is Strange: Double Exposure

Drinking: Alani Nu Juicy Peach Energy Drink

Perfume: Yara (Pink Bottle) by Lattafa

One Thing I'm Grateful For: Vitamin D Fruit Gummies

It's been a minute since I've written a "life update" style post for my blog,
but it has been for good reason. As I previously mentioned in the introduction
of my last media roundup, finals for the spring semester came around quite
quickly, and then I immediately started travelling internationally. I visited
Dubai and Abu Dahbi in the UAE, various cities in India, and then Singapore. I
don't really plan to expand upon my experiences abroad right now in this post
itself, because I'd like to dedicate seperate blog posts about each of the
places I've visited where I can talk about them in detail, so please look
forward to that sometime in December!

The other reason why writing blog posts, doing website updates, or really doing
anything that isn't just lying in bed and sleeping has been difficult is my
relatively recent thyroid disease revelation. I'm completely okay, and it's
nothing actualy life threatening, but the relief I felt when I received the
blood test results that confirmed it cannot be understated. From my memory, I've
been chronically fatigued since I was 12 years old, which also happens to be the
age that my mental health issues started. For a very long time, I've always
assumed that my fatigue was just a symptom of my depression, and to be fair, it
probably partially was! I wrote about it a bit in a post back in January, but I
feel as though my depression and major mental health issues started going into
remission after almost an entire decade in 2024, but I was still just
always...tired. Although I wasn't living with an overwhelming sense of dread and
fear anymore, I still wasn't able to get out of bed a lot of the time to do the
things I wanted to do. I used to get scolded by my parents for how much time I
spent laying down, and for YEARS I've been making jokes about how my useless
secret power is my ability to fall asleep whenever and wherever regardless of
how much caffeine I had to drink. Back in early 2023, I used drink the 30-ounce
Panera charged lemonades and then proceed to fall asleep soon after! I always
knew that this wasn't necessarily something normal, but I honestly just assumed
that I was being lazy. In college, I feel like it's really normal to hear people
talk about how little sleep they received or about how tired they were, so I
just never gave the underlying reason for my exhaustion a second thought. It
wasn't really until I started spending an extended amount of time around my
parents while travelling that they realized that something was seriously wrong.
I think watching me sleep for almost 15 hours straight without waking naturally
was the final straw for them. I ended up getting my blood drawn and perscribed
the appropriate medication. It's been almost three months since then, and
I've....actually been starting to feel better! Things are not perfect of course,
and to be honest I've still been adjusting to my new normal. My biggest health
related goal right now is to learn how to discern between the need to actually
take a power nap to make up for a lower quality of sleep I might've gotten the
night before, or just a naturally dip in energy in the middle of the day that a
nap will actually make worse.

The biggest thing that I've gained from treatment is my brain functioning again.
Since the age of 12, I've felt my ability to think and process information
slowly and steadily decline, but again, I just thought it was a matter of me
being lazy and depressed rather than something with a physical cause. I just
remember life feeling really foggy all the time, and I used to have a lot of
trouble retaining and processing things. Now that this isn't really as big of a
problem anymore, I've really felt my spark to start learning again come back,
and it's been great! I've found myself actually being able to concentrate on
things like reading and taking notes now, something that I haven't really been
able to do in a long time. I think that the main reason why this didn't really
cause me too many problems during undergrad is because so much of that
experience for me was online during the peak of the pandemic. With classes being
mostly online, a lot of things were open note with flexible deadlines so
although I struggled at times, I was still able to get things done and graduate
with minimal academic issues. With my capacity to read and focus on other things
coming back, I've found myself less inclined to want to watch things anymore. I
feel like part of the reason why my Youtube watching obsession started was
because it took minimal effort to do. With a few clicks, I was able to have on a
2 hour long essay about something I vaguely interested in while I closed my eyes
and laid in bed. However, because I actually have the energy to do more now, I
don't really feel satisfied receiving information in this way anymore. Everytime
I try to watch something I'm not happy just sitting down to watch it. I start to
feel the urge to multitask which results in me doing neither task truly well:
I've neither absorbed what the video was talking about, or I was unable to
complete the physical task in front of me meaningfully because of the
interference from what I was watching. Again, I'm still adjusting to this new
normal, but I'm trying to embrace it. A lot of the time, I still feel the need
to put on something in the background so that I'm not sitting in complete
silence all of the time while focusing on other things, so unfourtunately I've
managed to become my own worst enemy: a fan of classical music (LOL). Teenage me
would be horrified (I found classical and slow music to be borderline
unlistenable, I mostly listened to music that could keep me awake such as
hyperpop and glitchcore), but I'm doing my best to embrace my changes in taste
as they come. Another thing that I wrote about in the past was how I found it
hard to accept changes both externally and internally, but I think that because
I'm able to think more clearly it's not as hard to work through as it once was.

Overall, I've just been doing a lot of self work beyond the web to try to
understand who I am as a person beyond my illnesses, both mental and physical. I
honestly don't see myself creating or updating my main site in a visible way for
the time being. I've been working on a slightly new main site structure (more of
a Sanguine Royal v2.5 with better site organization rather than a v3 honestly)
and rather than rush it, I want to take my time and plan it out properly before
coding and launching it. I still plan on interacting with other sites and small
communities I'm a part of as well as hopefully come back to blog a bit more
regularly though! I've already been chipping away at my Q3 Media Roundup bit by
bit. All in all, life feels really good right now. I feel like I'm returning
back to myself.

♡

Tags: life updates
26 October 2024


MEDIA ROUNDUP: Q2 2024

Hello Krish nation! It's been a while since I last wrote in my blog, and I'm
back with another media roundup. Pretty soon after I wrote my last blog post,
finals season kicked in, I immediately started traveling internationally to
visit extended family, and then my health declined and started getting treated
for it so I didn't have any time or energy to write any blog posts. I have to
admit, it feels good to work on things for my site again after taking a bit of a
break! ♡

Not spoiler free!



ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ Books, Graphic Novels, Manga and Webcomics

Media that I read this quarter either physically or through audiobooks.

↬ Lil' Dee in Home Free created by Vee Briat: The artstyle remids me a lot of
the black and white comics I used to read in the newspaper as a child, so I was
visually drawn in immediately. A short but sweet comic about a little creature
learning to stand up for itself, and protecting itself the way it protects its
loved one.

↬ Chainsaw Man Chapters 1-30 created by Tatsuki Fujimoto: I finally caved and
started reading Chainsaw Man. This isn't the first time I've attempted to read
this manga, I actually initially attempted back in 2021 after seeing some art of
Kobeni, but I ended up giving it up because I couldn't get past some of the
sexualization of the women it it. At the time, I didn't know that Denji was
actually 17 and a child, so I was able to get through it this time with this
lens. Honestly, I'll probably keep reading just for the sake of being able to
understand popular animanga memes and references, but this series hasn't really
won my heart over yet. I think I'm just someone who prefers girly/shoujo media
these days.

↬ Dog Hause Chapters 1-108 by Moowsie: A couple of panels showed up on my
Twitter FYP and caught my attention. It is an independent webcomic following the
daily life of a dog girl named Maggie. It's four panal comic style makes
digesting new comics short and sweet.

↬ Heartstrings Chapters 1-6 by Bev: A piece of art containing the two main
characters showed up on my Tumblr feed, and I became intrigued enough to binge
all avaliable chapters. I am a sucker for butchfemme / mascfemme sapphic
relationships in fiction, and this webcomic feels catered for me specifically.
Ro is 100% my type and I am projecting onto Isa so hard.



ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ Games

Games that I experienced this quarter either by playing them myself or watching
let's players

↬ That's Not My Neighbor developed by Nacho Sama: A game set in 1955, where the
job of a doorman is to protect the apartment's residents from dopplegangers. I
think part of the reason why I fixated on this game for a while was because it
reminds me of one of my favorite games, Papers Please, with less overarching
story. I watched ManlyBadAssHero, Gab Smolders, Kubz Scouts, and BlackRose play
this.

