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I'M TASH. I RAMBLE. ABOUT KID'S SHOWS AND STUFF.

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FLOPS REVISITED: A NEW REVIEW SERIES I INTEND TO DO ON THIS BLOG, UNLESS I FALL
OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET AGAIN OR GET BORED OR SOMETHING

Posted on May 28, 2023 by rambletash
Reply

So you know what I’ve been into lately? My current “project”, if you will?

“We would if you ever bothered to update this blog,” I hear you mutter under
your breath. Well don’t. Hush now. Shhhhh. Let Tash tell you all about it.

For the past month or so I have been almost exclusively watching TV shows from
over a decade ago which only lasted for a single season. Shows that didn’t do
well critically. Shows that have been remembered unkindly, or, more commonly,
not remembered at all. Shows that have slipped into complete obscurity.

Why?

I dunno. Something to do, innit.

Okay, okay. If I had to give a more serious answer, I feel like it almost adds a
sense of excitement that my TV viewing experience has been lacking as of late.
Now I know that sounds insane. Hear me out. These shows aren’t on any streaming
service. They’re not even on any piracy sites. Not even any of the really
obscure ones or the weird Russian ones. (Believe me, I have a knack for finding
obscure media. If it was out there on the internet, I’d know.) So if something
really isn’t available on the internet? That’s exciting. That’s a challenge.
That means I get to scour charity shops and various branches of Cex looking for
it! That means it gets to feel like a win when I find it!

Just the other day I finally managed to get my grubby little hands on
Bonekickers and was SO THRILLED I just had to share my win straight away:

And now some poor clerk thinks I’m a lunatic for being so gleeful and smiley
upon being handed Bonekickers. Maybe I am. Maybe I am.

Plus there’s something so beautiful about the fact that if I didn’t watch and
talk about these shows, no-one would. No-one is, but me. I am bringing their
long-forgotten memory back from the dead, like some media explorer. Who cares
what some scathing Guardian review said 15 years ago? Time to see them through
fresh eyes. Form my own opinion.



But what’s the point in forming my own opinions if I don’t get to share them
with anyone? What’s the point in going on a journey if I go on it alone? If I
have an experiecne and no-one’s around to hear, did I really experience it? This
is still the modern internet afterall, and I am part of the problem.

That’s where this blog comes in. If I’m going to go insane, I’m dragging
everyone who reads these posts down with me. If I’m going on a ride, then so are
all of you.

So how is this going to work? Well, it’s all in the title of this little
project. Flops Revisited. I’m going to revisit these flops, and let you know
what I think. Were they really that bad? Why did they fail? Did they deserve
better? Should you also check them out? Or should you never check them out as
long as you live, and instead leave them forgotten.

I will mostly be focusing on shows that only lasted a single series and were
never renewed (and were clearly intended to last for more than one series, not
miniseries that were only supposed to last one series – I’m talking shows whose
intended lifespans were cut cluelly short), and which are a struggle to get your
hands on these days, with a few exceptions and and a little bending of my own
rules occasionaly. I might look at shows that managed to last a whole two
seasons if I still think their lifespan was cut unnaturally short or reviews
from the time were scathing enough, and I may look at shows that are readily
available on streaming if they interest me enough. (For example the Upstairs
Downstairs revival series lasted two seasons and is on Amazon Prime, but it was
cut so short compared to the original series and was never as successful as any
of its rival period dramas from the same era of television, so I’m desperate to
revisit it to see why. Also it has Keeley Hawes in it. I’ll happily watch and
talk about anything with Keeley Hawes in it. As far as Keeley Hawes shows go
however, Identity has to come first in this project. It just has to. I’m sorry
too.)

Anyway, I don’t really know how to end this blog post. I’d best just be off.

I’ve got some DVDs to watch.


Posted in Flops Revisited | Leave a reply


GRANGE HILL SERIES 1 EPISODE 3 – A REVIEW

Posted on November 26, 2019 by rambletash
1

(Okay look. Honesty time. I know it’s been a while. I started writing this over
a year ago, then I stopped part way and it’s lurked in my drafts since then. I
was very depressed, and getting back to this was scary, and daunting. And I
won’t pretend I’m a picture of mental health now, nor can I promise I won’t
still disappear for long periods of time. But I know I’ll feel better if I
actually create things and get them out there, even things as stupid and
ultimately pointless as these reviews. So I’ll do my best, I’ll keep at it, and
I won’t stress too much about it. Things will take as long as they take, I’ll
make whatever I want to make, and I won’t worry about who’s gonna read it or
what they’ll think. It’s all for fun after all, and I think I just needed to
remember that. Anyway, back to it!)

In this episode: we get to focus on the girls, to make up for last episode being
so boy-heavy. Phil Redmond shows a strange understanding of how girls spend
their time, but that’s okay.

The entire first scene of this episode is just two and a half minutes of Judy
Preston being Highly Relatable, and it’s GLORIOUS.



Sadly for my eyeballs it’s still 1978 and colours other than grey and beige
still haven’t been invented.



Judy calmly sits sipping her tea as slowly as humanly possible. Her mother urges
her to hurry up, lest she be late again, in the voice of someone who has had
this conversation every single morning since Judy was 4. Judy proceeds to
somehow drink her tea even slower than ever before.

Judy’s mother hurries and fusses, while in the background Judy continues to move
as though she’s got stuck in extreme slow motion. She even puts her cup down and
picks up her hairbrush at approximately the same speed it took the planet Earth
to form into a solid mass. She then, for reasons best known to herself,
purposefully moves to stand as close as possible to the fire before starting to
brush her hair, causing her mother to nag her about fire hazards. I think Judy
is deliberately winding her mother up.

“Well you shouldn’t have put the mirror there then!” Judy snaps.

Judy is definitely deliberately winding her mother up.



Hair brushed, Mrs Preston tells Judy to put her coat on, and unwisely turns her
back and walks away from Judy. Judy gives her this look as she departs:



Does this look like the face of mercy?



What do you think Judy is going to do next? Will she:

A) Do as her mother says and put her coat on?
B) Walk towards her coat, but at the speed of the continents shifting?
or C) Make no effort at all to put or her coat on and instead pick up a magazine
and begin to read?



Of course.



 

If you guessed C, then congratulations! If you guessed A then you clearly don’t
know Judy Preston at all.

When her mother notices this, Judy has the absolute gall to claim she is
“looking for something”. I cannot begin to fathom what she could possibly be
looking for between the pages of a teen magazine. Her horoscope perhaps? “Aries
should continue being a complete nuisance for the foreseeable future”?

Judy then launches into an impassioned speech about how much she dislikes going
to school. I feel you, Judes. Her mother claims she’ll enjoy it more when she
makes friends, but I fear that’s easier said than done.

