gretchenrubin.com Open in urlscan Pro
2a04:fa87:fffd::c000:42bd  Public Scan

Form analysis
1 forms found in the DOM

/

<form action="/" class="searchForm__form--3IHhJ" data-reactid="167">
  <h3 class="searchForm__heading--1L1B0 typography__heading2--am7w4 typography__heading--iPtyY" data-reactid="168"><span data-reactid="169">What are you looking for?</span></h3>
  <div class="searchForm__inputWrapper--a6TFX" data-reactid="170"><label for="search" data-reactid="171">Search</label><input type="search" name="search" class="searchForm__input--3_kha" value="" data-reactid="172"><button
      class="searchForm__button--1gBYO buttons__buttonYellow--2jLgP" type="submit" data-reactid="173"><span class="searchForm__buttonText--2YeHk buttons__buttonText--1F0Q2" data-reactid="174">Search</span></button></div>
  <div class="searchForm__options--3AaLy" data-reactid="175">
    <div class="searchForm__option--w4ALQ" data-reactid="176"><input type="radio" id="searchAll" name="searchScope" value="searchAll" class="searchForm__optionInput--fAjc3" data-reactid="177" checked=""><label for="searchAll"
        class="searchForm__optionLabel--8ePtj" data-reactid="178"><span class="searchForm__fauxRadio--3LVcW" aria-hidden="true" data-reactid="179"></span><span data-reactid="180">Search everything</span></label></div>
    <div class="searchForm__option--w4ALQ" data-reactid="181"><input type="radio" id="searchPodcasts" name="searchScope" value="searchPodcasts" class="searchForm__optionInput--fAjc3" data-reactid="182"><label for="searchPodcasts"
        class="searchForm__optionLabel--8ePtj" data-reactid="183"><span class="searchForm__fauxRadio--3LVcW" aria-hidden="true" data-reactid="184"></span><span data-reactid="185">Podcasts only</span></label></div>
  </div>
</form>

Text Content

You need to enable JavaScript to run this app.

Get weekly newsletter updates from Gretchen.Subscribe

Dismiss
 * Home
 * About
   * About
   * For the Press
   * Manifesto
   * Live Events
   * Live Video
   * Contact
 * Courses
 * Four Tendencies Quiz
 * Books
   * All Books
   * Outer Order, Inner Calm
   * The Four Tendencies
   * Better Than Before
   * Happier at Home
   * The Happiness Project
   * Forty Ways to Look at Winston Churchill
   * Forty Ways to Look at JFK
   * Power Money Fame Sex
   * Profane Waste
   * The Restatement of Love
 * Podcasts
 * Blog
   * All Posts
   * Top 100
   * Quizzes
   * Tips
   * Happiness
   * Health
   * Relationships
   * Habits
   * Mindfulness
   * Productivity
   * Self-Knowledge
 * Shop
 * The Happiness Project
 * The Happier App


WANT MORE HAPPINESS AND GOOD HABITS?
I HAVE A NEWSLETTER FOR THAT!


Subscribe
 * Facebook
 * Instagram
 * Twitter
 * LinkedIn
 * YouTube
 * Pinterest


Dismiss


WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

SearchSearch
Search everything
Podcasts only
Browse all posts



GRETCHEN RUBIN

 * Facebook
 * Instagram
 * Twitter
 * LinkedIn
 * Email

Menu
 * Books
 * Podcasts
 * Blog
 * Courses
 * Happiness Project
 * Happier App

Search

Get weekly newsletter updates from Gretchen.Subscribe

Menu


GRETCHEN RUBIN

Search

June 25, 2019


FAQ: WHAT IF MY RESULT FROM THE FOUR TENDENCIES QUIZ DOESN’T SEEM RIGHT?

5
Comments
add a comment
Tags
 * Four Tendencies
 * obliger
 * Obliger-rebellion
 * questioner
 * quiz
 * rebel
 * Self-knowledge
 * upholder

I've developed a personality framework that divides people into four categories,
the "Four Tendencies": Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel.

To find out your "Tendency," take the quick free quiz here. More than two
million people have taken this quiz!

From time to time, people ask me, "But what if I feel like I'm all four of the
Tendencies?" or "I got a certain answer on the quiz, but I think I'm actually a
combo of two Tendencies, is that possible?" or "Why doesn't my answer doesn't
feel right?" All good questions.


"WHAT IF I FEEL LIKE I'M A MIX OF ALL FOUR TENDENCIES?"

Of course, no matter what our fundamental Tendency, a small part of each of us
is Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, and Rebel.