↬ Home Safety Hotline Created_ by Night Signal Entertainment: An incredibly
compelling analog horror. You play as a phone line operator for the titular
hotline. The Home Safety Hotline is an organization dedicated to managing
supernatural emergencies in the real world, it starts with things like mice and
mold but eventually involves creatures like the fae and leprechauns. The voice
acting in this game is spectacular, unfourtunately some of the best performances
in my opinion are hidden behind wrong answers. I watched Gab Smolders, Kubz
Scoutz, and ManlyBadAssHero play this.

↬ Last Seen Online Created by Qwook: Short and sweet. The early windows XP
inspired design was fun to see. A fun little brain teaser. I watched Kubz Scoutz
play this.

↬ Class of '09 Created by SBN3: A couple of ridiculous soundbites from this game
caught my attention from TikTok. I watched a Nyanner's VOD of her playing the
game. Class of '09 self describes as "the anti-visual novel" because you play as
an anime girl creating chaos in the lives of her suitors. This game genuinely
felt like a fever dream. The voice acting is really what sold this game to me, I
don't think that many of the jokes and lines would've hit as hard without it. It
felt like I was watching an American adult animated comedy without feeling edgy
just for the sake of it. It’s very entertaining if you don’t take it seriously
and it matches your sense of humor. I was in elementary school in 2009 so I
can't speak to the setting's historical accuracy, but it felt really nostalgic
somehow.

↬ Class of '09: The Re-Up developed by SBN3: Not quite a remake or sequel to
Class of '09, Re-Up is entirely new and unique content. One would benefit from
having played the original game first, but they aren't directly connected story
wise. There are fewer story paths than the original, but the paths do tend to be
longer. I feel like the Re-Up leans into Nicole's sociopathy a bit more, and
made her rooting for her harder (not a bad thing, I still enjoyed her as a
protagonist!). In the original Nicole is mean and cruel at times, but no more
than a normal high school student. Also, this game 100% confirmed to me that
Nicole is sapphic. However, while Nicole is better off without any guys, any
girls are too good for Nicole unironically.

↬ Friday Night Funkin' Week 8 developed by Funkin' Crew Inc.: I never thought
I'd see an update from this game again, LOL. I was so excited to see Nene in
game!

↬ Spirit Hunter: Death Mark II developed by Experience: I watched
ManlyBadAssHero play the original game back in high school. I found the initial
premise really interesting, but if I wasn't watching Gab Smolders play this I
probabaly would've lost interest especially towards the end. It's a great sequel
that can be played as a standalone game in my opinion. One gripe I had is the
entire time I kept worrying it was going to slowfall into a creepy pedo story,
and I am glad that it did not even when given The Biggest Chance.

↬ Disorder developed by Stoniedude : I watched ManlyBadassHero play this game. A
fun game with interesting word puzzles and atmosphere.

↬ Closer the Distance Demo developed by Osmotic Studios : I watched Materwelonz
play this game. Closer the Distance is a slice of life sim that showcases the
emotional bonds of family and friends in the face of recent tragedy. I chose to
watch because of Welonz's description of the game as a cross between Life is
Strange and The Sims. I think that's a pretty accurate description. For a cozy
looking game, I really experienced a lot of secondhand anxiety due to all of the
overlapping charcter stories and the possibility of missing out on important
happens due to The Sims like gameplay. I'm excited for the full game to come
out.



ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ Movies

Movies that I watched this quarter.

↬ Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) directed by Halina Reijn: This movie nails the way
that Gen Z has evolved to be aware of social issues while still managing to show
people's capacity to be selfish. A lot of Gen Z critique tends to be boiled down
to "kids are whiny and ungrateful"— it rides the line of critiquing Gen Z while
not showing them contempt well. A fun watch, the ending twist was funny to me.

↬ Easy A (2010) directed by Will Gluck: Loved Emma Stone in this. It's not
revolutionary by any means, but it was fun! I love that the main character isn't
a jackass, but just a regular girl trying to navigate high school and has a
great relationship with her family.

↬ I Care a Lot (2020) directed by J Blakeson: I watched this movie with my dad
as he suggested it. It's a movie about watching horrible people do horrible
things. It's an interesting movie premise, but I hate the direction that they
took the movie personally...there's not really anyone you want to root for, but
I'll personally always root for the morally dubious lesbian, even if she's a
crooked evil guardian that takes advantage of the elderly.

↬ Totally Killer (2023) directed by Nahnatchka Khan: I chose to watch this movie
because a couple of clips from it were trending on TikTok, and I had somehow
confused it with Bodies Bodies Bodies. When the infamous "Sweet Sixteen Killer"
returns 35 years after his first murder spree to claim another victim,
17-year-old Jamie accidentally travels back in time to 1987, determined to stop
the killer before he can start. Honestly, I didn't find this movie to be
anything special, but I was entertained for two hours.

↬ Family Switch (2023) produced by Jennifer Garner: Saw that it starred Emma
Myers, and chose to watch it because I love her. I wasn't expecting anything
groundbreaking from this movie other than maybe a silly little comedy examining
family bonds, and I did in fact get that. The dog and baby body switch was very
funny.

↬ Juno (2007) directed by Jason Reitman: I ended up watching this movie because
I somehow confused it to be Unpregnant— needless to say it took me by surprise
when Juno ended up keeping her baby! The movie's a bit quirky, but it's done
well for it's time I think. I saw Jason Bateman's reveal of being a total creep
miles away as an adult, but I wonder if I would've been more surprised if I
watched this movie for the first time when I was younger.

↬ Unpregnant (2020) directed by Rachel Lee Goldenberg: This was the movie I was
actually looking for when I accidently watched Juno instead. A 17-year old
Missouri teen named Veronica discovers she has gotten pregnant, a development
that threatens to end her dreams of matriculating at an Ivy League college, and
the career that will follow. For what it is, I enjoyed it! I was raised in a
culture where abortion is nothing more than a medical procedure, and my
grandmother was a gyno who never made abortion a big deal so it's not really a
topic that I find sensitive. It's very much a middle of the road teen comedy
about friendship.

↬ The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes (2023) directed by Francis
Lawrence (Rewatch): I've been wanting to rewatch this movie since first seeing
it when it first released because I felt like there was a lot that I missed the
first time around. In this prequel a young Coriolanus Snow mentors Lucy Gray
Baird in the 10th annual Hunger Games while slowly falling for her. Maybe it's
just because I'm not attracted to men, but I cannot understand anyone ever
falling for Snow, it feel alien to me. A great backstory for Snow and backdrop
to the Hunger Games trilogy though.

↬ Wonka (2023) directed by Paul King: I watched this movie on my flight home
from India because I wanted to watch something relatively mindless while on a 14
hour flight. I was a fan of the related books as a child, but it's a children's
series so I don't mind that this movie doesn't exactly align with the books.
This movie is so unserious in the best way. I feel like they barely advertised
that this movie is a musical, and then the opening lines of the movie are a
song. I was a big fan of the guy that gagged at the thought of poor people, and
the chocolate cartel as a whole? Hilarious. This isn't a movie that I would've
watched if I wasn't trapped in a vessel in the sky for a little over half a day,
but it's also not a movie I regret watching.

↬ 17 Again (2009) directed by Burr Steers (Rewatch): The first time I watched
this movie was when I was in high school, but my memories of it were incredibly
hazy. It's a bodyswap movie where a 30 year old Mike gets the chance to redo
high school after regretting his decision to marry his pregnant high school
girlfriend and throw away his promising basketball career. I am a sucker for
movies about the concept of being given the chance to redo things in life, and
this movie is an interesting take on it. Amazing message about how although it
may be tempting to go back and do things "right", it is still possible to make
things right in the life that you currently have. It's not an amazing film by
any means, but an easy watch.

