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LOVE AND MONEY: 4 WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Edelman Financial Engines
February 6, 2024

COUPLES WHO COMMUNICATE ABOUT MONEY COULD BE MORE LIKELY TO GO THE DISTANCE.

Valentine’s Day has a reputation as the most romantic day of the year – a
celebration of the love and support you share with your spouse or partner. And
that’s probably not all you share; you might share children, a home, long-term
goals and, of course, your finances. Any of those can be a source of joy – and
sometimes contention.

Money issues are particularly notorious as one of the top issues couples
disagree on. And in times of economic stress, like we’ve experienced in the last
few years, it can get worse. In fact, nearly 20% more respondents to our latest
research survey, Everyday Wealth in America, reported fighting about money in
2023 vs. 2022.

The good news is that the survey also revealed clear differences between the
behaviors of married couples and those who had divorced. Unsurprisingly, as in
almost all aspects of a relationship, communication is key.

This Valentine’s Day, perhaps the best gift you can give your spouse or partner
is a commitment to better communicating about money. Here are five ways to get
started:

1. HAVE A MONEY TALK THAT GOES BEYOND DOLLARS AND CENTS

Hopefully, you’ve had many, many money conversations at this point. They can
range from tactical (“How much did we budget for groceries this month?”) to big
picture (“Should we take out a home equity loan to redo the kitchen?”).

But what many people often fail to confront – even on their own – is their core
money beliefs. You draw on these beliefs every time you make a decision about
money, but you might never have thought about them, let alone discussed them
with your partner.

Set aside some time to talk about your reaction to statements like the ones
below. And share the “why” behind your reactions – are you being guided by how
your parents handled money? A past relationship or experience? Your personal
morals and values?

TRUE OR FALSE? MONEY BELIEFS TO DISCUSS WITH YOUR PARTNER

 * Having more money is always better than having less money
 * Money can make you greedy or selfish
 * I don’t deserve my money
 * My money is a reflection of my value
 * Saving money is always better than spending it
 * Money is meant to be shared
 * Protecting your money is better than risking it

In our survey, divorcees were much more likely to say they had fought over money
and almost two-thirds agreed that it had contributed to the divorce. But
understanding your partner’s core money beliefs can bring you closer together
and help you see their point of view. And that can reduce friction and stop
disagreements from turning into arguments.

2. ENVISION YOUR RETIREMENT TOGETHER

Even couples who have the money talk before marriage and find they’re in
agreement about debt, saving vs. spending and how their finances will be shared
often don’t address one big topic – their goals for retirement.

This was much more common among divorcees in our survey – nearly a third said
they’d never had a conversation about it. Among married couples, more than 60%
said they were always or usually aligned on their vision for retirement, but it
varied widely by age, with younger couples feeling much less confident and older
ones much more so.

Retirement may be decades away, but it’s never too early to start talking about
what you want it to look like. How much will you travel? Will you downsize or
move away? Will you keep working in some capacity?

 


TALKING ABOUT YOUR RETIREMENT VISION WON’T JUST HELP YOU AVOID FUTURE SURPRISES,
IT CAN ALSO GET YOU EXCITED ABOUT THE FUTURE AND INSPIRE YOU TO DO EVEN MORE TO
REACH YOUR GOALS.

 

3. DON’T HIDE THINGS

Not all couples totally combine their finances when getting married. In fact,
the majority of respondents said that at least some of their finances remained
separate, and two-thirds agreed it can be healthy to manage money that way.

But “separate” doesn’t mean “hidden.”

When it comes to relationship killers, the top three all revolved around
dishonesty:

 * Not being honest about spending
 * Making big purchases without telling the other person
 * Not sharing important financial information

There are many reasons someone might hide things or lie about money in a
relationship. Perhaps you think your spouse’s view on spending is unreasonable.
Maybe you need to have secret money to feel safe because of a previous traumatic
experience. Or perhaps you’re simply used to making independent decisions and
don’t want to consult with someone else.

 


IN A RELATIONSHIP, HONESTY IS PARAMOUNT – WHEN IT COMES TO MONEY OR ANYTHING
ELSE.

 

Unsurprisingly, divorced respondents were more likely to say they hadn’t shared
everything about their spending than those who were still married. Whatever the
potential reason for it, it’s never a good idea to hide financial information.

4. ACT AS A TEAM

You probably didn’t enter your marriage in the exact same financial situation as
your spouse; you may have had a different level of savings, debt, income
potential, expenses or other assets. (This can be especially true in second
marriages, where one spouse is more established or has children or support
obligations.) It’s important to remember that while your situations may be
different, marriage means facing challenges together.

Debt was a major point of contention in our survey, with divorcees nearly twice
as likely to blame their spouse for the majority of the debt in their
relationship.

While it’s fine to keep your finances mostly separate if that’s what you agree
on – have your own individual accounts and pay bills separately, for example –
it’s important that your long-term plan covers both of you. If you’re committed
to staying together “until death do us part,” it serves you best to have one
plan that addresses how you’ll reach retirement and other goals, pay off your
debt, and balance your ongoing income and expenses as a couple.

NOTHING SAYS ‘I LOVE YOU’ LIKE BETTER COMMUNICATION

Whether you’ve been married a year or decades, money disagreements are likely to
pop up now and then. But a strong marriage can overcome them, and communication
is one of the best tools you have.

SOURCE FOR ALL FIGURES IN THIS ARTICLE: EDELMAN FINANCIAL ENGINES, EVERYDAY
WEALTH IN AMERICA 2023 REPORT.

© 2024 EDELMAN FINANCIAL ENGINES, LLC. THIS PUBLICATION IS FOR INFORMATIONAL
PURPOSES ONLY AND DOES NOT CONSTITUTE INVESTMENT ADVICE OR AN OFFER TO BUY OR
SELL ANY SECURITY. FUTURE MARKET MOVEMENTS MAY DIFFER SIGNIFICANTLY FROM THE
EXPECTATIONS EXPRESSED HEREIN, AND PAST PERFORMANCE IS NO GUARANTEE OF FUTURE
RESULTS. EDELMAN FINANCIAL ENGINES ASSUMES NO LIABILITY IN CONNECTION WITH THE
USE OF THE INFORMATION AND MAKES NO WARRANTIES AS TO ACCURACY OR COMPLETENESS.
FUTURE RESULTS ARE NOT GUARANTEED BY ANY PARTY. FINANCIAL ENGINES® IS A
TRADEMARK OF EDELMAN FINANCIAL ENGINES, LLC. ADVISORY SERVICES ARE PROVIDED BY
FINANCIAL ENGINES ADVISORS L.L.C. (FEA), A FEDERALLY REGISTERED INVESTMENT
ADVISOR. CERTAIN SERVICES PROVIDED ON AN EDUCATIONAL AND GUIDANCE BASIS ONLY.
CALL (800) 601-5957 FOR A COPY OF OUR PRIVACY NOTICE.

AM3348583


What to read next
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