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Text Content

WHEN GOD ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING YOU DON’T WANT TO DO

Dear Barbara: I’m struggling right now. I really feel God asking me to do
something that sounds too hard. Honestly, I don’t want to obey. Why would He do
that? How can I negotiate?

Dear friend,

It’s scary, isn’t it? I’ve wondered the same.

I remember when, after an exhausting week wrangling five relentless children, I
started feeling a little off. It’s sleep; I need more sleep, I thought. A short
rest during their down time didn’t help at all. It’s food; I need a snack, I
thought. An apple dipped in peanut butter might help, but it didn’t.

Something wasn’t right.

I didn’t want to admit it, but my mind began to panic. I had Dennis pick up a
pregnancy test on the way home from work. I cried for three days when I
discovered the answer. I wasn’t feeling off; I was pregnant.

“God, I don’t want to do this again!” God was asking me, telling me, making me
be a mother for a sixth time. Really? I felt I had obeyed God enough with my
womb, pregnancy was difficult for me, and I wanted my body back. Five was what
we’d agreed to. Happily, I thought we were done, all baby gear sold at a garage
sale. I was free!

But now God was asking me to die to self. Again.

Several years earlier, God asked me to do something else I didn’t want to do.
With His characteristic gentle whisper to my heart, He asked me to shelve my art
supplies and my dreams of painting for commission. Instead, He wanted me to
invest my energy and talent cooperatively with Him in creating beauty in my
children.

It was a death to self. I wasn’t sure God would ever return my paints, but I
knew He knew what was best for me. In my obedience, I trusted His love and plan
for my life.

It was hard to put my desires aside. I couldn’t imagine why He’d tell me to box
up those hopes and stuff them on the shelf. Bury my talents?

But I did it anyway.

At first, in both of these seasons, I saw only what I was missing, what had been
taken away. Death is like that. The loss of a dream or a hope brings grief,
which must be acknowledged. No sense pretending we are always happy about God’s
plans and His impeccable timing that never seems to match mine.

I focused on life not going the way I wanted it to. I grieved not getting what I
had planned. But then I reminded myself of what I knew to be true about God. He
loved me and was at work in my life for good … always for good. Philippians 1:6
tells us, “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion …” I
chose to trust my Father in Heaven who rules with wisdom and purpose.

I know it’s true for me because it has been true throughout time. It’s perfectly
illustrated in a Bible story most of us know. Jesus was walking along and
noticed a man who was blind from birth. I love that Jesus saw him when the man
couldn’t see Jesus to even know He was near. He sees us, too, when we aren’t
looking for Him.

John 9:2 tells us the disciples’ first thought was whose fault is his blindness?
Don’t we do that too? We see a handicapped child and wonder about the mother’s
prenatal care or their home life. How many times do you think the blind man’s
mother secretly wondered what she had done to cause and deserve this?

She’d been heartbroken and afraid at his birth, yet with the tender compassion
God has given us women she reached for her newborn son, holding him near,
consoling his cries. Like us, she experienced a death as she received this gift
of God to her.

Jesus answered for all of us who have had expectations dashed, “It was not that
this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in
him” (John 9:3).

For 38 years this man lived blind. For 38 years his parents suffered this loss.
Thirty-eight years puts it in perspective. Why would God ask me to do something
I didn’t want to do? Why would I choose to obey anyway? When it felt
uncomfortable. When it felt inconvenient. When it felt impossible.

Because the work that God wants to do in us is always heart work. And always He
has purposes and plans we cannot see or know.

The question for me and for all of us is: Will we trust Him?

Years of living have taught me that the unexpected is always an opportunity to
experience more of who God is. When I finally stop focusing on my losses—and
there have been many—I’m ready to see God begin to work His higher purposes.

My pregnancy with baby six was not easy, just as I’d feared. My feelings were
all over the map in those months, too. But feelings are not the end, dear
friend. Feelings are fair and valid. But feelings must be surrendered to God’s
design and direction.

When I took my eyes off myself and glanced up, I saw a good God, a safe God I
can say yes to, no matter what He’s calling me to. And you can too.

Instead of groaning over my lot in life and comparing it away, I can do as Jesus
commanded Peter in John 21. Jesus had just given Peter the responsibility of
feeding His sheep, and Peter’s response was “But Lord, what about this man?”
implying, what does HE have to do for you? Jesus gently replied, “What is it to
you? You follow me!”

Let’s fix our eyes on Jesus. Let’s run hard and fast, courageously toward what
He asks us to do. Let’s just trust that God knows what He’s doing, and choose to
embrace it by faith.

And by the way, baby number six, though a sinner like us, has been a delight
since the day God gave her to us. His ways are best.

MORE FROM THE BLOG

116 THOUGHTS ON “WHEN GOD ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING YOU DON’T WANT TO DO”

1. Jennay

How do we as Christians accept when god changes everything when we make
plans for our lives? The things we’ve placed in that we never saw our
selves being a part of.

2. kurye

Your blog is a source of comfort and solace during challenging times.

3. Kristine Dalton

Isn’t it amazing when God leads you to exactly what you need exactly when
you need it? I have been struggling for quite some time now with being a
caregiver, first in the final years of my 30 year career as a nurse, then
for my husband with his own struggle with substance abuse, now with my
elderly mother who lives with us. I know god has called me to this,
caregiving to others, but I am weary and more days than not I just don’t
want to do it any more, but I persevere, even though I struggle to find
even a little joy in everyday life. When I do I know it’s God letting me
know he’s there, he’s got me, that he has good plans for me if I continue
to trust him. Then He leads me to a verse, a page, a blog post to let me
know that I’m not alone in the feelings I’m struggling with, especially
some one who is in the same season of of life as I am. Thank you I really
needed this today.

4. DC

How very nicely said God us true he is real

Reply
1. Tina

Hi I’m currently 26 and have been a Christian majority of my life. I’m
currently struggling with going through with what I think God wants me
to do. I feel as though he wants me to go and work for the church I
currently attend and make very little money when I could potential make
more else ware. I have always been very giving with my money and
generous, though not having a lot of it.

I want to be able afford all the basic needs in my life
(housing,transportation,food, travel and charity) but also help out my
retired parents and siblings student debt. The salary being offered
wouldn’t be enough for that along with the church not being up front
about the salary before sending me to complete the assignment.

Why is God neglecting the desires of my heart or my feeling? This job
has none of the checkpoints I’m looking for in my job search. Once
again, I feel cornered by God to pursue this position despite my
feelings and its making me so depressed and my thoughts are
progressively becoming darker.

I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

Reply
1. Art

I am sorry to hear that you’re struggling over this decision, and, as
you put it, you can feel your thoughts becoming darker. The way
you’ve described it, this sounds like you’ve evaluated this decision,
concluded that it won’t help you financially, realized that it won’t
help you achieve your basic (and objectively reasonable) needs, and
identified what seems like a significant red flag in that your
prospective employer has not been transparent about what they will
actually pay you. It seems as if you’ve already decided (quite
reasonably, imho) that this is a bad decision. Why is it, then, that
you feel like God wants you to go through with it anyway?

For what it’s worth, from a stranger on the internet: God doesn’t
corner us. He walks with us, for no other reason than that He loves
us. So if you feel pressured, against your better judgment, towards a
course of action that seems unwise, harmful, or undesirable, that’s
probably not God so much as it is other people acting on their
understanding of God (maybe someone at your church, in your family,
your community, etc) and pushing you in a direction that might
actually not be where God wants you to go. God gave you the desires
of your heart for a reason. True, we don’t always get everything we
want (and it wouldn’t be terribly helpful if we did), but the things
we want can also be things God wants for us. I grew up thinking
“Well, if I want this so badly, then this must be the thing I’ll have
to give up if I want to follow God.” But that’s not true, at all. And
living that way caused me and others a lot of harm.

I hope any of that was helpful, and I wish you the best.

2. Kellie

Hi Tina, have you made a decision? I am in a similar boat and would
like to know how you navigated it. I also feel called to a low paying
field.

3. Shawn Cast

I would just go ahead And agree to disagree and go with what God
wants you to do. I did this one time because I was going to school
for music but he said to take an art class. And behold I found out I
have another talent in drawing and painting. I was expressing my love
for God and Jesus salvation. And all the people didn’t like my
“preaching” when I was sharing my testimony of being saved and just
happy. after class outside late evening dude said that I had a glow
on me. I don’t know what that means but, maybe because I was just
walking the walk and talk and talk. Anyway, Just because you’re doing
something for God doesn’t mean it’s the end of what you’re pursuing
in the first place. There will be more time with doing Gods will. For
me he was showing me a new talent and maybe God bless you. Much love
always in Jesus Christ name amen

5. Maria Costea

If God would ask me to have more children I wouldn’t mind even though am
fixed so I can’t have more children my problem or what God asked from me is
to proclaim him to people at first I would ask people in the streets if
they knew Jesus as their Lord and savior and I was okay with that but then
he would ask me cook food for my neighbors and I was a little frighten
because I never had done that before so it was scary and I did it . Know he
asked me to knock on people ‘s house’s that’s when I got confused an I
supposed to go knock on people home everyday or once in awhile I mean it’s
hot in Florida and I walk sometimes I don’t feel like going and that’s when
I feel convicted on top of that he still ask me to take made food to my
neighbors and my heart sometimes gets hard and I don’t do it . I Love the
Lord help is it to late for me am I being selfish pray for me I have two
boys and my youngest hates his old brother

6. Guest

What about many of us good single men looking for a good woman to settle
down with?

Reply
1. Jessine Fowler

This sounds pretty simple but, when you get to understand and know the
God that you serve you will realise that God wants you to first Mark 12
verse 30 & 31 these are the first 2 commandments which God personal show
me to meditate upon. The Spiritual World is as real as what we are
seeing with our eyes what we create in the spirit comes to life in the
physical. Therefore, in order for God to meet your desires of your heart
you must understand that you must too be willing to walk with God to
reach that distination. How? Ephesians 6:18. Meditate upon the part that
states in the Spirit. This going to raise some more questions, Are you
filled with the holy Spirit? Do you have the manifestation of the holy
spirit? Do you know the languages that you spirit communicate with
you,with? Can you identify the direction that God is leading you into? I
can go on and on…. But, I’ll just encourage you to Matthew 5:6. Focus on
hunger and thirst. God is capable to fill you spiritually and
physically.
Hope this open you heart to new possibilities and insights, have a
Guided Day!

Reply
1.