↬ My Sister's Keeper (2009) directed by Nick Cassavetes: I read the original
book by Picoult back in 2022, and decided to watch this movie on a whim with my
dad after he had asked me for reccomendations in general. The story revolves
around the main character, Anna, suing her family for medical autonomy after
spending the majority of her life as a medical donor for her older sister Kate.
Kate has leukemia and Anna was conceived to specifically be a perfect match to
donate blood and marrow for her, however Kate's condition has declined so much
that she is now in need of a kidney from Anna. It's a really compelling
narrative about personal autonomy vs. obligations to others and I love the
premise. I went in knowing that the movie changed the ending of the book to have
Kate die rather than Anna, so that part wasn't necessarily a shock to me but I
wasn't happy with the ending regardless. In the movie, Kate reveals that she
wants to die, and that she is the one pushing Anna to sue her parents for
medical autonomy. Kate later dies peacefully in the hospital while Anna
continues to live her life. I feel like by having Kate die, the main dilemma is
bypassed because the character that we have expected all along to die has died.
Maybe I'm just fussy because I read the original book and know what Picoult's
wishes for the ending were, but my dad seemed content with the ending. I have a
lot of thoughts and feelings about the ending of the original book as well, but
I'll save that for another time.



ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ Podcasts

Podcasts that I listened to this quarter, whether it be me tuning in weekly or
just listening to a singular episode because the topic interested me.

↬ Is it cringe to date my cousin? (w/ Jarvis Johnson & Jordan Adika) | Perfect
Person Ep. 99 created by Miles Bonsignore: I chose to watch an episode of this
podcast because I heard Jarvis and Jordan raving about their time on it while
filming Sad Boyz. The person calling in this episode about their "cousin-dating"
drama had my jaw dropping with every bit of new information they added.

↬ Do We Know Them? (All Episodes Published from April-June) created by Lily
Marston and Jessi Smiles: This podcast is why I know anything about what drama
is happening on the internet. I see that a lot of their recent criticism is that
they don't cover niche, inconsequential TikTok drama anymore. I'm pretty
indifferent towards what they cover, I just like having internet drama covered
for me.

↬ Sad Boyz (All Episodes Published from April-June) created by Jarvis Johnson
and Jordan Adika: Sad Boyz continues to be a source of comfort in my life.

↬ A Bit Fruity with Matt Bernstein (All Episodes Published from April-June)
created by Matt Bernstein: I don't always watch episodes as soon as they come
out, but they are usually about something culturally topical and I enjoy having
someone else dissect it for me. I especially enjoyed the episode about Oli
London and his right wing grift.

↬ Very Really Good (All Episodes Published from April-June) created by Kurtis
Conner: I don't have a ton to say about this podcast other than it's easy to put
on in the background while I'm doing other stuff.

↬ Just Trish (Bits and Pieces of Episodes Published from April-June) created by
Trisha Paytas: I fell into a bit of a rabbithole this month where I found myself
listening to a couple of Just Trish's podcast episodes in bits and pieces. I
enjoyed some of her episodes that featured guests mostly, but I can't say I
particularly care for the way that she covers internet happenings.

↬ Two Hot Takes (All Episodes Published from April-June) created by Morgan
Absher: My favorite guilt pleasure podcast. I love sticking my nose in business
that doesn't involve me, and that I'm able to have Reddit stories curated for
me.

↬ The BCC Club (All Episodes Published from April-June) created by Sarah Schauer
and Kendahl Landreth: I started watching this podcast because I was a fan of
Violating Community Guidelines, and this podcast follows a similar formula. I
personally prefer the dynamic of Sarah Schauer and Kendahl Landreth much more.
Despite me generally enjoying both of their personalities, I don't think that
I'll be continuing to tune in every week. They do a good job, but the content
they cover doesn't really interest me anymore unfourtunately.



ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ Youtube

Youtube videos that left an impact on me in some way, shape, or form that I'd
reccommend to others. I put on a lot of Youtube in the background while I am
doing other things so it'd be impossible for me to list every video I watched,
but these are the ones I have things to say about.

↬ Burn Book: I Fell for Caroline Calloway’s Never-Ending Scam created by
D'Angello Wallace: This video was the first time that I had heard of Caroline
Calloway. It's UNBELIAVABLE to think that this person is REAL and not a badly
written Netflix character. I truly cannot get over how much Calloway referred to
herself as an author without having written a single word. I love how every
single interviewer looks so fed up with her. I don't blame them, she's
incredibly annoying to listen to

↬ I was Scammed by Taylor Swift's Boyfriend created by Kat Blaque: In this
video, Kat Blaque recounts the story of how her agency and her were scammed by
someone pretending to be Travis Kelce. Not only is it shocking that someone as
"experienced" with the internet was tricked by a scammer, it serves as a good
example of "dead internet theory". Ultimately, Blaque says that this experience
caused her want to return to her roots and start blogging again. I've been aware
of the general public's tiredness towards general social media platforms, but it
never fails to surprise me when I hear someone who has arguably "made it" on
modern day social media express similar thoughts.

↬ The Plague of Food Interviews created by Scott Cramer: I don't really enjoy
watching food based interview shows, so I enjoyed learning about why someone
might enjoy watching them. The TLDR conclusion is that food is the ultimate
social lubricant.

↬ The Try Guys Tell All created by Anthony Padilla: I was a really big Try Guys
fan from around 2015ish-2019 while I was in high school. After they formally
split from Buzzfeed, it's safe to say I became a more casual watcher. In this
video, Keith and Zach talk about their reasoning behind creating a new streaming
service for their content, and it ultimately boiled down to the following:
YouTube's algorithm is unpredictable, and advertisers can take away their
support at any moment. I relate a lot to this sentiment, it's the reason why I
created a personal site afterall. I think that it's interesting how much better
they handled launching their own streaming platform in comparison to Watcher
Entertainment, which only happened a few weeks before this launch.

↬ How the Internet Fell Out of Love With Sia created by Kayla Says: I was a huge
Sia fan from 2015-2019ish. Her music honestly meant a lot to me in high school,
and This is Acting (+it's deluxe) got me through a lot of things. As a child I
think I was enamored by the theatrics Sia would put on with her music, all while
hiding her face with giant bows and wigs. Like most other people, I fell off the
Sia train in 2020 with the release of her movie Music, and it's ill informed
portrayal of autism. The way she reacted to the critism she rightfully earned
was what dulled the sparkle her music had for me. This video helped me with
reflecting on some of Sia's earlier career with new eyes. I didn't even know
that Sia actually released new music May of this year, and I think that speaks
volumes as to how her popularity has dwindled.

↬ Alexa Nikolas: The Dark Side of Online Activism created by Square Ruth: A
video that caught my interest because of the Quiet on Set documentary. It's
upsetting and horrible what happened to Nikolas, activism gets messy when money
is involved. Yes, as a survivor, she doesn't owe anyone anything. But she hides
behind this whenever she receives legitamate critisim. I think Alexa's voice and
message could be powerful, but her making herself the "face" of this movement
never completely sat right with me.

↬ Cars are getting dumber created by Drew Gooden: Something I put on in the
background while getting ready for the day. I'm not really interested in cars,
but I love having more reasons to hate Elon Musk.

↬ I Spent 200 Days Undercover as a Furry created by Anthony Po: I threw this on
while shopping at Sam's Club. I was intrigued. When Anthony was willing to get
down naked, that's when I knew that he was willing to do anything for whatever
his 2026 video will be. It appears I watched this after some party footage was
cut out, and honestly for good reason.

↬ I Faked An Alien Invasion In Florida created by Anthony Po: Another video by
Anthony. I clicked this video because I initially thought that he was behind the
"Miami Mall" incident. I was a little dissappointed to find out that he wasn't,
but his entire alien invasion prank was hilarious. He may not have convinced the
news outlets that there was an alien invasion, but he convinced Moistcr1tikal
that he got a picture with Pedro Pascal, and that alone gets a gold star from
me.

↬ Getting Meta with JARVIS JOHNSON created by Anthony Padilla: My favorite
online creator is Jarvis Johnson, without a doubt. It's silly and I try not to
have parasocial relationships with creators that I enjoy, but I've been watching
Johnson since I was a high school senior and it's been really amazing seeing how
far he's come.

↬ The History of Blingees created by Izzzyzzz: I feel like I've see Blingees
around for as long as I've been on the internet. I never made any myself, but I
LOVED them at their peak. Kuleshova's passion for blingees is so adorable and
touching, her story was unexpected but I loved hearing about it.