“It’ll get better!” lies Mrs Preston.

“HOW?!?” yells Judy incredulously. Incredible, only three episodes in and Judy
already understands life for a Grange Hill character perfectly.

Judy’s mother continues to lie shamelessly by saying they’ll sit down and
discuss it later. That’s just parent code for “I do not want to talk about this
difficult topic now or ever, please leave so I can forget all about it”.



Judy however is wise beyond her years and sees through Mrs Preston’s cunning
plan to dodge uncomfortable emotions. “You always say that!” she says,
reproachfully. Mrs Preston has clearly played this game before.

Judy’s mother is clever too however, and attempts to bribe the bad thoughts away
by giving Judy a whole 20p.



Wow. Such wealth.



 

Meanwhile, at school, Tucker is doing what he does best: dangerous misbehaviour.



Why are you the way that you are?



Tucker and Benny are heading a football back and forth in a crowded classroom,
like little idiots. Our poor miserable Judy Preston enters, and Tucker and Benny
decide to partake in some bullying for no good reason.



Is this what the kids call a “vibe check”? No seriously I’m still not sure what
a vibe check is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask. Please help. I’m 23 and
I already feel ancient.



Tucker hurls his football directly at Judy’s head. Peter Jenkins you little
twerp that really hurts. What would your mother say? He then steals Judy’s bag,
and he and Benny toss it back and forth while a visibly distressed Judy tries to
get them to stop. God Tucker is The Worst.

Luckily, our girl Trisha Yates, saviour of the masses, is on hand!

Cool as a cucumber and without saying a word, our girl stands up, calmly walks
over, snatches the satchel from Tucker, and effortlessly shoves him with one
hand, sending him sprawling.



Truly iconic.



Trisha gives an awed Judy back her bag, and young Tucker, being The Worst, is
enraged that Our Trish would dare ruin his fun.

“It was none of your business!” he says angrily, like a terrible person.

Trisha, being a hero and an icon, has no time for his nonsense.

“We was only playing piggy in the middle!” says Tucker, pretending this is in
any way a good excuse.

“You should’ve been in the middle then,” retorts Trisha ‘Absolute Savage’ Yates.



In this year group, there are only two types of girls: small nervous nerd girls
who must be protected at all costs, and absolute icons who could single-handedly
overthrow the government without breaking a sweat and I’d say thanks. (And also
Cathy Hargreaves is there too later on but she can’t help it.)

Tucker unwisely threatens to punch Trisha, then cowers back when she stands up
just a little straighter, because at this point in time Tucker is tiny and could
only win in a fight against someone even more “all talk” than him. (But more on
that later.)



Ladies and gentlemen I’m afraid I have no choice but to stan.



Anyway, Tucker backs off nervously, pretending it’s because he “don’t fight with
girls”, and Trisha tells Judy not to worry about him, on account of him being
“all talk”, like I just explained. Could this be the start of a blossoming new
friendship?

But no time for that now! Everyone hush! The true hero has entered!



Oh you sweet exasperated man, the light of my life, you deserve so much more.



I cannot convey to you enough just how much I adore Mr Mitchell. He is in my
eyes far and away the best thing about series one and two of Grange Hill. He is
the one decent adult in this whole disaster school and one of only like two or
three decent adults in the entire disaster borough of Northam. He’s not a
pushover, and he acts on just about his last tether with the kids 100% of the
time, but he also treats them with respect, helps them when they need it, cracks
jokes with them, and you just know he’d throw down with anyone to protect any of
these kids if needs be, even kids like Tucker, or [SPOILERS]. He’s the best and
I love him.

Anyway back to the episode. Mr Mitchell attempts to give an important notice,
only for Tucker to be a loud irritating nuisance, the absolute worst kind of
irritating nuisance. Tucker has decided to sit on the wrong desk, protests
loudly instead of moving, earning himself an hour’s detention. This may seem
harsh just for sitting in the wrong desk, but Old Mitch is clever, and probably
aware Tucker was doing other things worthy of a detention before he entered.
Tucker continues to loudly interrupt Mr Mitchell every time he speaks, because
Tucker hasn’t yet learnt that he isn’t in fact the most important person in the
world. Some kids just go through that phase, don’t worry about it. If anything
it’s incredible he’s the only one like it in this whole class of 11 and 12 year
olds. Currently.



No matter how old I get I will never understand how some people have difficulty
just shutting up. I promise you don’t have to be talking all of the time.



Anyway, the general gist of the announcement is that Benny has made the football
team! He’s adorably happy about it. Tucker meanwhile has not made the team.
Surprisingly he doesn’t seem at all upset or even surprised by this. Maybe he
doesn’t actually care for sport, he just likes to be included in things.



Mr Mitchell doesn’t miss the opportunity to drop a sick burn though. “Jenkins,
since you have difficulty even staying at your proper desk, I doubt you could
hold a position on a football field.”

Have I mentioned I love Mr Mitchell?

It is break time now (do any actual lessons ever happen at this school?), and
Judy is waiting for her new friend Trisha like a lovesick puppy.



Oh Judy.



Sadly, Trisha just walks straight past without even noticing her. Oh Judy. Poor,
lonely, painfully relatable Judy.

Things go from bad to worse when the world’s most 30 year old looking 15 year
olds circle in:



What is WITH these girls?



Luckily, they are also the most incompetent bullies in London, and a teacher
walking to his car on the other side of the playground is enough to distract
them long enough for Judy to run away.

Unluckily, Judy is an idiot too.

Having been saved by virtue of their being people around, she… runs inside and
into a room where there are no people? And Jackie Heron and co can bully her to
their hearts content? Dammit Judy, now you have to suffer being tormented and we
have to suffer some dodgy acting.

Jackie very unconvincingly threatens to punch Judy, but this is scary enough for
poor Miss Preston, who is already having a horrible no good very bad day.



Remind me to write a thing sometime about that weird era in British TV where the
younger child actors were far and away the best actors in almost every show.
Because this very much falls into that category. The 70s were weird.



Jackie, Brenda, and Lucy (did these bullies escape from an Enid Blyton novel?
What is going on) proceed to empty Judy’s pockets on the pretence of it being
Jackie’s birthday, and her needing a present. Jackie pinches Judy’s entire 20p,
the fiend! And that not being enough, takes Judy’s dead grandad’s pen too! Will
Judy bring Jackie money to get the pen back? Such thrilling scenes. I can hardly
contain my excitement. When do we get to see Mr Mitchell again, I’m bored.

Never fear, Trisha is here!



God I can’t wait for it to be the 80s and for colours to be invented.