7. Makaylah Castelow

(I don’t know want to get closer to God agin because I don’t want to fail)
I’m eighteen right now and I am glad that I have come across this. When the
pandemic hit I got really into kpop, YouTube, Kdramas, they were my safe
place and provided entertainment as I couldn’t go out. They made me really
happy for a while but then I felt something was missing, it was God! I got
really into Transformation Church, spending time with God, and even got
into a B-group where God blessed me with like mentor who is like a older
sister. I did really good with devotionals and having time for God when
others around me were helping me and there a set times but lately I can’t
seem to do it on my own. I know God and the things I should do but the
moment I stopped doing a devotionals with the one God blessed me with I
turned from God. I felt smothered when doing the devotionals and I when I
was done I wanted to do what I wanted to do which lead me back into some
bad habits. I felt really guilty but I tried to be numb. It is eating me
upside but I don’t want to try be back with God because why would He want
someone who knew all the good He has done and did bad things anyway? I am
also scared like others mentioned that I’ll have to give up things that I
like or make me happy, or that I won’t get to do or go the places I want( I
struggled with this and what God was speaking to me with my mentor so I’m
already leery about it). I want to love God my soul hasn’t rested for a
while but I don’t want to be a lukewarm, God would rather us be hot or cold
but not warm. I have been struggling for a while but these comments helped
me feel not alone. I know that giving up would be bad and that it is all my
fault so I will try again. God tried to prevent this He knew that I needed
community but I didn’t put my whole heart into so I never found a
community. I’m sorry God. Thank you all for sharing your experiences, I
hope I can help someone. Please don’t give up and we are all already
unworthy of God so don’t give up. Prayers please.

Reply
1. Anna

Hi Makaylah,
I am 39 now but back when I was 18 my story was very similar to yours.
I have learnt an awful lot and finally feel free and have a loving
relationship with myself God.
I was encouraged to read you sharing that you felt ‘smothered’ as that
means you are being compassionate towards yourself and honest. I used to
feel so guilty and scared and even ashamed of my walk with God because
I’d push away out of fear of Him wanting me to do something I didn’t
want to do. The trouble with this is is we can end up feeling God
doesn’t value us and our thoughts and opinions and He does! He really
does. It can be a trap because we just want to back away more yet our
hearts fight because we do know He is good.
Trust what your body is telling you, He made it after all. Listen to
your own emotions and thoughts and feelings, sit with them, consider
them because ‘He cares for you’. When you feel fully you and fully valid
you will be able to make wholesome choices and you will be able to
listen to His gentle advice. Until then you could put of fear think and
hear all sort of things that are not necessarily Him. He is ultimately
LOVE. ‘Love doesn’t demand it’s own way’ 1 Corinthians 13 vs 5 look at
the different versions.
Sometimes we need to look at our childhoods as things their mean we look
at God through a certain lens. One that is not always quite as He is.
Be kind and compassionate to yourself as He is so full of kindness and
compassion. Some need rules, others of us need gentleness and I think
you need gentleness. From your post I can tell you have a good heart,
God is pleased with you and I believe He is asking you to rest. To know
His goodness before you start making decisions on what He would ask you
to do. For now I believe that’s all He is asking of you, with a warm
compassionate smile. To enjoy life and to rest and learn of His
goodness, kindness and compass and His huge heart just for you. If you
were the last person on earth you’d be enough. Just as you are. If you
did nothing, not another thing, His love couldn’t and wouldn’t change
for you. As far as the east is from the west so far has He removed our
transgressions from us. He sees the real you and from what I’ve read you
are a deeply beautiful sole. All of us have the ability to make good
choices and some not so good (it’s how we learn) and His love never
changes and His compassion never ends. We can just use our mistakes for
more growth. Be kind to yourself for He so deeply cares for you.

2. Antonia

Hey Makaylah!
I felt led to read your comment. I want to just reinstate what others
have commented to you that you don’t have to be fearful & hesitant in
pursuing your relationship with God. But I get how our emotions and
mistakes can get involved and make us forget this truth. I’m 21, and
also enjoy Transformation Church… if you’d like a new Christ-centered
friend I’d be down! I’d love to talk whenever :)

4. Shawn

My friend, i just want you to know that I am in a similar place in life.
I have just given up a huge part of myself to god. It definitely hurts
and this article helped me understand that it’s because I am grieving
the death of this part of my life. Sometimes it’s hard to trust god when
you believe the thing you are holding on to makes you happy. But trust
me. From personal expierience, holding on to a selfish desire lays a
heavy burden on your soul. And always remember. God has plans to give us
hope and a future. Plans to prosper us and not to harm us. How much
greater will he bless us when we worship him with our true and proper
sacrifice!!!

5. Logan

Hi Makayla, I just wanted to say that my story is like yours. I have
actually cried a few time recently because I was so tired of trying to
figure out what faith and belief is, what it felt like and what each
part the Holy Trinity is. Plus, the church I went to shut down and my
mom isn’t actively looking or maybe even willing to find another church.
This is important because it says in the bible that faith comes through
hearing. Throughout reading a few/some of these comments I felt
comforted to know that I wasn’t alone starting with one of the replies
under yours. I have repeatedly turned from God as well on my journey but
now I know that from reading these comments that I need a mentor since I
have many different questions now. I turn away from God mainly because I
don’t really want to do what he tells me every time and because I don’t
fully believe in the fact that he wants the best for me and because of
me being let down before in my past by people repeatedly and what the
Bible says isn’t necessarily enough for me to be reassured BUT I have
been trying to grasp the entirety of God’s greatness, presence and
holiness. Also I have been trying to increase my belief and/or my faith
in God because of the reasons why I turn away from God. And I have been
doing these daily devotionals on an app and saying prayers to God that
were on there as well (even though I didn’t mean it sometime but did it
anyways because I knew that it was best for me and aligned with God’s
purpose for me ultimately in some time in my life). And I have been
trying so hard to understand because of the fear of Judgement Day and
being lukewarm during that day as well. And because of what I’ve read
about what people have done in the end days I’m trying not to do any of
those either. And due to this fear I have changed my ways towards my Mom
and am currently trying to get more involved with my sister to change my
ways that I have been to her in the past. But looking back now I guess I
should just apologize and just admit my sins to her and ask for
forgiveness. Also I have been seeing visions of stuff but I haven’t told
my Mom about my most recent one because I fear that she will dismiss it
like she has done many other other times to what I have said to her.
What should I do? And does anybody have any insight as to what I should
do concerning the other parts I’ve mentioned about my life?

Reply
1. camila

Hi Logan! I can relate so so much to your story basically everything
you said (except for the visions lol). I was just wondering since its
been a little overa year, how you’re doing in your walk with God and
if you have any advice?

6. Alani

Hi Makaylah. I’m not sure if this is relevant anymore but, I’d love to
hear a status on your spiritual journey from this date. I can empathize
with what you are going through. I can empathize with the part of you
talking about being smothered with devotionals…(There are times where I
feel my church is smothering me with small groups and responsibilities
and expectations which makes me feel burnt out) I get that feeling where
sometimes it feels like a requirement or an obligation you have to fill
to be in those devotional groups.

I just want you to know that God loves your alone time with him. Even
more, He values you spending time in His pure Word. In your case, it
seems like you rely on the devotional group to help you get into your
Word and keep you accountable, but there is a time to graduate into
seeking God independently. You made the beautiful choice of not giving
up, you’re still in this race! Lamentations 3:22-23 reminds us
“Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.”
Although you are encouraged not to turn back when you have experienced
the goodness of God, don’t feel that you are out of the race! Jesus was
the High Priest who can sympathize with our weakness and can help you
not sin:
“For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our
weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without
sin.”(Hebrews 4:15)

I know it seems scary to come back to God because seeing all the things
that others had to give up and trust God with. Laying down your life is
never easy, anyone can say it but even pastors struggle with this. This
morning, the reason why I chose to reply, I struggled with this given
the long assignment God wanted me to embark on and felt like what I
already sacrificed wasn’t enough. It made me angry and made me feel that
He just requires too much and it doesn’t make sense to give us physical
desires or dreams if He’s going to stop you in your track to impose His
Will(sorry my flesh talking)
However, after I come off my pessimistic rants, I flip my thinking and
just encourage myself and provide myself blind faith that He has a good
intention for what He requires of us, often or always easier said than
done.
I hope I was able to encourage you and even offer my struggle if you
relate.

7. Camila

I’m kind of pretty much how you mentioned you are in this post. I know
it’s been two years so may I ask how you’re doing in your walk with God
and if you have any advice?

8. Rudy

I’m Not a church Person never have been, Yes I believed in a higher power,
and I always remember the time people came to my door talking to me about
Jesus, my comment was when Jesus has something to say to me he will know
where to find me. Well, guess what, 2 yrs ago I heard God it was the
freakiest thing in my life he actually said You can hear me?.. Since then
That’s all I hear everywhere in Others as well when people speak. He has
asked me to basically leave where I am and my family and my partner. I know
he says he can’t change me and doesn’t want to but he keeps asking me to go
where no one knows me… I’m still with my partner, but I keep asking myself
if I’m doing the right thing, But I also say to myself lead us not into
Temptation so I stay where I am…. Ohhh this is so confusing.

Reply
1. Yordi Beltran

Hi, I suggest you should listen to God. His plan is always perfect, and
much better than you’re plan. I just want to let you know that God loves
you and that God has a plan for you and loves you so much. Also, that
the way to salvation is so simple, you just have to ask God to forgive
you, and confess Jesus died on the cross for your sins!

2. Jessine Fowler

Hi Rudy
It’s very obvious there’s a calling on your life. What does this means?
This means God will start communicating with you directly so that you
can fulfill your mission on Earth. Everyone that is born on earth have a
work/job to do for God until thine Kingdom come. If we don’t know who he
is and grow our relationship with him how will we know what that Will
is? Every man have to eventually give an account for his own sin. So
making the decision to know God is not a collective decision but a
singular one it’s either him or continue live in sin. There’s no in
between. It’s your own words you know he is the one talking to you so,
talk to him( pray) and follow his instructions.
God Loves You Unconditionally.

9. Inyang

You know what, I am laughing and crying at the same time. Why? I laugh
because I have met (in these comments/confessions) people who are, like
children, REAL about their feelings & thoughts before God and His people. I
have also found from several people’s comments reflections of my own
turmoil. I laugh because I have met on this forum several modern day Jacobs
wrestling with God who will definitely let us ‘win’ so long as He
dislocates our ‘hips’ and changes our names after we admit “I am Jacob”. I
am grateful that this platform exists. I believe that as we present these
feelings & thoughts to God He’ll sort out our fears, concerns, and
limitations. To Him alone be praise. Thank you Barbara. I came across this
forum with disappointment, confusion, doubts but I think I have found Isaac
(laughter). I guess “we have this treasure in jars of clay” indeed.