↬ She's a Dangerous Stalker: Fiona Harvey's First Alleged First Victim Speaks to
Piers Morgan created by Piers Morgan: I watched this because I found Baby
Reindeer a compelling watch, and wanted to learn more about Harvey's first
victim. This interview was unintentionally a great sequel to the Netflix series.
I am wishing all of Harvey's victims peace during this time.

↬ Dramageddon 2...What Happened? and the SECRETS of dramageddon 2... created by
Adam McIntyre: Some videos that I watched to pass time in long car rides during
my trip abroad. I don't have a lot to say other than this drama was stupid. It
was fun to watch these in a reflective way, but I wouldn't have watched these if
I didn't have long trips to burn time on.

↬ The Ozempic Olympics: Hollywood is Ruining Our Health created by D'Angello
Wallace: A video essay about the current Ozempic craze and how it's ruining our
view on health. I can't say I learned anything new from this video because of
the research I've done on Ozempic on my own, but I'm glad that Wallace dedicated
some time to discussing how Ozempic is a genuine drug that some people to need
to manage their conditions, and that not everyone who takes it is doing so to
lose weight.

↬ Judge Steve Harvey Is Still Terrible created by Jarvis Johnson! GOLD a.k.a
Jarvis Johnson: I do not care about Steve Harvey. However, I do care about
clowning on Harvey when he pretends to be a lawyer. I loved listening to Lolo
and Olay's takes on Harvey's court especially.

↬ do creators destroy companies? created by Swell Entertainment: A video by
Swell about the effects of negative product reviews on Youtube and whether
creators truly have the power to simply tank companies with their influence
alone. In my opinion, if a single negative review manages to be enough to bring
an entire company down alone, the answer is probably no. Let the records state
that I watched this video when it was temporarily titled "Are creators destroy
companies".

↬ they're building another titanic created by 2 Danny 2 Furious a.k.a Danny
Gonzalez: Billionaires will recreate a tragic historical event before developing
a moral compass.

↬ I found out I have ADHD. created by JaidenAnimations: Watched this video as I
was falling asleep. Don't think I have ADHD myself, but enjoyed listening a
creator I like's perspective of being newly diagnosed with it.

↬ Into The Muppet Joker's Twisted Mind created by STRANGE AOENS: There is
nothing that could've prepared me for the contents of the video. I actually put
watching this video off because I thought it was just going to be a video about
some Muppets drama on tumblr, but it ended up being about some drama that I
would've never been able to concoct myself in my wildest dreams. The horse drama
of it all?? Unparalelled.

↬ deleting social media to focus on my own life created by aaliyah inspired: A
video that I decided to watch to justify my decision to spend less time on
social media. I found the creator's perspective interesting because she's a
social media creator herself, so if anyone would have a reason to spend more
time online it'd be her. A sentiment from this video I really agreed with was
feeling overstimulated with all the influences and opinions to where I didn't
even know myself anymore.

↬ How Precure Changed Magical Girls Forever created by Hayden the Historian: The
Canadian dub of the original Precure franchise was my first anime, and it's a
franchise that I hold near and dear to my heart. I kind expected this video to
be an analysis of the the characters of Futari Wa, but enjoyed learning about
the creators and why they made the particular choices they did while concepting
the OG Precure.

↬ I Finally Read Colleen Hoover ... created by SAVY WRITES BOOKS: I only chose
to watch this because I had a long car ride and needed something that filled the
silence. Hoover sucking as an author isn't new to me as someone who runs
adjacent to writing circles. I hate reading trash books but I love listening to
educated writers and editors tear apart trash book. I find myself agreeing with
Savy that this book could've been more profound if it was advertised as a book
about an abusive relationship rather than a romance.

↬ you might not need therapy, just an adult hobby created by Alyxandria Ang: As
an adult not currently in therapy, I am always a sucker for things that might
help with my mental health that does not have anything to do with spending
thousands of dollars to talk to someone. I agreed with a lot of the points in
this video! There really is something really cool in giving yourself permission
to fail and be bad at something without any pressure. It's made me realize that
website development has become my adult hobby, and my mental health has improved
a lot since starting this hobby.

↬ is living on a cruise ship the move? created by 2 Danny 2 Furious a.k.a. Danny
Gonzalez: Believe it or not, the concept of just...living on a cruise ship is
actually something that I've thought about before. Although I didn't ask to have
this question answered, I'm happy to learn about why living on a cruise ship
might not actually be a good move.

↬ A writer named KIM CHI got caught pretending to be Asian… because she wanted a
literary agent created by Withcindy: As an asian person, why anyone would
willingly fake being asian is SO beyond me. Is faking one's race ever worth it
just to book a literary agent or get a book deal? To what I know, not really!
How she thought she'd be able to get away with this is beyond me!

↬ Cursed Old Commercials created by 2 Danny 2 Furious a.k.a. Danny Gonzalez: I
don't have a lot to say about this video other than why were old commercials so
cursed, LOL.

↬ When Did Conspiracy Theories Get So Crazy? created by Kurtis Conner: Maybe
it's just the circles that I run in, but I feel like the topic of conspiracy
theories has really made a resurgance in the media recently. A fun video deep
diving into a couple of these such theories.

↬ Charli XCX Does Recess Therapy created by Recess Therapy: Recess Therapy as a
show always warms my heart, and I was very excited to watch an episode with one
of my favorite musicians present! The girl who laughed manically is a true party
girl.

↬ Instagram Dog Breeders Need To Stop created by Izzzyzzz: I don't know a lot
about dogs and dog breeding (didn't grow up with pets), but I've always loosely
been aware of how problematic drog breeders can be. My favorite kinds of videos
are ones that go down deep, deep rabbitholes about random things that catch the
creator's eye. Hearing about weird alpha-male-ification of the bulldog breed is
not something I could've predicted.

↬ A Vtuber Convention Broke Me created by Swell Entertainment: A video where
Swell discusses her experiences at a Vtuber convention. Title is kind of
clickbait because she was already exhausted, it wasn't the convention itself
that broke her.

↬ Smoking is Awesome created by Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell: The clickbait title
worked on me. Incredibly cheeky how this video started out sounding so positive,
but ended on such a sour note. I'm not a smoker, and will never be a smoker if I
can help it, but I found the way this video delivered this PSA incredibly
intriguing.

↬ Reviewing Every Mental Illness created by JREG: I clicked this video out of
pure curiousity as a psychology degree holder. Obviously this video is not
serious at all, sometimes it's good to make fun of how ridiculous and silly some
mental illnesses are.

↬ I didn't listen to music for 3 months (a science experiment) created by
Lrnjulie: I clicked on this video because in the past I had watched her video I
deleted all my social media and made a website. and was interested in this
"experiment" from her_. _I personally wouldn't say that I suffer from a music
addiction, but I do have a habit of relying on playing Youtube in the background
as I do other things. It's something that I've been rotating around in my mind a
lot actually— recently I've been becoming aware of the negative impact it's been
having on me to divide my attention between something playing in the background
and doing something in front of me. It has felt less like entertaining myself
while doing mundane tasks and more like avoiding my own thoughts. The things
that Lauren said about her mind becoming clearer after a month or two without
music really made me want that for myself.

↬ If you can give me 20 minutes of your attention, I'll give you hours back.
created by Josh Czuba: After the previously mentioned Lrnjulie video, I was
reccomended this one. I have to agree with the top commenter's sentiments of
"This video feels like it would be in a movie where all humanity's been
possessed by social media and you're the last sane person trying to save the
planet". Czuba's words about how we did not choose to live in the most
stimulating, overwhelming time of human history ended up meaning a lot to me,
and helped me forgive myself for having an internet addiction in the first
place. Would 100% reccomend to anyone struggling right now with feeling
overwhelmed and overstimulated by the internet.

↬ Nasty Cooking created by Jarvis Johnson GOLD! a.k.a Jarvis Johnson: A "junk
food" video that's mostly about ragebait TikTok content. Sometimes it feels
great to get mad over something stupid and pointless.

