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2600:9000:2057:c400:7:49a5:5fd3:b641
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Submitted URL: https://amzn.to/3KYxiwC
Effective URL: https://www.amazon.com/We-Should-Not-Friends-Friendship-ebook/dp/B0B1Y2KLFW?crid=Z9ADSQDPT3LO&keywords=schwalbe&qid=169...
Submission: On November 30 via api from US — Scanned from DE
Effective URL: https://www.amazon.com/We-Should-Not-Friends-Friendship-ebook/dp/B0B1Y2KLFW?crid=Z9ADSQDPT3LO&keywords=schwalbe&qid=169...
Submission: On November 30 via api from US — Scanned from DE
Form analysis 9 forms found in the DOM
Name: site-search — GET /s/ref=nb_sb_noss
<form id="nav-search-bar-form" accept-charset="utf-8" action="/s/ref=nb_sb_noss" class="nav-searchbar nav-progressive-attribute" method="GET" name="site-search" role="search">
<div class="nav-left">
<div id="nav-search-dropdown-card">
<div class="nav-search-scope nav-sprite">
<div class="nav-search-facade" data-value="search-alias=aps">
<span id="nav-search-label-id" class="nav-search-label nav-progressive-content" style="width: auto;">Books</span>
<i class="nav-icon"></i>
</div>
<label id="searchDropdownDescription" for="searchDropdownBox" class="nav-progressive-attribute" style="display:none">Select the department you want to search in</label>
<select aria-describedby="searchDropdownDescription" class="nav-search-dropdown searchSelect nav-progressive-attrubute nav-progressive-search-dropdown" data-nav-digest="k+fyIAyB82R9jVEmroQ0OWwSW3A=" data-nav-selected="5"
id="searchDropdownBox" name="url" style="display: block; top: 2.5px;" tabindex="0" title="Search in">
<option value="search-alias=aps">All Departments</option>
<option value="search-alias=arts-crafts-intl-ship">Arts & Crafts</option>
<option value="search-alias=automotive-intl-ship">Automotive</option>
<option value="search-alias=baby-products-intl-ship">Baby</option>
<option value="search-alias=beauty-intl-ship">Beauty & Personal Care</option>
<option selected="selected" current="parent" value="search-alias=stripbooks-intl-ship">Books</option>
<option value="search-alias=fashion-boys-intl-ship">Boys' Fashion</option>
<option value="search-alias=computers-intl-ship">Computers</option>
<option value="search-alias=deals-intl-ship">Deals</option>
<option value="search-alias=digital-music">Digital Music</option>
<option value="search-alias=electronics-intl-ship">Electronics</option>
<option value="search-alias=fashion-girls-intl-ship">Girls' Fashion</option>
<option value="search-alias=hpc-intl-ship">Health & Household</option>
<option value="search-alias=kitchen-intl-ship">Home & Kitchen</option>
<option value="search-alias=industrial-intl-ship">Industrial & Scientific</option>
<option value="search-alias=digital-text">Kindle Store</option>
<option value="search-alias=luggage-intl-ship">Luggage</option>
<option value="search-alias=fashion-mens-intl-ship">Men's Fashion</option>
<option value="search-alias=movies-tv-intl-ship">Movies & TV</option>
<option value="search-alias=music-intl-ship">Music, CDs & Vinyl</option>
<option value="search-alias=pets-intl-ship">Pet Supplies</option>
<option value="search-alias=instant-video">Prime Video</option>
<option value="search-alias=software-intl-ship">Software</option>
<option value="search-alias=sporting-intl-ship">Sports & Outdoors</option>
<option value="search-alias=tools-intl-ship">Tools & Home Improvement</option>
<option value="search-alias=toys-and-games-intl-ship">Toys & Games</option>
<option value="search-alias=videogames-intl-ship">Video Games</option>
<option value="search-alias=fashion-womens-intl-ship">Women's Fashion</option>
</select>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="nav-fill">
<div class="nav-search-field ">
<label for="twotabsearchtextbox" style="display: none;">Search Amazon</label>
<input type="text" id="twotabsearchtextbox" value="schwalbe" name="field-keywords" autocomplete="off" placeholder="Search Amazon" class="nav-input nav-progressive-attribute" dir="auto" tabindex="0" aria-label="Search Amazon" spellcheck="false">
</div>
<div id="nav-iss-attach"></div>
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<div class="nav-right">
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<input id="nav-search-submit-button" type="submit" class="nav-input nav-progressive-attribute" value="Go" tabindex="0">
</span>
</div>
</div>
</form>POST /api/bifrost/acquisitions/v1/actions/arn:action:pa:1:QjBCMVkyS0xGVzpBVFZQREtJS1gwREVSOkJ1eTpudWxsOjE0Ljk5OlVTRDpudWxs?x-client-id=ebook-dp
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value="Buy now with 1-Click" aria-labelledby="checkoutButtonId-announce"><span id="checkoutButtonId-announce" class="a-button-text a-text-center" aria-hidden="true"> Buy now with 1-Click </span></span></span> </div>
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<script type="text/javascript">
P.when('jQuery', 'a-button', 'accordionInstrumentation').execute(function($, getButtonCollection, instrumentation) {
getButtonCollection('#oneClickButtonId').enable();
getButtonCollection('#checkoutButtonId').enable();
$("#change-link").removeAttr("href");
var addCheckoutAttributes = function() {
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$("#buyOneClick #subtype").val("STANDARD");
$("#borrowProgram").val("");
$("#borrowButtonAction").val("");
$("#buyOneClick #kindleCheckout").val("1");
if (typeof setDsnAndXfsn === "function") {
setDsnAndXfsn();
}
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}
if (typeof trialModeSignIn === "function" && false) {
trialModeSignIn("STANDARD", true, 1);
return false;
}
};
// Todo: To be removed with preorder button migration
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$("#oneClick-preorder-button").click(function() {
$("#buyOneClick #kindleCheckout").val("0");
$("#buyOneClick #refTag").val("dbs_p_ebk_r00_pbcb_cv1cpo");
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}
if (typeof trialModeSignIn === "function" && false) {
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return false;
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return true;
});
}();
// Todo: To be removed with preorder button migration
var onCheckoutPreorderButtonClick = function() {
$("#checkout-preorder-button").click(function() {
$('#buyOneClick #kindleCheckout').val("1");
$("#buyOneClick #refTag").val("dbs_p_ebk_r00_pbcb_cvcopo");
if (typeof setDsnAndXfsn === "function") {
setDsnAndXfsn();
}
if (typeof insertPaymentProvidersIntoKindleOrderForm === "function") {
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}
if (typeof trialModeSignIn === "function" && false) {
trialModeSignIn("STANDARD", true, 1);
return false;
}
return true;
});
}();
// BR checkout use-case. Todo: Work with the team to remove it
var onChangeLinkClick = function() {
$("#change-link").click(function() {
addCheckoutAttributes();
$("#buyOneClick").submit();
var counter = instrumentation.counter();
if (counter) {
counter.buttonClick("preferenceChangeLinkDevice");
}
return false;
});
}();
});
</script>
<script type="text/javascript">
// Send csm counter on 'Buy' button click as well preferred payment method buy button click.