Seeing a dishevelled and visibly upset Judy, Trisha wrongly but wholly
understandably assumes this was Tucker’s doing, because Tucker is The Worst and
to be fair this does seem like something he’d do.

Judy however is too upset for Trisha right now, and dramatically runs off,
asking to be left alone.

I wonder what Secondary Character Form are doing right now. I wonder if it’s
anything more exciting.

The next day (although there is nothing to indicate it is the next day until a
few moments later when someone says “yesterday”), Judy is moping along the road.



To be fair this is how I looked going to school every day.



You know what the worst part is? I’ve watched all of Grange Hill before and I
know this isn’t even the most boring episode, by a long shot. That comes in
series 2. God help us all.

But wait, poor unsuspecting Judy! A villain lurks around the corner!



I’ve been trying to figure out roughly how old this actress actually is because
it’s not like I have anything better to do, but to no avail. I’m certain she’s
older than 15 though.



They pounce on poor Judy, asking her where the money is to get Grandpapa’s pen
back. Clearly they have nothing better to do too, a whole school full of (at
this point in the show largely weirdly posh) kids, and yet you’re so obsessed
with getting barely enough money to buy a tesco meal deal off this one 11 year
old? Get yourselves together. I mean we’ve seen how abandoned the cloak rooms
are at break time, you could get more money just going through people’s coat
pockets you losers. (Disclaimer: I do not endorse theft.)

Anyway, they tell Judy to get the money while she’s home for lunch, where she is
apparently going, because this is apparently lunchtime the next day, and this
episode apparently has very odd pacing. Apparently.

The camera then pans out to reveal that Jackie, her Enid Blyton bully friends,
and Judy are all severely short sighted, as they don’t see the Yates sisters
gawping at them from directly across a completely empty road.



Trisha’s Trish senses must have been tingling. That or she just has functioning
eyes and ears, unlike everyone else in Northam.



Carol Yates is sadly also severely short sighted, as when Trisha points to a
group of three adult looking girls and one 11 year old and says “That girl’s in
my class!”, Carol feels the need to ask “Which one?”

Except then Carol suddenly recognises Jackie and her merry chums as being in her
class, and tells Trisha that Judy shouldn’t have anything to do with them??
Perhaps Carol is just a bit thick.



The scene then abruptly cuts to Carol and Trisha walking back to school again
after lunch, because the pacing in this episode is horrendous. Trisha claims to
want to buy something from the shop Jackie and the gang seemingly spend their
entire lives outside of and crosses the road, and we get a lovely shot of
Carol’s massive 70s hairdo:



Now That’s What I Call Fashion(tm)



As Trisha walks into the shop, unnoticed, because everyone in Northam is as
blind as a bat, we see that Jackie and her jolly pals have taken my advice and
started picking on an even tinier child:



She doesn’t even look scared, more mildly inconvenienced.



Trisha dithers about watching Jackie and The Scary Squad do some unconvincing
bullying, until Carol turns up to nag Trisha about taking so long, before
flouncing off back to school by herself. On her way past, Brenda (or possibly
Lucy, I wasn’t keeping track of which was which) gives Jackie a slight shove,
knocking her into Carol and knocking Carol’s bag to the floor. We see that
bully-terrifying runs in the family, as Jackie is absolutely scared witless of
the almighty Carol Yates in all her rage.



See her cower.



Carol orders a trembling Jackie to pick her bag up for her, then storms off,
leaving all who witnessed her awed by her power. (Look, I said she was a bit
thick, I never said she wasn’t cool.)

Judy meanwhile, walking past on the other side of the road, was attempting to
use the distraction to get away unnoticed, but alas, Jackie’s eyes decided to
choose that moment to start working, and Judy is spotted. Judy breaks into a
sprint, Jackie & co give chase, and Trisha sprints after them, still unnoticed
somehow.

Judy, who is also perhaps a bit thick (hey, it’s not her fault, maybe people at
this school wouldn’t be so thick if they ever actually had lessons), has
seemingly learnt nothing from yesterday, and sprints into the exact same empty
cloakroom as before. But never fear! Our Trish is here!



Finally! Some excitement!



Trisha bravely and heroically pushes between Jackie and Judy, yelling at Jackie
to let her Judy go! Oh, the thrills!

“Who are you, the bionic woman?” says Jackie, unaware that the answer might as
well be “yes”.



“You won’t find me a pushover, big mouth,” says local hero and icon Trisha
Yates, master of the badass one-liners.

Jackie threatens to see Trisha and Judy after school, before running away like a
coward because another pupil just entered the room. This turns out to be a
friend of Carol’s, who recognises Trisha. This sweet and kind older girl asks
Trisha if she’s okay and if she needs help, but sadly Trisha’s bravery and
heroism has slipped into the realms of stupidity, and she has decided to brashly
pretend everything is fine and that she can look after herself. Oh Trisha.



Random Friend Of Carol’s is my new favourite character.



Great news everyone! Mr Mitchell is in the next scene!



There he is!! The true hero!!



Okay, admittedly, he’s just kind of in the background while everyone packs up
their things and leave, and Trisha and Judy have a chat about how badly they’re
gonna get their backsides kicked because Trisha doesn’t know when to admit she
needs help, but isn’t it thrilling just to see him? To know he’s there? I want
Mr Mitchell to adopt me.

Trisha compares Jackie Heron to Tucker again, and she has a point. They’re both
bullies, they both threaten to fight people despite being tiny, and they even
have the same Default Grange Hill Haircut.

Trisha and Judy share a few friendly goodnights with Mr Mitchell, then bravely
go to meet their fate.



You know, I never noticed how shiny these walls are before. Huh.



Judy, who is still in possession of some brain cells, wonders if perhaps they
should’ve informed the true hero Mr Mitchell that they were off to get their
backsides kicked. Trisha, however, firmly denies it. She got them into this mess
alone and goddammit she’s determined to see it through alone.

“I’m scared, Trisha,” whimpers Judy.

“There’s nothing to be scared about!” lies Trisha.

Trisha tries to distract Judy with some pointless chat about Top Of The Pops,
but sadly that is Cool People TV, and Judy is not a Cool People. They then
launch into a conversation about the thrilling tale of the time Trisha got her
ears pierced. Thankfully, the true hero comes to save us before we’re too far
down that rabbit hole.



*THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE*





Mr Mitchell asks why they’re both still in school, telling boring anecdotes in
the doorway. Trisha tells him that they’re “waiting for someone”, not telling
him that in this case “someone” is code for their imminent backside kicking.

Mr Mitchell makes a face that just screams “yes I definitely believe you”, then
leaves, bidding them another goodnight.



I mean same. Big mood.



