www.psychalive.org Open in urlscan Pro
2a06:98c1:3121::3  Public Scan

Form analysis
2 forms found in the DOM

https://www.psychalive.org

<form action="https://www.psychalive.org" class="header-search-form">
  <input type="search" name="s" class="search-input" placeholder="Search">
  <button type="submit" class="btn-search"><i class="icon-search"></i></button>
</form>

#

<form action="#" class="newsletter-form">
  <div class="input-wrap">
    <input type="email" placeholder="Email Address">
  </div>
  <button type="submit" class="btn-submit">SIGN UP</button>
</form>

Text Content

psychology for
everyday life
 * Topics
   * Self Development
   * Relationships
   * Parenting
   * Mindfulness
   * Depression
   * Anxiety
   * Attachment
   * Self-Esteem
   * More
 * Authors
   * Experts
   * Guest Bloggers
 * Webinars
   * Upcoming Webinar
   * On-Demand Webinars
 * Ecourses
 * Videos

 * 
 * 
 * 
 * 


THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF-WORTH

Self Development, Self-Esteem By PsychAlive

The dictionary defines self-worth as “the sense of one’s own value or worth as a
person.” However, there are many ways for a person to value themselves and
assess their worth as a human being, and some of these are more psychologically
beneficial than others. In this article, we discuss the value of true
self-worth, how to build this type of self-worth and why so many of us lack a
feeling of worthiness.


SELF-WORTH VS. SELF-ESTEEM

Although, self-worth is often used as a synonym for “self-esteem,” Dr. Lisa
Firestone believes that self-worth should be less about measuring yourself based
on external actions and more about valuing your inherent worth as a person. In
other words, self-worth is about who you are, not about what you do.

Read about Self-Esteem vs. Narcissism

Dr. Kristin Neff argues that there is a problem with society’s focus on high
self-esteem. The problem is that this focus involves measuring oneself against
others, rather than paying attention to one’s intrinsic value. “Our competitive
culture tells us we need to be special and above average to feel good about
ourselves, but we can’t all be above average at the same time,” says Dr. Neff.
In this sense, searching for self-worth by constantly comparing ourselves to
others means to always be fighting a losing battle. As Dr. Neff says, “There is
always someone richer, more attractive, or successful than we are. And even when
we do manage to feel self-esteem for one golden moment, we can’t hold on to it.
Our sense of self-worth bounces around like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling
in lock-step with our latest success or failure.”

Furthermore, studies now show that basing one’s self-worth on external factors
is actually harmful to one’s mental health. One study at the University of
Michigan found that college students who base their self-worth on external
sources (including academic performance, appearance and approval from others)
reported more stress, anger, academic problems and relationship conflicts. They
also had higher levels of alcohol and drug use, as well as more symptoms of
eating disorders. The same study found that students who based their self-worth
on internal sources, not only felt better, they also received higher grades and
were less likely to use drugs and alcohol or to develop eating disorders.

Although real accomplishments are important to acknowledge as you build your
sense of self, your self-worth should also take in to account the unique
qualities that make you you. As mindfulness expert, Dr. Donna Rockwell points
out, we are all unique and that, in and of itself, gives each of us inherent
value.  According to Dr. Firestone, “We shouldn’t be rating ourselves, we should
just be ourselves.”


HOW TO BUILD SELF-WORTH

The first step in building self-worth is to stop comparing yourself to others
and evaluating your every move; in other words, you need to challenge your
critical inner voice. The critical inner voice is like a nasty coach in our
heads that constantly nags us with destructive thoughts towards ourselves or
others. This internalized dialogue of critical thoughts or “inner voices”
undermines our sense of self-worth and even leads to self-destructive or
maladaptive behaviors, which make us feel even worse about ourselves. As Dr.
Lisa Firestone explained in her article “7 Reasons Most People Are Afraid of
Love:”

We all have a “critical inner voice,” which acts like a cruel coach inside our
heads that tells us we are worthless or undeserving of happiness. This coach is
shaped from painful childhood experiences and critical attitudes we were exposed
to early in life as well as feelings our parents had about themselves. While
these attitudes can be hurtful, over time, they have become engrained in us. As
adults, we may fail to see them as an enemy, instead accepting their destructive
point of view as our own.