↬ Influencers are Going Broke created by WURLD: Nothing I didn't already know
about the reality of influencing, but whenever I feel the itch to quit my
current career path and pick up influcing, I watch a video essay about how it's
all a scam. My biggest fear in life is a lack of stability in finances, so even
if I was an influencer I'd need to have a normal job on the side.

↬ MrBeast's Website Is So Creepy created by Scott Is Struggling a.k.a Scott
Cramer: A video about Mr.Beast's website and how Youtube stats work. Really
appreciate Cramer's transparency with how things on the analytics side of
Youtube work in this one.

↬ Internet Loneliness and Loss of Community created by Shanspeare: A pleasant
video essay on how the internet has developed over the years and how it's
managed to affect our sense of community. I don't have much to say beyond "the
internet both helps and hurts us". There are so many things in my life that
would not have been possible without the internet, but at the same time I feel
like some of my mental illnesses I had when I was younger wouldn't have been as
heighted without the internet.

↬ The Risks of Fast Fame created by Swell Entertainment: Like the title
suggests, a video about how fast fame can be dangerous on a person's psyche.
Swell primarily uses Chappell Roan's rapid rise to fame as an example for her
thesis. Found myself agreeing with a lot she had to say.

↬ Whatever Happened to Profile Customization? created by Randy Moon: A video
essay about profile customization and how it's evolved over the years. It's not
anything I didn't know already, but I am happy everytime I see a video that
talks about it. I just miss when the internet was more diverse than it is now.
The more that people talk about how much customization has been taken away from
us, the more likely that people are going to take steps to diversify the
internet again.

↬ "Personal Style" Discourse! Should We Drop Aesthetic Labels & Micro-Trends? |
Internet Analysis created by Tiffany Ferg: A video about personal style and
micro trends. The concept of a collective loss of a personal style is so strange
to me. Honestly, I think that people need to just get back in touch about what
it is they like about the clothing they love. Back when I was more active on
social media, I remember the strange dichotomy of wanting to be the most unique
while also fitting in with current trends. Realizing that there was no way to
win and that I should just wear what I like and curate my wardrobe around that
is what finally finally broke me out of the mob mentally of micro trends.

↬ why don't i weigh the same as i did at 16? created by Nicole Rafiee: Something
that I've been thinking about a lot lately is why I don't weigh the same as I
did at 16. The last time I went to India before this summer was when I was 16
years old, so it's been really hard to avoid comparing the way I look now versus
how I looked back then. This video served as a nice reminder that I'm just
growing up.

↬ The Real Martha and Richard Gadd's Questionable Past created by Kat Blaque:
Another video I clicked on because I enjoyed watching Baby Reindeer. I'm not a
fan of how the person coming forward shits on people with cluster B
personalities. I don’t think that she needed to pathologize him at all. All that
being said, it doesn't excuse Gadd's chaser behavior and the role that he played
in this situation.

↬ I Investigated the Frozen Yogurt Craze of 2010 created by Sam Reid: I love
frozen yogurt, and honestly I prefer it over ice cream. One of the defining
moments of my senior year of high school is when my local favorite frozen yogurt
shop became a vape shop. Watching this video felt like healing a wound that I
didn't know I had. I predict that in 10ish years we will see videos similar to
this one about cookie places such as Crumbl and Insomnia Cookies.

↬ The Freaky Origin of the Limbless Anime Girl | Bad Art History created by
scumbagovich: Unironically, this art was one of my favorite reaction images to
use when the situation called for it. I am unsurprised that it's origins are
less than wholesome. A short but sweet(bitter?) history of the viral image and
how it came to be.

↬ The Curious Case Of Caroline Carr | Video Essay created by CalDoesLife:
Haven't been active on TikTok for a long time, but one of the creators that I do
remember from the time that I was is Caroline Carr. A summary of some of her
controveries, doesn't cover everything because I definetly remember some that
weren't mentioned in this video, LOL.

↬ The Rise And Fall Of The "Buzzfeed Gay" created by Queen Coke Francis: Yes, I
did click this video because of the Chappell Roan reference. I, like many other
people my age, used to think that working for Buzzfeed would be the "dream" job.
Around the time I first realized that I was sapphic, I remember binge watching a
bunch of Buzzfeed videos about queer topics. Interesting analysis of capitalism
and how it ruins everything it touches.

↬ I (Politely) Infiltrated A Conservative Dating App created by Queen Coke
Francis: A surprisingly wholesome look into a wasteland. I was somewhat familiar
with _The Right Stuff before watching this video. _It's fascinating how bigots
can be some of the nicest people you meet, as long as you don't identify as one
of the minorities that they hate.

↬ I Fact-Checked Roseanne Barr (With Her Own Book) created by Queen Coke
Francis: I actually had no idea who Rosanne Barr was before her strange
conservative descent. I had no idea that she even had a book out. I could hardly
believe how poignant some of the passages from Barr's book were. It
just...really shocked me that someone with such endearing takes on womanhood,
motherhood, and all other things could write the material that she writes today.

↬ I Watched Every FOX News Stand-Up Special So You Don't Have To created by
Queen Coke Francis: Chose to watch this one after watching the previously
mentioned Roseanne Barr video. What I got from this video is that comedy needs
to figure out a way to stay in the middle. Comedy that panders to a particular
political group is cheap and overdone for a quick "hot-take" laugh. A good comic
needs to be able to piss everyone off at some point and make people laugh at
things they might not necessarily agree with.

↬ performative cleanliness & the hygiene olympics created by WURLD: Ive always
been a bit insecure about my hygeine habits, and the hygeine olympics playing
out on social media right now certainly has not helped. As a person paranoid
about their hygeine habits, I think the main issue I have about this whole
debate is that people assume that your state of cleanliness says something about
you as a person. In reality, it's a temporary state of being and people
shouldn't be given a value judgement based on that. I will be considering
watching Shanspeare's The Downfall of "Anti-hygeine" Influencers later.



ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ Misc. Media

Miscellaneous things I consumed this quarter that I want to log and share that
don't fit in any other category. Includes but is not limited to: documentaries,
short comics, essays, and articles.

↬ Brandy Hellville & the Cult of Fast Fashion directed by Eva Orner: Watched
this because I saw people online talking about it. To be honest, I can't say
that I learned anything new— growing up I was always too big to fit into Brandy
clothes, so the store has always kind of been on my shitlist. I'm very rarely a
hater but I love being a justified hater. I'm happy to have some facts and a
documentary to point back to my hatred.

↬ Lead Balloon by Stillindigo: It's been a while since I've felt suicidal, and
even longer since I last seriously made plans. But thinking back to the time of
my life I was, this comic was extremely relatable. At the time, suicide really
did feel like this: a lead balloon. Heavy but always there.

↬ Maintenance created by Crvptozoology: In this short comic, Bravely addresses
the question, "what if a robot liked it (in a sexual way) when their creator
performed upkeep on them and they were both girls???". I really loved the way
intimacy is depicted in a non-conventional way. The robot recognizing what they
felt as a "bug" but not wanting said "bug" fixed is really sweet.

↬ A Short Comic by Meowzanin33: A short comic on colorism and accepting your
culture and appearance. Hit close to home as a darker-skinned Indian.

↬ Lesbian Grief by thehideoutt: I related to this short comic a lot. I first
started identifying as bisexual when I was 13 and realized I like women, but
reidentified as a lesbian when I was 16 and realized I had no interest in men at
all. I don't relate to the idea of losing my purpose as a woman by accepting my
sexuality, but I have had to grieve things in my life due to my sexuality.
Rather than grieving for myself, I grieve the loss of the future my parents
wanted for me.

↬ What Fanfiction Reveals About Society written by Daughter of Bilitis:
Impulsive read while I was in the salon waiting for my mom to finish a
mani/pedi. I honestly wasn't born with the "fangirl" gene; my last serious
"fandoms" were MLP:FiM, the Dangan Ronpa franchise, and Steven Universe until I
was about 16. I've never really felt inclined to consume fanwork of media I'm
interested in unless it was fan art, so I never related to people who were into
reading fanfiction. There's nothing wrong with it of course, just not my thing!
Because of this, I found an analysis of what fanfiction reveals about society
really intriguing because it's honestly a world completely foreign to me.

