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The Life and Times of a Wonderful Boy
* About Weeble

Feb 26, 2015

FOUR YEARS

Posted by Daddy on Feb 26, 2015 at 12:51 pm

Weeble,

You’ve been gone for four years today/tomorrow. I don’t know exactlyÂ when you
left, but I know what you left, and I know where you went. Today I’d like to
leave this place and join you, but that’s a selfish thought. I’m depressed. The
small, accumulated failures of life that wax and wane have all ganged up on me
today in a compounded tidal wave. Money’s tight, time’s short, the workload
seems insurmountable, you’re gone. It all feels like the same
stabbingÂ painÂ and too much to bare some days, and today is one of them.

We watched almost all of the videos we have of you this morning. I still hear
them playing in the living room as I hide in my office typing to you and gearing
up to get back to tax returns. There is one video that I have never watched –
the video of your funeral. Maybe I’ll watch it alone today. Maybe I won’t.

I miss you, and I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you, but when I see you again, I’ll
probably drop the grudge I hold against myself for that failure.

Ich liebe dich mehr als ich ausdrÃ¼cken kann, und vermisse dich schrecklich. Ich
bin des Todes so schwer Ã¼berdrÃ¼ssig.Â Gott helfe mir, ich verzweifle so viel
ab und zu. Â Komm Herr Jesu.

Mit der ganzen Liebe meines Herzens bin ich dein,

Vati

Category: Letters to Weeble Link: Four Years
Dec 12, 2014

TIGGY DAY, 2014

Posted by Daddy on Dec 12, 2014 at 3:44 pm

Weeble,

I sit here at my desk, having just finished payroll taxes for the month, blowing
tears and mucus all over the keyboard, while thinking about Tiggy, He’s a boy I
have never met, although you may have. Who here on this side knows the ties
binding souls in Heaven? Maybe you two are acquainted because those you left
behind have found each other. I’m tethered to several who are, like me, still
bound to the old flesh, united in the shared sorrow of the death of a child. The
club is monstrous, but the members are precious to me.

Today it’s been four years since Tiggy went home. I know the anguish of his
family; I feel it. It throbs into my being and resonates harmonically with the
black spot left by your death, intensifying the dull ache into the stabs of
terror I felt on the day of your accident. It will never be over, and it’s only
the limitations of the human ability to process information that allows any
reprieve. Most of the time the memory is pushed aside by more pressing present
needs. But often, it surfaces. Sometimes I’m pleased to remember a friendly boy
who waves at me while tapping his feet to a Buddy Holly tune, but sometimes I
dwell on a different memory: that monster of grief and torture that lives just
under the surface. I’m never without hope, but at times I lose sight of it for a
while.

Each day we pray that God would say “hi” to you. Today I’m praying that He says
“hi” to another boy as well.

I love you,
Daddy

Category: Letters to Weeble, Weeble Memories Link: Tiggy Day, 2014
Feb 26, 2013

SECOND ANNIVERSARY

Posted by Mommy on Feb 26, 2013 at 9:24 pm

Oh, Muffin. “What if” is a bottomless pit that goes nowhere. As Daddy says, all
that matters is what IS. I loved watching your smile and hearing your voice and
your laugh in your videos today. My arms and my heart ache for you. â™¥

Category: Letters to Weeble Link: Second Anniversary
Feb 26, 2013

THE LITTLE BLUE TRUCK

Posted by Daddy on at 8:57 am

The little blue truck brought flowers to the grave
and returned to me empty, but full of sadness.

The little blue truck sits by my side,
and reminds me of a boy who doesn’t anymore.

The little blue truck reminds me of a stolen dream.
I have others, but each is priceless to me.

The little blue truck carries my harmonica
Sometimes I play songs to a boy who cannot hear them anymore.

The little blue truck belongs to a boy
who never knew its ceramic comfort.

The little blue truck is one of my most treasured possessions,
and I wish I’d never seen it.

The little blue truck rides on streets of gold,
driven by a golden-haired boy
through the goldest of my daydreams.

Category: Poetry Link: The Little Blue Truck
Feb 26, 2013

C. EVERETT KOOP

Posted by Daddy on at 8:55 am

C. Everett Koop, a man who helped me turn from atheism to Christianity, died
yesterday.

About child rearing he said:

“If you want to say how can we step into childhood and make it better for them,
I would start at the activity level. Iâ€™d like to say, ‘Let your kids go out
and play.’ Then Iâ€™d say, ‘Youâ€™re not going to do that are you?’ Make your
kids go out and play. Kids ought to grow up the way you and I grew up and we
grew up fifty years apart or maybe more. But we did the same things. Now whoâ€™s
out playing in the afternoon? Nobody. Risks I think are the thing that make life
important and everything that you and I do is risk vs. benefit. Is there a risk
to sending your kid out? Absolutely. Is there a benefit? It exceeds the risk.”

Later, his son David died while playing. He fell from a mountain while climbing,
along with a big chunk of rock. He was only 20 years old. Dr. Koop, a children’s
surgeon, said of the accident:

“I might be better able to help parents of dying children, but for quite a while
I felt less able, too emotionally involved. And from that time on, I could
rarely discuss the death of a child without tears welling up into my eyes.”

I know exactly what he means.