However, we can challenge the inner critic and begin to see ourselves for who we
really are, rather than taking on its negative point of view about ourselves. We
can differentiate from the ways we were seen in our family of origin and begin
to understand and appreciate our own feelings, thoughts, desires and values.

Read about 4 Steps to Conquer Your Inner Critic

A true sense of self-worth can also be fostered by practicing self-compassion. 
Developed by Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion is the practice of treating
yourself with the same kindness and compassion as you would treat a friend. This
involves taking on what Dr. Dan Siegel describes as the “COAL” attitude, which
means being Curious, Open, Accepting and Loving toward yourself and your
experiences rather than being self-critical. There are three steps to practicing
self-compassion:

1) Acknowledge and notice your suffering.

2) Be kind and caring in response to suffering.

3) Remember that imperfection is part of the human experience and something we
all share.

Adding meaning to your life, by taking part in activities that you feel are
important, is another great way to build self-worth. Helping others, for
example, offers a huge boost to your sense of self-worth. Generosity is good for
you, both physically and mentally, and studies now show that volunteering has a
very positive affect on how people feel about themselves.  Other studies have
found that religion correlates with a higher sense of self-worth in adolescents.
People find meaning in many different ways; think about the activities and
interests that feel meaningful to you personally and pursue those activities to
build a more positive feeling of self-worth. Researcher Dr. Jennifer Crocker
suggests that you find “a goal that is bigger than the self.” As Dr. Robert
Firestone says, “Investing energy in transcendent goals and activities that
extend beyond one’s self interest, for example, contributing to a humanitarian
cause or trying, in some way, to improve the lot of future generations, helps
build self-esteem.”

Acting on principles, in ways that you respect, is another important quality to
foster as you develop a higher level of self-worth. “Make a concerted effort to
maintain personal integrity in your life by insisting that your actions
correspond to your words,” suggests Dr. Robert Firestone. When our actions do
not match our words, we are more vulnerable to attacks from our critical inner
voice and less likely to respect ourselves.

By challenging your critical inner voice and stopping comparing yourself to
others, you can begin to get a feeling for your own self-worth. By pursuing
activities that are meaningful to you and acting in line with your own personal
beliefs, you can develop your sense of yourself as a worthwhile person in the
world even further.

Building a Healthy Sense of Self
Length: 90 Minutes
Price: $15
On-Demand Webinars

  In this Webinar: Cultivating a healthy, compassionate, and authentic sense of
self is key to improving every aspect of our lives. In this Webinar,…

Learn More
Share the knowledge!
 * Tweet
 * Share
 * Mail


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

PsychAlive PsychAlive is a free, nonprofit resource created by the Glendon
Association. Help support our effort to bring psychological information to the
public by making a donation.


RELATED ARTICLES


Why Do We Underestimate Our Effect on Others?

Are You Able to Hold Hope In Life?

3 Easy Things to Try to Immediately Improve Your Mood
Tags: compassion, confidence, critical inner voice, critical self-image, self
confidence, self-awareness, self-esteem, self-worth


40 COMMENTS

Stella Marie July 2nd, 2014

I have been wondering how to build my self worth and have been researching
online and this is the best advice I have found. I never thought about the
difference between self-worth and self-esteem this way, but it makes a lot of
sense. After all, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I think focusing more on
intrinsic value and acting on your own beliefs is a good start. Thanks.

Log in to Reply
Steven Haack June 30th, 2021

I read that comparing myself to another is suicide of the soul, which is one
reason I don’t like Olympics. Developing as a high school athlete was great
because I learned discipline, and a can do attitude. I also developed friends
with a teammate who cared about me. He was my second coach. College athletics
also helps, but Olympics are about perfection and anything less than first place
is losing.
Some kids in China start training at age four. That’s nuts. Self worth is about
joy of being alive. It’s a mom smile at her child’s birth.

Log in to Reply
Cory Cook November 25th, 2014

Great post. I totally agree that measuring your own self worth on external
things is harmful. Things of the external vary all the time and no one has any
control over these forms of measure. True self worth is an internal realization.

Some good tips you give on helping one to increase their sense of interal
worthiness too.

Best regards,
Cory

Log in to Reply
Sydney March 4th, 2015

Hello,
I love this article and am attempting to use it for a research essay. Is there
any way that I could gain citation information (authors, date of publishing,
publisher, etc.) Please reply to the email listed as soon as possible.
Thank you and have a nice day,
Sydney

Log in to Reply
Alexandrea November 14th, 2016

Did you ever receive a citation for this article? Would like to use it as well.