Reply
1. Barbara Rainey

Inyang,
What a beautifully written comment! Thank you for your words and I’m so
grateful you have been encouraged here. Hope you’ll come back for more!
Barbara

2. Maru

After reading the post and the comments which followed this has to be my
favorite comment thus far! Like someone said I dove into the Christlife
head first, very eager to please God. With that notion you can imagine
the stress. The stress of having to maintain my walk by my self in
trying to do good things. So that I won’t miss heaven. Lol. Just like
Jacob at Bethel making promises to God. Not realizing I was setting
myself up to toil in vain. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions and
confusion. Especially with not recognizing quickly enough areas the Lord
was nudging me to give up on. I have been holding on to ‘dead things’ on
one hand and wrestling with God with the other hand. Finding a community
like this, in this comment section, with persons of different ages, I
feel deeply encouraged. Anna thank you for sharing with us this very
personal story of your life and journey with God in Christ.

10. Dina

I am also having trouble with what Gods wants me to do. Our family business
crashed with the pandemic and we lost all clients. We are deep in debt and
we have no more income. I have some sense of what God wants us to do but I
cannot do this by myself and make the decision on my own. The business
belongs to my husband and I so my husband has to be in on it but I’m afraid
he won’t be willing to do it. (I’m not sure I can get him to pray with me).
And I don’t want to push him and make him feel like I’m making the decision
for him. I feel God is asking us to give up something … make a sacrifice …
like Isaac.The last thing I want to say to him is “God says we should do
this….” What if my husband won’t accept it? What do I do? How do I move
forward and obey what God wants from us? Please pray for us and share with
me some wisdom.

Reply
1. Barbara Rainey

I’m so sorry your business has suffered so from the pandemic. It’s been
so difficult for small businesses.
Since you both own the business it’s fair for you both to have a say.
However in some ways losing a business is harder for men that women
because of their innate sense of needing to provide and lead. So know
his suffering and loss may be either harder or at a minimum just
different than yours.
That being said, I would pray for the right time to talk to him about
your idea or what you think God is saying. If your husband isn’t open to
spiritual things choose your words carefully so he doesn’t feel boxed
into a corner by “God”. So don’t say God told you this right from the
start. You can bring God into it of course but slowly or gradually.
You might also read the story of Esther. If God can help her talk to her
husband about a life and death situation He can help you talk to your
husband about your business. It’s a great story of hope.

Hope this helps you and thanks for reading and sending your question.
I’d love to hear how it goes and what God does.
Barbara

2. Jessine Fowler

Hi Dina,
Sorry to hear about your business. When Trials like this comes your way
God has a bigger plan In store for you. This is training for you you so
make sure to open your spiritual eyes and hearing to what God wants you
to do. If God send you to talk to you husband you will not be there
alone the spirit of God will be with you therefore you husband will
listen and you both will work it out perfectly. Trust God learn from the
experiences it’s preparing you for the next season.
God Loves You!

11. Rick Livingstone

I’ve grown closer to God over time, and what I find most frustrating is I
can see majority of the reason as to why I have to go through certain
things, he’s strengthening me for my future, but I’ve grown weary of his
ways and his plan for my life. It seems the only way I can go through a
single day without the feelings of depression is when I’m sinful. I’ve
become wishful of death (I’ll never kill myself, I fear going to hell more
than anything). Ill happily skip out on all his blessings I currently have
and those that await me in the future, but he keeps me going. Whenever I
try to change my path, events happen that prevent my change from fully
coming to fruition.

How do you push through and continue with what he has asked? Is there any
way he will accept my wishes and not allow me a sinful like but allow me to
finish this life prematurely?

Reply
1. Me

Hi Rick. I just want you to know I just said a prayer for you. You
aren’t all alone. Keep pressing into God and into Christian community. I
too am struggling deeply with how my life has turned out and the
seemingly lose-lose choices in front of me, but I take hope that God has
a plan beyond my present circumstances or present hopelessness. This is
not the end of the story, I’m your present life or the one to come.
Please reach out for Christian counseling my dear brother. Hugs to you.

12. Mark

Hello,

I am 50 years old and going through a mid-life crisis because I am not sure
what I want to do. I graduated with my master’s degree in May 2020. My job
search has not gone as well as I hoped or anticipated, which causes me to
doubt if God has a plan for me. My friends keep telling me to wait, and he
will open the door to the right position.

However, I have outgrown my job duties as I am ready for the next
assignment. I ask him what he wants for me, and he says, “wait,” but the
longer I wait, the more shame and disappointment I feel. I see my
co-workers who are doing what they want to do while I get left behind. I am
incredibly lonely as a single person who is trying to get through the COVID
period. I want to do what he wants, but sometimes I feel like he does not
listen when he is silent. Thank you for listening

Reply
1. Catherine

Hi Mark, I turned 51 on the 13th of December and I TOTALLY understand
how you feel. I’m in a similar position, leaving behind a career which I
absolutely loved and having to start all over again in a new career. I
like to say it was all because of a manager who wrecked my career but
really each time I prayed about it I got the same answer through prayer
and through meditating on scripture – God wants me to move on and
embrace this new role for some reason I’m not yet aware of. It’s so true
– you can’t teach an old dog new tricks – I’m struggling but I’m finally
starting to embrace it. A few years ago I had the most incredible
experience of the Holy Spirit;s presence – I’m not and never was a
charismatic but now realise I don’t need to be to have had this
experience which lasted months. Each time I’m stuck like you are now,
the same thought comes to me, it says, ‘Don’t focus on solving the
actual problem, instead, beg God for the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.
The Spirit will teach you everything, will tell you what the real
problem is, who to speak to, what to do next – He will even advise you
to be in a certain place at a certain time in order to speak to the
right person and find a solution. It could even be that there is
something else you are meant to do that you don’t realise yet. Focus on
The Spirit. He’ll organise everything for you. He’ll even inspire those
around you to help. It’s the Holy Spirit you need right now and nothing
else. Ask Him to run your life for you and make the right choices. This
also prevents you from focusing on solving a problem which you currently
aren’t able to. There are many things we sometimes doubt that God will
give us but Jesus promised he’d give us the Holy Spirit. That’s the one
thing you are guaranteed to receive. Your new mantra now needs to be “I
need the Holy Spirit”. I’ll keep you in my prayers!

Reply
1. Barbara Rainey

Catherine & Mark,

Thanks Catherine for this well written response to Mark. You are
correct we need to trust God is leading in these kinds of hard spots.
And yes the Holy Spirit is our teacher, guide and friend. He wants to
keep showing us the way.
A friend reminded me last week of the verse in John 5:17, “My Father
is always working, and I Myself and working.”
Such a good reminder that God is always working and most of the time
we can’t yet see what He is doing. That’s “walking by faith”!

Barbara

13. Kayla

Going through this period of my life feels really tough but unfortunately,
I’ll admit that I feel quite selfish and extremely angry at myself. I am 20
years old, and I have had some friends for a while now, but I feel like God
is telling me to give them up. I feel like he wants me to do this by
sacrificing my phone. In the past, I had lost my phone frequently, and
every time I’d lose it, I’d try my best to see how I can get it back, but
annoyingly I never got them back once. Now, this phone I’ve had much longer
than my previous ones and I had lost it 3 times but every 3 times I had
gotten it back, which has never happened. I didn’t want to keep losing my
phone. I know this seems highly trivial but I’m just telling the truth.

However, the main reason as to why I don’t want to give up my phone is
because I will have no more contact with my friends (as I don’t really have
any other way I can contact them), and I love them so much. They are such
amazing people. I’ve been going through this mental battle in my head as I
really want to do God’s will for my life. Giving up my actual phone isn’t
the main thing that’s bothering me, although it does a little, but the
thought of giving up my friends is tearing me up inside. I love them so
much, and they’ve always have been there for me. I’m struggling to sleep at
night because of this, I can’t focus on anything, I’m always feeling
frustrated, I have no rest inside and I’m crying a lot of the time! Even
just praying to God about this feels difficult sometimes, even though I’m
begging Him to give me the strength to be obedient to him! I just feel so
guilty, because it feels like such a trivial matter that I’m losing sleep
over and I feel like if I can’t even obey God over something like this, how
I am supposed to live in a lifetime of obedience towards him?! I feel
hopeless, worthless, and frustrated as I feel incapable of doing what He
wants.

Please give me some advice and keep me in your prayers! I really want to do
His will and I don’t want to be disobedient to His voice. I don’t want to
sabotage myself and suffer the consequences but I’m seriously struggling
right now and I don’t see a way out!

Reply
1. Barbara Rainey

Kayla,
I’m so glad you wrote. We will pray for you in this struggle you are in.
Two thoughts for you. One is God may not be asking you to give up your
phone forever or your friends forever. If these friends are good for you
and your faith He may not be taking them away but asking you if you love
them more than Him.
Read the story in John 21. I suggest reading the entire chapter, but the
important part is verses 15 to the end.

Jesus asks Peter, “do you love Me more than these?” He wasn’t asking
Peter to compare himself with the other disciples but rather did Peter
love Jesus more than anything else: more than he loved his friends, more
than his vocation of fishing, more than his comfortable way of life.
Jesus had a big plan for Peter’s life that Peter did not know about or
see at this moment. Jesus was calling him to a new life of ministry and
service to others that Peter had never done before. His friends would
remain his friends because they too were being changed by Jesus into new
men who would change the world, but the most important question was
first, “do you love Me more than these?”

So Kayla, God may be asking do you love Me more than your friends, more
than your phone, more than these things that make you comfortable and
happy in life. It’s the question He asks of all of us who He loves.

Thank Him that He has a future in store for you that you cannot imagine!
He wants to give you more of HImself that will last much longer than the
best of friendships will last. Surrender to Him and trust Him that He
has good in store and that you will be glad with how He leads you even
when you can’t see the way ahead.

Hope this helps and may your Christmas be the best ever because you have
encountered the living Christ as never before!
May your heart be ever His!
Barbara

2. Mirela Đukić

Hi ,
Think about why does God want you to abandon your friends. Do they cause
you to stumble? You will have many friends in heaven , and maybe God
even provides you better ones in this life . Trust God , he knows best.