↬ Influenced created by Soph: A good representation of how social media
contributes to fast fashion and consumerism. It's embarassing for current me to
admit, but when I was in high school, I was a "niche internet microcelebrity". I
spent a lot of time thinking about how to continue growing my platform and
becoming popular enough that I could escape (what I perceived as) my mundane
reality and live a life of fame and popularity. Thankfully I never shopped my
way into any kind of debt to build a new wardrobe, but throughout those years I
was mentally stripping myself of any kind of individuality I had, and I felt
this idea represented within this short film. I see a lot of comments compare he
creator's art style to Vewn.

↬ Ms. Mae's Doctors Office | Digital Horror Short created by Inky: A short film
inspired by those really weird girlsgogames doctor flash games and Lacey's
Wardrobe. I liked the art style a lot, and the shift from a "toony" artstyle to
a more "realistic" artstyle when things start to get serious. An interesting
representation of how doctors feel when dealing with child abuse care.

Tags: media roundup
05 August 2024


MEDIA ROUNDUP: Q1 2024

Throughout my time on the independent web, I've seen a lot of people have pages
dedicated to things they've read, songs they've listened to, or games they've
played. I've always wanted to do something similar on my site at some capacity,
but my perfection kept getting to me. How do I categorize the media that I
consume? Do I create a seperate layout for each page? What if I read something
like an online article that I have thoughts about that I wish to share, where
does it go because it's technically not a book? Would I have to create a
seperate page and layout for articles I read too now? I spend a lot of time
watching video essays. How do I share those?

I'm not sure why I didn't realize I could create blog posts inspired by a media
diary post from a blog that I follow to serve as periodical media logs earlier!

The form of media that I'm into very much depends on the time of year and what
other things I have going on in my life at the time; for example I've been in
college this first quarter of 2024 and have been completely burnt out of reading
for pleasure at the time of writing this. It becomes a lot less mentally taxing
not have to worry about consistently having sparse, unupdated pages or redundant
layouts on my site. I feel like I can focus on just getting down my thoughts
about the things I consume, which is what I wanted in the first place. On a
personal level, one of the ways that I reflect back on my life is through the
media that I was consuming at a particular time, so having it all
chronilogically grouped feels natural to me. I tend to get through media very
slowly compared to others, so I believe that posting media roundups every 3ish
months is the most managable for me and makes the most sense for the way that I
operate.

This first round up is obviously a bit late because I figured out it's
formatting and structure a little more than two-thirds into the first quarter of
2024, and is subject to edits as I randomly think about things and go: "oh yeah!
I did read this short comic/play this game/watch this movie/etc. back in
January/Feburary/March 2024, wanted to share some thoughts about it but didn't
have a place to at the time.

General spoiler warning for everything that I choose to write about! I don't
want to have to censor my feelings writing my media round ups.



ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ Books

Books that read this quarter either physically or through audiobooks.

Not a lot of reading these months because all of the focus I have for reading
goes towards reading my school textbooks ://) haha

↬ I'm Glad My Mom Died written by Jennette McCurdy (Reread): Originally read
this book summer of 2022, decided to come back to it after watching the Quiet on
Set documentary. My heart hurt for McCurdy just as much if not more this time
around. This book is a very candid account on the abuse McCurdy suffered at the
hands of her narcissistic mother and how it became a part of her acting career.
I never watched iCarly growing up yet enjoyed this memoir, so I certainly don't
feel like knowledge of her acting history or her as a person are necessary to
enjoy this book. I appreciated her sense of humor and wit while recounting her
objectively traumatic life. I pray that McCurdy makes more from this book than
Nickelodeon could’ve ever offered with their hush money, and she is able to
pursue a fruitful writing career.



ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ Games

Games that I experienced this quarter either by playing them myself or watching
let's players.

↬ Monster Parlor developed by MetaphysicalMonsters: I loved the unique designs.
Beauty is pain.

↬ Welcome to the Karoshi Club developed by Kamishibai Interactive: This story
follows Kenji Haishima, a former game developer trying to find a new job in our
dystopian society. Reminds me heavily of Junji Ito vibes. Finding a job that
won't exploit you these days is hard.

↬ Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective developed by Capcom: The story follows Sissel,
an amnesiac ghost with supernatural powers, and his journey to rediscover his
identity. I was super young the first time that this game was released, so this
was my first time playing it. The early 2010s vibes it gave me were incredibly
nostalgic. The puzzles were fun and I was not expecting the ending at ALL.

↬ Fia's Night Out developed by ArcadeKitten: Fia sneaks out to get what she
wants and everything is normal. This game is ncredibly short but it's very
sweet. I'm interested in seeing how it connects with the rest of the overarching
ArcadeKitten lore...

↬ Buckshot Roulette developed by Mike Clubmika: I was obsessed with this game
for like a week. I watched multiple different Let's Players play this game just
because I was so intrigued by how different people would approach playing this
game. There's not much of a story behind it, I just enjoy the strategy and
whimsy behind this game.

↬ Open House Simulator developed by Corpsepile: In this economy? A good price
for a house...just kidding! If you play, make sure to have the volume up.

↬ Thirsty Suitors developed by Outerloop Games: I watched Materwelonz play
through this game, and I'm glad that I did. The story follows a young woman
named Jala as she navigates a recent relationship break up and is haunted by her
several exes. I was a big fan of the casual lgbt Indian representation in this
game, and will probably be one of my favorites for this reason.

↬ Poppy Playtime Chapters 1-3 developed by Mob Entertainment: I literally only
consumed this because DanandPhilGames played this. Surprisingly, I'm actually a
big fan of the overarching story. I'm not a fangirl for it by any means, but
I'll probably keep tuning in.



ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ Movies

Movies that I watched these past few months.

↬ Bottoms directed by Emma Seligman: I started a Kat Blaque video reviewing this
movie not thinking that I was going to watch it, heard her refer to it as
"Lesbian Fight Club" and immediately clicked out of her video to go watch the
film for myself (Sorry Blaque...I came back to watch your review after watching
Bottoms though!) and enjoyed it throughly.



ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ Podcasts

Podcasts that I listened to this quarter, whether it be me tuning in weekly or
just listening to a singular episode because the topic interested me.

↬ A Bit Fruity with Matt Berstein: I was previously aquanited with Matt Berstein
through their Instagram social activism posts, so when a podcast episode of
thiers popped up on my reccommended I decided to give them a listen. Matt gives
a very calm energy in all of their epidodes, and I'm a fan of all the guests
that are brought on.

↬ Two Hot Takes: My guilty pleasure podcast. I am too lazy to spend time on
Reddit myself so I love that there is someone out there to do the curating and
reading them out loud for me.

↬ Very Really Good Podcast: I am a proud citizen of Kurtistown, so of course I
will listen to my mayor yap. I put this on in the background when I don't want
to be sitting in complete silence, but also don't want a podcast I need to
deeply be paying attention to. I have no idea how this man sustains a podcast
all by himself.

↬ The BCC Podcast: I was a fan of Sarah Schauer and Brittany Broski's Violating
Community Guidelines back when it was a thing, so imagine how thrilled I was to
discover it's spiritual successor. To be honest, I think I prefer the BCC Club's
vibes more because of the two hosts being lesbians. I don't really have the time
to do deep dives on random internet topics like I used to, so I'm happy to have
a podcast that does it for me.

↬ Sad Boyz: My favorite podcast ever. I first discovered it back in 2019 as a
senior in high school because I enjoyed Jarvis Johnson's videos, and wanted to
hear more from him. This podcast was the first time I heard someone speak about
their immigration struggles and how their life always felt like it was in limbo,
and it was the first time that I felt seen. Emotional pervert for life

↬ Do We Know Them: I started watching this podcast after ditching H3 because I
wanted a podcast that I could listen to about internet drama without them being
zionists. I love Jessi and Lily, and the energy and care they bring to the
subject matter they cover.



ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ Television

Television shows that I watched this quarter.

↬ Percy Jackson and the Olympians (Seasons 1): I actually never read the
original books that this series was based on, but I wanted to watch this because
a lot of my childhood friends did and I wanted to feel included. Because I don't
have the original books to compare them to, I don't feel some of the levels of
dissappointment that OG fans might.