Log in to Reply
Aqua December 28th, 2016

With all due respect can you not write your own essay, based on your own
experience and research.
It seems to me one of the indications of low self worth is using others words
rather than ones own, why is your experience, and wisdom not valid?
Im all for quotes and references but wholesale using anothers work suggests low
self worth because you are inferring your words are less worth i ncomparison tho
whomever wrote the article.

But worse than that, there is NO author cited, and that worries me because it
suggests Psychalive has stole someones work.

That would of course be both deeply hypocritical and wholly unethical.

Log in to Reply
PsychAlive December 29th, 2016

This article was written by PsychAlive staff member, Lena Firestone. We often
publish articles by staff members as ‘PsychAlive.’ We can assure you that we
have never plagiarized another author’s work.

Log in to Reply
Critic February 28th, 2019

Yes this is plagiarism. These ideas are core foundational Buddhist philosophy.
Whoever wrote this is ignoring where self-compassion and mindfulness actually
come from.

Log in to Reply
Lisa May 23rd, 2017

Negative attitude

Log in to Reply
Negative December 28th, 2019

Negative attitude about negative attitude

Log in to Reply
P.Ratt March 24th, 2015

Thank you for writing a good article and provided good tips. It is very useful
to me.

Log in to Reply
Carole Kelly June 3rd, 2015

Yes, I would appreciate citation information too. This is an important issue to
raise awareness of.

Log in to Reply
Orinn August 3rd, 2015

Thank you. This is wonderful.

Log in to Reply
Patricia October 23rd, 2015

Every time I try to share this link on Twitter, I get the message: “This request
looks like it might be automated. To protect our users from spam and other
malicious activity, we can’t complete this action right now. Please try again
later.” It shares just fine on Facebook and Google+, though. Thought I would let
you know.

Excellent article, very helpful information.

Log in to Reply
geoffrey January 7th, 2016

great advice..reading from kenya thanks alot for posting it i’m also working on
my self-worth.

Log in to Reply
Timur February 1st, 2016

Hi there, I find this article very helpfu and inspiringl since I am currently
working on this issue myself. So thanks a lot!!!
Building up and maintain a stable feeling of self-worth is a long, difficult
journey but it’s worth more than anything because having things straightened out
with oneself is the first step to personal freedom.

Log in to Reply
Francis April 8th, 2016

This is quite an edifying post.Peaople many a time erroneously compare their
self worth on exterior things which is rather lethal.This now serves as a real
eye opener.Thanks a lot.

Log in to Reply
Francis Oshieke April 8th, 2016

It is only the deep thinkers who can explicitly juxtapose between self
worthiness and self esteem.Shallow thinkers will always see them as a mirage.

Log in to Reply
Joonas April 27th, 2016

Good article on many parts but I found one contradiction. You write that
self-worth is about who we are, not what we do (which is correct). Yet later you
recommend helping others to boost sense of self-worth. So you recommend doing to
boost self-worth. Which for a while could work, but what then when one for some
reason can not help others anymore? Self-worth which is largely based on helping
others decreases.

By the way, the reason why helping others makes us feel good about ourselves is
because we´ve been conditioned in our childhoods. Do good deeds, you´re “a good
boy/girl” and vice versa. Yet our value as living beings is always the same,
whether we do good deeds, or bad.

Log in to Reply
Mary Lou July 9th, 2016

I agree. I was taught to take care of others, that I didn’t matter. So saying I
should do for others doesn’t solve my self worth-self esteem issues.

Log in to Reply
kathryn November 4th, 2016

Yes. Yes, thank you, that’s precisely it. Be seen but not heard. Anticipate the
needs of others, but do not burden others with needs of your own. Be good.

It doesn’t take years of therapy to hear that you have to love yourself before
you can love anyone else; but when conditioned to always put others first, when
are you supposed to learn what “loving yourself” actually means?

When all you know is caring for others above all else, how does even more
putting others first help you?

