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CONFLICT AND LEADERSHIP

Perspectives
Jun 13
Written By Anna Robinson

Conflict happens and every leader should know how to overcome conflict. Ceresa
provides leadership development throughout your professional journey.



By Anna Robinson

WHY DOES HANDLING CONFLICT MATTER?

I think a lot about conflict. For three reasons. I value peace in my life. I
value the great thinking that emerges from different perspectives coming
together.  I care about the people around me, many of whom are emerging from
under their covid rocks with lower resiliency and greater anxiety…precursors to
more conflict. 

Creating conditions for productive, peaceful debate is critical for us to thrive
as humans, and for the success of our work.  

As a leader, you must know how to handle conflict for yourself, and for your
teams. 

SO WHAT IS CONFLICT?

Conflict is when two opposing views are presented without apparent compatibility
or resolution. This results in struggle and a pattern of negative feelings. 

We’ve all felt conflict and witnessed conflict. And the acute lack of peace than
ensues. 

SO WHY DOES CONFLICT OCCUR?

People have different thought processes, attitudes, understanding, interests,
requirements and even sometimes perceptions and interpretations of facts. That
is normal and healthy.

Yet, at times they are unable or unwilling to find a middle ground or compromise
to move forward.

Perhaps one has more power and makes a unilateral decision, that the other
cannot accept.

To find clues as to why these disagreements are not resolved, think about the
following conditions that lead to more conflict:

 * You’re really tired, feeling less patient or willing to engage with your team
   member who pushes back on you.

 * The stakes are really high. This causes a sense of anxiety, so you are more
   dug into what you see as the right answer.

 * The decision is very urgent. You don’t have time to get into what the other
   person is debating… and you’re pretty sure you’re right.

 * You have a history with this person…and don’t really trust their perspective
   of how they engage with you.

Sound familiar?

WHAT IS UNDERPINNING THESE SITUATIONS WHEN CONFLICT MOST OFTEN ARISES?

Essentially four things:

1. Lack of listening. 

2. Lack of empathy. 

3. Lack of communication. 

4. Lack of creative thinking. 

These are all harder when we are tired or hungry. Harder when we feel stressed.
Harder when we have unaddressed tension with a person. 

HOW DO WE STOP CONFLICT?

Well, remember the beginning? We value the great thinking that emerges from
different perspectives. So, some conflict is GREAT. We don’t want to stop it.
And it would be an impossible task given the essence of humanity with different
perspectives. Let’s reframe the question. 

The better question is – how do we make conflict productive? 

Next time in the moment, let’s think about the 7 steps for responding to
conflict in the moment.



 1. BREATHE

This helps us move away from our reptilian response – our natural fight or
flight tendency when we feel attacked. This gives you time to do the next step. 

2. CHECK IN WITH YOURSELF

Are you rested? Are you hungry? Is there something else more urgent that is more
on your mind? Are you in a place to have this discussion now, with physical and
mental equilibrium? If not, you can transparently share that. “I really want to
understand where you are coming from on this, and I am just not in a good place
right now to do you justice and listen fully – given we don’t have to have an
answer until next week, can we please schedule time tomorrow to explore
further?”.  Do you have time and space to work through this now? If not, it is
ok to make a decision, but you must revisit the topic. Unresolved conflict is
toxic and self-perpetuating at that future time, understanding the other
person’s view can inform future decisions and ensure there is no built-up
negativity. 

3. ASK QUESTIONS

If you are physically and mentally able to explore the conflict and have time,
start with questions. This helps to understand and creates time and space for
you to move beyond your gut reaction, towards a measured response. “What if”
questions can be a great way to frame hypotheticals and find areas of
compromise, with more creative thinking. With empathy, listening and curiosity
we can nearly always find a path forward… this is even more critical when it
comes to creating an inclusive environment. It may take more digging to get to
understand people with very different experiences, cultures or backgrounds than
your own. 

4. LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND, CHECK IN WITH YOUR ASSUMPTIONS

What story are you telling yourself? As you try to listen, are you already
expecting a certain pattern from this person? Do you have a history of conflict?
Are you waiting to jump in, as you presume to know their answer? Can you
articulate why this person has come to this conclusion? Do they have different
experiences? Different facts? Different understanding of facts? Different
priorities?   