↬ Yellowjackets (Seasons 1-2): I decided to watch this because lesbians. An
incredible mix of mystery, suspense, horror and comedy rolled into one shoe.
There are times that the characters frustrate me, but I have to remember that
I'm not a teenage girl anymore so their actions won't always make sense to me. I
love the fact that they jump back and forth between the teenage versions and
adult versions of the characters.

↬ Fleabag directed by Phoebe Waller-Bridger: A filterless woman navigates life
and love in London. I was convinced to watch this show because of a Youtube
Short where fleabag confesses to wanting to fuck a priest...I meana, how could I
_not _after that? A very unique show and one of the best ones that breaks the
fourth wall.

↬ Hazbin Hotel directed by Vivienne Medrano: To be honest, I only watched this
because my family has an Amazon Prime account and I wanted to be able to
understand some memes about it on the internet, it's not something that I
would've been inclined to watch otherwise. It was okay. I didn't hate it but I
didn't love it either. The art style isn't the most appealing to me, and it
feels like the dialouge was written by a teenage edgelord. I don't think the
show needs to necessarily become "family friendly" persay, but it would come off
a lot more developed if it leaned into the darker aspects a bit more to give the
story more depth. The setting is Hell after all! On the positive side, I did
enjoy the music. I will probably tune in to watch season 2 if/when it releases
because I am curious to see how things further develop. Also, I relate to
Charlie a little too much for my liking.

↬ Avatar the Last Airbender: The Legend of Korra (2014) created by Michael Dante
DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko (Rewatch): I chose to rewatch this because I felt
the intense urge see my girlfriend (Korra) again. The first time I watched this
show I was 17, and it hits so much harder as an adult.



ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ Youtube Videos

Youtube videos that left an impact on me in some way, shape, or form that I'd
reccommend to others. I put on a lot of Youtube in the background while I am
doing other things so it'd be impossible for me to list every video I watched,
but these are the ones I have things to say about.

↬ The Sims 2 Castaway: The Weirdest Sims Spinoff Game created by Izzzyzzz: I
didn't grow up watching the Sims, so I'm always intrigued by any type of Sims
retrospective.

↬ That Time Tumblr Invented Its Own Genders created by Strange Aeons: I was
pretty young when MOGAI was more "in vogue", so it was interesting to hear about
it from somebody that was actually old enough to understand what was happening
in that era.

↬ The Sudden Disappearance of PBS kids Sprout created by Lulaloopsey: As someone
who has been trying to figure out where "Sprout" dissappeared I was thrilled to
find this video. Again, thankful that someone else did the research for me and
compiled it into an easy to digest YouTube video.

↬ The Tragic Tale of Just Pearly Things created by J Aubrey: If Pearl has zero
haters I'm dead.

↬ The Scandal That Rocked the Fishing Boat World created by Grayson's Projects:
There is nothing that could've prepared me for what this video was actually
about. I love hearing about mundane drama that I have no stakes in.

↬ What the New Twitch Meta is Actually Revealing created by Kuncan Daster:
Honestly I'm not active on Twitch so I'm not familiar with the Twitch "culture",
but I had fun watching someone analyze it.

↬ Kurtis & Dean: Always a Looming Apology created by Kuncan Daster: My mayor was
involved, so I wanted to hear about what was going on.

↬ A Very Deep Dive into Shifting created by Strange Aeons: Absolute banger from
Strange Aoens. The topic of shifting has always fascinated me because I've
always just thought of it as intricate lucid dreaming, but this video dives much
deeper.

↬ I lost my cat and found him 6 YEARS LATER...but now it's too late. (a story of
letting go) created by Outer Edge Outpost (Isaac Marion): A story about love and
loss. I'm not crying, you are.

↬ I Quit Social Media and Created a Website created by Lauren Julie: I think
that it’s important to share perspectives from people who didn’t necessarily
find joys in website building through Neocities. I like how...offline this video
feels.

↬ The Subversive Power of the Lesbian Cheerleader created by Rowan Ellis: I love
femme lesbians! I love when we subvert hetero norms!

↬ WEIRD Christian Knockoffs of American Girl Dolls created by SAVY WRITES BOOKS:
I didn't grow up with American Girl dolls, so I watched this video as an
outsider looking into this world. Incredibly fascinated by the number of people
who thought they could do American girl dolls "better" but instead ended up
doing it worse.

↬ "I never thought I'd fall for a scam, but..." created by SAVY WRITES BOOKS:
This entire story was a trip from begginning to end.

↬ The Rise Of Frutiger Aero created by Izzyzzz: Recognized this style, never
knew it had a name. It makes me sad to think about how optimisic we were about
the future of technology before, lol.

↬ YouTubers Need to STOP Promoting BetterHelp created by The Kavernacle: The
more I learn about BetterHelp the more I am disgusted by them.

↬ Is this author's husband trashing her novel on Goodreads? Maybe, but there's a
bigger problem here. created by With Cindy: I love goodreads drama.

↬ Rich Girl Allowance Simulator: The Shopaholic Games created by Li Speaks:
These games were my childhood!

↬ The Most Cursed Section of GirlsGoGames created by Li Speaks: To be honest I
don't really remember this section of GGG, but I'm glad a retrospective was made
on it.

↬ Consuming Content is NOT a hobby... ? created by Naomi Cannibal: A good
reminder that content sonsumption is not a hobby!! We are more than the things
we consume!!



ʚɞ ⁺˖ ⸝⸝ Misc. Media

Miscellaneous things I consumed this quarter that I want to log and share that
don't fit in any other category.

↬ Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV (2024) directed by Mary Robertson:
Words cannot describe how much of a gutpunch this entire docuseries was. I
actually never watched any of the shows mentioned, funnily enough because my mom
found them inapropriate for me to watch, but Nick was still a big part of my
childhood through their cartoons. To a certain extent I've always been aware
that the acting industry was throughly corrupt and vile especially for children,
but some of the things this docuseries brought to life were things that I could
not have ever concocted in my wildest dreams.

Tags: media roundup
17 May 2024


DO I CONTRADICT MYSELF? VERY WELL THEN I CONTRADICT MYSELF, (I AM LARGE, I
CONTAIN MULTITUDES.)


⊹ ࣪ ˖ ꒰ঌ CURRENTLY... ໒꒱ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

Mood: Accepting

Weather: Mostly Cloudy

Listening to: "So American" by Olivia Rodrigo

Reading: The Premed Playbook Guide to the Medical School Personal Statement:
Everything You Need to Successfully Apply by Ryan Gray

Watching: The Legend of Korra: Book Two: Spirits

Playing: Nothing (...Pokemon Go? Neopets?)

Drinking: Iced Caramel Latte

Perfume: Sweet Tooth by Sabrina Carpenter layered with Midnight Amber Glow by
Bath and Body Works



(Title references this poem.)

Feeling yourself grow up and change is so strange. Whenever I notice something
different about myself, even if it's just the accumulation of a bunch of small
changes finally making a bigger difference in my life, it feels so alien. When I
become aware of a "shift" in who I am and what I value in life, my immediate
feeling is discomfort. It really sucks that this is my gut reaction because more
often than not, the changes that I notice are positive and serve to enrich my
life. I think I just don't like change. It's not a matter of disliking not being
in control, because as I previously mentioned, it usually is a result of me
taking control that things change. I actually consider myself to be very
"go-with-the-flow" and adaptable when changes occur as a result of other people.
Part of it is because I've had to be, but regardless of why I'm like this I've
been told that I handle stress very well when things go awry due to external
influences. So why is it that when I start to crave exercising everyday, a goal
that I've been working towards for ages now, it makes my stomach sink?