3. Allie

Youre placing yourself under the law you’ve been freed from. Stop
striving for obedience. Know you ARE obedient. Your new nature is
RIGHTEOUS. If you are in Christ you have been given a new heart and a
new spirit- it is no longer you who lives but Christ living in you. You
beg him for obedience hes alrwady given. When you open the word, pray
for God to reveal proper context with each book and to deepen your
understanding of His grace.
Your forgiven state is permanent and His love for you/capacity to bless
you is not contingent upon your behavior or thought life.
Love conquers a multitude of sin.
Rest in His love ꧁✞꧂ Rest in Him

Reply
1. Bonnie

THIS, right here Allie, is what I believe God has been whispering to
me. If we could only just truly believe that he did make us new, and
that our hearts are good, then we could embrace his love so much more
bravely. I have been thinking God us calling me to fast, but every
time I do, it just makes me grumpy and short-tempered with others and
with God. The fruit of that doesn’t seem very loving. I’m a new
Christian, and I think sometimes I am very naive to the fact that
there is an enemy out there who hates my guts, and wants me to forget
that he’s real. He barks, God whispers, and by the fruit I can know
where the voice comes from. And when I look back at my short time as
a Christian, God has never really called me to do anything but love
him. In fact, one of the few times I genuinely heard his voice in my
heart – like REALLY knew it was love and from him – was when I picked
up smoking again and was so upset because I was turning to cigarettes
for comfort and stress-relief, so basically they were an idol for me,
and I thought for sure God would be just as upset as I was, but
instead he just said “you know this doesn’t make you a bad person,
right?” I am a recovering addict, and I was sitting at my old
sober-living house visiting some friends when he spoke that to me,
and he continued to say that what matters more than smoking and all
those other rules is love, the love we were all sharing at that
moment, as recovering addicts supporting each other. I had to remind
myself of that moment this morning, as I woke up thinking I needed to
fast in order to earn God’s love or be a good person. I had to
remember who he is, and what he came to do, and that was to make me
new and set me free. I also have to remember that there is an enemy
out there who can sometimes look like God, but I know the enemy by
his fruit. Thanks for the reminder of who Christ is, Allie

14. Dawn

Thanks for this article. I struggle trusting God, not because His ways are
not good and that I have not experienced His goodness, but it’s hard to
give up certain things we cherish, right or wrong. To say not my will but
Yours be done. I appreciate that you said it wasn’t always easy and that
there is grieving loss. I entered into a marriage that I don’t believe God
intended and it there was pressure involved…not from others, but me. I do
not think it was God’s will. I have prayed about it, and it seems like God
has said that it must be a chosen commitment, and if I am not willing to be
there and have His will in my marriage, then maybe love is to admit that
and free the other person. But there are kids involved. Anyway, again, I
thank you for your honest perspective and the reminder that God is wise and
knows what is best for our hearts even if it is difficult. It is food for
thought.

15. E

I’m a newish believer and feel like god has called me to give up something
that means the world to me. I honestly feel like God could care less about
anything that I care about and I feel like giving it up is/will be the
biggest mistake/regret of my life. How do you deal with the feeling like
following God is being in an abusive relationship?

Reply
1. Su

I feel like God is asking me to do something that I find very difficult
to do. I love God and I do not want to displease him. I am not saying
that I am perfect or that I have lived a perfect life. I have made
mistakes, which I regret but, in many ways, I have tried to please god.
I am in my mid 40s and still a virgin. As much as I wanted to have a
relationship, I never wanted to have sex outside of marriage. I have
never been married. Now I feel that god is asking me to marry a man who
is old enough to be my father. This person and I attend the same church.
I do not want this relationship. I know that this man does because many
years ago when he recently retired and started coming to the church I
attend, he indicated his interest and indicated my lack of interest. I
was probably in my late 20s or early 30s at that time.I stopped talking
to him. Eventually, I forgave him, and I started talking to him again.
I respected this man as an elder in the church. He has even been helpful
to me. I thought he was helping me out of the kindness of his heart.
However, I have since realised this was not the case. He is still
interested but I am not nor, do I want to be. But I feel that God is
trying to tell me this is the man he wants me to be with. I DO NOT WANT
THIS RELATIONSHIP. I feel repulsed, rejected and hurt. I do not want to
displease God, but I cannot understand why he would ask something like
this of me. I am not saying this man is a bad person. But this is not
someone that I would want to have this kind of relationship with. I Feel
angry, I feel hurt, I feel scared (what would happen to me if I do not
submit to God’s will, will he punish me, will God make me desire this
man). I know that men my age do not want to have relationships with
women my age. Men prefer younger women. But I find this so unfair. I
have read the Bible and I can’t recall women getting to choose the men
they wanted to be with. The Bible makes it seem that women are supposed
to be the “sacrificial lamb”. Our purpose is to satisfy a man’s
pleasure. If he sees you and he wants you then he will have you. We have
no say. This is very hard for me to do. This terrifies me among other
things. I much rather live the rest of my life alone. But it also
terrifies me to displease go. Help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What am I
supposed to do? I feel that God is calling me but if I do not do what he
wants me to do, he is going to punish me. This consumes me day and night
and is negatively affecting me in many ways.

Reply
1. Barbara Rainey

Dear Su,

Thank you for writing and sharing your dilemma. Your question is
complex but briefly I want to say marriage is intended to be between
two who are both desirous of the union, both believing God has called
them to it. Yes God does sometimes call us to things we aren’t
initially interested in, but He gently brings us along to the place
where we see and understand and want His good will for us. Based on
what you’ve written you aren’t at that place of mutually wanting this
relationship. And I believe until God gives you the desire to marry
this man you shouldn’t marry him.
As you know marriage is for life and it’s not to be entered into
under duress or obligation. Pressure from this man or from members of
your church are not indicators of God’s will. It’s more important for
you to listen to the voice of God’s Spirit to your heart and follow
what you believe He is leading even if it’s in contradiction to what
everyone else thinks. May you know His leading clearly.

Reply
1. Moses

I’m on the other side as a man who is experiencing something
similar (the Lord asking me to marry someone I have zero desire to
marry) in my case there’s also someone who I have a lot of desire
to marry. Both are Godly ladies as far as I know, however, from a
personality, cultural, and interests standpoint I vibe with the
second lady I mentioned. I did ministry with the first young lady
for a little bit and recently got closer with the second young
lady as she use to attend a Bible study I’m apart of. However, as
of recent she has not been attending due to some family & work
stress.

I just want to follow up on this message to ask if Barbara had
anymore words of encouragement/wisdom and ask Sue how things
turned out as well.

2. Sila

I am in your EXACT situation right now, Su. This article made me cry
and to read your comment shocked me because I thought I was alone.
What did you end up doing, Su?

3. Andria

I totally feel your pain. You are not alone. God has asked me to do a
few things (write and publish a book and, stop wearing a wig) and I
am angry when it comes down to it to be honest about the latter. Not
having hair makes me feel so freaking ugly. It’s my comfort and I
hate sticking out I don’t like attention. I wish I had advice for
you.
If anyone has advice for ya please let us know.

2. MARI

everything works out for good to those that love the Lord. trust God an
believe that what h is telling you to let go is for your own good and
that he will give you better in Jesus mighty name .

16. Yuri Zevallos

When I run into this article I was trying to find encouragement to do or an
excuse not to do what I felt God wanted me to do. I’m 30 years old, my
father pass away when I was 18, and I felt the need to find acceptance from
men, I walked away from the Lord and I got into so many relationships that
led me to two pregnancies, two abortions, I was abused and I had a
miscarriage, as a result I’ve been hardly living, all the shame and guilt
have being eating me alive. But Jesus came to my rescue. One day I went to
visit my family in Peru and a friend told me about a dating app, so when I
return to USA I created my profile and had a match, I pray to God, that
this time I don’t run into another bad man or a self destructive relation
and God had mercy on me and allowed me to meet the man that will bring me
to God and to be honest we were two broken mess up people. He was recently
divorce, doubting that I could be able to love him, but God gave me the
power to love him more than I was loving myself, I helped him and he helped
me. We had issues that made me feel that I was paying for all the horrible
things I did in the past, I pray God to give me strength because I didn’t
want to face more trails, I was DONE suffering and I pray many times please
God take my life because I don’t have the courage to kill myself. But of
course God didn’t do the easy job, he pushed me to speak up and seek for
help, so I did, I cried for help at church one day that my husband was in
the hospital detoxing and the Pastor told me He needed to go Dunklin a
Christian Recovery Training Program for drugs and alcohol for 11 months, my
husband did’t want, but God provided all the help and support, so he went.
God has being changing his mind, he has giving him a new heart. God is
loving me through my husband. I’m deeply grateful for my husband’s
sacrifice trying to become the man God created him to be.
But now, I want as ironic as it sound to be a mom, I also feel God is
telling me to share my testimony about my past abortions, the biggest step
of faith was sharing it with my husband, he prayed for me and told me to do
inner healing which I will start next month, but I feel I’m not ready to
share, I’m so afraid of what the people might think about me. Should I wait
until I do inner-healing? Should I wait until God make a miracle and allow
me to be a mom? I’m confuse.

Reply
1. Barbara Rainey

Dear Yuri — You’ve had quite a journey and I’m proud of you for wanting
to please God with your life. When God tells us to do something, like
share your story, He doesn’t always mean we have to do it instantly. So
the next step is to tell Him how you feel about it and ask Him when and
where and then leave it with Him.
And if you do share your story it should be for His pleasure and His
glory not for people. So remember He is watching and is the One to
please. That will help you not worry about what people listening may
think or say. Thanks for sharing your story with me!

2. Andrea

Dear Yuri,
Thank you for sharing your story here. Just reading that gave me hope. I
can relate to everything you’ve been through. Right now I’m with a man
that I love dearly, he helped me find God. But he is divorced, and never
recovered. He was an addict, but God took his addiction. Now I’m not
sure if God wants us to stay together. I love him so much, but he
doesn’t love me back. I’m praying that God will change his heart and
help him let go of the past so that he will see me and love me as i love
him. I don’t know what God has planned for me next. As of right now I
have to have faith and patience.

Reply
1. Yuri

Dear Andrea and Barbara, thank you for your kind words. All I know is
that our father is the Lord of the impossible, he is changing my
husband and he is changing me, I’m confident now, I used to be full
of insecurities and toxic thoughts, but God has delivered me from all
those chains, WE NEED TO PUT ON HIS FULL ARMOR and trust that if we
remain obedient we will live an amazing life here on earth and of
course in heavens. All I can say is keep up your peace and patience,
ask god, JOURNAL, have quite time with your father and ask him if
this man is the man that is going to love you like GOD loves you. He
is a loving father, all he wants is your happiness and husbands have
to be the angels God uses to love on us unconditionally.

