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THERADICALIDEA

because one chromosome shouldn't define you
 

 


I’M BACK! AND I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS

•December 2, 2017 • Leave a Comment

So, it’s been a while.

Almost a year, in fact. And what a miserable, roller coaster of a year it has
been.

I know I haven’t been posting. I was busy with work, and emotionally exhausted
from watching what was happening in the news, and starting graduate school. I
haven’t been writing, but rest assured, readers, I haven’t stopped being my
feminist self. I just needed a very prolonged break from blogging.

But I can’t just sit here anymore. I’m tired, yes, but I’m tired in that way
that being angry for a year makes you tired. I’m tired in that way that watching
people mistreat others in the name of consolidating power makes you tired. I’m
tired in that way that losing friends and cutting toxic people from your life
makes you tired. I know a lot of us are tired. But underneath that, I’m still
angry. I’m livid. And surprisingly, I’m proud.

A few weeks ago, I watched the Democrats win 16  seats back in the Virginia
House of Delegates. If you didn’t follow this story, you missed out. The first
state-level transgender lawmaker, Danica Roem, beat a long-time incumbent who
had tried to introduce bathroom bill legislation; multiple women, including
women of color, took seats previously held by white men. At the start of
election day, the Democrats had held 34 of the seats in the Virginia House of
Delegates. By the end of the day, they were posed to hold either 50 or 51.
They’re still recounting election results.

That wasn’t the only thing that gave me hope on election night. Democrats turned
out in surprisingly high numbers for an off-year election. Seats were flipped
across the country. People we were afraid would let their anger fizzle out
didn’t. They were out there, voting, and there could be real repercussions. In
my hometown on Long Island, a Democratic woman won the executive position for
the Town of Hempstead for the first time.

Meanwhile, the moment of reckoning has arrived finally for men in our society
who harass, assault, and abuse women. Left and right, it seems, women are coming
forward, and powerful men are being investigated, and fired. Matt Lauer was
dismissed by NBC. Louis C.K.’s movie was pulled before its premier. An
astonishing 83 women have come forward with allegations against Harvey
Weinstein. Roy Moore might lose the Senate race in Alabama. Oh how the mighty
are falling. Amber Tamblyn, in an Op-Ed for the New York Times, writes that this
is an opportunity for seismic cultural change regarding how men relate to women;
there have to be consequences, even for men we would otherwise like. It’s too
early to talk about redemption, and in any case, redemption has to be earned.
We’ve been waiting too long to hear these issues talked about, to see women (and
men) be able to step into the light and say enough is enough! I will no longer
stand to be treated like an object, like a plaything, like anything less than an
equal.

But there is more than enough bad news to go around, of course. Just look at the
tax bills passed in the House and Senate, which stand poised to balloon the
national debt, cause automatic spending cuts to social services including
Medicare and Medicaid, sneakily try to establish fetuses as people, repeal the
individual mandate from the ACA, potentially bankrupt small businesses by
eliminating the tax deductibility of small business expenses, and make grad
school significantly less affordable by taxing tuition waivers. (As a grad
student, I can tell you, this will increase students’ tax liability by up to
600%, but I mean sure, they want us to be competitive with China, right?)
Honestly, open the New York Times or Washington Post and you’ll find something
to be upset about on any given day. This week, I tried to call my Republican
senators (I live in Texas) and their phones had been disconnected. Indeed.

So what do we do?

We keep going. We keep fighting. Do this right now: pick 3-4 issues that you
really really care about, and write them down. And keep an eye on what’s
happening to them. Keep talking about them with people. Maybe it’s healthcare
access. Maybe it’s reproductive justice. Maybe it’s education. Maybe it’s this
tax bill. Maybe it’s net neutrality, or our relations with NATO, or the national
debt, or threats to social services, or intimate partner violence. Pick a couple
of issues and watch them like a hawk. Make sure other people get why they’re
important. Encourage them to talk to people about issues and why they’re
important as well. We can’t afford to forget what’s at stake.

Find a campaign to volunteer with (check out swingleft.org to identify nearby
House races that need attention). Donate to political campaigns or political
organizations. Candidates who worked with EMILY’s List and/or EMERGE were among
the most successful in flipping seats in 2017–let’s help those organizations do
what they are obviously really good at, and help get progressive candidates
elected in 2018. Volunteer to register voters in 2018; canvas in your
neighborhood or nearby areas; make phone calls. Imagine what we could do if the
House changed hands, or the Senate.

Speaking of the Senate, Beto O’Rourke is poised to put up a heck of a fight in
Texas. Keep an eye on states like Texas and Arizona, where seats have some
chance of being flipped. See if you can make calls or support organizers from
afar if you don’t live in those states. If you DO live in those states, get
involved! Jeff Flake is leaving the Senate so that seat is wide open, Beto
O’Rourke is challenging Ted Cruz, and Bob Corker is retiring leaving a seat open
in Tennessee.

And keep taking care of yourself. Look, this is exhausting, and draining, and
miserable. Too many people have had to put in too much emotional labor
explaining why sexual harassment is a real problem, or have been overwhelmed by
sexual violence being constantly in the news. Living in a country with leaders
who care more about money than people is disheartening and awful. Make sure
you’re eating, drinking enough water, getting enough sleep. Spend time with your
friends. Unplug from the internet for a bit. Take a long vacation from blogging,
like I did. Do what you have to do so that you can take on the things that
matter to you.

 

 

 



Posted in Uncategorized


I’M EXCITED TO MARCH, BUT I’M READY TO WORK

•January 19, 2017 • Leave a Comment

The Women’s March is almost here!

Tomorrow, Donald J. Trump will be sworn in as our next President here in the
United States.  As heartbroken as I was on election night (and basically every
day since then), I have seen some things since November 8th which have inspired
me, and reminded me that it’s time to hold the line in the fight for
equality-~-even if it’s hard, even if it seems like there are too many battles
to fight.

Just remember, you aren’t fighting alone.

In addition to the Women’s March on Washington, there are 161 sister marches
taking place around the world on January 21, with over a million estimated
participants.  And the Women’s March has evolved, from a simple shout of anger,
to something with a real (and fantastically intersectional) platform, diverse
leadership, and something that it stands for.  I’m ready to put on my most
comfortable walking shoes, find my friends, and stand with organizations like
EMILY’s List, Planned Parenthood, and the ACLU, as well as hundreds-~-make that
thousands-~-of my fellow Americans as we insist that we will not go back.