Judy, ever the wise one, still thinks they should chase after Mr Mitchell and
tell them about Jackie And Friends. Trisha is afraid this would make the Jolly
Hockey Sticks Trio pick on them even more. This launches into a philosophical
discussion about why people bully.

“Because they’re stupid!” says Trisha, with feeling. “They haven’t got any
brains!”

Hey! That’s my line!

At this point, Mr Garfield, traditional grumpy school caretaker, turns up to
shout at them.



Normally I’d complain or make some comment but I’m still impressed with how
shiny the walls are so he gets a free pass to shout at people from me this
episode.



Anyway, he turfs the girls out the building so he can do his traditional grumpy
school caretaker things in peace. It’s time for our girls to meet their backside
kicking with dignity.

Somewhere across the school, Carol and Random Friend Of Carol’s watch from a
window as Trish and Judy march across the playground.

They continue watching as Trish and Judy break into a sprint, pursued by three
old looking posh girls with murder in their eyes and backside kicking in their
minds. Carol and Random Friend decide to join the chase.



There they go, what fun!



Brenda and Lucy leg it and flee as Carol and Random Friend Of Carol’s corner
them, while Jackie gets pinned to a wall by the almighty Carol Yates.

Trisha chooses this moment to finally snitch, and tells Carol all about poor
Grandad Preston’s pen. Carol forcefully orders Jackie to give the pen back, and
the 20p as well, and Jackie is unable to refuse in the presence of the
incredible power of Carol Yates.



We should all be glad that Carol only uses her powers for good.





With Jackie Heron running for the hills, Carol turns on Trisha.

“You idiot!” she snaps.

Hey! That’s my line too!

Carol correctly tells Trisha she’s an idiot for not telling anyone she was going
to get her backside kicked, and that she’s lucky Random Friend (whose name is
actually apparently Mary) does know when to snitch.

Mary tells Trisha in her best public information film voice that she should have
told a teacher, but Trisha tells her that mama didn’t raise no snitch, or
something like that.

Carol has to use her powers to get Trisha and Judy to listen to her best public
information film voice, and tells them, and the audience, that if anything like
this happens again, to tell an adult they trust, and the episode ends on
everyone smiling and going off to have some tea.

What larks.

Posted in Grange Hill Reviews, Grange Hill Series One | 1 Reply


GRANGE HILL SERIES 1 EPISODE 2 – A REVIEW

Posted on September 7, 2018 by rambletash
1

In this episode: Mr Foster continues to be The Worst, and Mr Mitchell continues
to be The Best.

The episode begins, much like the last, with Benny and his football in the
incredibly grey school carpark.



Why does he turn up to school so early every day? Oh dear sweet Benny, I wish I
understood you.



Benny is such a carefree and happy boy when he’s with his football, he doesn’t
even pay attention to his surroundings. The episode decides to turn into a
public information film momentarily, as Our Benny steps out in front of a car
without looking. There’s a horrible screeching of brakes, and luckily the car
stops just in time.

The best character in the entire show steps out to deliver a lesson on carpark
safety.



Tufty the Squirrel what? Green Cross Code Man who? Sorry, I only know one road
safety icon and his name is Mr Mitchell.



“The cemeteries are full of children who didn’t look!” fumes Mr Mitchell. A
wonderful line that could very easily be from one of my favourite PIFs.
Honestly, this was the golden age of PIFs, it was a missed opportunity not
making actual Public Information Films starring Grange Hill characters. Anyway,
I’m getting off track, I’m here to talk about Grange Hill, not PIFs. Remind me
to do a separate post about PIFs in the future if you’re really interested. (And
remember: on the roads near home, stop, think, then go. A-woo woo woo woo wooo.)

Back in Grange Hill, Mr Mitchell stops lecturing Benny, and instead tells him to
try out for the school football team, which Benny is eager to do. But there’s a
problem! Benny doesn’t have football boots! Benny looks genuinely upset at the
idea that he might not be able to try out, but Mr Mitchell just gently tells him
“we’ll see”, with a face that tells us he’s going to try and fix this problem.
This is why Mr Mitchell is great. He can be furiously yelling at a kid, but the
minute that kid is sad or has a problem, Mitch forgets all anger and instead
becomes determined the help. Have I told you I love Mr Mitchell lately?

Anyway, here’s Alan and David, walking into school.



Silly David. You shouldn’t be here, you got sorted into Background Character
Form.



I wonder what Alan’s surname is today? Will it be Hargreaves, Turner, or
something else entirely?

Well whatever, David No-Last-Name-Given and Alan Fitzgerald-For-All-I-Know are
peacefully walking into school, without a care in the world. Surely nothing can
ruin the cheerful quiet chat they’re having. Who would dare disturb them?





Oh. Silly question.



“What did you do that for? You nut! That wasn’t clever, was it?” says David.
David is wise beyond his years. What a shame this is the last we’ll ever see of
him.

But never mind that, for an even greater menace to Grange Hill society than
Tucker Jenkins approaches.



[Imperial March plays in the background]

Truly Mr Foster is the anti-Mr Mitchell. Mr Mitchell gets the kids to behave by
earning their trust and respect, by treating them like human beings worthy of
his respect. Mr Mitchell truly cares about the kids and would never do anything
to hurt them, and  truly wants what’s best for all of them, even if that means
bending the rules a little.



Mr Foster meanwhile gets the kids to behave by making sure he is the most
terrifying thing in their life. Mr Foster doesn’t respect the kids, or care in
the slightest what problems of their own they might have. He doesn’t care how
his actions hurt the kids, be it mentally, physically, or in terms of hurting
their chances of fulfilling their own potential. He only cares that everyone
sticks rigidly to the rules, which must never be bent or broken. He is the very
definition of lawful evil, and he is everything I think someone responsible for
children, be they a teacher or a parent, should never be.

Sure, Tucker is a little git who deserves to be told off, but he doesn’t deserve
to be treated as less than human. He’s 12 at the very oldest. At least 50% of
humans are little gits at that age, and they won’t learn to be better people
unless they are shown a good example.

Treating all those less powerful than you as lesser and using force to
discipline those who are “lesser” is not a good example, especially to a child
who’s already developing selfish and violent tendencies.

Luckily Mr Mitchell and Mrs Jenkins are here, and I’m sure together they can
help Tucker grow out of his little git-ish ways and grow into a fine upstanding
young man any mother would be proud of. Because they’re the best.

In this particular scene, Mr Foster talks in the menacing tone of a supervillain
while 11 year old children literally cower in fear.



Poor sweet David.



He still somehow thinks he is in the right here.

Mr Foster then recognises Tucker as the same child he hit  in assembly just a
few days ago.