P.when('A', 'jQuery', 'accordionInstrumentation', 'ready').execute(function(A, $, instrumentation) {
$('#checkoutButtonId').click(function() {
var counter = instrumentation.counter();
if (counter) {
counter.buttonClick("buyButton");
}
});
});
</script>
<style>
.buyBoxORDivider>h5 {
font-weight: bold !important;
color: #333333 !important;
}
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<script type="text/javascript">
P.when('A', 'jQuery').execute(function(A, $) {
var SERVICE_COUNTER_ENABLE_ONECLICK_ON_MASH_REAPPEAR = "dbsOneClickEnableOneClickButtonOnMashReappear";
var SERVICE_COUNTER_DISABLED_CLICK = "dbsDisabledButtonOneClickButton";
var SERVICE_COUNTER_RE_ENABLE = "dbsReEnableOneClickButton";
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var _PAGE_REAPPEAR_FROM_CACHE_MASH_EVENT = 'mash:willReappear';
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if (window.ue && window.ue.count) {
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}
$.fn.preventMultiSubmission = function() {
var currForm = $(this);
currForm.submit(function(e) {
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setTimeout(function() {
logCounter(SERVICE_COUNTER_RE_ENABLE);
currForm.data('submitted', false);
}, cooldownMilliseconds); //Re-enable the button after cooldown time
}
});
// Fix for TT: https://t.corp.amazon.com/P25461968
// We should NOT freeze the 1-Click button when user returns to the DP page by hitting back buttton
// This is an issue in mshop since the page gets cached in history
A.on(_PAGE_REAPPEAR_FROM_CACHE_MASH_EVENT, function() {
logCounter(SERVICE_COUNTER_ENABLE_ONECLICK_ON_MASH_REAPPEAR);
currForm.data('submitted', false);
});
};
$("#buyOneClick").preventMultiSubmission();
A.on.ready(function() {
$("#sendSample").preventMultiSubmission();
});
});
</script>
<script type="text/javascript">
P.when('A', 'jQuery').execute(function(A, $) {
/*
Claimed Applicable Promotions
Expose a jQuery event trigger here that will show a message about
what promotions will be applied to this purchase. Since the "You Save"
message and price is calculated pre-promotion, we'll hide that message
to avoid confusion.
*/
A.on('kindle_price_block_show_promotions', function(promotionText, numberOfPromotions) {
//Show list of promotions
$('#kindle_applied_promotions').html(promotionText).children().css('textDecoration', 'none');
//Show promotion stackable message if there is more than one promotion
if (numberOfPromotions > 1) {
$('#kindle_promo_multiple_promo_message').show();
}
//Hide the amount saved and show the popover
$('.kindle-price .ebooks-price-savings').hide();
$('#kindle_promo_message').show();
});
});
</script>
<span class="a-declarative" data-action="a-popover" data-csa-c-type="widget" data-csa-c-func-deps="aui-da-a-popover"
data-a-popover="{"closeButtonLabel":"Close","name":"promo-in-price-block","position":"triggerBottom","popoverLabel":"Promotions apply when you purchase"}"
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<a id="kindle_promo_message_popover" href="javascript:void(0)" role="button" class="a-popover-trigger a-declarative"> Promotions apply when you purchase <i class="a-icon a-icon-popover"></i></a> </p>
</span>
<div class="a-popover-preload" id="a-popover-promo-in-price-block">
<p class="a-spacing-small a-spacing-top-small"> These promotions will be applied to this item: </p>
<p id="kindle_applied_promotions"> </p>
<p id="kindle_promo_multiple_promo_message" class="a-spacing-small a-color-tertiary"> Some promotions may be combined; others are not eligible to be combined with other offers. For details, please see the Terms & Conditions associated with
these promotions. </p>
</div>
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<div id="audibleNarration" class="a-section a-spacing-micro a-spacing-top-mini">
<style type="text/css">
.text-highlight {
color: #fe971e;
font-size: 15px;
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border-bottom: 1px solid #bababa;
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padding-bottom: 20px;
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.narration .narration-right {
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.a-popover .text-bold {
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<span class="a-declarative" data-action="checkboxVisibility" data-csa-c-type="widget" data-csa-c-func-deps="aui-da-checkboxVisibility" data-checkboxvisibility="{}" data-csa-c-id="3rs2m6-plakop-e9fu4a-z1g1er">
<div class="a-checkbox"><label for="narration-checkbox"><input id="narration-checkbox" type="checkbox" name="" value=""><i class="a-icon a-icon-checkbox"></i><span class="a-label a-checkbox-label"> <span> Add an <img id="audible-logo"
src="https://m.media-amazon.com/images/G/01/Audible/Logos/audible.svg"> <span class="a-declarative" data-action="a-modal" data-csa-c-type="widget" data-csa-c-func-deps="aui-da-a-modal"