The greatness that this country wants to reclaim it can only claim by going
forward, never backwards.  We can’t get back our manufacturing jobs-~-we have to
find ways of investing in communities that have been devastated by the fact that
we no longer hold a competitive advantage in manufacturing.  We have to deal
with class issues, and racial issues, and sexism, and homophobia, and abelism,
and every other problem plaguing this country-~-we can’t go back to ignoring
them and pretending we don’t know better.  We do know better, and while the
abstract concept of white privilege doesn’t make any difference when you’re
struggling to put food on the table, we need to address what privilege
means-~-and include class issues in that conversation.  The problems that we
face can’t be solved by passing the blame to other groups; they can only be
resolved when we focus on actual solutions.

The Women’s March is a rallying cry to keep pushing forward, but my plea to you
is this: once you’ve set down your protest sign and turned in for the night on
Saturday, don’t think it’s time to congratulate yourself for getting out and
marching.  The work is only just beginning.  We have a long road ahead of us,
and already we are seeing huge challenges to the progress we have made: from
conversations around de-funding the grants awarded through the Violence Against
Women Act, to efforts to repeal the Affordable Care Act, to first steps towards
a national abortion ban, to elevated levels of hate crime reports, to the
nomination of people like Jeff Sessions to the cabinet, we have our work cut out
for us.

So get out there and march, and on Monday, call your Senators and tell them that
we need qualified cabinet members who will uphold our laws and execute their
duties effectively.  Tell them not to confirm people like Betsey DeVos (she’s
Trump’s pick for Education Secretary-~-you can watch her confirmation hearing
here) and Jeff Sessions.  Tell them to defend the Affordable Care Act (because
18 million people shouldn’t lose their insurance just because the current plan
is not perfect).  Tell them to protect the Violence Against Women Act and a
pregnant person’s right to choose.  Remember, calling your representatives’
offices is the most effective way to make your voice heard.  Write Op-Eds, go to
town halls, sign petitions, do whatever you can to remind Congress and the
Senate that they work for us.

And then get ready to stay on top of what’s happening, because part of our
problem is that the incoming administration holds press conferences at the same
time as confirmation hearings, the media gets sidetracked by Trump tweets and
people’s responses on social media, and we all get lost in the mess of
information available.  Subscribe to an actual news source and keep track of
what is happening.  Don’t like the New York Times or Washington Post? Check out
AP, Reuters, Christian Science Monitor, the Economist, the Atlantic, the Wall
Street Journal, and others.  Support your local paper.  Listen to NPR.  Check
out Amy Siskind’s weekly list of the things subtly changing around us, and start
keeping a list of your own.  You can also use tools like Countable to keep track
of what your representatives are voting on and let your opinion be heard.

So now you’re theoretically informed, you’re contacting your representatives,
you are making yourself heard.  DO NOT STOP.  Don’t let hate and bigotry become
normalized.  Don’t let climate change denial and classism and “post-truth”
rhetoric become normalized.  Talk to people about what is really happening right
in front of you, and don’t let anyone try to convince you that what you’re
seeing is not real.  Donate to organizations you care about, and if you’re not
sure where to go, there is very soon to be a directory on this website with
suggestions, but feel free to reference previous posts for names of progressive
organizations in need of support.  Become a clinic escort.  Volunteer with RAINN
or with a local organization addressing sexual violence.  Keep writing to your
congresspeople and writing op-eds.  Support your state coalition against
domestic violence or a local organization with money, in-kind donations like
food or clothes, or volunteer work.  Recycle.  Boycott business which engage in
discriminatory practices.  Engage with actual brick-and-mortar institutions in
your community like libraries, churches, homeless shelters, women’s
organizations, community centers, senior citizens’ homes, schools, community
colleges, etc., that are making a difference around you.  Make civic engagement
a part of your daily and weekly life and routine.  Practice self-care so that
all that civic engagement doesn’t cause you to burn out.

I’m not optimistic about the next four years.  They’re going to be a long, hard
struggle (including a difficult fight over the Senate in 2018).  But we don’t
just need a march-~-we need momentum.  So if you’re ready to walk, get ready to
work, because the next four years may be tough, and we may not win every battle,
but we can’t go back, so we have to keep pushing forward, together.



Posted in Feminism
Tags: Current Events, Intersectionality, Modern Feminism, Political


LET’S GET RADICAL ABOUT SELF-CARE

•January 2, 2017 • Leave a Comment

I talk about self-care a lot, just not necessarily on this blog.  That’s about
to change, though, because this past year has been rough, and the next few years
will be as well, and it’s time for us all to engage in a lot more self-care.

Let’s start treating our bodies, our minds, and our relationships like they’re
important, because they are.

Audrey Lorde once said that self-care could be a radical political act.  What
she meant was that when the world tells you that you’re not important, and tries
to drain you of the energy you need to fight back, taking care of yourself is an
act of defiance.  I can’t help but think that this is true; in a system that
too-often treats people like their value is determined by the labor they
produce, a system in which women are expected to take on domestic and household
labor with little acknowledgment, thanks, or support, self-care is an act of
rebellion.  It is your constant reminder to yourself that you are a person and
you deserve to be treated with care and respect, and if no one will give that to
you, you need to give it to yourself.

Before you start googling self-care ideas, though, let me be very clear: I don’t
just mean that you should just start doing yoga and buy some scented candles and
call it a day.  That isn’t self-care.  Self care isn’t just the pretty stuff you
see on Pinterest; it’s about actually taking care of yourself, starting with
your basic needs.  And self-care shouldn’t just be a reaction to feeling
stressed or burned out; it needs to be integrated into how you live your life,
to give you the energy and the strength to bring your best self to as many days
as possible.  Let’s get proactive about actually treating ourselves well.



Look at the hierarchy of needs.  All the adult coloring books and glasses of
wine at the end of a long day won’t solve your problems if you’re not meeting
your needs for things like food, having a place to sleep, getting enough sleep,
feeling like you have basic personal security-~-so you need to make sure those
needs are taken care of.  How much sleep are you getting each night?  Is it
enough?  Is it even close?  Are you eating enough?  Are you eating healthy foods
that actually meet your nutritional needs?  Are you able to pay your rent and
your electric bill?  Those things matter, and you need to take care of them too,
and treat them like actual self-care.  Do your dishes.  Do your laundry.  Pay
your bills.  Buy actual groceries instead of just saying “screw it” and ordering
pizza again.  Go to bed at a reasonable hour.  Take care of things so that you
have a good foundation to build on.