Tucker, who is brave but foolish, lies to Mr Foster’s face and claims it wasn’t
him. Perhaps Tucker has a death wish.

Mr Foster tells them to clear off “before they do something to really upset
him”. I would hate to say Mr Foster really upset, if this is him not really
upset.

Alan, ever the sensible one of the group, decides to try and stay out of Mr
Foster’s way.

“The size of this place, we’ll probably never see him again!” says Tucker.
Tucker seems to have greatly misunderstood the purpose of school, as he seems
not to realise that he will actually have to go to lessons, and see teachers.

Meanwhile, Justin has, for some bizarre reason, not only turned up for PE, but
seemingly been the first one there.



Please take a moment to appreciate how almost everyone has the same haircut.



Quite understandably, Justin looks like he’s about to throw up. I relate. PE
lessons are a strange form of torture forced upon the weedy and unfit youth.

Just at this moment, Tucker very loudly enters the scene.

“Is this changing room three?” he asks, while staring at a changing room door
with the number three on it.



This is easy. Use your eyes.



Having finally arrived, Tucker decides to ask the closest thing to a nearby
responsible authority figure for advice.

Unfortunately, Justin is new too, and doesn’t know if they should go in and
change. He thinks it wisest if they just wait for the teacher to arrive, and all
the other kids follow his lead, as well they should. Many teachers don’t want
you in a room unattended, so waiting outside if you’re unsure is a very sensible
course of action. Well done, Justin.



An angel.



Unfortunately, Mr Foster doesn’t see it that way, as he turns up to yell at
pre-pubescent kids for not magically knowing something they’d never been told.

Turns out he wanted them changed and ready to go by the time he arrived. These
children, who I must stress started the school only a few days ago, did not
instantly and psychically know this, and now Mr Foster is Very Angry that the
laws of reality did not bend to his will.

Tucker, clearly miffed at being so spectacularly outdone at being The Worst,
decides to take this out on Justin, and calls him “stupid”. Tucker is clearly
projecting.



But wait! SOMEBODY is late for PE!



Run, Benny, run!



Benny. Sweetheart. Darling boy. You were literally one of the first in school!
How the heck are you late for your first lesson? What were you doing??

Whatever he was doing, what he is doing now is getting directions from a very
polite boy, who is clearly also a non-conformist rebel, as he doesn’t have the
default Grange Hill haircut.



Truly an icon.



He’s clearly also bunking, as it’s five minutes since the start of a lesson, and
he seems to be walking the way Benny just came, towards the exit. My personal
hero and role model. (Yes, OKAY, you could say he’s just running an errand, but
that’s not as much fun, is it?)

“By the way, who you got?” says the polite revolutionary.

“Some geezer called Foster” replies poor naive Benny.

“Hard luck,” says the nice boy with the cool ‘do, as he walks away to go smoke
behind the bike sheds, or wherever he’s off to. Understatement of the century,
methinks.

Meanwhile, Tucker is doing his very best to reclaim his crown as The Worst. He
has decided to start bullying Justin for no good reason.



I want to like you Tucker Jenkins, but you make it VERY HARD.



He viciously pushes Justin into a bench, easily hard enough to leave a bruise.
Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!

Mr Foster, meanwhile, has decided to loom over the kids while “outlining a few
simple and basic rules”.

This is progress I suppose. It’s an improvement on just expecting the kids to
know what you want instinctively and then getting mad when they don’t.

Wait, nope, never mind, he’s decided to physically assault a child who hasn’t
even done anything wrong yet.



Here’s a fun tip: if you hate kids, DON’T WORK WITH KIDS.



Meanwhile, Benny is still trying to find the right changing rooms, even after
the coolest kid in school gave him directions. He finally enters a door. Not the
right door mind you, but a door none the less:





This is progress?



All this while Mr Foster is still yelling at/roughly manhandling children, as
per. He whacks a few kids round the head too for good measure. What a delightful
human being.

Mr Foster still hates Tucker. Understandable maybe, but he doesn’t have to show
it. He claims Tucker’s kit looks scruffy, despite it not looking noticeably
different from anyone else’s.

Oh, and Benny is now half naked in front of a bunch of older girls.



Oh dear. If only Benny had bunked off with the speccy kid instead.



This is normal Grange Hill behaviour, you’ll get used to it.

We then cut back to Mr Foster terrorising kids for no reason in particular.

I hope you appreciate how hard it is to keep finding new things to say about
this episode, it’s very repetitive.

Mr Foster threatens to hit any child who injures themselves on the ropes with
the ropes, being Mr Foster is The Worst.

He also continues to pick on Tucker, because nothing says “I am fit to be
responsible for children’s wellbeing” like baring grudges against one child
because he disrespected your authority one time.

But never mind, because here comes half naked Benny to distract him.



Tucker’s never been so happy to see a small shirtless boy in his life. This is
the kind of thing friendships are built on.



It turns out if there’s one thing Mr Foster hates more than children, it’s poor
children. He’s furious that Benny’s parents couldn’t afford the strip, and
orders Benny find one to borrow, despite the fact that Benny is clearly the
tiniest child in the world, and even if anyone just happened to have a spare kit
on them, it wouldn’t fit him. Mr Foster doesn’t care about this.

“That’s your problem. Use your initiative.” he says. I am really not a fan of Mr
Foster.

Later in the changing room, Mr Foster forces boys to shower and continues to
publicly shame Benny for being poor, and Tucker continues to bully Justin.



Tucker. You are awful.





Scenes like this are very uncomfortable for me, because Tucker very strongly
reminds me of my own school bully, and scenes like this make it clear that it’s
all just a joke to kids like Tucker, and they don’t even realise the serious and
long lasting effect it can have on the mental health of kids like Justin, or me.
It’s not funny when you’re the butt of the joke, and it’s not funny when no-one
takes you seriously when you say you’re upset because “well everyone else was
laughing!”, and it’s not funny when people tell you to just grow a thicker skin
or not take it so personally, and it’s not funny when all throughout school you
find it hard to make friends because your bully is friends with all the kids you
like, and even after leaving school you still find it hard to make friends
because your confidence has been completely shattered, and even when people are
nice to them a voice in your brain tells you that they’re just pretending so
that they can make fun of you. It’s. Not. Funny.

But anyway, that got super deep and personal, back to the funny lighthearted
reviews, way-hey!

You know, if anything’s it’s made worse by the fact that unlike other bullies on
TV, Tucker isn’t heartless. Tucker isn’t really a bad kid. He’s determined to
help Benny get the kit together so he can enter the football trials, awwwwww. He
steals Justin’s shirt to give to Benny. Less awwwwww. It’s clear he just doesn’t
realise how awful he’s being to Justin. Tucker has a heart, he just doesn’t have
empathy or self awareness, yet. But there is hope for him! It just might take a
while.

