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Text Content

EVERY STORY IS A BEGINNING

Life of a simple woman


I HOPE U HEAR MY SORROWS

September 23, 2010

Dear Baby,

The moment I had you inside me, I had loved you with all of my heart and my
life. You are probably almost 6 months inside me now, I don’t know, I lost
count. It’s not that I don’t bother, but I guess I think too much. I’m sorry for
not being a good mother. I didn’t take good care of us. I didn’t look after my
health, I stressed too much and I know all this is affecting you too. Mummy’s
terribly sorry.

Baby, I hope I could deliver you safely into this world, and hold you in my
arms. Hold you like I would never let go. Ever. I promise to love you till I
die, to cherish you and provide you with all the love and attention that you
need. And darling, I hope you would grow up loving me back. I’m not asking you
to repay my sacrifices, just your love as a son to his mother.

I promise when you are born, that I will do as much as I can to care for you
with my bare hands. I would not want to hand you over to anyone else, a mistake
which I did so far. No matter how difficult it is for me, I will make sure that
u grow up in front of me, with me nurturing you every single moment.

Sweetheart, as days goes by, I worry about how I’m going to overcome my
emotions. I felt so hurt. I’m sure you know that by now. You know, sometimes I
asked myself whether having you inside me causes your brother to be apart from
me. But when I think back, even when I had you in my early stages, I was still
loving him the same.

But baby, why do I have to suffer in silence after all that I’ve given? I don’t
know why I’m so badly affected. I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking of this
every single day. It’s either I feel sad, or I’m mad for what he did to me. I
know you feel my pain, cos whenever I had those tears in my eyes, you kicked
inside me. I thanked you for letting me know that you’re here with me.

It’s just that I feel so unfair. Me and your daddy was the one who took him in,
showered him with love, his needs, education, everything that a child could ever
ask for. Your brother has become a smart boy now. I’m sure you can always hear
how he talks. But my mistake was letting your grandma care for him.

Baby, you really should know this. That every parent wants the best for their
child. No matter how strict or disciplined mummy or daddy is, we want the best
for you. We disciplined your brother to be a better person, but what saddens me
is that he doesn’t know that we loved him. He prefers those who give in to him,
than those who love him as much. I hate to see when he knows how to work himself
around your grandma, letting them nod to his wants. I never want you to be like
that son. Any child, whoever he is with, would want to be with their mummy at
the end of the day. But I don’t understand why your brother doesn’t bother when
he sees me. Maybe it’s because he knows that I am not his mother. It’s ok
darling, mummy has already accepted this fact.

I never see it coming baby. I didn’t know that this day would come, the day when
your grandma would become his mother instead of me. I hate to see your brother
screaming or crying whenever your grandma’s not around. I felt so hurt whenever
your brother refused to have me shower him, feed him or put him to sleep.
Imagine my dear, how would mummy feel? Why baby? Why did your brother pushed me
away? I know I can’t be bothered with him anymore after what he did, but that’s
because I can’t help it. I can’t push my emotions too far. I don’t want to
affect you my dear. I needed to give you a chance too. You need a chance to see
this world, I shouldn’t pressure myself too much. I’m afraid of losing you. You
know how tired my body was when I had you in me, caring for your brother day and
night. But it’s all wasted now. I don’t blame the hormones anymore. He doesn’t
love me anymore. Only God knows how I’m feeling. That feeling that I wanted so
much to love him like I used to, but I’m so helpless now. He don’t need me.

I keep thinking baby, if only his parents could provide him with all the love, I
don’t have to go through this fate. Sometimes I think I made a mistake, or I’m
just foolish. But I knew I took him in with all of my heart, with all the love
that I could give. How more can I show it to him? You know baby, I used to
express my feelings like this to your brother. Hoping that he will read it one
day. But I think now, haizz…. I don’t know.

I promised myself, to love the both of you. I promised to be a good mother. I
promised that both of you will not be different in my eyes. But how can I keep
this promise when this is already happening? Sometimes baby, I feel that I’ve
failed. I’ve failed to be a mummy to your brother. That is the reason why, I
only pray that you will grow to love me back. As your mummy. Your real mummy.