data-a-modal="{"closeButtonLabel":"Close","width":"780","name":"add-narration-learn-more","header":"\u003cimg alt=\"\" src=\"https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/common/transparent-pixel._V192234675_.gif\" id=\"ku-headphones\"/> \u003cspan id=\"kindle_narration_modal_title\"> Add an Audible audiobook to your Kindle book \u003c\/span>","popoverLabel":"audiobook","inlineContent":"\u003cdiv class=\"a-section narration\"> \u003cdiv class=\"a-row a-spacing-base a-spacing-top-base\"> \u003cimg alt=\"Keep the story going\" src=\"https://m.media-amazon.com/images/G/01/kindle/merch/global/narration-modal-title._CB485924231_.png\" class=\"narration-header\"/> \u003c\/div> \u003cdiv class=\"a-row\"> \u003cdiv class=\"a-column a-span6 narration-left\"> \u003cp>\u003cspan class=\"text-highlight\">Switch\u003c\/span> between reading the Kindle book and listening to the Audible audiobook without losing \u003cbr>your place with Whispersync for Voice.\u003c\/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan class=\"text-highlight\">Sync\u003c\/span> your book across different devices and always pick up where you left off.\u003c\/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan class=\"text-highlight\">Save\u003c\/span> on the Audible audiobook and get a reduced price with the Kindle book.\u003c\/p>\n\u003cp>\u003cspan class=\"text-bold\">Listen\u003c\/span> on the Kindle App (iOS/Android) when you buy. \u003cbr>You can also listen on Fire tablets, Kindle Touch, Kindle Keyboard, Bluetooth enabled Kindle eReaders and the Audible App (iOS/Android/Windows).\u003c\/p> \u003c\/div> \u003cdiv class=\"a-column a-span6 narration-right a-span-last\"> \u003cimg alt=\"\" src=\"https://m.media-amazon.com/images/G/01/kindle/merch/global/narration-modal-devices._CB485979979_.png\"/> \u003c\/div> \u003c\/div> \u003cdiv class=\"a-row\"> \u003chr aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"a-divider-normal\"/> \u003c\/div> \u003cdiv class=\"a-row\"> \u003cdiv class=\"a-section narration-more\"> \u003cdiv class=\"a-row a-expander-container a-expander-inline-container\"> \u003ca data-csa-c-func-deps=\"aui-da-a-expander-toggle\" data-csa-c-type=\"widget\" data-csa-interaction-events=\"click\" aria-expanded=\"false\" role=\"button\" href=\"javascript:void(0)\" data-action=\"a-expander-toggle\" class=\"a-expander-header a-declarative a-expander-inline-header a-link-expander\" data-a-expander-toggle=\"{&quot;allowLinkDefault&quot;:true, &quot;expand_prompt&quot;:&quot;&quot;, &quot;collapse_prompt&quot;:&quot;&quot;}\">\u003ci class=\"a-icon a-icon-expand\">\u003c\/i>\u003cspan class=\"a-expander-prompt\"> Learn more \u003c\/span>\u003c\/a> \u003cdiv aria-expanded=\"false\" class=\"a-expander-content a-expander-inline-content a-expander-inner\" style=\"display:none\"> \u003cdiv class=\"a-row\"> \u003cdiv class=\"a-column a-span6\"> \u003ch4>What is an Audible audiobook?\u003c\/h4>\n\u003cp>An audiobook is an audio version of your book provided by Audible.\u003c\/p> \n\u003cp>With audiobooks you can keep a book going, even during your commute, doing chores, working out, whenever your eyes are occupied but your mind is free.\u003c\/p> \u003c\/div> \u003cdiv class=\"a-column a-span6 a-span-last\"> \u003ch4>What are the advantages of adding an Audible audiobook to my Kindle eBooks?\u003c\/h4>\n\u003cp>You can move between reading and listening seamlessly- your place is saved automatically, even when you switch devices. Listening can also bring the story to life, illuminate characters, and take you deeper into the books you love.\u003c\/p>\n\u003ch4>How do I activate this on my device?\u003c\/h4>\n\u003cp>No activation is required, you can start reading and listening once you add Audible audiobook to your Kindle book.\u003c\/p> \u003c\/div> \u003c\/div> \u003cdiv class=\"a-row a-spacing-base a-spacing-top-base\"> \u003chr aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"a-divider-normal\"/> \u003c\/div> \u003cdiv class=\"a-row\"> \u003ch4>Read and Listen\u003c\/h4>\n\u003cp>Read and listen at the same time with Immersion Reading, which immerses you in a story by narrating and highlighting the text as you read. Immersion Reading is available on the Kindle Apps (iOS/Android) and Fire tablets.\u003c\/p> \u003c\/div> \u003c\/div> \u003c\/div> \u003c\/div> \u003c\/div> \u003c\/div>"}"
data-csa-c-id="8wf291-zh6fni-hyov5s-spkbpr"> <a class="a-link-normal" href="#" role="link"> audiobook </a> </span> with Audible narration for <span class="a-color-price">$12.99</span> </span> </span></label></div>
<div id="divConditionsOfUse" style="display: none;">
<!-- Conditions of Use -->
<span class="a-declarative" data-action="a-modal" data-csa-c-type="widget" data-csa-c-func-deps="aui-da-a-modal"
data-a-modal="{"dataStrategy":"ajax","activate":"onclick","name":"audible-conditions-of-use","url":"/hz/audible/ajax/audible-terms-and-conditions-ajax.html?_encoding=UTF8&type=cou"}"
id="conditions_of_use" data-csa-c-id="9p05qi-4zx67l-servbm-wy8nay"> </span> <span class="a-size-mini a-color-secondary"> By purchasing this title, you agree to Audible's <a href="javascript:clickConditionsOfUse();"> Conditions Of Use</a>.