I'm not diagnosed with anything that would make me neurodivergent, and will
never seek any diagnoses because of the implications it'd have on my life as an
already marginalized person. That being said, I find a lot of ADHD and autism
tips that get sprinkled across the internet to be extremely helpful. Something
that people with autism struggle with is "static thinking" or "black-and-white
thinking", and I find that this resonates a lot with how I think about myself. I
feel like I hear about "black-and-white thinking" a lot in regards to external
situations, but I personally struggle to see myself as a dynamic ever changing
organism. The monkey brain in me wants to perceive myself as a static person
that will stay consistent like a fictional character. But I'm not a fictional
character. I am not plot driven and two dimensional. I am influenced by the
world around me. For as long as I can remember, I've hated exercising, but now
that I've started to enjoy exercise (or how I feel after I exercise), it fills
me with a feeling of malaise because who I am is changing. Now that I have some
semblance of why I feel this way, I'm trying to become okay with feeling the
initial discomfort, sitting with it, allowing my perception of self to change,
and proceeding on in my life healthier and happier.

When I started to spend more time by myself, I realized that I didn't really
know who I was and was dependent on other people to define who I am for me.
Honestly, I perceive that a lot of the world pities me and looks down on me.
Once all that noise disappeared I was forced to discover who I was, find parts
of myself that I was not fully aware of before, as well as find places that I
was lacking in that I'd like to develop more.

Something that I used to be really insecure about in the past was being "out of
the loop" of popular culture. Between being a child with niche interests and
having immigrant parents that I couldn't learn cultural references from via
osmosis, I often had no clue what my classmates or friends were referencing or
talking about. It seems like a really miniscule thing in hindsight, but at the
time I was already dealing with feelings of detachment from others, so my
inability to connect with others in this way made me feel awful. At the time,
there were many popular television shows that I hadn't watched because my mother
wouldn't allow me to, and many popular musicians I hadn't heard of because I
felt like I couldn't relate to liking their sound or lyrics. At that age, I
better related to anime characters in extremely exagerated fictionalized
environments and vocaloids that told elaborate stories through their songs
rather than listening to another pop song about heartbreak on the radio or
watching serious movies about social norms that I couldn't understand. At one
point, I became determined to no longer be an "outsider" in this regard, and I
became addicted to watching countless television shows and listening to music
from musicians that I didn't care about just to fit in. As a combination of my
addictive personality and desire to catch up socially, there was a time in my
life where I'd spend hours of my day wasting it on the internet just to make
sure that I knew everything about anything that I could, just so that on the off
chance that I was in a social interaction with someone, I wouldn't be ostracized
for not knowing about something. It was awful. I hated myself for it. Especially
because I know that if I was not living with my parents, I wouldn't have been
able to take care of myself sufficiently. I have a lot of interests, and a lot
of my interests have communities behind them: the personal/independent web,
jfashion (girly kei and lolita), vocaloid, youtubers, game dev, podcasters. Even
in my more niche interests, I didn't want to be "behind". I never wanted to be
behind. At some point, it got to the point where I wasn't completing the basic
things I needed to survive or get done. Luckily, because I lived with my
parents, I was always well taken care of, but there was always a gremlin in my
soul tugging away at me for not being a normal "functioning" person. In my head,
everyone was born into this world with a little handbook teaching them how to be
a functional and social human and mine never got delivered. So I've always been
behind, always been forced to try to catch up.

I was always afraid to even indulge in some of my interests online because I was
afraid of being seen as a "fake fan" of something if I didn't go "all the way"
for some of the things I loved like constantly attending livestreams, or running
and being an active fan account and being a good "mutual". I was perpetually
keeping myself in a state of misery because of my own toxic standards and need
to be everything to everyone. But it's impossible to be everything to everyone.
I thought that the only things being worth into is whatever's "popular", not the
things that I personally enjoyed. But the reality is, I work in seasons. I have
a lot of interests, and they ebb and flow, and modern social media and the
relationships that they cultivate do not allow space for that. People are
expected to "niche down" and I don't want that for myself. Although I don't
believe that modern social media is all bad, it's undeniable the effect it had
on my perception of people, relationships, and myself.

I sadly don't recall which Youtuber said this, but they talked about how
sometimes Youtubers who decide to quit the platform and pursue a "normal" job
sometimes feeling like they are "losing the game". But are they really losing
the game if they are quitting Youtube to pursue a career that is better for
them? Having social credit and being popular isn't everything, especially being
popular on the internet. It made me think about my mindset about having to feel
like I was caught up on everything. I realized that I really don't want to be
caught up on everything all the time. I used to believe that it was social media
feeds that were the problem— the ads, the lack of privacy, the algorithm, the
shortform content. In truth that was only part of the problem for me. I
discovered RSS, and subscribed to the RSS feeds of everything that I could, but
that only raised new problems for me. The longer I'd avoid my RSS feed, the more
unread feed items would appear. At some point, I was spending more time than I
was comfortable with just clearing my RSS feed reader. I wasn't even
meaningfully interacting with the content that was appearing on my RSS feed
anymore. It made me realize that I needed to let go of the feeling I've felt
since a young age to "catch up", even if it filled me with an initial feeling of
discomfort. I will never catch up. It is not possible to catch up because there
will always be an endless feed of content to consume. I have to redirect my
addictive tendencies elsewhere. I needed to let myself finally "lose the game":
achieving the unttainable goal that I had set up for myself when I was younger.
What I thought would make me happy (always being up to date on everything) was
not bringing me happiness and fufillment. So I finally let myself lose the game.
I want to use my completionist and perfectionism tendencies towards building a
better and more fufilling life for myself.

I have been redirecting my addictive tendencies to other places now. Rather than
allowing myself to become addicted to long form content like 2 hour long YouTube
video essays or the endless tiktok or twitter scroll, my hits of dopamine come
from completing tasks on my to-do list and doing small things to take care of
myself, including but not limited to my exercise goals. I've been channeling my
addictive tendencies into becoming invested in musicians and their
discographies. I have only been allowing myself to be sucked into the things
that serve me. Music is shorter than television shows or movies, and if I choose
to take a break from my work to listen to a song, it will only set me back in my
schedule a couple of minutes rather than setting me back 2 hours or giving me
task switching hangover. Music also is a way for me to connect with other
people, so I am still giving myself a way to be able to form connections with
others whether it's through bonding over enjoying the same musicians or being
able to introduce them to something new. I am able to listen to music while
doing other things (i.e. my eyes don't have to glued to the screen to understand
what's happening). I love being able to decipher the stories that musicians tell
through their music. It is also capable of putting me in the mood to do more of
the things I like: writing and art! In the past community wise, I was spending
so much time consuming other people's work for "inspiration" that I wasn't even
creating my own art anymore. It'd end up turning into doom scrolling, because
I'd start to make myself feel worse about not creating while also obsessing over
other's work. Ever since I started sourcing my validation from myself, I'm less
inclined to feel pressure to be active in communities of my interests in order
to make sure that people will interact with my content. I feel lighter and free.
It's a lot more fun for me to channel that obsessive energy into things that
I'll personally never be a part of like the music or movie industry. It hits a
little less close to home consuming these things, so I'm able to consume that
content without guilt. I don't feel lazy for scrolling instead of creating.
Instead, I bookmark the pages of artists and websites that I like, so that I can
choose to go visit on my own terms.

Maybe there are people out there who are able to be socially aware with the
happenings of the world, take care of themselves, while also being able to do
heavy brain things like keeping up with their school work. But I am not
naturally one of those people. I've learned what's important to me and what to
prioritize, and these things might not be the same for everyone. Accepting
myself where I am as who I am has greatly improved my quality of life. I don't
want to be the same person that I was when I was 16 years old. I want to grow
and change and blossom into the person I want to be, even if it brings me
discomfort due to change and letting go of things that were once important to
me. I want to accept that although I was not the best person in the past, I
simply did not have the resources and the experience to be the person that I am
today. I don't want to hate the past version of myself for having different
priorities than I do now; I want to accept myself growing and evolving, just as
humans are meant to do. I want to accept that as I gain more life experience, I
will change and I will have to get used to it. I want to accept that a "future
me" may contradict a "current me" and that's normal. I was not put on this Earth
to be popular or understood by people. I was put on this Earth to simply live.

Went through my old Tumblr blog from 2017-2018 and found this image that I had
tagged "mecore". I need to remind myself of this sometimes!

Tags: life updates
25 March 2024
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