Tucker has even roped in Alan to help Benny! Alan is the coolest, most
no-nonsense kid in the year, so much so that he even gets to hang out with kids
from Main Character Form, despite only being in Secondary Character Form at the
moment.



To be fair this is my face whenever Tucker speaks too.



Tucker’s grand plan is for Alan to lend Benny his boots, despite the fact that
Alan is clearly twice the size of Benny.

Look, I said Tucker had a heart, not a brain.

The true hero of the show decides to investigate why the National Preteen Moron
Convention is happening outside his door.



Imagine whooping, cheering, and thunderous applause in the background. And
that’s just from me.



Benny and Tucker explain the problem. Everyone makes a big deal out of how
unnaturally tiny Benny’s feet are and how no other boy is going to have boots
that small. I feel you, Benny.

Mr Mitchell tells Tucker and Benny to get along to the form room, and that he’ll
be along in a minute.

“Something might turn up,” he says, like a sweetheart who could not make it more
obvious he’s about to go and sort it for them. Tucker and Benny of course remain
oblivious.



“Yeah, Mr Foster might break his neck in the gym this afternoon,” says Tucker.
Alas no Tucker, it’s only series one, no-one going to actually die yet.

Mr Mitchell goes to visit Mr Foster, who is busy doing… this.



Hey, maybe Tucker’s right, maybe he is going to break his neck.



Mr Mitchell refuses to come into the gym because he’s not wearing the correct
shoes, and Mr Foster, King of Lack of Self Awareness, says he “wishes everyone
to could be as thoughtful” as Mr Mitchell.

Mr Mitchell seems wonderfully subtly annoyed by Mr Foster.

“Did I ever tell you how much it cost to have that floor renovated?” grumbles Mr
Foster.

“About a hundred times,” says Mr Mitchell, wearily. I love him.

Mr Mitchell tells Mr Foster how good Benny is at football, and how much he wants
to play, and how sad it is that Benny can’t afford the boots.

Mr Foster, in so many words, tells Mr Mitchell that he gives less that a rats
backside about Benny Green, and he only cares about The Rules. The Rules are to
be followed to the letter at all times and not bent for anyone, regardless of
the circumstances.

Mr Mitchell has a very relatable reaction:



Me too, Tony, Me too.



Mr Mitchell arrives at the Main Character Form Room, where Trisha, bored by how
little any of the girls have to do in this episode, has found something more
interesting to pay attention to.



I can’t tell what magazine it is, but it doesn’t look quite appropriate for her
age group.



Sadly, Mr Mitchell confiscates it and forces Trisha to pay attention to the
plot. Bad luck Trish.

Mr Mitchell asks all the main characters if anyone has a solution to Benny’s
lack of boots. Ann Wilson suggests he borrow a pair. Tucker, projecting again,
calls her stupid as well.

Hughesy, actual sunshine boy and light of my life, decides to brighten up the
very boring proceedings by telling a bad joke.

“I could ask our dog sir, he’s very keen on sports.”

Mr Mitchell, knowing the set-up for a very old joke when he sees one and as keen
as anyone for some entertainment, decides to play along.



“Is he Hughes? And why’s that?”

“He’s a Boxer sir!”

Everyone groans, apart from Hughesy, who is busy laughing at his own joke.



This child is a delight.



Ann Wilson actually has a sensible idea, because of course she does. If anyone
here was going to have a sensible idea, it would be Ann “Brains of the Year
Group” Wilson. She suggests that Benny borrow her hockey boots because they’re
just like football boots really, and the hockey trials finish just before the
football trials.

Well done Ann! You have saved us all.

Sometime later, and it’s time for the football trials.

Mr Foster is coming to inspect everyone to make sure they have the correct kit,
but oh no! Ann Wilson hasn’t delivered the boots yet!

It’s time to turn Mr Foster’s own words on him and Use Initiative.

Mr Foster walks past Tucker, and the minute his back is turned, an act of
extreme stealth takes place.



This is the most exciting thing that happens this episode, so we might as well
appreciate it.



This somehow works, even thought Tucker audibly says “gimme the boots” before Mr
Foster has even left the room. We’re all lucky Mr Foster is apparently deaf.

Still wondering where Ann Wilson is, Tucker decides the best course of action is
to try and walk right into the girls’ changing room.



It seems Tucker is limited to only having one good idea per episode.



This goes about as well as can be expected, and with the female gym teacher now
believing Tucker to be some kind of perv, Tucker retreats back to the boys’
changing room, as Ann Wilson finally arrives.

Ann tries to apologise and explain that she had to finish her game, but Tucker
rudely interrupts her and snatches the boots, not even saying thank you.

“Thank you Ann. Don’t mention it Ann.” mutters Ann “Straight Savage” Wilson
under her breath as she slopes off into her own changing room.

Mr Mitchell arrives on the scene to see if the plan is going smoothly.





He cares about them so much! AU where Mr Mitchell adopts everyone.



“I hope after all this, Mr Foster is satisfied,” says Mr Mitchell, as he walks
out to the pitch with Benny.

On the pitch, Mr Foster notices Benny’s hockey boots.

“Hold on a minute!” he says. How did you get past my inspection?”

Once again, our hero, an angel from heaven, Mr Mitchell steps in to save the
day.

“You used your initiative, didn’t you Green?”

I LOVE TONY MITCHELL.

Mr Foster looks about as pleased as you would expect at being outsmarted.



The face of a man realising children aren’t all as stupid as he thought. At
least some of the time.



But he realises he can’t stop Benny playing now, and the day is won, and Benny
gets to do what he always wants to do.



Benny is in his happy place.



And this episode is finally over!

So what did we learn this week?

Well, P.E. teachers are evil, if a child partakes in dangerous behaviour, just
tell them to channel that enthusiasm into a safer pastime, and even boys who
disrespect women and terrorise wimpy kids have hearts, somewhere deep down
inside. Very deep down.

Oh, and always use the green cross code. Because Mr Mitchell won’t be there when
you cross the road.

 

Posted in Grange Hill Reviews, Grange Hill Series One | Tagged Grange Hill, TV
Reviews | 1 Reply


GRANGE HILL, SERIES 1, EPISODE 1 – A REVIEW

Posted on August 4, 2018 by rambletash
Reply

Oh boy.

So, I have, for some unfathomable reason, decided to watch and review every
episode of long running CBBC school soap Grange Hill. Every. Single. One. in
order. All 601 episodes, or 628 if we include the spin off, Tucker’s Luck. And
you better believe we’re including Tucker’s Luck. And then if I’m still alive at
the end, we’re doing the novels as well.