17. Keanna

Hi, I’m 25 and I just googled and came to this article I think I’m being
called go quit my job and travel doing ministry but I afraid and I don’t
have the money it would take to sustain me plus my faith walk hasn’t been
strong in
two years…anyway after reading I subscribed so thank you for sharing this

Reply
1. Claudia Boucicaut

Wow, I’m getting the same thing. He’s asking me to rely on my talents to
earn money and not get a job. To remain self employed. But as a mom of
three I prefer steady income. So I keep going back and forth with God.
This is a hard place to be.

2. Joshua

Thank you dor writing this article. I came across it at a needed time
and didn’t find much im relation to the subject.

I have been asked to write novels by God. For the past four years I
struggled with confidence and belief. I keep resisting Him because I
wonder how could God use me when I feel so utterly worthless.

I’m divorced and so overwhelming lonely. How can anyone love me when I
failed before. I have struggled with depression and self destructive
behaviors.

God keeps telling me how he loves me and this is plan for me. I desire a
wife and children and feel that life is passing me by at age 36. I
recently learned my ex remarried a year ago and it hurts that I’m still
in the same place in my life I was four years ago. It greatly helped
knowing that God at age 38 helped the blind man.

I’m always asking God “Why me? Why did you ask me to do this, and what
about the desires of my heart?”

God has repeatly said: “Because you are willing to do my will. Trust my
plan”

3. casey baker

Did you ever quit your job for ministry?

Reply
1. Barbara Rainey

Casey,
No I never quit my job for ministry. My job was my marriage and my
children. And both were ministries. Significant ones. As has been
said, your closest neighbor, as Jesus mentioned in the great
commandment, is your husband and then your children.

But I did do other ministry along with my primary ministry to my
family as time allowed. And now in my empty nest years I’m working
almost full time in the ministry to others that God has given. But
even today if my kids need me and I can meet those needs I will drop
what I’m currently working on and eagerly help and serve them.

18. Aaron

I have a form of Autism called Asperger Syndrome. For the longest time, I
did not want to get married or have kids because it would make my mental
health worse and I wouldn’t be able to hold down a job.

I fear that God may be calling me to marriage and children and it’s so
stressful that I lose sleep over it and affects my job performance. I keep
hearing I should ask a particular woman out but I have no desire to have a
girlfriend.

Honestly, being a husband and father would be the worst thing that ever
happened to me. I don’t think I could go on a date without losing my
temper. I’m not sure what to do.

Reply
1. Bev Cooper

Hi, Aaron.

My name is Bev. I was asked to reply on behalf of Barbara. Thanks for
taking the time to comment. I have read quite a bit about Asperger’s and
have worked with people with autism. I am not an expert but I found a
few resources to suggest for you.

I do believe that seeing a counselor first would be wise to help you
sort out the anxieties that you are feeling. The last thing you want to
do is get involved in a relationship when you feel forced to. I don’t
believe God would do that to you. However, He probably wants to help you
overcome your anxiety. Maybe someday you would feel differently, but
that’s something you should do when you feel that you have the freedom
to choose and you want it.

Anyway, here are a few resources:
The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome

What Men with Asperger Syndrome Want to Know About Women, Dating and
Relationships

Resources for those with Asperger’s syndrome

The above resources are not from a Christian perspective as far as I
know. I would suggest that you also contact Focus on the Family and ask
them for their thoughts as well. They offer a free one-time consultation
by professional counselors. Here’s the link:
Focus on the Family Counseling/Referrals

I would also like to pray for you.

Heavenly Father,
Thank You for bringing Aaron to our website. I thank You that You are a
good Father and you don’t force us to do anything. I pray that You would
reveal how much You love Aaron. I ask that You would bring healing in
every area of his life. Guide and direct his steps because I know that
You have a good plan for his life. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Blessings,

Bev Cooper

2. Nicole

Last December I was reading posts in a prayer group on Facebook. I came
across one that said to pray for her friend and her friends husband that
they were going to be evicted. She asked if anyone would like to help
them out, she would appreciate it and she hoped it would show them Gods
love… I decided to comment that if everyone in the group gave $1.00,
that would be like $1,000.00. I said if half of us could give a few
dollars they could probably pay their rent… So I thought about what I
was going to give and was going back and forth in my mind. I thought
$50, $100, 150..? Then i thought $800. But I really wasnt sure if it was
my thought or God giving me that thought because it came out of nowhere.
Then I was thinking… did I think that myself? Long story short. I didnt
send $800. Well that has haunted me. I think I may have let God down. I
think I may have over thought it and I questioned it. At the time, i had
around $800 in my savings account. If you think God is telling you to do
something, do it!!!

19. Kendra

Thank you for the encouragement. God has called my husband to a job with
lots of risk little money and a lot of moving (from my very attached family
and hometown). I’m 1 year in at a new town with 3 tiny children and I’m
lonely and miserable and confused why following God hurts so much. I miss
my mom and friends and comfortable life so much. I love God I love him so
much. I can see God’s protection and clear calling on my husband but I look
down a projected life of sorrow and sacrifice from me and I’m overcome by
it

Reply
1. Donna

My sister in Christ. James 1:2-5
Summary: Christians are to be joyful when various trials come because
for Christians there is always more than just the “trial” going on. At
the Spiritual Level God is examining you; holding you up to the light.
Examining the quality of your faith. Which can only be examined by going
through “trials”. When all this is going on remain steady under
pressure. Patience (endurance) cannot be produced any other way.
Patience (endurance) leads to stability; not losing it in the face of
“trials”. That is the mark of a true Christian.

Choosing to be a follower of Christ, this way of life, considers trials
a cause for joy because through these things God matures and strengthens
and perfects each individual believer. This maturing spiritual condition
produces peace and confidence in the inner man or woman. Example: I’ve
been through this before. I know what it’s like. I can do this. *Peace
and Confidence* I pray that your faith endures and you are strengthened.
Count it all joy, God is examining your faith. I pray He finds you
accepted. Show Him you love Him by your actions….PS..God separates the
sheep from the goats..the separation is going on now.

20. Jennie

Hello, I need help knowing if this is of God or if I’m pushing my will.
Here’s the issue :
My daughter is not in the position to care for her kids due to her own
doing. Which has caused me great anger. She has a 2 and 3 year old and
pregnant with a third. I have been there from day one. I’m basically the
other parent. They have lived with me for most of their lives and I have
provided for them. I don’t sleep and recently lost my job. My body aches
and I’m exhausted all of the time. Two weeks ago I stepped in and took the
kids as they were not safe. Now, I’m being faced with raising two kids
again. I was a single mom of two my entire adult life and was looking
forward to having a life. I just finished raising my kids and now without a
break I’m looking at starting over. I love these girls with all my heart
but I don’t think I can do this again. They are acting out in ways I don’t
understand and they need a lot of help. I will need to work and will not
have the quality time they need. There isn’t anyone else in the family that
can do this. If I don’t then they will go into foster care. I’m concerned
that because they are acting out in tantrums, urinating the floor, throwing
food, yelling through the night, etc that a foster family will not
understand and may potentially harm them.

Reply
1. Barbara Rainey

Dear Jennie,
Thank you for writing. First I need to say I have no training in the
situation you described. So know that these comments are simply a place
to start. I would strongly suggest you find someone who can coach and
guide you step by step in this very complex situation. Someone in your
church who has connections with the foster care system or has experience
dealing with parents who neglect kids. There are some amazing foster
families in this country so I wouldn’t assume the worst about all of
them, though I do understand your serious concern.
I hope you are a praying woman because I’d also strongly suggest you
find one or two other women to commit to pray for you and for these
girls and your daughter. God loves these girls more than you and He
wants them to have a healthy stable home life as much or more than you
do. Go to Him and pray without ceasing for HIs wisdom, guidance and
provision.
Our will pray for you and for the girls.
We’d love to hear what God does one day.

Reply
1. Jennie

Thank you for your response.I am a praying woman. However, my prayer
life has been shaken for the past year as I’ve grieved the sudden
death of my little brother. That’s another story. I have been walking
with the Lord for far too long and know better. I will commit more
time to prayer and study, especially about this. I just don’t want to
do what I think is the right thing to do and it be outside of His
will for me. I also don’t want to miss it because I don’t want to do
this. I understand that usually He calls us to do the things we don’t
want to do or are incapable of doing without Him. I feel that’s
what’s happening but I need confirmation so that I’m not throwing
myself into something not for me. There is a lot at stake here.

21. Wes

This post really spoke to me this morning. I have been contemplating a lot
of things and the Lord finally revealed the answer to me and I hated what
he said. But now I know that all things worketh for the good of those who
love God! Thank you for your post.

22. veroni

Now this post was amazing. Thank you God! The Holy Spirit was all over
this. Thank you for posting.

23. Peaches23

My situation was different. I was in a sinful relationship, I knew it was
wrong, but I disobeyed God and found myself in a pit of sin and misery. I
ignored God and I thought I could just do what I wanted to do. Well God
allowed me to be shown time and time again that it was not where I was
supposed to be. Exactly 11 days ago I did what God had been asking me to
do, I let go and repented of all my sins, and now I am working day by day
to live in His will for my life. What a feeling to be free from sin! Thank
you God!

Reply
1. ronni88

I have recently left a sinful relationship. I am hurting for the
friendship and the life that I thought was my future. I know I did the
right thing by ending it, but ow do you deal with the pain?

Reply
1. Barbara Rainey

Ronni,
Thank you for writing so honestly and truthfully. I’m proud of you
for doing the right thing and God is pleased even more, so rest in
His pleasure. As to your pain, your decision was much like a surgery,
cutting off something unhealthy, so like a surgery it will take time
to heal. Use the healing time to keep running to Jesus. It can be a
time for deep and lasting growth with Him.

2. ltcwalker1 GOD'S child

I’m in the same situation and I want God’s will to line up for my life.
I just can’t let go right now. It’s hard!!!

24. Temp

I think God wants me to help someone that I don’t want to help. I brought
it upon myself because I volunteered last year out of a desire to be near
this person that I said I wanted to be used as an instrument to help this
person in their journey with Christ. Then I started to think God wanted me
away from this person which made sense because this person hurt me and it’s
only natural to want to send your child away from someone who hurts them,
right? But now it seems my call to action is getting closer and God has
been sending me a new message. I contemplated the idea coming from me and
it not being truly God’s desire. I contemplated it being Satan and it not
being truly God’s desire. Still, I can’t seem to escape the feeling that
God wants me to do something and is slowly guiding me towards what. I still
want someone to say it’s not true but something inside me says it’s almost
time to pay up on what I volunteered to do. In a way, I do want to help,
but I feel reluctant like “why me? isn’t there a more qualified individual
for this? isn’t there someone closer to this person who could do this? why
me?!?!?!” But I volunteered. I know why me. But I am of little faith. I
have faith in God to execute whatever His plan is, but not the faith to
believe if I execute His plan, that it will have any lasting impact because
I’m the one carrying it out. I still hope someone will tell me that it’s
not true, but I wonder if I’d believe them….