Once you’ve got your foundation, then let’s get serious about how we take care
of our social health, our mental health, etc.  Take a self-care assessment and
see how you’re doing across different areas of your life-~-not just the ones
that seem obvious.  I led a self-care workshop and a lot of participants told me
they were surprised to see spiritual self-care on their assessment, and that
they tended to score poorly on it, because they identified as non-religious;
don’t forget that your relationship with the universe shouldn’t be dependent on
belief in an organized religion, and is one of the things you might want to pay
a little extra attention to.  Don’t forget to take care of your relationship
with yourself-~-whether it’s taking time to just feel your feelings, or
reminding yourself of things you actually like about yourself, that investment
can pay off, and not making it can definitely hurt.

Figure out what actually works for you in terms of self-care.  A friend and
colleague of mine uses what she calls a “boundary night”-~-one night a week
where, after she leaves work, no one is allowed to talk to her about work or
about sexual violence.  She spends time on her hobbies, or with her partner, and
it’s an important part of her self-care.  I have invested time in learning to
cook a wider range of things, because I find cooking comforting, and because I
wasn’t eating well enough with only the few things I felt I could cook well.
 Those are just examples-~-one or two self-care activities alone are not enough.
 Figure out what calms you down, what gets you pumped up, what makes you feel
refreshed, what helps you organize your thoughts.  I see stuff about self-care
all the time that focuses on things like doing yoga or meditating; personally, I
don’t find either of those helpful, and that’s okay.  Explore different kinds of
self-care ideas and make a self-care plan that actually works for you and your
life, and which addresses those different areas of self-care, especially the
ones you may have been neglecting a little.



Really integrating self-care into your life can be hard, and people get
busy-~-with work, with friends, with family, with activism.  But this is worth
it.  Having balance, making sure that we are getting what we need, from
ourselves and from our relationships, is worth it.  It’s an investment in
ourselves and our ability to engage with what we care about, without losing too
much.  Especially as we head into a difficult year, the first year of the new
Trump administration, there will be days that you want to tear your hair out.
 There may be all kinds of hate speech, there may be marches and rallies you
feel you want to get involved in, there may be frustrating and terrifying
articles coming out about the implications of new policies, and every one of
those feelings will be valid.  The desire to do something is always valid. But
you can’t pour from an empty cup; you need to invest in yourself, too, if you’re
going to be effective, at anything at all.

Let me end with this: have compassion, not just for others, but for yourself.
 Forgive yourself for forgetting to go to the store or for not actually cleaning
your desk even though you’ve been saying you’re going to do it for the last two
months.  Forgive yourself for the things you don’t know, for the weeks you’re
too busy to think straight, for the times you’ve snapped at someone
unintentionally, for the times you feel helpless.  All of that is okay.  When
you feel yourself slipping, that isn’t the time to throw out your self-care
plan; that is the time to show yourself some compassion, and adjust your
strategy to figure out what you need, and how to get it, because you deserve to
take care of you.

 

Posted in Health and Body Issues
Tags: Fun, Resources, Self Care


MAKING RESOLUTIONS

•December 29, 2016 • Leave a Comment

It’s that time of year: 2016 is (finally!) ending, and we’re moving on to 2017.
 A new calendar year doesn’t necessarily mean things will be better, or
different, but while we’re all sitting around reflecting, maybe it’s time to
make this important resolution:

I resolve to do something.

Edmund Burke famously said that “All that’s needed for evil to triumph is for
good men to do nothing”.  We need to resolve that this year, we will not sit
idly by and let things just happen to us.  We need to do something, do anything,
and that’s what I’m here to blog about today.

Just do something.

Right after the election, I published a selection of things people can do in
response to the incoming administration’s proposed policies and seeming desired
lack of accountability, from subscribing to actual media outlets like the New
York Times, the Washington Post, or any other major newspaper (seriously, just
pick one you like), to donating to organizations like the ACLU, the Southern
Poverty Law Center, the Women’s Law Project, Planned Parenthood, RAINN, or your
local rape crisis center or domestic violence organization.  I hate to say it,
but it might be time for those of us who can afford to do so to put our money
where our mouths are; all the blog posts in the world won’t buy someone an STI
test or an attorney for their immigration case, but donations to Planned
Parenthood or the National Immigration Law Center will.

While we’re talking about this, think local, not just national.  This should be
the year you start paying attention to local politics.  Who is on your local
school board?  Your town council?  Who is your state representative?  What is
happening in your state legislature?  You need to know, because there is a LOT
of legislation happening there.  Want help tracking it?  Check out apps like
Countable or iCitizen.  Get involved on a local and state level advocating for
the issues you care about-~-don’t just wait for Congress to do something, or for
President-Elect Trump to sign something into law.  While we’re on the subject,
don’t forget that local organizations do a LOT of important direct service work,
including providing counseling services, getting food to the hungry, helping
place homeless individuals and families in shelters, getting domestic violence
survivors to safety, and assisting sexual assault survivors.  Donate, volunteer,
write letters of encouragement to the staff…whatever you think will help, but
get involved.

Let’s not forget about other kinds of institutions that we don’t always think of
as being under fire, or playing a particular role in the cause of feminism or
social justice.  Libraries have been the surprising targets of vandalism since
the election, but access to information and ideas is key to a free society, and
libraries provide critical services that help less fortunate community members
to change their lives.  Labor unions often play important roles in protecting
workers’ rights and ensuring that workers are paid fair wages and have safe
working conditions.  Youth organizations like the Girl Scouts of America, Boys
and Girls Clubs of America, and Big Brothers Big Sisters of America make a
significant difference in the lives of young people who get involved.

While we’re on the subject of branching out, let’s make sure we’re
intersectional in our advocacy.  Check out organizations like the Million
Hoodies for Justice Movement, which is mobilizing young people of color against
gun violence; the Black Women’s Health Imperative, which is focused on
increasing access to healthcare for Black women; the Ms. Foundation for Women,
which provides grants and engages in advocacy around women’s health and economic
justice; the National Council of La Raza, which works for civil rights and
economic opportunities for the Hispanic community; and the National Council of
Jewish Women, which works to combat anti-Semitism and to promote civil liberties
and civil rights across religions and ethnicities.  Those are just a few
examples, but obviously there are many, many more.