Dear son, please understand how much I would go through, to prove my love for
you. I am waiting for the moment when I could raise you up by myself, and loving
you as much as I could. I’ve always wanted to be a good mother and I hope you
love me too.

For now sweetheart, I don’t know what our future holds. Even daddy cannot
understand what mummy is feeling. I don’t blame him, cos your grandma is his
mommy afterall. If it’s not  grandma whom your brother loves so much, maybe your
daddy could understand how mummy is feeling.  Maybe, just maybe, your daddy
could feel the lost that I feel.

Do understand dear son, I don’t hate your brother. I just feel hurt. I can only
pray for him from far. I’m not even sure if thing’s are going to be the same if
he’s still a part of us, but maybe I’m no longer a mummy to him anymore. I don’t
know dear. Mummy really don’t know how to face the future. My only hope is
having you with us soon. How I wish time could be a bit faster, so that mummy
can stay happy again loving you everyday for the rest of my life.

 

Love,

Your mommy

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »


THE COMPLICATED AND UNPREDICTABLE PART

September 7, 2010

Whatever that I blogged on my last post seems all sweet, lovey-dovey and so
nice. But maybe, just maybe, some of it is not how I feel anymore. I don’t wanna
blog bout it, but I’ll do it privately later for me to pour out my feelings.

I wanna talk bout my precious pregnancy here. Thank God I’ve entered halfway
into my pregnancy. Am at 20-22 weeks now I guess. Went for a checkup just now
but was upset cos the gynae did nt do a scan to let us see our baby. He only
lets us hear the heartbeat to make sure baby is okay, and then he writes a memo
for us to bring to the X-ray clinic somewhere in Aljunied also to have our full
antenatal scan.

But to my dismay, the clinic can only see us at 6pm which hubby cannot make it
as he has to work night. I was totally disappointed by then. But somehow hubby
got them to check if we can come tomorrow, and they agreed tomorrow it is. So
tmrw is the day we’re gonna see everything about our baby to check on its
gender, its limbs, organs, brain, every single thing to make sure baby is
normal. Insya’allah, I hope everything’s gonna be fine.

So far, baby has not been really active inside me but I understand why. I was
down with a very high fever for 3 days, that’s the second fever I had within a
month itself. The highest temperature was 38.5 degrees or more, and even if my
fever subsides, I will burn again the moment I fall asleep. Hubby has been sweet
enough to stay awake to take care of me the whole night even though he had to
work morning shift. Despite being so sick, I felt so bad and guilty for not
being healthy for my baby and also for being a burden to my husband.

But now, everything’s going back to normal and I hope it will lasts till I give
birth. So far, my 2nd trimester has been nothing but nausea, vomitting, fever,
back and bodyaches, literally every sickness that I escaped during my 1st
trimester. On top of that, there’s more….

I always stroke my tummy in a way to tell my unborn child that everything’s
gonna be okay. That we’re gonna make it together till the end. Really, I’ve
loved my baby like my life now, ever since I’ve lost that motherly role. I
really hope that when my baby is born, I could provide and nourish my child with
so much love that I’ve always wanted to. And I hope my baby will always
appreciate me as his/her mother. That’s the only thing I hoped for.

Till then, I will update again if I want to. If I feel like it. I don’t know
what else to blog about, what pictures to post. I’m not even sure if anybody
will read it. But who cares right? Blogging just makes you feel good after
pouring out what you need to say. Bye!

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »


2ND TRIMESTER

August 4, 2010

Hello lovelies! I have some time to spare today so I decided to do abit of
blogging. Actually I have alot of things to pen down in this blog of mine, but
since it has been days since I delayed blogging, I forgot now what I wanna blog
about.

Back to my pregnancy journey now, I am into my 2nd trimester already.
Alhamdulillah! I am currently at 14 weeks 4 days from what I counted. But not
sure if the next gynae appt is going to tell me a different count, cos that’s
what happened the other time. I am still feeling blessed and really thankful to
God for granting my prayers of having a life inside me.