<br> Sold and delivered by Audible, an Amazon company </span>
</div>
</span>
<script type="text/javascript">
P.when('A', 'jQuery').execute(function(A, $) {
var addNarrationBinding = function() {
var isAyceEnabled = 'false';
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<style type="text/css">
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<script>
P.when('A', 'ready').execute(function(A) {
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<style>
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</form><form id="addToCart" action=""><input data-addnewaddress="add-new" id="cartAddressNew" name="dropdown-selection" type="hidden" value="add-new" class="nav-progressive-attribute"><input data-addnewaddress="add-new" id="cartAddressUsed"
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<form method="post" class="digital-bulk-form" action="/digital/bulk-checkout?ref=bulk_con_bfo" spacing="none">
<div class="a-row a-spacing-small">
<h1 class="a-size-base-plus">Buy for others</h1><span class="a-size-base">Give as a gift or purchase for a team or group.<br><span class="a-declarative" data-action="a-popover" data-csa-c-type="widget" data-csa-c-func-deps="aui-da-a-popover"
data-a-popover="{"width":"350","name":"consumerBuyForOthersPopover","position":"triggerHorizontal"}"
data-csa-c-id="y9d2sq-o0cfau-el22wk-1k3c9b"><a href="javascript:void(0)" role="button" class="a-popover-trigger a-declarative">Learn more<i class="a-icon a-icon-popover"></i></a></span>
<div class="a-popover-preload" id="a-popover-consumerBuyForOthersPopover">
<h1 class="a-size-base-plus a-spacing-small a-text-center">Buying and sending eBooks to others</h1>
<hr aria-hidden="true" class="a-divider-normal">
<div class="a-row">
<div class="a-column a-span3 a-text-right"><span aria-hidden="true" class="learn_more_icons quantity"></span></div>
<div class="a-column a-span6 a-text-center">
<div class="a-column a-span3"><span aria-hidden="true" class="learn_more_icons arrow"></span></div>
<div class="a-column a-span6"><span aria-hidden="true" class="learn_more_icons deliver"></span></div>
<div class="a-column a-span3 a-span-last"><span aria-hidden="true" class="learn_more_icons arrow"></span></div>
</div>
<div class="a-column a-span3 a-text-left a-span-last"><span aria-hidden="true" class="learn_more_icons anyDevice"></span></div>
</div>
<div class="a-row">
<div class="a-column a-span4 a-text-center a-spacing-base"><span>Select quantity</span></div>
<div class="a-column a-span4 a-text-center a-spacing-base"><span>Buy and send eBooks</span></div>
<div class="a-column a-span4 a-text-center a-spacing-base a-span-last"><span>Recipients can read on any device</span></div>
</div>
<div class="a-row">
<p class="a-spacing-base a-text-left a-size-small a-color-secondary"><span>Additional gift options are available when buying one eBook at a time.
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WE SHOULD NOT BE FRIENDS: THE STORY OF A FRIENDSHIP KINDLE EDITION
by Will Schwalbe (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.3 4.3 out of 5 stars 269 ratings
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A warm, funny, irresistible memoir that follows an improbable and life-changing
college friendship over the course of forty years—from the best-selling author
of The End of Your Life Book Club • “A rare view of male friendship.”—NPR
“Moving…salted with Schwalbe’s well-established literary intelligence and a
palpable empathy.” —The New York Times Book Review
By the time Will Schwalbe was a junior at college, he had already met everyone
he cared to know: the theater people, writers, visual artists and comp lit
majors, and various other quirky characters including the handful of students
who shared his own major, Latin and Greek. He also knew exactly who he wanted to
avoid: the jocks. The jocks wore baseball caps and moved in packs, filling
boisterous tables in the dining hall, and on the whole seemed to be another
species entirely, one Will might encounter only at his own peril.
All this changed dramatically when Will collided with Chris Maxey, known to just
about everyone as Maxey. Maxey was physically imposing, loud, and a star
wrestler who was determined to become a Navy SEAL (where he would later serve
for six years). Thanks to the strangely liberating circumstances of a
little-known secret society at Yale, the two forged a bond that would become a
mainstay of each other’s lives as they repeatedly lost and found each other and
themselves in the years after graduation.
From New Haven to New York City, from Hong Kong and Panama to a remarkable
school on an island in the Bahamas—through marriages and a divorce, triumphs and
devastating losses—We Should Not Be Friends tracks an extraordinary friendship
over decades of challenge and change. Schwalbe’s marvelous new work is, at its
heart, a joyful testament to the miracle of human connection—and how if we can
just get past our preconceptions, we may find some of our greatest friends.
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FROM THE PUBLISHER
EDITORIAL REVIEWS
REVIEW
"We Should Not Be Friends offers a rare view of male friendship, which has
received far less attention than platonic closeness between women . . . Seasoned
editor that he is, Schwalbe knows how to structure a book for maximum effect . .