25. Reluctant

Reading your article and those here from others has helped me to see that
I’m not alone in the fact that God asks people to give things up to fulfill
his plans. For 30 years now I’ve prayed and asked God to send me the
husband He showed me in a dream, but it hasn’t happened yet. And more and
more, the Lord requires me everyday to fast and seek him to intercede for
others until a set time like 3 p.m. I really hate fasting but love God. I
honestly wish that I could serve Him at a less committed level because I’d
be so much happier eating breakfast, lunch, going places, visiting friends,
traveling, shopping –just being more normal like most other people but this
is what He’s called me to. Sometimes it makes me depressed because at a
more carnal level I can serve him with gladness as the word says. I don’t
want to be like Demas who loved the world so much that he quit serving the
Lord but I honestly deal with anger about this daily lifestyle He’s called
me to. I wish I could be someone else. This war inside makes me bitter and
unhappy . I have to constantly repent of my attitudes and tell the Lord
that I love him and need his help to do his will. I wish He didn’t require
of me what he asks . I’m embarrassed to say this but it’s really true. It
takes away the joy and feeling of love that I have for him. It makes me
feel like a horrible person to feel this way, but it is hard to live daily
like a monk.

Reply
1. Barbara Rainey

Karen, You are correct that you aren’t alone in having given up dreams
and hopes for God. I know many women who have given up much for their
marriages & husbands. Many other women have become widows which was
never their desire or divorced by men who chose another woman, again
never their desire. What matters is walking with Him on the path He
leads you and not comparing what He has for others. It is not and
sometimes isn’t ever easy, but He gives grace and will reward our desire
to please HIm. May you rest in His all seeing presence and His perfect
plans for your life even when you don’t understand.
Blessings to you,
Barbara

2. Nanette

I feel and understand everything you are describing. I too get
frustrated with all that ive given up for him and it’s still not good
enough. I hate it and feel like serving Him is a trap.

3. Regrets

I understand exactly what you mean because I’m going through the same
process, my time slot (5p) is different but everything else is spot on.
I’m truly frustrated and tired of feeling trapped or worse imprisoned

26. Marissa

I can not discredit what has been going on in my life. On June 12th my
grandfather passed away. Two weeks after that, I was in a car accident and
while I was ok, my vehicle was totaled. In the weeks after that one of my
coworkers lost her daughter at the age of 27 suddenly, and then some
friends of mine lost their 4 year old daughter last Weds. I also have some
health issues that have been going on that they aren’t down to the bottom
of yet. Anxiety and depression set in. This turned into a fear of losing
the one’s I love and the insecurities that came along to get my down. My
biggest hurt right now, I mean it is literally hurting me on the inside, is
not being sure if God is convicting me to get rid of my dog or not. I love
her so much and I really don’t want to experience the hurt of giving her
away. I feel extreme anxiety and I feel like this is extreme pressure. Can
God change something that He is asking of me? There is no evidence of her
needing to go, I just feel extreme anxiety and nagging.

Reply
1. Jewlz

Keep your dog. Based on your description “extreme anxiety and nagging”
that’s not the voice of God. The enemy pushes, The Father leads. Notice
the blogger described God’s leading as a “gentle whisper.”
I believe your dog is a gift from God to bring you joy, love, and
comfort. Rest and enjoy him/her.

27. Dawn

Hi:
I just read your post and I can relate. God asked me to give up a dream
last year and it broke my heart. I was very angry and gave up on Him. I am
trying to have a relationship with God now but it’s very difficult. Instead
of anger, I feel numb towards God. It’s to the point where currently I
don’t have any goals or dreams because I am afraid God will tell me “no”.
As soon as I have an interest in something I get this crippling fear that
God is going to take it away from me. I’m trying to trust God but it’s not
easy. Giving up the things that I love has been depressing. I’m glad I came
across your article and I hope that I can get to the point where you are at
now. Thanks in advance for reading.

Reply
1. Brittney

Dawn, I’m so sorry for all you’re going through. I know this first hand
that God really does turn all things together for the good! Sometimes we
can only see what is in front of us and it doesn’t make since but you
have to trust that He sees and knows the whole picture. He wants and has
the best for you, He came that we could have life and live it
abundantly! He knows* the plans He has for us, plans to prosper* us and
not to harm us, to give us hope and a future!

One thing I have always remembered is the story of the little girl and
her fake pearls. She carried them with her everywhere. Her daddy asked
her one night if he could have them and she just couldn’t give them up
because they were her favorite pearls. He asked a few more nights but
one night the little girl offered to give her pearls to her daddy, as
much as she loved them she loved him more. As soon as she gave him the
fake pearls, he opened his hand and gave her a real set of pearls <3!

Sometimes God will ask us to give things up because He knows what we
don't. It may be to protect us from something we can't see and even more
because He has something even bigger/ better. He is a God of order and
has a purpose for what He asks of us, maybe even to draw you to Him to
see it's Him that is your secure anchor and everlasting source of joy,
love, hope, strength, fulfillment and more amidst the storms of life.
When you are built up in Him, everything else is icing on the cake =).
When your boat rocks, He is still in control, trust Him.

He created you, named you and placed you here at this time for a purpose
for His kingdom. He placed/will grow God given desires in your heart to
accomplish this and has given you everything you need to accomplish your
purpose in His strength and power. He wants to bless you and wants you
to be happy!! Draw near to Him, don't allow the enemy to lie to you that
He is not going to bless you and prosper you or that He is a God who
wants to take away. That's the what the enemy wants to do, if God takes
something away it's because He loves you and knows more than we can see.
He is going to pour back into you what was taken away and use this as a
testimoney. Sometimes it's a strengthening of our faith, lean on Him and
He will absolutely see you through.

If we can love, forgive and bless others here, what more can God do who
created us! Love you as a sister in Christ and praying for you!
Blessings are coming, joy it's breaking through, keep pushing forward
and receive all He has for you. His love it unconditional and you are a
princess/ daughter of the most high Kingdom!

Reply
1. Shaniqua

Dawn, literally every word you typed is my life story. I cried as I
read your post because it exposed what may be my deepest fear and
struggle with God. I’ve had to deal with so many ‘no’s’ for sooooo
many years it really had been depressing. I’m always losing friends,
not successful when I pursue goals, etc. And I always seek God for
reflection. Is it me? What do I need to change, Lord? Change me
please! Yet, even when I feel closest to God, nothing works out for
me. I’m always struggling, whether in my marriage, that is soon to be
a finalized divorce, with friends that never stay too long, with jobs
that keep me at paycheck to paycheck, and with aspirations (physical
or spiritual). I often feel like I’m just….here. I ask God over and
over what He wants me doing. Because I too gave up on pursuing
anything. It makes me feel lazy, but I have no motivation to pursue a
dream anymore. I just work, workout, go to church and hang out
occasionally and watch people around me flourish. Though I’m
genuinely happy for them, I feel like I’m a failure. I try to get
past my emotions by listening to sermons and praying and fasting. I
really do. But I still feel it, even when I try to encourage myself.

Brittney, your response is very encouraging and I pray that my heart
opens up to receive all that you said. I do feel numb sometimes.
Sometimes I do feel like I’m enjoying God and getting closer to Him,
but then I wonder why I can’t do that in Heaven because I’m certainly
not accomplishing anything on Earth. And while I don’t like the
thought of experiencing this all for even more years to come, I can’t
fight God nor do I want to. I just wish I had more clarity and at
least a vision on what He wants me to do and where to go. God bless
you for sharing this post.

2. Isaac stephe montgomery

I understand EXACTLY how you feel. I’m 35yrs old. I was married for 5
yrs. and my spouse walked out. Well, a while afterwards I met someone
else. And we’ve dated for 4 yrs. And for a while now I’ve felt that God
was telling me she wasn’t the one. Although she’s never done anything
wrong. Not cheated. Lied. Nothing. She’s been 100% there. Well, I let
the relationship go. Because I was getting to the point to where I was
losing my peace when I’d be around her. Again, not because of anything
she’d done. I was listening to joyce Meyer last night and she mentioned
how she was once part of a church that she helped start. And for 3 yrs,
(after she first felt the initial nudge from God that it was time to
move on), she’d get depressed whenever she left service. Hearing that
helped a little. I knew I wasn’t alone in decisions like this. And
honestly it makes me nervous to love anyone anymore. I have no idea
if/when God will call me out of it. And I don’t want to hurt anyone. I
know this one (Bree) I hurt. I only hope and pray she can forgive me.

3. C

I know this post was from eight months ago, but I just wanted to reply
to you anyway. Hopefully, it reaches someone who needs encouragement…
Likewise, God has sent me through an incredibly TOUGH season of His
“NO”, “WAIT” and taking away. The absolute CRUSHING of these past 8
months (ironic, you posted as soon as this season began for me!) has
been beyond belief!!
I tell you truly, He will take away things you hated and things you have
loved. BUT, I can finally SEE (in part) what He is doing/has done.
One of the things God took away was all my notes, outlines, hand-drawn
maps and stories that I wrote for the dream and the career God called me
to. It broke my heart to throw years worth of work away- but, God.
He has been re-writing those stories for me. Now better than before,
better than I could have imagined. But if those stories and that
research hadn’t been destroyed, they would have held me back.

During this season of “take away”, God stripped and stripped and
stripped EVERYTHING away in my life. But then, when the last thing was
taken away, God told me to look up and around my house, my life. What
was left was SO BEAUTIFUL! I couldn’t see it before because so much of
the past, myself and other people had obscured my view! Then, as I
thanked God, He brought beauty into my life through people I had
forgotten and things I’d deemed insignificant in the past.
My season is not yet over, it’s coming to a close though. I’m waiting on
ONE person (which is really God doing a work in them), then, a new
chapter begins in my life!
If I can encourage you at all- please don’t be angry at God for “taking
away” in your life! (I have to encourage myself too!) Ask God for eyes
to SEE and ears to HEAR so that you can know Him, and your life, better.