And while we’re talking about intersectionality, let’s make sure we are going
beyond just race.  Let’s make 2017 the year we resolve to get serious about
talking about income inequality, and talking about it not just as a racial issue
but as a class issue.  Let’s stand up to Islamaphobic harassment when we see it
happening.  Let’s stop ignoring anti-Semitism because a couple of decades ago
America kind of decided Jews were white (and let’s stop ignoring the fact that
only some Jews are white, and actually acknowledge Black, Asian, Latinx, and
Middle Eastern Jews).  Let’s make 2017 the year we get serious about addressing
mental health stigma and pushing for access to critical mental health services;
let’s support organizations like Mental Health America and the National Alliance
on Mental Illness, and counter stigma when we encounter it in our homes, our
offices, our friend groups, and our communities.  You can also get certified in
Mental Health First Aid so that you’ll know what to do if you ever encounter
someone struggling with a mental health issue or going through a mental health
crisis. Let’s get real about supporting people with disabilities, by actually
calling out abelism when we see and hear it, by pushing for reasonable
accommodation in our workplaces and our community organizations, and by
supporting organizations such as the American Organization of People with
Disabilities, the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network, United Cerebral Palsy, the
National Disability Rights Network, the National Down Syndrome Society, and
others.  Let’s call out homophobia and transphobia when we hear it, support
local organizations that we know are queer-friendly, vigorously oppose things
like conversion therapy, and support organizations like the Trevor Project,
GLAAD, Lambda Legal, and the National Center for Transgender Equality.

That’s a LOT of things that you can do, a lot of organizations that need
support, a lot of ways to get involved, but let me challenge you to do one more:
challenge your own assumptions.  Don’t write off any problem as something we’ve
solved, because racism and sexism and HIV stigma and anti-Semitism haven’t gone
anywhere, even though people like to tell advocates like me that those aren’t
real issues anymore.  And challenge other people’s assumptions. Amplify the
stories of people of color, of people of different religions, of survivors of
intimate partner and sexual violence.  Talk to people whose opinions may differ
from your own instead of staying in your own echochamber.  I know that being
called the feminist killjoy isn’t that fun, but let’s face it: racism, sexism,
abelism, and homophobia aren’t funny.

Let me put it another way: if you don’t stand up for women, for immigrants, for
LGBTQ people, for Jews, for Muslims, for those struggling with poverty, for
people with disabilities, for people of color…who will?  The time to sit around
waiting for others to take charge is behind us; we have to commit, as we face
this new year, to take responsibility for our movement and for our future.  If
we sit quietly, everything we have fought for for decades could be lost-~-so
don’t sit quietly.  No matter what it is you choose to do, make the choice to
do something, something more than preaching to the choir, sharing articles on
Facebook, and hoping for the best.  That plan is not working. We need to resolve
to do better in the new year.

 

Posted in Uncategorized


A FEW POINTS ABOUT THE ROLE OF MEDIA IN THIS ELECTION AND IN OUR COUNTRY

•November 13, 2016 • Leave a Comment

I have endless feelings about media-related issues right now.  Network news
opted for ratings and focused in disproportionately on Hillary Clinton’s emails
during this election; pundits read polling data the way the thought viewers
wanted to hear it so no one had a clear picture of what was going on, and the
media did little to hold Trump accountable.  All that is too late to change.

There are four media-related issues that I want to bring up, though.

First, good media costs.  I love online media as much as anyone, but major news
organizations charge for access, and until recently, I hadn’t bothered to
subscribe, because I got information from so many different sources, I couldn’t
be bothered. But if you can afford a subscription, now is the time to consider
subscribing to media like the Washington Post, New York Times, Wall Street
Journal, etc, because we are going to need the media to be in good form.

Second, support local media–local news stations and local newspapers.  A lot of
them were wiped out during the Great Recession, but they’re the ones more likely
to actually investigate, track, and hold accountable state legislatures, and we
have to be able to keep an eye on what is happening at the state level.  Don’t
think state politics matter to you?  State legislatures control things like
education spending, test requirements, infrastructure development, etc, and
impact issues such as health insurance regulations, abortion access, access to
birth control, access to other healthcare, LGBTQ rights, and so many other
things.  We only hear about bills coming out of legislatures when they are
controversial enough to gain media attention, but HUNDREDS of bills are passed
through state legislatures every year that impact people’s daily lives.

Third, consider reading and/or contributing to media that exists outside of your
normal spectrum of media outlets.  Hear me out: media is helping to fuel the
echochambers we live in.  I don’t think that urban America is somehow not the
“real America”, but I do think that we can’t solve anything if we don’t
acknowledge what is happening in the rest of the country.  Ask yourself: which
newspapers are big in the mid-west?  In the South?  What media sources are
widely read in rural Indiana or Oklahoma?  What story about America are we not
reading?  What story about America are those readers not reading?

Fourth, and this is big: we need to DEMAND better representation in films and TV
shows.  The reality is that as great as it would be for people across rural
America to come to big cities and meet people, they often don’t have the
financial means to do so.  It’s easy to forget, especially coming from somewhere
like California or the Northeast, how big this country really is.  If you have
to drive ten hours to reach a mid-size or large city, you may not have the time
and the money to actually get there.  The ways in which people who are
relatively geographically isolated from the rest of the world interact with the
rest of the world is through media.  And media still, to this day, primarily
casts white men or white women as their leads, and buys into a Christianized
secular American culture that allows them to depict Christmas as a normal
American tradition while ignoring every other culture and tradition in this
country.

Think for a minute about the media you have watched.  How many shows or movies
can you think of where there are explicitly Jewish characters?  Now ask yourself
this: how many of those Jewish characters actually engage with Jewish religion
or culture on the show?  I can think of one off the top of my head (The West
Wing), though I’m sure there are a few more.  Now ask yourself this: how many
shows can you think of where there are Muslim characters?  How many of those
characters are NOT terrorists or terror suspects?  How many shows or movies have
you seen that even depict Buddhists, or Hindus, or Sikhs? While we’re at it, how
many show Latinx people or Black people as major characters?  How about major
characters who are not criminals, who don’t have any family members who are seen
on the show who are criminals?  This same issue applies to sexuality-~we need
more LGBTQ representation in shows, and not just where their characters end up
dying.