Oh boy.

So, full disclosure: I have watched (and read) all of it before. I do know my
Grange Hill rather well. But! For the sake of the reviews and for the sake of
anyone crazy enough to want to watch along with me, I shall treat every episode
as though it is completely brand new. You will find no spoilers for anything
that happens in an episode I haven’t reviewed yet.

With that in mind, let’s begin!

Our show starts, as so many do, with an intro. and what an intro it is.



BA-DA-BA-BOW!



A jaunty and cheerful piece of music, paired with all the imagery needed to tell
you all about Grange Hill: kids that never appear in the show, wearing a uniform
completely different to the one worn in the show, and a FLYING SAUSAGE.

 



I know we’re all distracted by the sausage itself, or by the face of the kid
it’s flying at, but look at the face on the kid in the bottom left. That kid has
seen this before.



Sadly, like all good things, the intro must eventually end, and we get our first
glimpse of Grange Hill school itself, circa the late 70s. We can tell it’s the
70s, because everything is incredibly grey, and as we all know, colours other
than grey and beige were outlawed in Britain until the 90s.



An iconic building, that I’m sure is exactly what Grange Hill school will
continue to look like for years to come.



We then see our first characters, a very grumpy caretaker, and the rarest of
cryptids: a child who is early for school on the first day of term. This child
is Benny Green, and he is tiny and adorable poor and mad about football. These
are his two main character traits, and you can tell that from the off, by the
fact that he is wearing his own scruffy clothes instead of uniform, and
clutching his football. Personally I never understood the type of child that
brings their own football everywhere, particularly to school, a place that
houses many footballs, but then what do I know. I am not Football Mad.





He is also wearing flared jeans, because it is THE SEVENTIES



We then abruptly cut to a completely different child’s bedroom, and it becomes
obvious what this episode is. You know when a new kid’s show with an ensemble
cast comes out these days, and the network’s youtube channel puts out little
“Meet [insert character name here]” videos for each main character, basically
introducing the audience to everyone and their personalities and traits quickly
and easily in quick two minute character profiles? Well, maybe you don’t because
you don’t watch kid’s TV anymore, because you’re a grownup. But I do, and trust
me, they do do that.

But in 1978, youtube didn’t exist, so they had to do this instead. Dedicate the
entire first episode to introducing each character in turn, with equal focus on
all of them, and no plot.

I mean, I’m not complaining, it’s kinda cute. Just not much of an episode. More
of a prologue, if you ask me. But anyway, back to the show.

This child shaped lump in the bed is Judy. Judy doesn’t want to go to school.



I feel you, Judy. Trust me, I feel you.



Judy, it quickly becomes apparent, is the poshest and whiniest child in the
world. She claims she can’t go to school because she has tummy pains. Her
mother, in so many words, tells her she’s 3000% done with her nonsense and is
sending her to school no matter what excuses she comes up with. Or something
like that.

“It won’t be as bad as all that,” lies Mrs Preston. School is always as bad as
all that, and any child as Enid Blyton-esque as young Judy here is going to get
bullied into the middle of next year.

“It will,” whines Judy, poshly.

The scene basically carries on like that, so let’s skip to the next one.



Judy Preston, mid-whine.



This next scene quickly introduces us to one of the best and most iconic
characters ever put to screen:



AN ICON AND A QUEEN



Look, I know I said I wouldn’t talk about things that haven’t happened yet, but
it’s not much of a spoiler to say that most Grange Hill parents are AWFUL. At
best rude and irresponsible and at worst all out abusive and neglectful. But not
Mrs Jenkins. She is flawless in every way. And we can see this from her very
first scene. She gently teases Alan and David, but with a smile, and
complimenting them on how smart they look. An adult? Who is nice to children and
treats them like human beings? In my Grange Hill? It brings a tear to the eye.
It’s truly heartwarming how genuinely kind and warm hearted she is, especially
when you see what she has to put up with.





A teeny tiny Todd Carty, that’s what.



This delightful young man is Peter “Tucker” Jenkins. He rudely barges past his
mother and tries to walk off to his new school without even looking at his mum,
let alone saying goodbye. This is because he is a Bad Boy and a Rebel, and has
not yet matured enough to know that even Cool Rebels are nice to their mothers.
Don’t worry, he has all the time in the world to do some growing up, as he is
currently the world’s tiniest child, but that doesn’t mean I can’t point out
what a rude little boy he is right now, and disagree with the show trying to get
me to side with him.

He tuts and complains while Mrs Jenkins tries to fix his tie for him, and rolls
his eyes at her when she offers to walk with him. And still doesn’t say goodbye.
Good grief Tucker, learn some manners.

(David politely says goodbye to Mrs Jenkins as she waves them off, because he is
a nice boy. I hope he ditches Tucker and gets better friends.)



I don’t have a caption for this picture, I just wanted to share it because it’s
adorable. D’awwwwww.



What follows is a small pointless scene where Benny kicks his ball at a brick
wall with no windows on it, is told off by the caretaker for kicking his ball
around there because he’ll break the windows, and is instead redirected to kick
his ball around in a courtyard, where there are many windows.



Perhaps the point of this scene is to show that Benny is a nice boy, because he
doesn’t immediately boot his football through the nearest window just to teach
the guy a lesson.



Hey, you remember what I said about typical Grange Hill parents?

Mrs Yates is AWFUL.



One big unhappy dysfunctional family.



She hasn’t got a single kind word for either of her daughters, and seems to
treat them as more of an inconvenience than anything else. It’s no wonder Trisha
is the way she is.

Trisha, it appears, is trying to take Judy’s crown as British Whining Champion
1978. She wants to go to school in tights and high heels and make up, and asks
her mother why Carol’s allowed and she isn’t. Mrs Yates, by way of reply, reacts
like Trisha’s just asked her why she’s not allowed to drown puppies for fun.
Although, knowing Mrs Yates, she probably wouldn’t see anything wrong with that.

Carol attempts to escape her ridiculous family and actually get to school on
time. Mrs Yates does not approve of this at all, and insists that the two girls
walk to school together. Showing complete disregard for her daughters’ actual
feelings, she insists that Carol wants to walk with Trisha, that Carol likes
Grange Hill, and that Trisha will like Grange Hill. Whether she wants to or not.

It’s nearly finally time to actually see some school.

Judy is being frogmarched through the gates by her mother:



Better luck escaping it next time, Judy.



And Northam’s second poshest child is arriving by car.

Justin Bennett, for it is he, is very nervous. He nervously exits the car,
nervously waves his father goodbye, and nervously watches his father drive away.



As a side note, check out those bikes in the background! Who came to school on
those? The owners of those bikes for new Best Characters.