28. debra Morgan

Thank you in advance for reading this. This has been a great article for
me, but I am afraid it is too late for me. About eight years ago, my Mom
died of cancer. My brother and I spent days after that packing everything
up (over 30 boxes in the kitchen alone) He and I were living in the house
at the time and I was working. I loved the area where we lived it was
beautiful and cool and wonderful. Suddenly he gave me notice he was moving
and I had to find a place very quickly. My only choice was LA which I
abhor. I have been here almost five years and I HATE IT. And I will ALWAYS
HATE IT. All doors shut but this one. The place I live is dirty, unsafe ,
intrusive, I have to share a kitchen and a bathroom, the manager has
cameras everywhere. God and I are butting heads on this one. I cannot
accept this, It would require a great deal of money to move home and I am
losing hope. I can see what God wants to change in my heart, but I cannot
do it; I am too full of resentment. I cannot sleep bc it is so damn
noisy…it seems like I am sick all the time. I relax into His will, then He
may make me stay here until I die and the thought tears me apart. As I
write this someone’s music with bass blaring is pounding into my head. I
used to love music before I moved here now I hate it. Again, thank you for
reading this tome. I am housing a lot of anger. BTW my brother and I are
doing fine. We are friends, it is God I am mad it.

Reply
1. Barbara Rainey

Hi, Debra.
First of all, I want to say thank you for taking the time to comment. We
appreciate all of our friends and supporters and are honored to come
alongside when you are facing a trial.
I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your mom and the subsequent
challenges that you are facing. I am wondering if you are still grieving
the loss of your mom? That alone can be the root issue of your anger.
Then having another “loss” by being forced to move and in a very
difficult environment. I can understand why there is so much anger.
Are you involved in a local church where you have some support? I know
you are angry at God, but He’s the One that can help you. Please don’t
turn against Him. That’s the enemy’s goal – to steal, kill and destroy.
God is for you, not against you.
I would highly suggest that you call Focus on the Family and talk to a
professional counselor. They offer a one-time free consultation and if
desired, a local referral. They at least could give you professional
insights and other resources. You can contact them here:

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/about/contact-us

I would also like to pray for you.

Heavenly Father,
Thank You for bringing Debra to our site. She is hurting and angry. I
thank You for the Psalms that are full of examples of hearts poured out
to You. We can be safe in coming to You and being honest. We do not have
to hide. We thank You that Your word says that we can come boldly to
Your throne of grace for mercy and grace in time of need. I pray that
today You would be a very present help for Debra. Give her wisdom and
direction. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Again, thanks for reaching out, Debra.

Blessings,
Bev (For Barbara)

2. Alan

Deb, I don’t totally understand your pain however my wife lost her
mother to cancer in 08. In my opinion they never had the best
relationship and I feel as though my wife has some resentment for her
mother and blames her for her parents divorce. I also know that she
prayed and believed that God would heal her mother of cancer. Sadly 8
months after diagnosis she passed away. In the time since I know that
she cannot forgive her mother on several levels and that she is also mad
at God. It has put a strain on our relationship so much so that she has
separated from me, obviously other factors at the moment are involved. I
have tried many ways to help and encourage her to make ammends with the
past. She will say that she doesn’t know how or that she wants to build
her wall up so that she doesn’t get hurt anymore. I am hoping that in
time when the dust settles that she will return to God and that we can
make amends and go forward with our lives. I love this woman to the moon
and back. I have come to the realization that I can no longer help her
no matter how hard I try. I am not being judgmental and myself would
never want to live in L.A.. please focus on God and your relationship
with him and remember that Jonah didn’t go to where God wanted him to
go. Albeit he eventually did. God loves you no matter what and wants
what is best for you. I hope that you find healing in the story that I
shared with you.

3. Donna Stehlin

Hi Debra, I just want to say I feel encouraged by your post i.e. where
you are living though I am sorry for the circumstances that brought you
there. God has asked me to move from my present situation which is
comfortable and secure and the only alternative accommodation that I can
obtain are hostel like situations much like you have described. I have
been feeling anxious and at times a little like a martyr for accepting
this, however your post has made me happy that I am not the only one who
has to live in situations like this. (Most of the places available have
bedbugs!) In saying that I do hope you will find better accommodation
SOON!

4. debra morgan

Thank you everyone for your kind responses. I am still here (LA) and it
was 109 degrees yesterday. Each day still has ups and downs….but maybe
someday….Thanks again to all of you for the kind words..and God bless
you!

29. Teresa R.

Is the premise of this question the idea that God gives revelation apart
from scripture? If so, how do we test it?

Reply
1. Barbara Rainey

Hi Teresa, Thank you for your comment and your question!The premise of
this question is that God often asks or calls His children to do things
we are reluctant to do and often times refuse to do. The problem is not
with God but with us. Like Jonah who didn’t like God’s idea that he,
Jonah, go preach to Ninevah. Not everything God asks us to do is
specified in Scripture, like how many children to have or which job
should I take, but neither does His desire for us ever contradict
Scripture. In my case in this post, He overruled my desire not to have a
sixth child which is a reflection of His word in Psalms, Children are a
gift from the Lord. Ps. 127:3-5. I hope this helps and sincerely
appreciate you reaching out to ask the question!

30. PHOEBS

Thank you so much for this. It truly met me where I am. I am a young lady
currently living in a city far from home. About a year ago, I was dating a
wonderful godly man and a future with him certain. It was long distance
back then and I prayed to be closer to him. God opened up an opportunity
for a wonderful job in his city and for me to serve in the children’s
ministry at a wonderful church, the same one he attended. Then things just
went downhill between us, and the future I had envisioned stopped looking
the way I had it planned out. Honestly, I love this city and my job and
serving and growing in this wonderful church but it is painful to see him
all the time and not understand why God didn’t block my path from coming
here if this man wasn’t tied to my destiny. I did not just get up and move
cities haphazardly. I prayed, for open doors, for opportunities, for the
opportunity to be asked to serve with children, all these are answered
prayer and yet this one aspect just keeps boggling my mind. And yet in the
midst of this I believe God is calling me to be still, and not abandon the
church, the city or the process. Sometimes it really makes me feel some
type of way but your article really encouraged me. I pray that I too can
believe that it all shall be to His glory. Until then may God continue to
give me the grace to die to self for His glory.

Reply
1. Gee

@PhobeS…
Your comment interest me. Question, did you ever ask God IF IT WAS HIS
WILL for you to do all these things you’re saying HE open the doors to?
Never said you didn’t but neither did you. You said you prayed for doors
and opportunities to open…did you ask God IF your reason for these open
doors of opportunities were HIS and the gentleman…did God say to you
that he was the man God has for you? I pray you see this and reply back.
BLESSINGS!

31. Cayla

Thank you for this. I’m 24, and thought I had met the one I was going to
marry until yesterday. I’ve been with him 3 years now. He asked me to marry
him June of last year. He is a Godly man, and I love him dearly. There have
been little “confirmations” all throughout our relationship, but I think I
may have been ignoring the deeper, quieter voice of the Holy Spirit telling
me no. Last night my mother, who had already given us her blessing,
confessed that she had a check in her spirit. She reminded me of a prophesy
Herb Marks had given her about what she believes is my situation. My little
sister had said the same months before, but I had taken it to mean it just
wasn’t time. For some reason when my mom said that it just hit me really
hard. I’m still grieving. I haven’t talked to him yet. I told God I need it
to be HIM telling me, not anyone or anything else. There’s no way to have a
clean break, our lives are so entwined now. And I definitely can’t do this
in my own power. I feel so small and powerless. Thank you for your
hope-filled message.

32. Jeanette

Please don’t judge me harshly, but I don’t like children. I’ve never liked
them, wanted to be near them, or even see pictures of them. I find them to
be annoying and disgusting. As a Christian woman, I feel a deep sense of
guilt over this because since Jesus loves children so much and we’re
supposed to strive to be Christ-like, there must be something wrong with
me. In my mid-30’s, the Lord blessed me with a wonderful husband. While he
didn’t feel as strongly as I in his distaste for children, he didn’t really
want to have any either. To be “fair”, we did discuss the subject at length
and finally decided definitively we would not have them. Now, suddenly in
my 40’s, I’m nearly positive God is saying we should have children (not
sure if 1 or more, but that’s beside the point). I know anything is
possible with God and we should be obedient to Him, but I’m terrified!!! If
we go through with this, but my loathing of children doesn’t go away, how
in the world can we raise a decent human being?! So much is at stake here &
there’s no going back. We can’t undo the choice. Should we dare trying to
conceive iif neither of us wants to just to be obedient?

Reply
1. Barbara Rainey

Jeanette – I apologize for the delayed response, your comment just
showed up in my inbox. Thank you for writing so honestly and be assured
you are not being judged. God is obviously not afraid of your values and
is perfectly capable of producing change. I would say since it is clear
that God is working this miracle in your heart then He can be trusted to
give you love for a child and the wisdom to be a good parent! Consult
with your doctor but there is no reason you can’t conceive and deliver a
healthy baby in your forties in this generation. I just read an article
two days ago about a woman who gave birth at 47 to triplets who are now
8. She’s written a book about her experience that sounds like a good
read. God is good. Trust Him. “Fear not” He tells us. “I am with you.”
Thank you again for your comment!

2. Chris

Jeanette, thank you so much for sharing this. I’m in a similar situation
in that I’m married, never wanted kids/terrified to have any, but feel a
certain pressure from God to do so. I’m in my late thirties, and I’ve
been feeling guilt for years about avoiding having kids. It’s not that I
don’t like them, rather I much prefer not having the responsibility of
care-taking/child rearing. It’s such a huge decision! I’m scared I’ll
obey God and have a child, but my feelings won’t change. Not sure if
you’ll get my message, but may I ask how you’ve been dealing with this
(since posting your comment last March)?

Barbara, how do you obey God, and start trying to conceive when you’ve
never wanted a child in the first place?
Right now, I’m angry and upset that I have to do this, and I know that
God doesn’t want me to serve him begrudgingly.

P.S. Thank you for writing this post, it spoke to me.

33. Crystal

Thank you for this. We have a 5 yo and had trouble getting pregnant with
him. So his birth was a special time and he truly felt like a miracle baby.
We knew we probably wanted another child and have been putting it off for
years. I really wanted to adopt as we discussed that years ago when we
couldn’t get pregnant. I finally decided to stop resisting and “try” for
another to rule that out. I thought I turned it over to God but apparently
not. I ended up getting pregnant the first month and now it’s twins. I have
been pretty upset about this as I really felt a calling to adopt and having
to let go of that dream. Three kids for us is enough. So there’s been a lot
of guilt surrounding this pregnancy because I know I should feel elated
that we conceived so quickly but twins is not what either of us wanted. It
feels like such a heavy burden to bear with all the extra risks that come
with a multiple pregnancy. Our parents are excited and that just adds to
feeling like a punch in my gut.