Representation matters.  It shapes how people psychologically respond-~-if you
routinely see media and news where every time a Black person in a hoodie reaches
into a pocket, they pull out a gun, your brain is trained to associate those
things with each other.  If every time you see a Muslim depicted in a TV show,
they are a terrorist or a terror suspect, and there are no Muslims in your
community, there’s no meaningful counter-narrative.  It’s time to DEMAND that
Hollywood step up to the plate and provide these counter-narratives.

Besides, where these counter-narratives do exist, shows have been successful.
 The West Wing was a major hit show for seven seasons and featured a Black man
as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, a Black man as personal aide to the president,
a Black woman as National Security Advisor, two Jewish men as White House senior
staffers, and (in seasons 6 and 7) a Latino presidential candidate.  Quantico,
now in its second season, stars Priyanka Chopra, a South Asian woman, and has
featured a Black woman as a high-ranking FBI agent, and a Jewish man and two
Muslim women as FBI agents in training; in its second season, it also features
two Black characters as high-ranking CIA agents. Grey’s Anatomy has numerous
Black, biracial, gay, and bisexual characters, and has, in its history, featured
story-lines focused on intersex and transgender characters.  How to Get Away
With Murder notably features, in its core cast, only 2 straight white men among
a group of racially diverse characters.  Even family-oriented shows have handled
diversity with some success, including Freeform’s Switched at Birth, which
includes numerous Latinx and Deaf characters.  But it’s not enough, it’s nowhere
near enough, to counter the idea that “everyone celebrates Christmas” or that
white people in charge is the norm.  It’s not enough to balance against media
like Zero Dark Thirty, American Sniper, or 24, in which the bad guys were all
Muslim.  It’s not enough to balance against the dozens of films which come out
each year which feature white men and women as their leads.

Hollywood needs to cast more representative stories.  It’s not about including a
couple of people of color in our media though; it’s about actually telling some
of their stories.  It’s about casting them in roles that aren’t dependent on
color, because white shouldn’t be treated as a default.  It’s about actually
depicting lives outside the white, Christianized secular bubble we’ve come to
treat as the norm, even though it isn’t for so many people.  We need better
stories, and we need more diverse groups of people cast as heroes, as supporting
characters, as love interests, on our TV shows and on the big screen.  And we
should support media that accomplishes this, because it plays a hugely important
role in how our society thinks about people.

 

Posted in Uncategorized


EVERYTHING FEELS TERRIBLE. HERE’S WHAT YOU CAN DO.

•November 9, 2016 • Leave a Comment

If you are like me, you are probably still reeling from last night’s election.

I know I have not posted much over the course of this election cycle. It would
have been hard to pick what upset me the most, because every issue I care about
has been on the table: sexual and reproductive healthcare, healthcare in
general, people’s jobs, immigration, the list goes on and on. Not to mention
that Donald Trump is a repeated accused rapist and abuser, who has used
emotional abuse tactics on television.

I am heartbroken. I am angry. I feel let down by a country that has told me once
again that people like me do not deserve respect or consideration. That my
friends do not deserve to be safe, or to have opportunities to seek good jobs.
That a more equal society is unwanted because there are angry white people who
want their experiences to be the only normal.

If you’re heartbroken, let yourself be heartbroken. If you’re mad. let yourself
be mad. I want you to remember how this feels, because it’s the only way we are
going to change anything.  Everything feels terrible right now.  Here’s what you
can do

1 Take care of yourself.

Hydrate. Sleep. Be with your friends. Read a book you love. Watch a show you
love. Watch the West Wing for the 300th time. Eat. Pay your bills.  Engage in
the radical acts of self-care that keep you going. Cry if you need to.  Yell if
you need to. It’s okay that you need to take care of yourself.

2. Get support if you need it.

If you don’t already have these hotlines on hand, grab a pen:

RAINN: 1-800-656-4673 (they also have an online chat at http://www.rainn.org)

National Suicide Prevention Hotline:  1-800-273-8255

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

Gay & Lesbian National Hotline: 1-888-THE-GLNH

You can also look at free or low-cost therapy if therapy seems like it would
help:

The Anxiety and Depression Association of America has resources to help identify
sources of help, and an app called TalkSpace will let you connect to a trained
counselor through as many texts as you want for $25/week

3. Donate

Organizations like Planned Parenthood, RAINN, your local domestic violence
shelter, and local community health organizations are going to need all the help
they can get, and the people they help are going to be among the hardest hit.

You can also donate to organizations like Legal Aid or immigration advocacy
organizations that can provide legal counsel to those whose immigration cases
are about to get more complicated, as well as local and national organizations
supporting LGBTQ persons.

Other organizations to consider supporting: the ACLU, the NAACP, Lambda Legal,
the Southern Poverty Law Center, the Center for Reproductive Rights, GLAAD, the
Disability Rights Legal Center, the Mexican American Legal Defense and Education
Fund, the National Association of Community Health Centers, and any other great
local organizations in your community you see helping people in need.

4. Be there for each other

I know it sounds cheesy, but solidarity and support are going to matter a LOT in
the next few months.  There is no way to know what is going to happen once
President-Elect Trump is inaugurated; there is no way to predict exactly what
Congress will or won’t support. So listen to each other’s fears. Validate each
other’s concerns. Be the community that each of us needs right now.

5. Volunteer

Organizations like Planned Parenthood, RAINN, domestic violence and rape crisis
centers, all need volunteers. If you have the time, helping out can help to
ensure that these organizations continue to be able to provide critical services
in our communities as well as nationally.

6. Stay involved

Write to your congressional representatives and senators. Pay attention to
state-level policies, which are the most likely to impact things like local
program funding, education, abortion access, family law, etc.

7. Support media that holds politicians, government officials, and judges
accountable.

Our media sources too-often failed us in this election, and our government
officials and politicians need to be held accountable for the actions they take
and the rhetoric they invoke. Support media outlets that actually fulfill this
obligation so that come next election cycle, we get better coverage, and so that
every day, we get more accountability and transparency.

8. Support local businesses.

During times of economic downturn, it’s generally smaller businesses that get
hit the hardest. In case the shock of having Donald Trump elected does in fact
disturb our markets, support your local businesses when you can; they help
create jobs in your community, and are more likely to re-invest in the
community.