. We Should Not Be Friends succeeds, to a large extent, because Maxey comes
across as a great character. He also proves himself to be a warm and devoted
friend. This book is Schwalbe's payback, his way of expressing his gratitude by
using the tools with which he is most comfortable.” —NPR
"Moving . . . salted with Schwalbe’s well-established literary intelligence and
a palpable empathy.” — The New York Times Book Review
"Schwalbe has an uncanny ability to use his personal experience as a springboard
for universal truths . . . This memoir will convince you to pick up the phone
and check in on that old friend you’re always thinking of." —The Los Angeles
Times
"A charming read with plenty of surprises in store for the two principal
characters . . . We Should Not Be Friends celebrates not only an unlikely
friendship, but the strange turns a life can take." —The Wall Street Journal
"An unexpected page-turner that may inspire readers to reach out to old friends
. . . This delicate memoir tracks their intermittent friendship, from initiation
into one of Yale’s secret societies to thirty-five-year college reunion.
Schwalbe overcomes the perspectival limitations of memoir-writing by allowing
himself access to his friend’s thoughts, notably in rhapsodic contemplations of
the sea surrounding the Bahamian island where Maxey ultimately finds purpose."
—The New Yorker
"Written like a true friend . . . We Should Not Be Friends really shines when it
delves into the ups and downs of its main characters." —The San Francisco
Chronicle
"A dramatic reminder of the importance of being open to friendships with others
whose lives, backgrounds, and life experiences have been markedly different from
our own." —Finger Lake Times
"We Should Not Be Friends is as funny, warm, brutally honest and entertaining as
it is profound. It's unlike any memoir I’ve ever read. Maxey and Schwalbe show
us that our hearts are far bigger and more accommodating than we ever would have
imagined.” —Louise Penny, best-selling author the Chief Inspector Armand Gamache
novels
"What I loved about Will and Maxey was watching their capacity for friendship
grow as Life came at them, making them bigger and wiser human beings along the
way. At the end of the book, I found myself turning the title around. Why
wouldn’t they be friends?" —Martha Teichner, author of When Harry Met Minnie
“In this searching, tender, insightful, and wise memoir, Will Schwalbe traces an
altogether unlikely friendship through the triumphs and vicissitudes of adult
life. Reading this beautifully written and generous book, you will find yourself
thinking of your own friendships and the greatest gifts we can give one another:
listening deeply and taking the risk of becoming — and offering — our true
selves.” —Dani Shapiro, best-selling author of Inheritance
"One of the most important—and noble—human qualities is our ability to bond with
people with whom we have absolutely nothing in common. It’s pure fraternal love,
entirely for its own sake. Will Schwalbe has written a gorgeous book on exactly
this topic . . . what a pleasure to read about a human trait that might one day
save, rather than destroy, the human race.” —Sebastian Junger, best-selling
author of The Perfect Storm
"We Should Not Be Friends focuses on the improbable, lifelong,
life-changing—dare I say life-saving—bond between two men who met by chance in
college with nothing in common and everything to teach one another.Here is a
deeply compelling story that is uniquely their own—yet grows throughout the book
to contain all the trials of finding one’s way in an America that is, like these
two men and their unlikely but important connection, constantly changing. This
marvelous, warm, life-affirming book gave me a fuller understanding of the
friendships that have sustained my life, and will make readers fiercely
appreciative of their own chosen family. So many pages throughout human history
have been devoted to romantic love, how wonderful to read a book about that
other massively important emotion, the love of friendship." —Isaac Fitzgerald,
best-selling author of Dirtbag, Massachusetts
"An affecting, rewarding story of an unlikely friendship that, against all
seeming odds, has endured . . . Schwalbe candidly recounts misreadings of
intention, the weathering of life events and illnesses, and finally, nearing 60,
their accommodations to each other . . . Across decades, both men have taught
each other tolerance for difference.”— Kirkus Reviews
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
WILL SCHWALBE has worked in book publishing (currently as an editor at
Macmillan); in digital media; and as a journalist, writing for various
publications, including The New York Times and the South China Morning Post. He
is the author of Books for Living, The End of Your Life Book Club, and coauthor,
with David Shipley, of Send. He lives in New York. --This text refers to an
alternate kindle_edition edition.
EXCERPT. © REPRINTED BY PERMISSION. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Chapter one
Bright College Years
Nerds and Jocks
By the time I was a junior at college, I’d already met everyone I cared to know.
I was friends with most of the other gays and lesbians; this wasn’t difficult
because, in the early 1980s, not many of us were out of the closet. I was also
cordial with most of the lesbians and gays who were still in the closet; it was
pretty obvious who they were. I knew the theater people, a group that overlapped
almost completely with the gays and lesbians, uncloseted and closeted. I knew
many of the people who styled themselves writers. I knew absolutely everyone in
my major—there were only a few of us who had chosen to get degrees in Latin and
Greek, so it would have been Herculean not to. And I knew a splattering of
visual artists, a handful of comparative lit majors, the odd philosopher, and
three mathematicians, along with an assortment of other obsessive, quirky
characters with whom I’d fallen into conversation in a dining hall line or
bonded over the cinnamon toast at Naples Pizza when we should have been
studying.
I also knew those I didn’t want to know. The jocks. And they didn’t seem to want
to know me. In the dining halls, they filled boisterous tables. They wolfed down
epic platters of scrambled eggs. They wore baseball caps backwards and moved in
packs. The jocks and I were like planets in different orbits, circling one
another but not colliding. I felt that if we did, I would be obliterated.
During the spring of my junior year, I’d taken to wearing a turquoise
acid-washed blue jean jacket, and I wore a studded leather wristband that
served as a wallet—a souvenir from Los Angeles, where I’d spent the previous
term away from school, working in the realer world. I had my hair permed down
the center but cut shorter on the sides, in a recent fit of enthusiasm for the
artist who was still then known as Prince and also for the look of a singer
named Adam Ant. Despite my stylist’s valiant efforts, my hair looked nothing
like theirs. But I did look like someone trying very hard not to look like
everyone else; I was elaborately disguised as someone who didn’t care what other
people thought of me.