So far, I am feeling less nauseous, except for some migraines and vomitting now
and then. The little one’s movements inside me is also more obvious as I can
feel it often. Not kickings as yet, but its’ fidgeting. Can’t wait for that
miracle moment when it would kick me. So baby, kick me REAL HARD soon aight! On
some days, I woke up feeling not pregnant, a smaller tummy and with no
movements. Those were the times which makes me worried much but I chose to think
positive and have faith that Allah will protect my baby in there. I hope He
gives me this responsibility of delivering this child into the world safely.
Insya’allah…

I am sometimes very very sad cos I am really very exhausted and worn out. Being
preggie for the 1st time, with a small kid to look after, on top of that working
every single day without any social life, I feel life’s been hard for me. I
cried at times at night, or whenever I tell my woes to hubby. I know that I have
to do my responsibilities, and maybe it was also due to Erwin that God decide to
answer my prayers. But on the other hand, sometimes I tell myself that I cannot
take it anymore. I do not have any rest time at all. Even on my off days…..TRUST
ME!!

Whatever it is, I will still continue to do my responsibilities as a mother to
Erwin and insya’allah in the future to the unborn child. I want to be a good
mother, and I would love to have a complete family. Some people ask why don’t me
n hubby give up taking care of Erwin since Im pregnant now? I just find it not
sensible enough to answer that. Cos one; Erwin is not a doll for me to own.
Secondly, he needs a parent’s love and guidance and lastly, we have loved him
and had put our heart to him in the very beginning. If someone has a motherly
instinct, u will know what I mean.

For now, I can’t wait for my next scan within these few days. We are always
excited to see our precious in there.  I don’t think I will put up the scan
pictures here yet cos I very the pantang one. So here’s another view of my
humongous tummy at only 3 mths.



“I promise to always love the both of you”

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »


A MOMENT TO REMEMBER

June 22, 2010

Hello lovelies! Its been some time hasn’t it? I’m gonna blog just a little today
due to a good news that Im gonna share. Some close friends and families have
already know the great news. But since I cannot tahan the urge to keep it low
any longer, its time to announce that……………….

I’M PREGNANT!!

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah….Thank God. Our praises to Allah for this precious
gift.

Just a moment ago I felt like giving up, I felt like my time will never come.
And it came so unexcpectedly.

There were many signs already showing itself day by day, but I chose to ignore
it. I chose not to think. First was the swelling of my breast which feels more
tender and sensitive as day goes by. This has never happen before, not even
during any of my menses, but I chose to brush it off.

Then came the complicated menses which came 2 wks apart from the last one. I was
grumbling to hubby that my menses is starting to be haywire again! The giveaway
part was when my menses didn’t came at all when it was due in May. I waited 2
wks plus before I decided to do a test. A day after our 2nd year anniversary, I
cannot hold the suspense any longer and decided to do a test.

I purposely hide the pregnancy test kits from hubby and make sure that I did the
test when hubby is not around. To me, even if there’s gonna be another
disappointment next, let me be the one feeling it and hubby does not need to
know. So the timing was right when that night, hubby decided to go to the shop
for awhile. I jumped on the opportunity with a racing heart. Macam nak terkeluar
jantung!

The next thing I knew, I almost blackout seeing the positive sign for the 1st
time. I ran all the way to my room to read the manuals on the box again for a
confirmation. God knows how bad I was shaking and crying myself out at that very
moment. I even did a second test even though I knew I don’t need to. When hubby
came back from the shop, I passed him the test kit( while crying and shaking).
He thought I saw a ghost in the toilet. Blunder! When he saw the positive sign,
he hugged me so tight and I know how relieved it is to feel that way. That will
be the most memorable moment for us ever.

The rest is history… Gynae confirmed that Im 6 wks plus preggie upon my 1st
checkup. That explains why I have problems every single day with Erwin. Why I
suddenly have weird cravings, why I always end up an emotional wreck lately….
didn’t expect it to be beyond happiness at last. We are so happy, very happy and
excited indeed. I am embracing this moment so preciously, praying every night to
keep my pregnancy safe and to keep the lil one in there safe. I am always very
worried, but I know its normal.