9. Make a plan

Are you saving money in case there’s economic downturn? Are you considering
long-lasting reversible contraception in case access to contraception and/or
abortion is compromised? Do you have a support system in place to help you cope
with difficult social and economic changes on the horizon? If not, it’s time to
think through what you are going to do if things get messy.  I’m here with you,
hoping for the best, but I like to say that in general, it’s good to have a
plan-~-because you never know what will happen.

8. Stay compassionate

There has been a lot of hatred in this election cycle, and it would be easy to
just push back with even more anger and hatred. I see where you’re coming from,
I really do. But part of the problem with what has happened in this country is
that for all the strides we have made forward, there are people we have left
behind, and progressives are guilty of it too.  If you identify as liberal,
consider how you or your other liberal friends talk about people from the South
and the Midwest, people in small towns, people who identify as religious. We
need to bring compassion and humanity back into our national conversations, and
that is something every one of us needs to be a part of.

 

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized


A JUMBLE OF THOUGHTS FOR NEDA WEEK

•February 23, 2016 • Leave a Comment

It’s National Eating Disorder Awareness (NEDA) Week in the US, and I’m not as
well-equipped to write about it as I’d like to be, but it’s worth highlighting
whether I feel prepared or not.

Eating disorders impact thousands of young people in the United States every
year.  They’re also hugely misunderstood, often painted as being about wanting
to be thin, as opposed to wanting control or wanting approval, which is what
they’re more often really about.  As a result, eating disorders get
characterized by simply some of their symptoms-~-over-eating, over-exercising,
counting calories-~-instead of being seen holistically for the psychological
struggle that they are.  What this also means is that recovery is more than just
a battle to consume food; it can also be a battle to face the underlying issues
that push people to develop eating disorders, and that can be incredibly
difficult.

If you are struggling with an eating disorder, or you think you may have an
eating disorder, you should know that you are not alone. If you want to be
screened, the National Eating Disorders Assocation has an online screening tool
to help assess your behaviors.  They also have some resources available through
their website, including a directory of support groups and an online chat if you
need to talk.  You can also find an additional director of support groups here.
 MentorConnect is an online mentorship program that pairs people going through
recovery with individuals who have made it through recovery; I have personally
heard great thing from people who have used MentorConnect as a support system
during recovery.

There are also any number of tools out there to support recovery, and while a
therapist can do a better job of helping you to assemble a toolkit that is right
for you, there are a number of resources out there even if you have not yet
taken steps to find formal therapy or a formal recovery program.  Recovery
Record is designed to help individuals struggling with anorexia, bulemia, and
binge eating disorder, but has been used positively by individuals with other
disordered eating behaviors as well; it helps track both the foods you eat and
the moods you associate with them to track patterns in your recovery, and lets
you connect with other users for support.  The app is also designed to
supplement therapy and allow clinicians to monitor progress.  Rise Up + Recover
has similar food and mood tracking tools, and also includes a coping skills menu
to provide additional support.

Given that eating disorders interact with mental health as well as physical
health, there are a few additional resources that might be worth taking a look
at.  SAM is an app that can help you monitor your anxiety, track your triggers,
and develop coping strategies.  7 Cups of Tea is a free app that can connect you
with a trained volunteer who can provide short-term support and counseling; it
can be helpful if you’re feeling stressed or anxious and need someone to talk
to.  MindShift is designed to help you learn to manage stress, identify
triggers, and reign in anxiety.  PTSD Coach is specifically designed to allow
individuals who experience symptoms of post-traummatic stress to identify and
cope with the ways PTSD can impact them; remember, eating disorders can be
linked to post-traummatic stress, so it’s worth having a plan to deal with both
if you suffer from both.

Remember, an app is not a substitute for a clinician, a nutritionist, or any
other support network.  Recovery can be difficult and it can take time, and it’s
always best to do it with as much support and professional guidance as possible.
 If you aren’t sure where to start, many of the support groups included in the
directories mentioned above are led by therapists who may be able to provide
guidance.

Also remember this: the road to recovery is long and it is far from a straight
line.  If you are struggling with reocvery, fear you may be relapsing, or simply
need support, reach out.  Recovery may feel difficult, but it is possible, so
give yourself the time, the space, and the support you need to get there.

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized


AN OPEN LOVE LETTER FOR EVERYONE THIS VALENTINE’S DAY

•February 14, 2016 • Leave a Comment

I have never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day, but I am a fan of relationships.
 To a point.  My problem with our celebration with romantic love is three-fold,
and whether you’re in a relationship or not, this may be something you need to
hear.  I say all of this with love, and because all of these things I needed to
hear.



 

First off, romantic love is far from the only love worth having, but it’s the
only one we seem to feel deserves its own holiday.  No matter what Facebook does
with our photos, or how subgroups like the Nerdfighters choose to celebrate
non-romantic love, the reality is that only romantic love seems to get the big
hoorah.  This is a problem for both aromantic folks and for folks who just
happen to not be taking part in a romantic relationship; it’s another way of
society telling us that having a romantic partner is a benchmark for success
that we are not reaching.  That’s an unpleasant thing to think and feel, but
it’s also rooted in an idea that we can never be complete without another
person.

So this Valentine’s Day, I want to tell you that you are complete, even if you
don’t have a partner.  You deserve to be able to stand alone, even if you have a
partner, or more than one partner.  This idea of finding our “other half” lets
us buy into the idea that we ourselves can never be enough, and while having
someone in your corner is always great, that person does not need to be a
romantic or sexual partner, and no matter what, you are the person you need in
your corner the most.

The second problem I have with Valentine’s Day also has to do with elevating
romantic love as a marker of success.  This kind of thinking tells us that we
need to engage in a dating market that may or may not be skewed against us;  it
teaches us to feel like failures for not being able to find someone who matches
what we want or need in a partner-~-but worse, it can teach us to accept
relationships where we aren’t getting what we want or need from our partners.
 This mentality can make us feel like we’re failures for walking away from
people who ultimately aren’t good for us, just because now we are alone.  I’m
sure I don’t need to point out the number of ways this can be problematic; it
sets us up for unhappiness, or can even make it difficult to leave abusive
relationships, because we’re afraid of the social consequences, or afraid to be
on our own.