I now can’t be sure the jocks gave me much thought at all, but I assumed they
didn’t like me or considered me ridiculous, as was suggested by the occasional
sneer directed my way. Certainly, many of my women friends, especially the very
out lesbians, as well as my more feminine gay friends had contended with
derision, menace, and worse from the college jocks. There was good reason to
leave space between myself and anyone wearing a letter jacket.
All that dramatically changed at the end of my junior year, when I collided with
one jock in particular: Chris Maxey, known to just about everyone as Maxey. From
the start it was clear that Maxey and I should not be friends. What was less
obvious was that I was much more prejudiced against him than he was against me.
Yet we became friends and have remained so for the next forty years—right up to
the present day.
Perhaps I didn’t care to know Maxey, but fortunately the matter was taken out of
my hands. Because if I hadn’t met him, my life would have been less rich and
less fun. Had it not been for Maxey, the me that is here today wouldn’t be me.
Also, I never would have learned how to breathe. He tells me I had a similar
effect on his life. Except he figured out how to breathe all by himself.
Initiation
Just beyond Yale’s campus, a three-story building composed of limestone blocks
presents a sheer, windowless front. An iron fence separates the sidewalk from a
moat of carefully tended grass. Two handsome shrubs stand sentry at either side
of a short flight of rough-hewn granite steps. The decorative stonework at knee
level and around the building’s door makes a nod to Ancient Greece, but there’s
no hint as to what lies inside. A gray slate path leads to the unwelcoming black
door, the intricate details on its exterior visible only when the sun hits it
just right. There was no sun the first time I entered; it was the middle of the
night.
Everything began with a visit from my friend Tim. We’d been at high school
together; he was a year older. Tim was one of those kids who is equally popular
with adults and other teens. He had the floppy hair sported by the stoners in
our class, but his wry smile and willingness to chat with anyone set him apart
from the floppy-haired kids who wouldn’t meet an adult’s eye.
Once I arrived at Yale, Tim and I kept in touch the way students did in the
early 1980s before mobile phones and personal computers. We had phones in our
rooms (where we rarely were) but no answering machines—so calling one another
almost always resulted in endless ringing.
Instead, we would drop by unannounced and leave notes on someone’s door if a
knock went unanswered. The visit from Tim that would change my life came in
early 1983, in the spring of my junior year, when he stopped by my room to ask
if I could join him for lunch the following day.
Tim didn’t seem surprised by the number of Matt Dillon posters I had on my
walls. At the time, I lived for Matt Dillon but had to make do with pictures of
him in his first five movies: Over the Edge Matt, Little Darlings Matt, My
Bodyguard Matt, Tex Matt, and Liar’s Moon Matt. In my small dorm room, that left
only enough wall space for a modest corkboard.
The next day, as arranged, we met up at the dining hall, dutifully stood in line
with our trays, helped ourselves to sandwiches and coffee—I drank about a dozen
cups of coffee a day throughout college—and found an empty table. I assumed
that it would just be the two of us, but as soon as we sat down, we were swarmed
from all sides by friends of Tim who had been loitering in the vicinity. None of
them seemed to have anything in common—a girl I knew only by face; a jock I’d
never seen before, but not the threatening kind; a few other kids I couldn’t
immediately classify. Sure, they could join us. High school gossip could wait.
Tim asked me a series of questions about myself—which was odd because they were
mostly ones to which I was certain he already knew the answers. Where had I
grown up? Cambridge, Massachusetts. Activities during high school? A lot of
theater and also debating, but I’d stopped debating after a beloved classics
teacher told me that it was sophistry and that I would condemn my soul to
eternal damnation if I continued to do it. Sports? Not if I could help it. Music
I liked? In high school, I’d listened to punk rock, country ballads, bluegrass,
Bruce Springsteen, and show tunes; now, I preferred new wave and disco, with
Blondie and Hazell Dean in constant rotation. And Prince, of course. Nothing
compared 2 him.
Before long, despite the oddity of the situation, I’d segued into a monologue
that required no prompts. I told Tim’s friends how I’d just come back from a
term away from college in Los Angeles, but explained that I could graduate with
my class because I had some extra credits towards my major; I talked about being
part of the university’s gay student group and how far we’d come from meeting
furtively on the edge of campus when I joined as a freshman to now co-hosting
Gay and Lesbian Awareness Days; I described how I’d become involved with Gay
Men’s Health Crisis, a group in New York City that had recently been formed to
help people with a new disease called AIDS.
I loved the lunch, of course—what was not to like? What a remarkable friend I
had in Tim, I later said to myself, and what a wonderful group of friends he
has! It didn’t occur to me that the lunch had accomplished anything other than
spotlighting how effortlessly I had managed to captivate such a random and
diverse group of seniors. Of course, I had asked Tim’s friends some questions
about themselves, as well. Or had I?
Some weeks later, by which time I had acquired another Matt Dillon poster (The
Outsiders Matt, now covering my corkboard and whatever reminders had been pinned
to it), Tim stopped by my room again.
“You might have guessed that our lunch was an audition of sorts,” he said.
“Yes,” I lied. “I figured as much.” In fact, I had no idea what he was talking
about.
That’s when Tim told me that he was in a secret society and that the other
seniors who had joined us were some of his fellow members. Had I ever noticed a
granite building on the edge of campus? That was the hall where they’d been
gathering twice a week all year. Now, they were in the process of choosing
fifteen juniors to replace themselves. Those juniors would inherit the hall,
would meet there throughout the coming year, and then choose their own
successors in turn. If the current members chose me, would I want to join?
