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Skip to main content Home Library Language VIDEO: IT’S ALL ABOUT KINDNESS VIDEO: IT’S ALL ABOUT KINDNESS Print You’ve probably heard a lot about pronouns lately. Afterall, it’s becoming more common to see them listed in emails and social media bios (often as “she/her,” “he/him,” “they/them” or another iteration) and the discussion of pronouns has become fairly widespread. But what do we actually mean when we talk about people choosing their pronouns? And why does the distinction—between assumption and personal choice—matter? “Preferred” Pronouns If you’ve heard the phrase—”preferred pronouns”—and have some questions, you’re not alone. Generally, when we speak of preference we mean a personal choice between various options. But the more we discuss pronouns and their impact on personal identity, inclusivity, and respect, the more we come to understand that the “preferred” part may not be necessary. Rather than being something like an outfit you choose to wear or not, a person’s gender identity is a valid aspect of their self, and their pronouns are both a personal and public extension of that. This means that instead of being a “preference,” pronouns instead simply are. Ultimately, remember that pronouns—as well as whether or not someone uses the term “preferred pronouns”—are personal. So listen to the individual and respect their own language choices. Check Your Assumptions The truth is, we make a lot of assumptions about gender in our day-to-day life. When we see someone, learn someone’s name, or hear someone’s voice we tend to automatically assume that person’s gender based on all sorts of prewired social cues. But the more we learn about it, the more we understand that gender doesn’t always work that way. As the people at mypronouns.org remind us, “These assumptions aren’t always correct, and the act of making an assumption (even if correct) sends a potentially harmful message—that people have to look a certain way to demonstrate the gender that they are or are not.” Pronouns matter because they are an essential, typically public reflection of ourselves. When we take the time to learn and use someone’s proper pronouns, we’re affirming that we respect their identity. Alternatively, ignoring someone’s pronouns and gender identity is an act of disrespect. “Just as it can be offensive or even harassing to make up a nickname for someone and call them that nickname against their will,” the folks at mypronouns.org write, “it can be offensive or harassing to guess at someone’s pronouns and refer to them using those pronouns if that is not how that person wants to be known.” So what’s the difference between “sex” and “gender”? Well, “sex” or, better, “biological sex” is scientific and refers to the type of gametes found in a reproducing animal or plant. “Gender,” on the other hand, is largely a cultural construct with the Oxford English Dictionary’s definition stating that it is “often intended to emphasize the social and cultural, as opposed to the biological, distinctions between the sexes.” Watch: Interviewees at Buzzfeed discuss why pronouns matter and what the correct use of pronouns means to them. Need help with this video? Click Here “But I believe that there are only two genders.” If you’ve heard someone say this, remind them that they can respect someone’s request to be called a different name or use different pronouns no matter how they feel about it. Kindness means treating people how they want to be treated, which includes respecting people’s pronouns and names. Consider This: While it may seem strange to address an individual as “they,” the truth is that we do it all the time without even thinking about it. Whenever we refer to someone whose gender we aren’t sure of, we typically default to the singular “they.” For example, someone may ask, “What did the lawyer’s email say?” and you, having yet to meet or speak with this person, might reply that “they said to come in for an appointment.” Recognizing that we already use the singular “they” unconsciously can help us use it more intentionally. SHOW WHAT YOU KNOW From the video, which of the following pronouns is not mentioned? Please provide an answer She/they Ze/hir He/him Xe/xem Submit Answers FEATURE TOPIC VIDEO: IT’S ALL ABOUT KINDNESS You’ve probably heard a lot about pronouns lately. read more Current A FEW STEPS IN THEIR SHOES One of the core tenets of inclusivity is ... read more VIDEO: PUTTING YOUR PRONOUNS TO WORK Whether it’s during an introduction for ... read more 1 2 3 × ×