www.metanoia.org Open in urlscan Pro
67.222.147.114  Public Scan

Form analysis
0 forms found in the DOM

Text Content

If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will
only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad
feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only
someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.

I don't know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for
the moment, you're reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here
because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible,
I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk,
face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to
make do with this.

I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some
small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to
reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together
here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would
like to share with you. I won't argue with you about whether you should kill
yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.

Well, you're still reading, and that's very good. I'd like to ask you to stay
with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you're at least a tiny
bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your
life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being
unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this
minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you
want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let's
hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.


Start by considering this statement:

Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds
resources for coping with pain.

That's all it's about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed,
because you feel suicidal. It doesn't even mean that you really want to die - it
only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start
piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough
weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing
to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.

Don't accept it if someone tells you, "That's not enough to be suicidal about."
There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain
is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone
else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable
depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in
their capacity to withstand pain.

When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result.
Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is
morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way
to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both
are possible.


Now I want to tell you five things to think about.

1

You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as
badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that
you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of
hope.


2

Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, "I will wait 24 hours before I do
anything." Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different
things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn't mean that you have
to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal
feelings and suicidal action. Even if it's just 24 hours. You have already done
it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes
by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still
feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very
encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.

3

People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember
that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel
the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.


4

Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are
frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping
you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have
to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and
will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk
you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them.
Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what's going on with you.
It is okay to ask for help. Try:

 * Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans
 * Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255
   (TTY:1-800-799-4TTY)
 * Text HOME to 741741
 * Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
 * Call a psychotherapist
 * Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to
   listen

But don't give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone.
Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the
pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain
your balance.

5

Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you
need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the
various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.

 

Well, it's been a few minutes and you're still with me. I'm really glad.

Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward
yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping
resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to
make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let's give you
another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of
pain.

Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping
resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find
someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got
to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully
the first person you choose won't be the last. There are a lot of people out
there who really want to hear from you. It's time to start looking around for
one of them.

Now: I'd like you to call someone.

And while you're at it, you can still stay with me for a bit. Check out these
sources of online help.

Additional things to read at this site:

 * How serious is our condition? ..."He only took 15 pills, he wasn't really
   serious..." if others are making you feel like you're just trying to get
   attention... read this.

 * Why is it so hard for us to recover from being suicidal? ...while most
   suicidal people recover and go on, others struggle with suicidal thoughts and
   feelings for months or even years. Suicide and post-traumatic stress disorder
   (PTSD).

 * Recovery from grief and loss ...has anyone significant in your life recently
   died? You would be in good company... many suicidal people have recently
   suffered a loss.

 * The stigma of suicide that prevents suicidal people from recovering: we are
   not only fighting our own pain, but the pain that others inflict on us... and
   that we ourselves add to. Stigma is a huge complicating factor in suicidal
   feelings.

 * Resources about depression ...if you are suicidal, you are most likely
   experiencing some form of depression. This is good news, because depression
   can be treated, helping you feel better.

 * Symptoms of depression ...the specific symptoms of a full blown episode of
   clinical depression

Do you know someone who is suicidal... or would you like to be able to help, if
the situation arises? Learn what to do, so that you can make the situation
better, not worse.

 * Handling a call from a suicidal person ...a very helpful ten-point list that
   you can print out and keep near your phone or computer.

 * What can I do to help someone who may be suicidal? ...a helpful guide,
   includes Suicide Warning Signs.

Other online sources of help:

 * The Samaritans - trained volunteers are available 24 hours a day to listen
   and provide emotional support. You can call a volunteer on the phone, or
   e-mail them. Confidential and non-judgmental. Short of writing to a
   psychotherapist, the best source of online help.

 * Talk to a therapist online - Read this page to find out how.

 * Depression support group online: Depression Support Group - Find support in
   this support forum.

 * LifeHelper has a good listing of online resources for suicide - and other
   mental health needs.

 * Still feel bad? These jokes might relieve the pressure for a minute or two.

 * If you want help finding a human being to talk with in person, who can help
   you live through this, try reading this article about how to Choose a
   Competent Counselor.

 

Sometimes people need additional private help before they are ready to talk with
someone in person. Here are a few books you could read on your own in private. I
know from personal experience that each one has helped someone like you.

 * Suicide: The Forever Decision by Paul G. Quinnett, PhD (Continuum, ISBN
   0-8264-0391-3). Frank and helpful conversation with a therapist who cares.

 * Choosing to Live: how to defeat suicide through cognitive therapy by Thomas
   E. Ellis PsyD and Cory F. Newman PhD (New Harbinger Publications, ISBN
   1-57224-056-3). Another conversational book with practical help for suicidal
   persons.

 * How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to
   Suicide Prevention by Susan Rose Blauner (William Morrow, ISBN 0066211212). A
   very practical survival guide by an actual survivor.

 * Out of the Nightmare: Recovery From Depression And Suicidal Pain, by David L.
   Conroy, PhD (Authors Choice Press, ISBN 0595414974). As if suicidal persons
   weren't feeling bad enough already, our thoughtless attitudes can cause them
   to feel guilt and shame, and keep them from getting help in time. Dr. Conroy
   blasts apart the myths of suicide, and looks at suicidal feelings from the
   inside, in a down to earth, non-judgmental way. This is a book that will save
   lives by washing away the stigma of suicide and opening the door to a real
   way out of the nightmare.




We make no money whatsoever on recommending these books... they are simply
recommendations.

 

Want to share your suicide story?
Please visit the Suicide Project and leave your story







Last modified: 24-Sep-2023


This page is provided as a public service by Metanoia, and is dedicated with
gratitude to David Conroy, Ph.D. whose work inspired it. Metanoia cannot provide
counseling to suicidal persons. If you need help please use the resources
outlined above.

Written by Martha A. and updated & reviewed by Dr. John Grohol.

© Copyright 1995-2002 Martha Ainsworth. All rights reserved. Reprints: Please
feel free to link to this page. Please do not reproduce this page on the
Internet; you may link to it instead. You may reproduce this page in print media
for non-commercial, non-profit use only, if you meet the following three
conditions: (1) you must use the full text without alteration up to and
including the words "Now: I'd like you to call someone."; (2) please consider
making a donation to The Samaritans (see above); and (3) you must print the
following notice verbatim: "Reprinted with permission. Suicide: Read This First
(https://www.metanoia.org/suicide) was written by Martha Ainsworth based on work
by David Conroy, Ph.D. To talk with a caring listener about your suicidal
feelings, in the U.S. call 1-800-SUICIDE any time, day or night. Online, send an
anonymous e-mail to jo@samaritans.org for confidential and non-judgmental help,
or visit https://www.samaritans.org."

The original white on black suicide - read this first page is here.

Hosted as a community service by the nonprofit
What is Depression? (LifeHelper)

Mental Health Support Groups (free!) • This Emotional Life