He then nervously walks into the school, carrying an adorable little briefcase,
and being adorably polite to a teacher. N’awwww, he’s like a tiny little 40 year
old businessman.

New first years are gathering in the assembly hall. But wait! Somebody isn’t
there! Somebody is late, on their first day!



GOTTA GO FAST



She’s in a such a hurry, she doesn’t even close the front door behind her.
People were more honest and trusting in those days, clearly.

Meanwhile in assembly, children are being assigned to form groups, or in other
words, being assigned to Main Character or Background Character. This is a very
important moment in any character’s life, as I’m sure you can tell, and most
pupils look suitably serious.

Tucker, on the other hand, is being a little twerp as usual. He catapults
elastic bands at various girls’ heads and laughs when they look hurt or upset,
because respecting women isn’t what Cool Kids do.



News just in: Tucker Jenkins still The Worst.



Judy Preston has been assigned to the Main Character form group, and looks
suitably terrified. I would be too, especially if I was poor posh spineless
Judy.

Meanwhile, a teacher has arrived to tell Tucker off, but I cannot enjoy it,
because the teacher in question is Even Worse. He physically grabs Tucker, calls
Tucker “stupid”, shouts into his face, and hits Tucker around the head, hard
enough to make an audible thunk. I know times have changed, but jesus! This
might be a controversial opinion, but physically assaulting children about half
your size is never okay.

I bet this guy’s a PE teacher. Only PE teachers are this nasty. Any character
that make me feel sorry for first year Tucker must be truly awful.



Hey! Teacher! Leave those kids alone!



Meanwhile, Ann Wilson, our latecomer, is still not there.

“Does anyone know Ann Wilson?” says Mrs Monroe. Alas, nobody does. Poor Ann.
Coming in late, and she doesn’t even know anyone. I already feel for her.
Luckily for her however, she’s already been assigned to Main Character Form,
unlike David, who has been assigned to Background Character Form. Alas, poor
David. Maybe he’ll find better friends, at least.

We also finally get to meet Main Character Form’s glorious leader: Mr Mitchell,
the coolest teacher in town! More on him later. For now it’s time to meet our
designated Obvious Cartoonish Villains.

I think they’re too old for this school. They look about 30. Perhaps they’ve
been held back several years, because they clearly have the sense of humour of
an 8 year old. They think it is a Good Laugh to change the arrows on the signs
for first years, and then to bamboozle poor Ann Wilson, who has finally arrived,
and is far too trusting.



Ann no! Don’t you know a Designated Cartoonish Villain when you see one?



Off skips poor oblivious Ann Wilson, in completely the wrong direction.

Meanwhile, Alan has just been assigned to Secondary Character Form. His full
name is Alan Turner, according to Mrs Monroe. Bear that in mind, it’ll be
important later.

Tucker hasn’t been called at all, and is left standing in the middle of the
assembly all alone. Tucker isn’t on the list of new pupils. Perhaps Mrs Jenkins
forgot to actually register him at the school. It’s okay, I forgive her. Mrs
Jenkins can do no wrong.

Let’s check in on Main Character Form.

Mr Mitchell is being a Cool Adult. He’s very gentle and understanding about
Benny’s lack of school uniform, and even takes Benny very seriously when he’s
talking complete nonsense at him, as 11 year olds are prone to do. What a lovely
man.

He continues to be lovely while speaking to the class as a whole. He explains
that the reason they’re sitting in alphabetical order is for his benefit, as he
is getting very old. Even when I was at school in the 00s and 2010s, many
teachers would’ve just said “you do what I say because I say so”. Mr Mitchell is
an angel. He’s so soft and gentle with the kids without being a pushover, I love
him.







Our wayward Ann Wilson has gone to square up against the Designated Cartoonish
Villains. She has realised she was tricked, and like a legend who fears no-one,
has decided to directly confront the bullies that tricked her.

“You’re not calling me a liar, are you?” says Main Designated Cartoonish
Villain, villainously.

“Yes.” says Ann Wilson, in a matter of fact voice, like a straight savage.

The Designated Cartoonish Villains are angered by this, and storm off, refusing
to tell Ann the correct directions. Our hero glares after them with the fury of
a thousand suns.



They’re going to regret the day they crossed Ann Wilson.



Meanwhile in the Main Character Form Room, Judy Preston and Justin Bennett are
bonding. The combined nervous posh child energy may destroy the world.

They’re both very miserable to be in school. I relate. I can only hope they come
out of it more mentally healthy than I did, though I’m not too optimistic.

“My mum says we’ll make lot of new friends,” says Judy, mournfully.

“I won’t. I hate this school,” says Justin, who has literally just stepped foot
in the school for the first time about half an hour ago.

#BigMood, as the kids say.



Judy looks like she’s contemplating death, and Justin’s so pale he looks like
he’s already there.



Tucker, meanwhile, has been forgotten about. He’s just standing around picking
his nose outside the office. Finally, a realistic portrayal of a preteen boy.



Tucker you disgusting boy.



Mrs Monroe decides she has no choice but to put Tucker in the Main Character
Form. What have you done, Mrs Monroe. The world isn’t ready.

Luckily, she then meets Ann Wilson in the corridor, and makes the wise decision
of putting her in Main Character form as well.

Tucker and Ann get delivered to Mr Mitchell, who doesn’t even complain about
Tucker messing up his alphabet system, because Mr Mitchell is lovely.

“Here they are, all present and correct, ready to start their new lives at
Grange Hill. Let’s hope it will be a pleasant experience for them,” says Mrs
Monroe.

“I’m sure it will,” lies Mr Mitchell. “One big happy family!”

On that note, Trisha hits Tucker with her ruler. I think I’m going to like her.

This is where the episode ends, but as the credits roll, there’s one more thing
I want us all to pay attention to. You remember I told you to pay attention to
Alan’s surname, Turner? Well…



WHEN WILL THE LIES END??



Posted in Grange Hill Reviews, Grange Hill Series One | Tagged Grange Hill, TV
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RAMBLETASH

Official blog of self-proclaimed British kid’s show expert and Little Cousin
Scampi enthusiast, Natasha E. Luxton. I make things gayer than they need to me,
and I’m pretty sure I was Dodge T Dog in a previous life.

You can call me Tash.








RECENT POSTS

 * Flops Revisited: A new review series I intend to do on this blog, unless I
   fall off the face of the planet again or get bored or something
 * Grange Hill Series 1 Episode 3 – A Review
 * Grange Hill Series 1 Episode 2 – A Review
 * Grange Hill, Series 1, Episode 1 – A Review


CATEGORIES

 * Flops Revisited
 * Grange Hill Reviews
 * Grange Hill Series One

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