 * All of us meet an expectation when we don’t want to bear the consequences of
   ignoring it. The Rebel wears his seat belt after he pays a few big fines.
 * All of us may question why we should have to meet an expectation, or become
   annoyed by inefficiency, or refuse to do something that seems arbitrary.
 * We all meet some expectations because they’re important to someone else. The
   most determined Upholder will sacrifice her regular morning workout if her
   child is recovering from surgery.
 * We all desire autonomy. We prefer to be asked rather than ordered to do
   something, and if our feeling of being controlled by others becomes too
   strong, it can trigger “reactance,” a resistance to something that’s
   experienced as a threat to our freedom or our ability to choose.

But if you feel very strongly that you're all four, that's a very strong
indication that you're a Questioner. Why?

Partly because the Questioner Tendency is the least distinctive Tendency.
Upholders, Obligers, and Rebels recognize how they’re different from other
people. But Questioners view their questioning not as evidence of a pattern but
merely the logical, universal response to life.

For instance, during a visit to my old high school, where I spoke about the Four
Tendencies, a senior insisted, “I’m a mix of Tendencies, sometimes I act one
way, sometimes another, depending on the situation. If I get an assignment from
a teacher I respect, I do it, no problem, so I’m an Upholder. But if I don’t
respect the teacher, I won’t do it. So I’m a Rebel. So I’m different, depending
on the situation.”

“Actually, no,” I said. “That’s pure Questioner. A Questioner’s first question
is, ‘Why should I listen to you, anyway?’”


"WHAT IF I THINK I'M A COMBINATION OF TWO TENDENCIES?"

Each Tendency interlocks with two other Tendencies, and a person of a particular
Tendency often “tips” in the direction of one of the overlapping Tendencies.



Whether you tip to one side or the other may dramatically affect how your
Tendency presents itself.

For instance, REBEL/Questioners concentrate more on fulfilling their own desires
than on resisting outer expectations; the Rebel spirit of resistance remains
strong, but they’re more focused on doing what they want than on defying other
people. REBEL/Questioners have less trouble with resisting their own
expectations for themselves; as one REBEL/Questioner remarked, “If I have
nothing to rebel against, I do fine. No one cares if I go to the gym, so I go
all the time. I love working for myself, but I struggle when working for
others.”

By contrast, REBEL/Obligers have a stronger dose of pushing back, of evading
control. The Obliger and Rebel Tendencies both resist inner expectations, a
state that fuels resentment and resistance. For this reason, REBEL/Obligers are
more likely to insist “You can’t make me!”—even if it’s something the Rebel
wants to do. For REBEL/Obligers, even if they want to do something, others’
approval or encouragement may ignite their resistance to their own desires.

To sum up, REBEL/Questioners think, “I do whatever I choose, no matter what
anyone else says” while REBEL/Obligers think, “I refuse to do what anyone tells
me to do.”

People often say, "Apparently I'm an Obliger, but in one area of my life I'm a
Rebel. So am I both?" This describes an Obliger in Obliger-rebellion, a very
common pattern among Obligers that is very important to understand. Read more
about it here or listen to a discussion on the Happier with Gretchen Rubin
podcast here.


"WHAT IF THE QUIZ GAVE ME ONE ANSWER, BUT I THINK A DIFFERENT TENDENCY DESCRIBES
ME MUCH BETTER?"

Always trust yourself. Occasionally, when people take the quiz, they answer
while thinking about one particular area of their lives, and that can make the
result point in the wrong direction. Or people give the answers they wish were
true, or think ought to be true.

Often, if there's any doubt, when people read The Four Tendencies book, or take
The Four Tendencies Video Course, their Tendency becomes quite clear—because all
the examples, frustrations, and strategies related to one Tendency ring very
true, much more so than the others.


"WHAT IF I KEEP THINKING, 'I QUESTION THE VALIDITY OF THIS FRAMEWORK?'"

Yeah. I'm going to say Questioner.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


RESOURCES:

The Four Tendencies book -- can't resist mentioning it was a New York Times
bestseller

The Four Tendencies video course -- if you want to go deeper with audio,
interviews, engagement

The Four Tendencies Workshop -- if you'd like to lead a group in learning about
the Four Tendencies

Find Four Tendencies graphics to share on social media here.

Download free PDFs like the "Nutshell Guide to the Four Tendencies" here.