Log in to Reply
Marlene January 30th, 2017

Your remark regarding the author’s statement that self worth is, “who we are and
not what we do” is well taken. Consider also that, to build upon and expand a
healthy self esteem, self worth must come first. Thus, self worth may be
exclusively internal, yet its overwhelming reach and benefit embraces so much
MORE – which positively impacts internally as well as externally. There will be
times when we may feel unable to help others, but don’t lose hope. A kind word
or simple prayer of reassurance has brought me signigicant joy! As a result of
extending joy and hope, your self worth and self esteem both reach incredible
heights. It’s worth feeling the beauty and seeing the beauty that helping
manifests.

Log in to Reply
Shawn June 2nd, 2017

Depends upon whether you “do” seeking to control (or something in return), or
just because you love to do it. What is the alternative to “doing”? “Being”
involves more than breathing. We all have purpose, the goal of life is to LIVE
it ACTIVELY.

Log in to Reply
Dave June 28th, 2016

Into this world we’re thrown. Comparision is what our employers partake. It’s
impossible to not compare yourself to others when your job is at stake.

Log in to Reply
Aqua December 28th, 2016

Why does this article not cite an Author?
It would entirely undermine the message if it was stolen.

Log in to Reply
mercy muthoni March 1st, 2017

how should we know

Log in to Reply
Bailey Lind November 13th, 2018

It’s Lena Firestone, according to Psychalive itself. (:

Log in to Reply
ARAM QADIR March 14th, 2017

Neve thought about self-worth in this way. But I personally don’t believe in
SELF-WORTH. Who has the right to tell you whether you have or lack self-worth?
Who decides on who has or has no self-worth? How much self-worth do you have?
Isn’t it all relative?
We talk about self worth because the society, culture or the media tell us to
measure our self worth in relations to another human beings. The only way to
tackle the issue of lacking self worth is to believe that no matter matter how
good, genius or evil you are, but you are still a human being and we worth
nothing and we are all the same and good by nature.
But it is what we say or do has uts worth rather than we as human beings.

Great Article written above and helps us to view this matter from a different
angle.

Log in to Reply
Ninin kholida June 17th, 2017

Great post. Thankyou for sharing the concept about self worth

Log in to Reply
Tim January 14th, 2018

I agree with your view that challenging your inner critic voice is one of the
significant aspect for developing self worth.
Adding to your views, I believe self-worth is developed by being okay with the
way we are. If we are not judgmental about ourselves and love our authentic
nature, then we will have developed a sustainable self-worth.
I used to feel a lot low during my late teen years. Feeling scared and low-self
esteem was part of me. Reading various books, articles, e-newsletters were very
much helpful but only for short term, like for a month or so. Finally I came
across this questionnaire:
1. What am I unhappy about that? What do I mean?
2. What is it about that, that makes me unhappy? What do I mean?
3. Why am I unhappy about that? What do I mean?
4. What am I afraid would happen if I were not unhappy about that?
5. Why would it have to mean that?
6. Do I still believe that being happy would be bad for me right now?

These open-ended questions helped me excavate my underlying self limiting
beliefs. I had a realization that I have the choice of not choosing to feel bad
in any situations. And that made all the difference.
Today, I am 25 years of age and I am a happier person now. I would suggest you
ask yourself these open ended questions and observe your answers. You will
certainly find your underlying belief.
Actually this method is called “Option Method”. You can google search for it for
further query. And also you can take help of teachers to ask those questions
better.
Wishing you happier days ahead. 🙂 .

Log in to Reply
Annie December 3rd, 2020

Glad i came across your reply! Those questions are really helpful and i feel
like can really pinpoint and heal my self-worth woes at the moment. Thanks for
sharing 🙂

Log in to Reply
Christina March 28th, 2018

Christina
That’s an informative article. Thanks a lot!

Log in to Reply
John November 2nd, 2019

When is this published to this website?

Log in to Reply
PsychAlive November 4th, 2019

May 9, 2014

Log in to Reply
Daisy.Jill January 6th, 2020

A person’s success does not depend on his wisdom, but perseverance

Log in to Reply
Ivana March 23rd, 2020

May I ask when and what article did Dr. Lisa Firestone stated the words, “We
shouldn’t be rating ourselves, we should just be ourselves.” I would like to use
it for my research. I’m hoping to get a reply as soon as possible.
Thank you!

Log in to Reply
Anonymous October 15th, 2020

All of your strategies listed in the article all depend on results-based self
esteem/worth.