5. OBSERVE YOUR PHYSICAL REACTION AND SHARE

Despite listening and asking questions, you may still feel a strong reaction.
This typically manifests physically and mentally. Is your heart racing? Palms
sweaty? Tap footing? Cheeks flushing? Can you feel your “blood boiling”? Do you
feel offended or slighted? If so, it can be powerful to acknowledge the feeling
(and potentially observe it in the other person). “I am not sure exactly why,
but I can feel myself getting really defensive, or frustrated”. Perhaps grab a
glass of water and give yourself a moment to go back to step 1! Sharing helps
you manage your own response, but also models vulnerability which helps
establish more trust with the other person. 

6. GET SPECIFIC

Articulate the parameters of the decision – what is the actual difference, and
what matters about it? Does it require a resolution?  Often conflict bubbles
over, and the point of difference is much smaller when you get into the
nitty-gritty.  

7. HUMBLE AND GRATEFUL

It is great to share if you think you made a mistake, or if you’d like to go
back and think more about it. Or if you would like more information. Share that
you are rethinking your answer and need more time. When you are ready to move
on, or you have found a resolution, take a moment to thank the other person for
talking with you for their patience in explaining, and for listening, no matter
what the answer is. 

AFTER THE MOMENT OF CONFLICT

 * Reflect by yourself. How did you feel? How did that show up physically in
   your body? Did you ask questions and explore why the other person had that
   opinion? 

 * Reflect together. When you’ve had a little distance, try being brave in
   asking the other person to debrief with you. Especially if you sense
   emotional content that was unresolved. 

 * Seek feedback. You can ask the other person or even others who were
   witnesses, how you might handle things differently.  

 * Build trust. Conflict in the moment sits in the context of history. The more
   trust you have with each other, the easier it will be to listen and seek to
   understand. Trust comes from vulnerability and shared experiences. Work on
   your relationships, new or old, to deepen the trust levels. 

FOR CONFLICT AMONG OTHERS ON YOUR TEAM

Don’t ignore. It can be tempting to try to move on from conflict or sweep it
under the rug. It often feels uncomfortable, but the compassionate thing to do
is to help your team work through this. It will lead to better team morale and
productivity over time. You can be bold in helping your team pause and work
through conflict. You can ask: “I observe that you have different opinions, and
I sense some emotion around it. Let's grab coffee, and then we’ll come back and
talk through the question together, to help understand where each of you is
coming from. Is that ok? Do you both have time to spend a few minutes on
this?”.  

Lead with inclusivity. Look out for the more comfortable people having a voice
that always wins. Create space to ask questions and listen to those with less
represented voices, perspectives, and identities. When you notice someone’s view
being dismissed – call it out – create space for that view to be heard and
explored. 

Role-model. As a leader, don’t forget you set the tone. How you handle conflict
will be observed. Do you use hierarchy to force your answer through? Do you
listen carefully? Do you seek to clarify? Do you address it at that moment? Do
you tell people openly when you are too exhausted or hungry to get into a
difficult conversation?  

Practice. Role-playing situations is a powerful way to practice and build the
muscle of breathing, checking in with yourself, and asking questions. Try
monthly team-building sessions where you have your team play specific roles to
challenge each other! 

Build trust. Just as for individuals, as a leader, you can be deliberate in
building trust across your team. Spend time together outside of core work
activities. Provide opportunities to get to know each other with more
vulnerability (which you may have to kick off and role-model yourself,
especially to create more psychological safety). 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


DOES YOUR TEAM CURRENTLY HAVE A STRATEGY ON HOW TO HANDLE CONFLICT?

Schedule a call below with Ceresa to learn how to bring world-class professional
development to all your people, without breaking your budget.



Schedule a Call

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Anna Robinson

Anna is CEO and Founder of Ceresa.  Anna launched Ceresa in 2018 with the
mission to build diverse leadership for the future by democratizing access to
truly transformative career and leadership resources. She dedicates her time to
shaping the company’s vision and strategy, driving consistent high-quality
programming, building a world-class team and culture, and shaping a sustainable
social impact business model.  

Prior to launching Ceresa, Anna was a Partner at McKinsey & Company, where she
led strategy and transformation work for US and global health systems, as well
as leading several women’s initiatives. She also served as COO at an early-stage
tech company. Anna currently lives in Austin, Texas with her husband and three
daughters. 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/annasherwoodrobinson/

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