Years later, Dr. Koop and his wife wrote a book (Sometimes Mountains Move) about
David’s accident. In it they say, “It was ten weeks after David died when his
Bible came into our hands. His book mark was in Jude. We opened his Bible and
read the last thing that he had read: ‘And now unto Him who is able to keep you
from falling…’ ” God was (and is) more than able to keep us from falling, but
sometimes he chooses not to do so. We tumble from mountains, we toddle into
swimming pools.

Dr. Koop’s words comfort me, and I am learning alongside him about how God’s
grace is sufficient for our troubles, even when we cannot know why He allows
some things to happen. Especially when…

It pleases me to think about my son, Weeble, being able to meet one more great
Christian, and to talk about things I can only imagine. Dr. Koop, in my
wandering mind, points to Jesus and excitedly exclaims, “That’s who held my hand
as I operated on thousands of children.” Weeble answers, “That’s who pulled me
out of that swimming pool and healed me of maladies I didn’t even know I
suffered.” Then both, in perfect peace, worship their Creator.

Category: Observations Link: C. Everett Koop
Sep 25, 2012

THE HEADSTONE IS COMING.

Posted by Daddy on Sep 25, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Weeble, today is your cousin’s 18th birthday. He re-posted a picture he took of
you shortly before you died, and he commented that your are a great kid. You
really are, too. You were so full of adventure when you were with us, as I’m
sure you still are today. Your older brothers and I sometimes talk together and
picture you rolling down some heavenly mountain on your scooter, free from risk
and harm.

I talked to the monument man today. At long last your headstone will be ready
next week. I am anxious to see it, and I am also dreading the day. We asked to
be present for it’s arrival at your grave.

How I wish the last thing I can buy for you was anything else.

We thank God every day for your life, and we ask Him to greet you for us. I am
so grateful that through His blood, we can all be together again someday.

Your baby brother Simon reminds me of you. I’m sorry that he will never have met
you in this plane. The rest of us have memories, and I’m worried that he might
feel like an outsider someday. He may never know the weight of grief that we
know, but still its effects on the rest of us will also take a toll on him.

I love you, son. I miss you and I can’t wait to see you again.

Category: Letters to Weeble, Observations Link: The Headstone is Coming.
May 20, 2012

A BIRTHDAY PRAYER

Posted by Aunt Tricia on May 20, 2012 at 9:01 pm

“Dear Jesus,

Today is Elijah’s 4th birthday. We miss him very much. Would you please give him
a hug and a kiss from his mommy, daddy, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins,
brothers, and sisters? We all are looking forward to the day when we can hug and
kiss him for ourselves again, but until then we need you to do it for us. Also,
Jesus, I want to thank you for taking care of Elijah for us. This world is not
our home, and sometimes it is a very difficult place in which to live. Thank you
that you took Elijah to our real home, and that he no longer has to deal with
the “stuff” of this life. Even so, we miss him desperately. We long to be with
him (with You, Lord). Thank you, Jesus.

Love, Weeble’s Aunt Tursuh.”

Category: Uncategorized Link: A Birthday Prayer
May 20, 2012

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WEEBLE

Posted by Mommy on at 6:08 pm

We had a little party for what should have been your fourth birthday yesterday.
It was so sad, of course, without you there, but we wanted to celebrate that
four years ago, we held you in our arms for the first time. Kissed you for the
first time. Saw your blue eyes for the first time. And although we didn’t know
it would be so short, began to enjoy our days with you here in this life.

We were so blessed to have you in our lives. The memories we have with you are
not nearly enough, but they are precious. We love you very much and miss you
with a mighty ache that wracks us to the core of our being. We watched some of
your videos today, and laughed instead of crying. You always made me smile, and
you still do, even through the grief. Happy birthday, sweet Weeble.

Category: Letters to Weeble Link: Happy Birthday, Weeble
May 18, 2012

HAPPY FOURTH BIRTHDAY!

Posted by Daddy on May 18, 2012 at 9:04 pm

My sweet young son Weeble,

Tomorrow is your fourth birthday. As I prepare to celebrate that with the
family, I realize how much I miss you.

Heike has made a lot of decorations and party favors, and we have ordered a
bouncy house. Many of your friends will be here to help us celebrate. I wish you
could be here for the party.

Katie has been taking infant swimming lessons. How I wish that we had given you
the same opportunity to survive your accident. She is doing well and is learning
to float on her back and swim for short distances.

Your baby brother Simon, whom you never got to meet, is growing big and plump.
He smiles a lot and has started to laugh out loud at Mommy and your brothers and
sisters and me.

You have been gone for over one year now. During the days right after you died,
I told many people that we would be going on, not without you, but toward you.Â
After all of this time, I believe that even more strongly now than I did then.Â
I live everyday in the anticipation of being with you again in the presence of
our Father.

I know that you are having fun there at home while we must stay here for a while
in the Far Country. When we meet again you can introduce me to family members I
have never known, and I will do the same for you. I can’t wait to see you and I
love you.

Love, Daddy

Category: Letters to Weeble, Uncategorized Link: Happy Fourth Birthday!
Mar 10, 2012

WISH YOU WERE HERE

Posted by Daddy on Mar 10, 2012 at 9:26 am

Actually, I wish I were there.Â I’m camping and working again in a place that
reminds me of you, my little Weeble man.Â I sure do miss you.Â We’ll camp
together one day!

Category: Letters to Weeble Link: Wish You Were Here

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