Please pray for us…. Thank u to those who have congratulate us, who have
suspected( very good willpower) and for those who are concerned. God bless u
all… Till then, here’s a sneek pic of the new journey for me…. *my throat
clenching eh typing these out. told u im an emotional wreck*.





Can’t wait for the second scan… Update again soon insya’allah.

Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments »


PROTECTED: PASSWORD: BIRTHDAY(DDMMYY)

May 14, 2010

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A REASON TO BLOG

May 4, 2010

Im back!!! Heh! I can only afford to post this once and then I will be gone
again till God knows when… Can’t help it but my shift pattern at the new job is
killing me. Im having a stagnant 6 days shift now with only 2 days off(
considering that the 1st off day is after my night shift), guess it’s not even a
complete 2 days. What to do… I have to work so be it.

First shoutout is a big CONGRATULATIONS to one of my babesy sweetheart Faeza! As
most of u now know, she is pregnant! The moment that I’m sure she and her hubby
had been waiting for after a very long time. Allah has blessed her with that
gift and happiness and I pray her well. Can’t wait for the big day… hehe! Babe,
I am so happy for u really and will always be here whenever you need me. Thank
you for meeting me up to break the news personally and for sharing the joy with
me.



Moving on, I guess I might just update a lil bit bout our last-minute Batam trip
with the in-laws. I finally got a 3 days off and since father-in-law wanted to
treat us, we packed our way to that shopping haven.



The rest of the Batam trip is uploaded on FB. So I don’t bother to upload here
ok. Time is precious lah.

Had an outing with my work colleagues after our team meeting on 28 April. It was
a blast having watched Bounty Hunter with them and had dinner at Sakura Downtown
East. Bounty Hunter should be rated 5/5 for its hilarious storyline. Go watch it
if u have not! Next on my list is the J-LO movie Back-Up Plan. That should be
worth my pennies too.



The whole lot of the Ladies in Pink. Nothing else matters since I got this job
cos I am so grateful that I got into this team with great kakis and colleagues.

Last but not least, I was invited last Sunday to a birthday party of Haziq and
Nadya(Aisah’s son and Lina’s daughter). They are my online blogger acquaintace
and somehow I decided to meet all of them for the very 1st time. I was kinda
nervous actually but it felt good having to meet online mates whom you only see
behind the screens and having small chats with familiar faces.



Me n Aisah with the lil ones. Lil Lya is so chubby than what I expected! And so
is Haziq!



The bloggers.com. They were a friendly bunch thus that made my trip worthwhile.
Didn’t manage to take pics with Duwi and some other familiar faces, but it was
great to see them in person. Thanks so much Aisah and Lina for having us there!

Till then, I gotta sleep now cos I have to give out some blood tmrw morning and
then off to work. See you when I see you again.

Signing off,

~Rina~

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »


CANNOT BELIEVE IT!

April 15, 2010

My elder brother was selected to be among the top-24 finalists of Anugerah Skrin
2010. My brother who don’t mix with Malays much, no many Malay friends and
seldom speaks Malay except at home.

OMG! Ada hidden talent pe abang aku?!

Posted in 1 | 2 Comments »


LETTING GO @ A CHEAPER PRICE

March 16, 2010


I GOTTA LET GO OF THESE ITEMS SO I’VE DECIDED TO SELL IT AT A MUCH CHEAPER
PRICE. KINDLY LEAVE A COMMENT OR EMAIL ME AT RINA_LOLITA86@LIVE.COM.SG IF YOU’RE
INTERESTED.


NOTE: MOST OF THESE ITEMS HAD NOT BEEN WORN BEFORE, UNLESS INDICATED. THE
CLOTHES STILL COMES WITH TAGS. ONE PIECE ONLY FOR EACH ITEM SO GRAB FAST!