I was confused. The only secret society at Yale I’d ever heard of was Skull and
Bones, famously all male and symbolizing much that was wrong not just with Yale
but with the country as a whole. Tim was expecting this.
“Before you say no, I need to tell you a few things,” he continued. “We are one
of the oldest secret societies and have a decent amount of money. That means it
doesn’t cost you anything to join or belong. That also means the new students
each year come from all different kinds of economic backgrounds. We also
admitted women the same day Yale did. And we try to bring together the fifteen
most different kids we can find so you’ll meet people who are nothing like you.”
“What about the gay thing?”
Tim laughed. “Not a problem. In fact, it’s a plus.”
I still wasn’t sold. “What do you have to do to belong?”
“Just show up,” Tim said. “But you have to show up. It’s two dinners a week for
your entire year. You aren’t supposed to miss a single one unless you really
have to. Oh, and then there are the audits. But I’ll tell you about those
later.”
“And how secret is this place?”
“Not very,” Tim explained. “I mean, you can tell people about it, just don’t be
a jerk—the idea is not to make a big deal out of it. Oh, and you can also take
your friends there anytime except for the two nights when you have the
dinners—but only other seniors.”
I couldn’t think of a good reason to do it. I mean, I already knew everyone I
needed to know—and two dinners a week was a big commitment. Still, I trusted
Tim, and he’d obviously said yes when he was asked.
“How’s the food?” I asked.
“Excellent,” Tim replied.
“Oh, and one more question: Are there free drinks?”
“Unlimited account at the liquor store and a keg in the basement.”
That changed the calculus: unlimited alcohol seemed well worth two nights a
week. “There’s also a pool table,” Tim added. This wasn’t of interest; I didn’t
play pool. Then Tim delivered the coup de grâce. “And there’s a television with
cable.”
Cable meant MTV, the music channel that had launched two years before. And MTV
meant Prince videos.
“Okay then. Tell them that if they ask, I’ll say yes.”
Tim smiled but couldn’t let it go at that. “This is going to change your life,”
he told me. Then he added, “It’s going to open you up.” I found this curious. I
thought I was already as open as I could be. --This text refers to an alternate
kindle_edition edition.
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PRODUCT DETAILS
* ASIN : B0B1Y2KLFW
* Publisher : Knopf (February 21, 2023)
* Publication date : February 21, 2023
* Language : English
* File size : 1343 KB
* Text-to-Speech : Enabled
* Screen Reader : Supported
* Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
* X-Ray : Enabled
* Word Wise : Enabled
* Sticky notes : On Kindle Scribe
* Print length : 300 pages
* Best Sellers Rank: #168,549 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
* #14 in LGBTQ+ Parenting & Families (Kindle Store)
* #205 in Friendship (Books)
* #591 in Healthy Relationships (Kindle Store)
* Customer Reviews:
4.3 4.3 out of 5 stars 269 ratings
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
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WILL SCHWALBE
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Greetings! Since we are both here, I’m guessing you are probably a fellow
book-lover. Always great to meet other members of the tribe!
I’ve put a lot about myself in my books, but here are some of the basics. I was
born in New York in 1962; grew up in Cambridge, Massachusetts; went to boarding
school in New Hampshire, and to college in New Haven, Connecticut. So I consider
myself a New Englander, even though I’m not one by birth.
I’ve worked as a journalist, in the television business, and even (briefly, in
college) as a substitute teacher. But I’ve spent most of my life in publishing:
at William Morrow, and then at Hyperion, where I was Editor in Chief. In January
2008, I left Hyperion to found a startup called Cookstr.com and ran that for six
years. It’s now part of Macmillan Publishers, where I’ve worked since 2014.
Books have been the constant in my life. From those my mother read me when I was
too young to read, to those my father read us when we could read but still liked
to be read to. From books I read under the covers, long after I was supposed to
be asleep—including every single thriller by the magnificent Alistair MacLean—to
books that I found in my teens that helped me imagine all different kinds of
lives, and see the world through others’ eyes.
I’ve written four books. The first -- SEND: Why People Email So Badly and How to
Do it Better – was written with my friend David Shipley. The second, THE END OF
YOUR LIFE BOOK CLUB, is about the books I read with my mother when she was
dying. The third is BOOKS FOR LIVING, about the role books can play in our lives
and how they can show us how to live each day more fully and with more meaning.
And the fourth is WE SHOULD NOT BE FRIENDS: The Story of a Friendship. It's
coming from Knopf in the US (and Michael Joseph in the UK) in February 2023.
I live in New York City with my husband. We’ve been together since way back when
I first moved to Hong Kong in 1984. We have one African violet, that’s a bit
lopsided; books everywhere; and are obsessed with our neighbor’s adorable dog, a
chow named Lucky. We also have five godchildren, one niece, and four nephews.
I love meeting fellow readers and hearing from readers about all different kinds
of book. I answer everyone, though sometimes it can take me a bit of time. My
favorite question to ask or be asked is a simple one: “What are you reading?”
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TOP REVIEWS FROM THE UNITED STATES
THERE WAS A PROBLEM FILTERING REVIEWS RIGHT NOW. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER.
TeMeNos
4.0 out of 5 stars Male Bonding
Reviewed in the United States on May 21, 2023
Verified Purchase
How many books have you read about men as friends? If, like me, the answer is
few if any, I think this is a good place to start.
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2 people found this helpful
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carilynp
5.0 out of 5 stars Will Schwalbe can do no wrong. Which means all of his books
are the best.