Let me say this: a relationship is only as good as it makes you feel or inspires
you to be.  Be someone who makes you happy, and be with someone who encourages
you to be that person-~-even if that person is just you.  If you’re going to
have a partner, make sure it’s someone who builds you up instead of puts you
down, someone who supports your dreams, someone who has dreams of their own and
won’t make you feel bad for wanting things when they don’t know what they want.
 Make sure you find someone who can actually be your partner, and don’t be
afraid or ashamed to walk away if that’s not what you’re getting.

This Valentine’s Day, let me also say that if you are on your own having walked
away from a relationship that wasn’t what you wanted or needed, I am proud of
you.  I am proud of you for recognizing that you deserve more than the idea of
someone; you deserve the real thing.  I am proud of you for recognizing that you
deserve to be happy.  You deserve a relationship that lets you feel happy and
safe, and it’s okay for the relationship to be with yourself.  And if you are in
a relationship and you aren’t sure you’re happy, and you’re not sure how to make
it work, you should know that you are not alone.  There are people you can talk
to, and resources you can draw on.  You deserve to be happy and safe no matter
what you choose to do.

My third problem with Valentine’s Day is this: our cultural fixation with being
paired up can blind us to all the things that being on our own has to offer.
 Being on your own teaches you what you can really handle.  It lets you figure
out what you want out of life, without accounting for someone else’s goals, so
that if you do decide to find a partner, you can find one whose goals genuinely
fit with what you actually desire.  Being on your own lets you develop your own
independent sense of self, teaches you to explore parts of you and interests you
might have without any pressure or sense of obligation.  Being on your own can
be scary, sure, but it can also be liberating.

Our relationships with ourselves ultimately dictate our relationships with
everyone else in our lives, and while we spend a ton of time celebrating
relationships with significant others, we never really talk about what it means
to get to know ourselves, or to really love ourselves.  Self-love can’t just be
a catchphrase; it has to be an active journey that we continue to take
throughout our lives, and until we can embrace that, being with other people can
be really difficult.  So if you feel like you’re still struggling to figure
things out, ask yourself seriously: what do I want, and what do I need?  It’s
okay not to have all the answers yet, but give yourself a chance to figure it
out.  You might be surprised how much clarity you’ll find in those answers.

Finally, let me say this: whether you’re single or coupled up or in a
polyamorous relationship, please remember that today is just a day on the
calendar.  Love isn’t about candy or flowers or fancy dinners; don’t let
corporate America convince you that it is.  Love is about having someone there
who can support you, make you laugh, be there when you cry, and help you be the
person you want to be, and there are so many places that love can come from, and
so many ways a person can show it, that have nothing to do with our idealized
version of Valentine’s Day.  In the grand scheme of a relationship, and in our
lives, Valentine’s Day is just one small data point-~-don’t let it skew your
perception of everything else you have going on.

Posted in Uncategorized


#FREEDOMFORKESHA: WHAT KESHA’S LEGAL BATTLE SAYS ABOUT THE STATE OF OUR DIALOGUE
ON SEXUAL ABUSE

•February 4, 2016 • Leave a Comment

Kesha (full name: Kesha Rose Sebert), the pop musician best known for songs like
“Your Love is My Drug” and “Tik Tok”, has been embroiled with court cases since
fall of 2014.  If you haven’t been following her case, now might be the time to
start, because her hearing date is coming up, and for those who profess to stand
with survivors of sexual violence, it’s a big deal.

What, exactly, is going on?  In October of 2014, Kesha filed against her
producer, Dr. Luke (Lukasz Gottwald) in Los Angeles Superior Court.  Her suit
alleged that Dr. Luke drugged and raped her, and that she was the subject of
significant emotional abuse at his hands.  The 28-page complaint was the talk of
the music industry for days, but unfortunately it has proven to be just the
beginning of Kesha’s legal journey.  The goal of her suit was to be freed from
her contract, which has prevented her from producing music with anyone but Dr.
Luke; Dr. Luke proceeded to file a counter-suit against Kesha, her mother, and
her manager, alleging that they are attempting to exort him in order to free her
of her contract.



The initial response opened a slew of questions all too familiar in the sexual
violence advocacy world: why didn’t Kesha report the assault to the police?  Why
choose a civil suit as opposed to a criminal action?  Why is there no rape kit?
 Her attorney, Mark Geragos, has handled these questions reasonably well,
arguing that a civil suit allows for greater discovery by Kesha’s legal team,
and that fear of her abuser has made additional action difficult.

I’ll go further, though, and say this: there are any number of reasons why rape
survivors do not report to the police.  They may feel pressured not to create
criminal consequences for their attackers.  They may not feel emotionally able
of dealing with a criminal trial.  Rape kits, while useful, can also feel
invasive and have to be completed relatively quickly after an individual is
attacked; any action, including peeing, can diminish the evidence available
through a SANE (sexual assault nurse examiner) exam.  On top of that, a civil
suit may offer not only additional opportunity to gain evidence, but may also
offer greater likelihood of a positive outcome for the complainant, since civil
suits rely on a preponderance of the evidence as their standard (meaning it is
more likely than not that an action was committed), as opposed to criminal
cases, which require that a person be proved guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.

But most of all, the implication that a person might just be making up their
assault because they have not involved the police is simply false, and the
response to Kesha’s suit is just another example of survivors not being taken
seriously because they don’t fit the mold of the “perfect survivor”.

In March of 2015, the judge in charge of the New York cases determined that the
suit initially filed in California should be determined first, meaning that Dr.
Luke’s counter-suit against Kesha would be tabled until after her case against
him had been heard.  Unfortunately, this was later undone by a California judge
halting her case in June of 2015, because her record contract with Dr. Luke
required her to settle in New York.

Her lawyers commented: Kesha now faces an abysmal decision: Work with her
alleged abuser…or idly and passively wait as her career tick-tocks away. Kesha’s
window of opportunity is nearly shut: She has not been recording, touring or
able to market merchandise for nearly a year — an eternity in the industry. If
Kesha is not permitted to resume working immediately with the backing of a major
record label, her window will forever close.”

Her court case WAS set for Tuesday, January 24 of 2016; unfortunately, it was
further delayed as a result of the recent snowstorm, leaving Kesha to continue
to wait.  Her case is now set for Friday, February 19, when the singer and her
fans hope that she will be released from her contract and able to take back her
career.  The February 19th court date is an injunction hearing, a request by the
singer that she be allowed to begin producing music without Dr. Luke, since her
forced hiatus has caused damage to her music career.