  

  

  


MULTI MATCHING LACY COTTON LEGGING $7

Color:Grey
Size:(Only fits S-M) 
Waist: 66-80CM
Length: 90CM

Fabric: Crystal Cotton + Lace 




 ELEGANT BIG BOWKNOT PRINTED FAKE 2 PCS BLOUSE $8 *(SOLD)

Color:As picture shown
Size:(Only fits S-M) Bust: 86-102cm, Length (Back): 60cm, Length (Front Outer);
86cm, Shoulder: 38cm, Sleeves: 43cm, Sleeves Width: 20cm, Cuff: 32cm, Bottom
Width: 65cm 

Fabric: Cotton + Chiffon
High Elasticity 




 CHARMING EMBROIDERED DRESS $10


*(RESERVED)

Color:Blue, Size:(Only fits S-L)
Bust: 90cm, Sleeves: 55cm, Shoulder: 38cm, Length: 78cm 

Fabric: Cotton

  




 MULTI MATCHING ELASTIC WAIST FLORET LAYERED CHIFFON SKIRT $5

Color: Purple
Size:(Only fits S-M)
Waist: 54-98cm, Length: 38cm
Fabric: Chiffon 




 CHIFFON $10
 COLOR:PEACH, *(SOLD)

Size:(Only fits S-L)

Bust: 88CM, Shoulder: 36CM, Length: 78CM
Fabric: Chiffon  




FRENCH PALACE LACE 2 PCS DRESS $12( RESERVED)

Color:Off-White
Size:(Only fits S-L) 
Bust: 82-88cm, Sleeves: 57cm, Shoulder: 38cm, Length: 75cm

Fabric: Lace + Imitated Silk Inner Lining + Chiffon Bottom 

 


THE ITEM ABOVE HAS BEEN WORN ONCE. STILL IN GOOD CONDITION.


LETTING GO FOR $12


  

 





THE ITEM ABOVE IS BRAND NEW AND HAVE NOT BEEN WORN BEFORE. FITS SIZE S-M.


LETTING GO AT $8!


  


 


 


ACCESSORIES UP FOR GRABS! NEVER BEEN WORN BEFORE.


WOODEN BANGLES SELLING @ $5 EACH!











PLEASE INDICATE WHICH BANGLES YOU’RE INTERESTED IN WHEN ORDERING.


*(BANGLES 6,9,11 SOLD & RESERVED)


 *( BANGLES 2,3,5,7 SOLD)

 


CLIP-ON BELTS @ $8 EACH!! BELTS ARE BEADED, 3 DIFFERENT DESIGNS, 3 DIFFERENT
COLORS!


SUITABLE FOR DRESSES OR TOPS.








PLEASE INDICATE YOUR PREFERENCE WHEN ORDERING THE BELTS. EXAMPLE “BLACK/
BROWNISH/ BLUE”.


(SOLD AND RESERVED)


 

 


KINDLY EMAIL ME OR LEAVE A COMMENT IF YOU’RE INTERESTED IN ANY OF THE ITEMS. I
ONLY HAVE ONE PIECE FOR EACH ITEM, SO GRAB FAST!!

Posted in 1 | 6 Comments »


BALI TRIP

March 14, 2010

Hello lovelies!

If some of u readers might have realised, my existence around this blog has been
pretty mundane lately. Not that I don’t want to, but nowadays I find that
updating blogs are such a hassle and yeah, I do have the incy-wincy thought to
close it. But what the hell right? After been doing it for so long, publishing
all the fond( AND BITTER) memories and reminiscing it over and over again, I
guess I should carry on. Not that active though, but I’ll try.

So aniways….. I am officially a SAHM. Yessss, let me just dream on! My last day
at my EX-WORKPLACE was 2nd March. Of which I did my clearance half hr earlier
before the official countdown, bid my EX-COLLEAGUES goodbye( with a lil bit of
tears from me of course. Ok, I lied. I was crying and nearly choking myself out,
and of course all the hugs and drama before I went out that door to freedom.
Heheh!) It was such a good feeling. You guys should do that one day( only if
your workplace is like neraka jahanam okay?) Oooohh…. I love the feeling of
naming everything “EX”.