Be ok with your effort.
Be ok with failing.
Just be ok.
Find fulfillment in just doing your best.
Your effort, is what counts, not achievement.
Be ok with failing.
It is unrealistic to expect to win at everything 100% of the time.
Just count your efforts as learning experiences, be content with doing your
personal best.

Log in to Reply
Me October 15th, 2020

This artice gives closure and real resolution to performanced-based self-esteem,
and eliminates performance-based anxiety.

Don’t be fooled by the strategies listed by Dr. Kristin Neff.

These strategies are COMPLETELY performance-based, and keep you on the
spiraling, spinning wheel of never measuring up to your own expectations, or the
expectations of others.

Log in to Reply
Tshireletso February 10th, 2021

Thanks for the steps of comparison . I will ways act as if im strong knowing
deep down I’m suffering. I’m tired of the judgement I get from my inner self.

Log in to Reply
alex May 8th, 2021

who wrote this so i can reference it in my work? 🙂

Log in to Reply


LEAVE A REPLY CANCEL REPLY

You must be logged in to post a comment.


LGBTQ+ MENTAL HEALTH THROUGH THE LIFESPAN

Learn More


MAKING SENSE OF YOUR LIFE

Learn More

POPULAR POSTS

4 Steps to Conquer Your Inner Critic
Most of us are familiar with those nagging thoughts that tell us we are not good
enough, that cast doubt…
Psychalive - Psychology for Everyday Life
The Latest Why Is Honesty So Important in a Relationship?
Is There a Cure for Narcissism?
Are today’s youth really a more narcissistic generation? It’s a
question parents, educators, researchers and media seem to be strongly
affirming.
User Agreement
This website is not intended in any manner to provide psychotherapy or mental
health assistance.
Contact
  For answers to general questions: info@psychalive.

RELATED ARTICLES

Paying Attention to Your Mental Health
March 30, 2020
These trying times are hard on us psychologically! With the focus on the very
real threat of the Coronavirus to…
Experts at Home: Dr. Christine Courtois on Dealing With Trauma
March 20, 2021
  In this Experts at Home conversation, Dr. Christine Courtois joins Dr. Lisa
Firestone to talk about the impact of…
Improve Your Mood Instantly
February 22, 2011
Recently the scientific community and the popular media were abuzz about the
results of a global study entitled: Is daydreaming…

Sign up for updates from PsychAlive

SIGN UP
PsychAlive is intended as an educational resource. We do not provide counseling
or direct services
 * About
 * Contact
 * Subscribe
 * User Agreement
 * Privacy Policy

 * 
 * 
 * 
 * 
 * 

Key Topics
 * Addictions
 * Anger
 * Anxiety
 * Attachment
 * Attachment Webinars
 * CE Webinars
 * Communication Between Couples
 * Communication with Children
 * Critical Inner Voice
 * Critical Inner Voice and Intimacy
 * Defenses
 * Depression
 * Depression Webinars
 * Differentiation
 * Discipline
 * Eating Disorders
 * Existential Issues
 * Experts
 * Experts at Home
 * Fantasy Bond
 * Fear of Intimacy

 * Featured Author: Dr. Robert Firestone
 * Happiness
 * Isolation and Loneliness
 * Life Affirming Death Awareness
 * Love
 * Mindfulness
 * Narcissism
 * Nervous system
 * Neuroscience
 * Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
 * Overcome Your Inner Critic Webinars
 * Parenting
 * Parenting Advice
 * Parenting Webinars
 * Relationship Advice
 * Relationship Problems
 * Relationship Webinars
 * Relationships
 * Self Development
 * Self-Destructive Behavior
 * Self-Development Webinars

 * Self-Esteem
 * Sexual Stereotyping
 * Sexuality
 * Stress
 * Students
 * Suicide Prevention
 * Suicide Prevention Webinars
 * Tantrums
 * The Fantasy Bond
 * Toxic Relationships
 * Trauma
 * Trauma Webinars
 * Uncategorized
 * Video
 * Violence
 * Violence Prevention
 * Violence Prevention Webinars
 * Webinars
 * Why Do We...? - A PsychAlive Podcast

Resources
 * Books
 * Featured Homepage Webinar
 * Films
 * On-Demand Webinars
 * Upcoming Webinar

Copyright © 2023 PsychAlive