The allegations included in Kesha’s suit are heartbreaking, dating back to
shortly after she left high school in Nashville and moved to Los Angeles to
pursue music as a career.  It’s easy enough for opponents to claim that she is
making up these allegations to get out of her contract, but her conversations
with her record label, Sony, from October of 2015 reveal that she is willing to
record a new album under their label, as long as she does not have to work with
Dr. Luke; the record label refused this, insisting that the exclusivity clause
that pairs her with Dr. Luke is still in effect, and forcing her to continue her
hiatus from recording and touring.

A culture that too-often paints survivors of abuse and sexual assault as liars
sets up individuals like Kesha who have a lot to lose to be seen as making
things up to get something they want, and watchng that happen so publicly is
miserable.  The reality is that as much as skeptics may want to claim that Kesha
stands to gain from severing her contract with Dr. Luke, he has perhaps even
more to gain by denying all allegations and insisting that she fulfill the full
six-album obligation of her current agreement.  And in any case, Kesha has lost
out significantly through her case, as a result of her determination not to be
forced to work with a man who has so mistreated her, and her experience is one
that deserves support and solidarity.

 

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized


I’M A PERSON, NOT A SET OF OUTPUTS, AND SO ARE YOU

•January 19, 2016 • Leave a Comment

I’m a person, not just a set of outputs, and so are you.

Ironically, horribly, that may be one of the most radical things I have ever
said on this blog, and it shouldn’t be.  It shouldn’t be radical at all.  I am a
person.  You are a person.  So why do we live in a society that too-often treats
us like we’re not?

The unfortunate answer is that we operate within a system that looks at what we
can offer, what we can produce, in order to evaluate our value.  That’s why we
define wealth as success (well, that and because you need wealth in the US to
access so many things you need).  That’s why we define career success by the
titles we earn, which we get based on our outputs (in theory).  Even in terms of
our personal lives, we measure relationships in terms of time, in terms of
milestones like moving in, getting married, or having kids, as opposed to less
quantifiable things like what a relationship brings out in people.  We keep
track of deliverables and billable hours, instead of how much good we’ve done,
because that’s how we’ve been taught to measure value: at the end of the day,
it’s in terms of outputs.

That’s my basic critique of what capitalism does to people.  My feminist
critique of it is this: a lot of the very important work that gets done in our
society is less quantifiable, but nevertheless incredibly valuable, and because
it doesn’t produce outputs that we can measure and compare, it is not valued in
the same way.  Reproductive labor-~-having and taking care of children, keeping
a household functioning, taking care of elderly dependents, providing emotional
support for members of the community-~-these are a substantial value-add that
gets written off, because we don’t have a good metric to measure happiness
brought into the world, and because you can’t take good feelings to the bank.
 And traditionally (though I hope not perpetually) that work has fallen
disproportionately on women.  (It also happens to be linked to the skills
necessary in woman-dominated fields such as teaching, nursing, and social work,
which tend to be paid less).

But I say this because it needs to be said: we are not just this list of outputs
and financial value-adds.  We are not just a list of accomplishments and job
titles; we are worth more than our time-sheets or our paychecks.  We are people.
 We have a right to live our lives with a baseline of dignity and respect, the
opportunity to take care of ourselves and the people we love, the chance to live
a life defined not just by what we do for a living, but by how we live.

To me, this is the core of the feminist movement, of the economic justice
movement, of every racial justice movement, of the LGBTQ rights movement.  We
collectively represent the idea that no matter who you are, no matter what you
do, you deserve to be treated like a human being.  It’s a shared goal, one that
sometimes focuses on particular groups being pushed out of the realm of basic
dignity in different ways, whether it is through threats of violence, restricted
access to livable wages, or a lack of access to justice, among other issues.

And to me, living a feminist life means reminding myself, every day, that I am a
person, and striving to create a space wherein I can be free to be a person, and
so can the people around me, regardless of race, sex, gender identity, gender
expression, sexual orientation, ethnicity, religion, socioeconomic status, or
any other identity marker that I just forgot.  It means being unwilling to
silently accept not being treated like a person, at least in instances where I
have the opportunity to push back.  It means using my voice to remind others
around me that no matter how different we may look, we are all actually people.

That may seem sort of abstracted, but it’s not.  It can’t be, because every day,
I see someone write me off when they can’t get what they want from me.  I see
disappointment, frustration, and cruelty from people who fail to see others
around them as equally human.  I look at what has happened in my own life, and
in the lives of those I love, and I see so much damage caused by an inability of
our society to accept this one simple concept.

Very few people will be Nobel prize winners or CEOs or national politicians.
 Very few people will get to lead multinational organizations or argue
prestigious legal cases or become widely recognized entertainers or models.  But
a lot of us will have the opportunity to help someone learn something they did
not know.  A lot of us will get to make small steps towards making people’s
lives and people’s communities better, including our own. And we all will have
the opportunity to bring joy into the lives of those around us.  Every single
one of us will have the opportunity to be helpful, to be concerned, to make
someone laugh, to be there for someone while they cry.

We do not all get to choose what we want to do in life, or what opportunities
will be available to us; we won’t get to decide how others will treat us as we
interact with them.  We can’t choose the hand we are dealt, unfortunately, and
so many things make it harder for people.  Interpersonal violence derails
individuals’ plans; socioeconomic class has far too much of an impact on
people’s opportunities; illness, losses of family members, and natural disasters
re-route people’s lives.  And so we might not truly get to choose any college we
want (or to choose college at all, given the state of higher education in the
US), or what careers are viable options for us.  We might not get to choose who
we meet or what activities we can engage with.  In other words, we can’t all
necessarily choose our outputs.

But we can all choose what kind of people we are willing to be, and I wish with
all my heart that that mattered as much.  To me, it matters so much more.  We
are not sets of outputs.  I am a person, and so are you.

Posted in Feminism, Relationships/Social Dynamics
Tags: critical social science, Economics, feminist diaries, Gender Roles, LGBTQ,
Modern Feminsm, Op-Ed, Women and Work

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Randi Saunders is the primary author of The Radical Idea. She is also an
activist, a writer, and a researcher. Click on the displayed profile picture for
more information on Randi and The Radical Idea.


 

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