Ok, before I bore you further, as I’ve said before I was going to Bali on my
last day of work. So there I was rushing down to the airport to check-in on
time. Funny thing is, my grandparents, aunt, in-laws all sent us away as if we
were migrating. Part pergi U.S tak ramai orang nk hantar pulak. They were there
not for us aniway, for Erwin lah. Lucky little brat.

Let’s just post some pics here before I lay into a hibernate mode.

Day 1: These were taken in the airport while waiting for our flight to Bali…





The lil one was very enthusiastic throughout the whole flight as it was his
first. Good thing that he was not afraid at all, only whined when his ears got
blocked.

The moment we reached Bali, it was nighttime around 10plus PM. We checked-in to
the budget hotel which we booked online earlier cos it was just for a night’s
stay to sleep. The hotel costs USD29 and the picture shown online was not bad.
Little did we know of the horror that we’re about to face.



This is the hotel which is located at Legian. To our despair, it was like a
backpackers’ room with four walls enclosed and 2 single beds. The toilet, Urrgh;
it is located OUTSIDE the room! One plus point is that the place was clean.
That’s all….

I am not shy to present my grumpy face upon seeing the condition of the room…



Hahahahaha! Laugh all u want cos I did that too! Kurang asam nye husband. Well,
we argued for abit but was okay after that. Alah,better than sleeping on the
streets kan?

So, here’s the simple room;



Immediately after settling down, we were all feeling hungry. We decided to
scoured for food by the street. It was such a disaster too as there were pubs
everywhere on our left and right. Very happening nightlife there but definitely
not for us with a small kid in tow. Thus we somehow felt uncomfortable being in
that district. We grabbed our dinner/ supper and then headed back to the hotel.

Day 2: We checked out of the hotel to move into a Villa next. This was also
booked online in advance and seriously in my heart, I was telling myself 
“please let this be a good one”. Thank God when we reached, it was something
that I expected for a vacation stay.





The weather there is hot, dry and humid. Worse than here and we can’t help
sweating all the time. We went shopping after lunch, roaming the streets for
goodies. Seriously, the prices are not worth buying cos 1) It is a tourist
hotspot with lots of Angmohs thus they mark-up the price, 2) The people there
will give a stuck-up treatment if you bargained too much. (Well, that’s what I
thought based on my experience there).



At night, we had seafood by the beach at Jinbaran. The food was not that great
but the atmosphere was the perks of it all.







Day 3:

Again we went shopping and we realised there’s nothing much to shop cos
everywhere is the same. I, however, loved shopping for their handmade
accessories. They have lots of those shops which sells tons of accessories like
wooden bangles, beaded necklaces, earrings all for a good bargain

Then while walking by the street, we saw this. Not sure what ceremony this is,
but pretty interesting;



Day4 was our last day at Bali. So we shopped for the last minute stuffs that we
wanted. Went to the spa, the boys had their last swim in the villa’s pool before
we pack up for our flight home.

 

 Time felt like it was never adequate for us and it was only for a short moment
away from reality.

The rest of the pics are in FB. Took so long for the pics to upload here but
when it comes to reminiscing these precious moments by reading about it instead
of just by looking at the pictures, I think it still feels good to blog.

So aniways, what have I been doing so far? I had the most tiring and hectic week
compared to my working life. Cos from what I can remember, I haven’t had the
time to have my beauty sleep when it comes to sending Erwin to school everyday,
entertaining him the whole day and going for several interviews on other days.
Also managed to squeeze some time to have a dinner gathering with my ex-Nike
kakis at Sakura( Cairnhill).



I looked dark I know…. Hehe, that is so not necessary. I think that’s all for
now. Hope to blog again soon, open a new chapter in my career and praying that
my plans work well. Insya’Allah…

Posted in 1 | 2 Comments »


SO TYPICAL AH THIS MAT!!

February 15, 2010

If you still don’t know what a typical Mat is like, then I guess u should read
this:-

http://www.typicalmatsays.blogspot.com/

Enjoy reading! Cos it definitely will make you laugh at the traits of the
typical MAT melayu. For now, I am still loving my Mat very much.

Posted in 1 | Leave a Comment »

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