We often discuss the Four Tendencies on the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast.
In particular, you might want to listen to these episodes:

 * Podcast 120: Very Special Episode of Listener Questions about the Four
   Tendencies

 * Podcast 43: “You Can’t Make Me, and Neither Can I.” Listener Round-Up of the
   Four Tendencies

 * Podcast 128: Connect with TV, Conquering the Snooze Alarm–and Is It Possible
   to be a Mix of the Four Tendencies?

Share This
 * twitter
 * linkedin
 * email

 * Four Tendencies
 * obliger
 * Obliger-rebellion
 * questioner
 * quiz
 * rebel
 * Self-knowledge
 * upholder

5
Comments
 * twitter
 * linkedin
 * email

One Last Thing


INTERESTED IN HAPPINESS, HABITS, AND HUMAN NATURE?

Sign up to get my free weekly newsletter. I share ideas for being happier,
healthier, more productive, and more creative.


Subscribe
Want to see a sample?


DIVE INTO THE BLOG

 * top100
   
   TOP 100
   
   Start here with the 100 most read posts of all-time.

 * quizzes
   
   QUIZ
   
   Take my Four Tendencies quiz

 * tips
   
   TIPS
   
   Get good tips here.

 * archive
   
   THE ARCHIVE
   
   Find any post based on month, year, or topic.

 * emailNewsletterLight
   
   SUBSCRIBE
   
   Get my free “Moments of Happiness” quotes newsletter.

 * book
   
   JOIN THE BOOK CLUB
   
   Get monthly book recommendations from me.




MORE POSTS FOR YOU

Up Next


ALEX BUDAK: “I BELIEVE THAT BECOMING A CHANGEMAKER IS AN INCLUSIVE IDENTITY THAT
WE CAN ALL STEP INTO.”

September 29, 2022
More in Four Tendencies


HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU? CAN YOU IDENTIFY THEIR TENDENCY?

September 20, 2022
More in obliger


ZIBBY OWENS: “BOOKS CHANGE MY LIFE EVERY DAY.”

July 7, 2022
More in Obliger-rebellion


CAN MY FOUR TENDENCIES PERSONALITY FRAMEWORK HELP EXPLAIN PATTERNS OF FAMILY
ESTRANGEMENT?

November 13, 2020
More in questioner


ERIKA SÁNCHEZ: “I REALIZED…YOU CAN’T ACHIEVE YOUR WAY OUT OF TRAUMA.”

July 14, 2022
More in quiz


ASTONISHING! MORE THAN ONE MILLION PEOPLE HAVE TAKEN THE FOUR TENDENCIES QUIZ

October 12, 2017
More in rebel


OZAN VAROL: “A MORATORIUM ON FAILURE IS A MORATORIUM ON PROGRESS.”

April 14, 2020
More in Self-knowledge


HAPPINESS ISN’T ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL, NEITHER IS FINANCIAL PLANNING

September 8, 2022
More in upholder


MY METROPOLITAN MUSEUM EXPERIMENT: THE AIMS, THE RULES, THE QUESTIONS.

December 20, 2019
More Posts


FIND OUT IF YOU’RE AN UPHOLDER, OBLIGER, QUESTIONER, OR A REBEL.

The Four Tendencies explain why we act and why we don’t act. Our Tendency shapes
every aspect of our behavior, so understanding your Tendency lets us make better
decisions, meet deadlines, suffer less stress and burnout, and engage more
effectively.


Take the quiz


Dismiss


GET MY WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Sign up to get my free weekly newsletter. It highlights the best material from
here, my Facebook Page, and new original work.


Subscribe


TRYING TO FIND...?

 * Secrets of Adulthood
 * Contact Gretchen Rubin
 * Tips
 * Videos
 * Collections
 * Galleries
 * Short Bio
 * Merch


RESOURCES

 * Four Tendencies Quiz
 * Video Courses
 * Four Tendencies Workshop
 * All Resources
 * Book Downloads
 * Podcast Downloads
 * Other PDF Downloads
 * Happier Podcast Sponsors


STAY CONNECTED

 * Newsletter
 * Facebook
 * Instagram
 * Twitter
 * LinkedIn
 * Pinterest
 * YouTube
 * Feedburner
 * Goodreads


BOOKS

Previous Slide

Next Slide
We use cookies on this site to gather data and improve your experience. For more
information, see our Privacy Policy
I ACCEPT
Email Gretchen: grubin@gretchenrubin.com© 2022 Gretchen Rubin. All rights
reserved.When making recommendations, I sometimes use affiliate links. These
links don’t impose any extra cost on you, and they help support the free content
I provide here.Terms, Conditions of Use & Privacy Policy