Reviewed in the United States on April 15, 2023
Verified Purchase
Some authors are my go-to for book recommendations, and this author is one of
those people. He seems like the kind of person I’d like to know in real life. If
you love books as much as I do, I highly recommend reading both THE END OF YOUR
LIFE BOOK CLUB and BOOKS FOR LIVING. But we’re here to discuss his latest book.
It’s the story of two guys who probably wouldn’t have met but did. Who you
wouldn’t expect to have become friends but did.
Will knew who he was when he set off for college in the early 80s. He had come
out, the stigma associated with AIDS was as prevalent as the fear associated
with death. He had a group of friends that felt like enough. When Will joined a
secret society at Yale, that’s where he met fellow member Chris (aka Maxey) and
the two couldn’t be more different. Will was studying literature, hanging out
with his theater pals, and volunteering for an AIDS hotline, knew he wanted a
career in the world of books, while Maxey was a wrestling champ (a super jock,
the kind Schwalbe wanted to steer clear of) and had already set his sights on
becoming a Navy SEAL. Drinking was a pre-requisite of their club as was,
surprisingly, getting to know your fellow classmates by opening up about
yourself. While Maxey knew that Will was gay, an offhand homophobic remark he
made left an unfavorable impression on Will’s psyche, which he didn’t know was
overheard, leaving Will hurt and skeptical that they would ever truly become
friends.
Post college life draws the two men together through a series of mutual college
buddies and events, which eventually lead to unexpected growth of a guy that
Will calls his friend. It is a decades long evolution that transpires between
the two, leading into a beautiful, fun, sometimes sad, and tragic relationship,
told with insight, openness, and compassion. What a gift to reflect upon what
these two men brought to each other’s lives and the unexpected friendship they
created.
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3 people found this helpful
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Tom Hardin author of The Kingdom
5.0 out of 5 stars How to be the real you
Reviewed in the United States on April 24, 2023
Verified Purchase
I am very grateful to my friend who introduced me to Will Schwalbe’s writing.
The title of his most recent book, We Should Not Be Friends, instantly intrigued
me. What I appreciate, indeed, admire most is his candor about his life,
especially his fear of the jocks in school and college because of his sexual
orientation. I can identify. I avoided the Chris Maxeys, too. Schwalbe writes:
“The jocks and I were like planets in different orbits, circling one another but
not colliding. I felt that if we did, I would be obliterated.” But, thanks to
fate, they both became members of an elite society of sixteen students at
Yale—all seniors, males, females, different ethnicities. Meeting several times a
week, each told his story—the good, bad and ugly. The result for Schwalbe: “…if
I hadn’t met him (Maxey), my life would have been less rich and less fun. Had it
not been for Maxey, the me that is here today wouldn’t be me….He tells me I had
a similar effect on his life.”
Schwalbe’s masterful wordsmithing draws the reader into his world, making this
memoir a lesson about the courage to share your story and hear that of others—to
be you and to see that we are all more alike than we are different. Bravo, Will!
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Lily
VINE VOICE
5.0 out of 5 stars An honest, wonderful look at a true friendship
Reviewed in the United States on July 6, 2023
Verified Purchase
I first heard about this memoir on NPR. I was intrigued by two Yale students -
Will Schwalbe and Chris Maxey - who couldn’t be more different, starting a
friendship after being initiated into a secret society at the end of their
junior year.
I’m not going to divulge more details.
I will say that I adore the book, because Schwalbe doesn’t idealize the
friendship. He was introspective, reflective, and transparent about difficulties
with their lives taking varying directions, geographic distances, and different
personalities. His willingness to be vulnerable about his insecurities about
himself or how Maxey felt about him was encouraging and refreshing. I could
identify with insecurities and uncertainties that come with friendships.
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Rosemary Daniell
5.0 out of 5 stars I Didn't Want This Book to End!
Reviewed in the United States on March 20, 2023
Verified Purchase
As a fan of Will Schwalbe's oh-so-moving book, The End of Your Life Book Club,
and also because Will was once my sweet and gentle editor at William Morrow, I
decided to read this book about his at first unlikely friendship with Maxey, a
wrestler and soon-to-be-Navy SEAL. And no, I'm not from New England, nor did I
go to Yale or was I ever in any secret societies (except briefly, at high school
in Tucker, Georgia, long ago). But from the moment the book began, I was riveted
by the extraordinary efforts these two very different men made to maintain their
relationship throughout the years of their adult lives, and especially during
the book's conclusion, in which, as age would have it, things were becoming more
difficult for both of them. As I once read in a piece in the New York Times, one
of the things older people retreat most is not keeping up with old friends, but
as Will's book demonstrates over and over, he and Maxey will not be among them.
And I'm also sure this will remain one of my favorite memoirs for a long, long
time!
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Kathleen
5.0 out of 5 stars Honest and Thought-Provoking Memoir
Reviewed in the United States on May 3, 2023
Verified Purchase
I have been a fan of Will Schwalbe since I met him in NYC at BookExpo when his
book, The End of Your Life Book Club was published. I loved that book, and his
subsequent book on books, and always look forward to his next one. We Should Not
Be Friends is not only the story of an unlikely friendship, it is a
self-examination of Schwalbe's life that is interesting and often heartbreaking.
Throughout the book, Schwalbe reveals and contemplates his personal life and his
struggles with self-doubt, as his friendship with Maxey provides the
unconditional acceptance he craves but also has a difficult time receiving. This
is an honest, no-holds-barred memoir, which is refreshing in a day and age when
so many portray themselves on social media platforms as having a perfect,
doubt-free life. Thank you again, Will Schwalbe!
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Gary Mackenzie
3.0 out of 5 stars unlikely indeed!
Reviewed in Australia on May 24, 2023
Verified Purchase
An uncomfortable beginning, several multi-year periods of no contact and a lack
of effort from the author make this a friendship truly unlikely.
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