34. Wendy miller

Thank you for your story. I’m sitting here at work and GOD has placed
something on my heart even a dream came to me and i don’t want to do it.
Hes asking me to move home to my parents house. Understand i just moved
out. All i have ever wanted was my own place and now that i have it hes
asking me to give it up? LORD!!!???? My parents are 72 and 73 year old
great people and I LOVE them, but when i was home me and mom didnt get
along that well,but now that im out and i have a chance to go over i see
little things that my mom may need help with around the house.Plus they
deserve for someone to look after them thy both have worked hard for what
they have, I believe after reading your story that this is a way GOD is
having me to die of myself also. i remember praying for my own place for
years thats all i wanted ..well he gave it to me and i love my place. Its a
hard thing to do making a sacrifice for others. WOW JESUS is AWESOME!!! Im
still praying about this.. Anymore advice?

Reply
1. barbara rainey

My prayer for you is God will continue to guide you in this decision. He
has told us to honor our parents that it may be well with us, the fifth
commandment. Honor is God’s will. Perhaps there is a way you can help
them and stay in your own home until they need your care full time.
I’m proud of you for your desire to serve them and to deny yourself that
God may be glorified.
Bless you and thanks for writing.

35. Gee

This article is real eye opener. You used you example of pregnancy and all
or most all of comments were about babies. Not mine…I answer the call of
God to marry again and I didn’t want to. I begged pleaded pray almost 24/7
That’s been almost 4yrs ago. I met a Pastor and I heard God say thats my
husband and God told him I was His wife. Hubby is elated and I know he
loves me…but it was all set up by God. I was so very hurt and disappointed.
I’m much better now but not there yet. Not one day after our wedding has
gone by that I ask God WHY?? I know it’s about ministry first and after
OMG…so many confirmation dreams God speaking…I obeyed but I didn’t see this
coming and I’m still trying to adjust. We pick who we want to marry AFTER
getting to know each other for a while. Yes even then we ask God is this
what He wants but I never got that opportunity. My life…I. could say so
much here it would be a mini book. Just want to say Thank you because for
the first time I’m realizing its not just being obedient to our Father but
it’s also dying to self. A REAL EYE OPENER.
GOD BLESS U! :)

Reply
1. claudia goltsos

Thank you…your comment helped me. Bless You

2. Joy

God is in TOTAL control. God has asked me to do what makes no earthly
sense whatsoever. To marry a man that has been married 5 (Yes 5) times.
I know you all are asking, “are you sure this is God”. I have asked the
same myself. Like the Israelites, Moses, Jonah, Peter, the wall of
faith, and numerous others, I ran hard and fast.
Is this God? We have had numerous confirmation since starting to date.
Many times God will ask you to do things that don’t make sense to use
you. And yes, this don’t make sense.
According to world statistics, we have less than a 10% chance of our
marriage lasting.
We are going (many weeks now) through Christian biblical counseling, and
all things has been completely & honestly opened.
I have reasoned, rationalized, questioned and cried out to God. But,
each times he speaks (many times through others) on this is His will.
Example, this morning, I cried out this don’t make sense God. The sermon
of a biblical based pastor was completely surrounded on God using what
does not make sense for His glory.
I reference the Samaritan woman at the well. If it was not for who she
was and the illicit lifestyle she was currently living, the shame of the
community, they would not had given her “come and see a man that told me
all thing” one thought. Her past, and what Jesus did with her now,
caused so many other to come to salvation.
I don’t know specifically what or how God is doing, many times we are
not given the details.
No, I am not walking blindly. A compromising (sexual/selfish sins) do
not have an impact on this. If this is not God will, as his child, He
will not lead us into the path of marriage.
I am not advocating being a sixth spouse to anyone. But I do encourage
you to seek his will, walk in his way, and to hide his word in your
heart which prevent the enemy from causing you to fall into sin.

Reply
1. C

Wow, thank you for posting!

I’m in a similar spot! Never wanted to be married or have children
(as I am happy to do the Lord’s work alone plus having raised my
younger sisters already) but God told me 2 1/2 years ago (almost 3)
that I’d be married. He said it’d be “worth the wait” and I thought,
“Okay, 5-10 years from now, after my career/ministry, I’ll meet that
man in the same field and God will probably have changed my mind on
marriage.”
HA! When I wasn’t looking, God changed my career (temporarily) and
put that man directly in my path. I wasn’t expecting him, so when he
began to match all the signs God’d given me, I was shocked! Then, my
heart began to change and I saw this man for who he was and I fell in
love (truly, I have) with him.
BUT! Here was the catch- this man wasn’t ready yet (neither was I)
because he was backslidden in the faith and had been dating a woman
he wasn’t supposed to be with. Everyone kept telling me, “Oh, it’s
clear to everybody that you two are meant to be together and we’ve
all known they shouldn’t be dating. Just wait, be patient because God
will do His will in the perfect time! God will reignite (this man’s)
faith and you two will be together!”
SO, I prayed, waited and fasted. This man fell in love with me
(first, technically) but I waited for God because God repeatedly told
me, I had to wait for this man, as he is the one.
THEN, this man told me that while he held deep feelings for me, he
would do right by this woman he was dating and marry her, because
he’s loyal and he met her first. They are currently engaged.

…Enter my rage and tears at God. “WHY God, did you make me turn from
singleness to love this man who has loved me but rejected me in favor
of another? Wasn’t I doing just fine before all of this?!” But then,
God showed me in His Word of all the people God called to do “crazy”
things (Jonah & Ninevah, Hosea & Gomer, Ananais & Saul, etc) and how,
in the end, God was glorified.
And, while this chapter is drawing near to a close, God has made me
wait. In the end, God will receive all the glory from my life.

Reply
1. JOY

My sister, only God know the plans He has for you. Plans to
prosper you & not to harm you. I have a questions for you. How was
he “backslidden in the faith”? Was he dating you while dating the
lady he is marrying? As James spoke about, ask God for wisdom in
all things. That’s my stance.

3. Itani

I hope you see this, Gee. I’m only 19 years old lol and I myself am not
interested in marriage, but I have heard many elders and pastors respect
speaking about romancing your spouse in marriage so maybe start
investing in weekly date nights etc. Even people who chose their
partners can fall out of love because nobody stays the same over the
years. God loves you so much and he has mercy for you in this season. He
will never leave you or forsake you, and he knows you’re struggling, and
he isn’t condemning you. Remember that Jesus has already born God’s
anger for our sin. Literally all God wants for you right now is to
Father you, to direct and gently guide you. God is a gentleman. Look for
his character in his Word, and as you learn to fall in love with the man
that you have covenanted with, fall in love with God again. When you
die, you will no longer be bound to marriage, but you and God will still
be One. Invest in this relationship and look for joy (don’t pretend joy;
look for it, and pray, and ask your community group of girls for help
too).

I won’t pretend to understand what you’re going through, but I hope this
helps.
Much love :)

Reply
1. Barbara Rainey

Itani,
This is beautifully written and full of truth. You are very wise for
only 19 but God gives wisdom and clearly you have been listening to
Him! I hope Gee and others will read what you’ve written.
Keep listening to Jesus.
Barbara

36. Mal

I have four godly homeschooling kids. Recently, we were literally thrown
into fostering a family member who we’ve never met. I know God wants us to
stay on this road but it seems so very overwhelming to me. I feel like it’s
just too much. One kid tries to avoid this child. Another keeps asking when
he’s going home…that they want our family back to normal. Quite honestly,
so do I. The thought of having this child for 24/7 this summer brings tears
gushing down my face…For now, we at least get a school time break as you
can’t homeschool fosters. I don’t want to be Jonah and run from God’s plan
but yet, I soooo do.

Reply
1. barbara rainey

Thanks for sharing your story with us. My daughter and her husband are
foster parents and it is often a disruption. So may God give you wisdom
and grace and His love for this child and may He guide you on this
journey. He will show you as you pray and depend on Him.

37. Eunice

Thank you for the encouraging post!

38. Debby White

Dear Barbara. This blog today was so incredibly encouraging to me and I
plan to forward it to my two married daughters to minister to them as well.
About 39 years ago I felt the Lord wanted me to put on a shelf my musical
gift and desires to raise my 2 daughters. And when my oldest daughter
turned 6 the Lord made it very obvious to me that he wanted me to
homeschool her as well as her younger sister 2 years later. It was such a
sacrifice and so hard to not be able to use my musical gift for so many
years. Then when my girls hot older and I thought I would begin to use the
gift of music again, the Lord closed every door. I didn’t understand and
sometimes I still don’t understand, but I have be blessed with the 2 most
besutiful godly daughters a mother could ever ask for! I am soooo blessed!
Now my oldest daughter (who is a very gifted artist) has put down and
packed away all her art supplies as she is homeschooling her 13 year old
son and caring for her 1 1/2 year old daughter. Her husband has not been
very supportive and has poor health. So my precious daughter also works as
the administrator for my husband’s business from her home to earn extra
income that they do desperately need. But she has resolved in her heart
that she is going to die to herself and obey God as He is directing her.
She is sn amazing woman!!! Thank you for your encouragement today!! You
will never know how much you ministered to my and my girls today. Love in
Christ, Debby

39. Linda

Awesome reminder of God’s Sovereignty. Thank you for reminding me of His
good and perfect plan! Sweet blessings to you!

40. Tiua

To God be the glory! I have been operating in an ungrateful spirit with the
news of baby number 6. Selfish planning has been the reason too. I so
needed this

41. SUSAN BENNETT

Truly am blessed by your blogs. Though I’m all through raising six children
myself, at soon to be 78 years I’m still learning to trust God. And He’s
still asking me to do things I don’t necessarily want to do. I’ve learned
that He does it so that I can learn that He can do through me what I cannot
do and He gets the glory and praise and that’s just fine with me!

42. danielle

I’ll be honest, this post brought me to tears. But not for the reason you
may think. I too have five children, and have prayed for years for God to
bless us with another. In the beginning it was very selfishly. My husband
had a vasectomy and I was heart broken. I wanted to allow God to determine
the size of our family and my husband was done. He did not want another
child. That was rough for me and for several years I truly believed that
God was bigger than his surgery and if I prayed hard enough and if God
loved me enough than he would answer my request. Cleary that was wrong on
my behalf and I knew it. So, I changed my prayer, God take this desire away
from me. It benefits me nothing to have six children and no husband. It was
hard but I believed it and I swear the desire for more children got
stronger. It was so hard. And it had been another couple of years. In
October of 2015, I attended a women’s conference and cried my eyes out. I
prayed the boldest prayer I had ever prayed and asked God, no matter what
he wanted to do with my life I could accept as long as my husband and I
were on the same page. Just a few weeks later my husband said he wanted to
talk to me and I’d never seen him look so serious. He started the
conversation with, “I can’t live like this anymore…
and confessed to having an affair for the past 18 months. Seriously, I
couldn’t breathe. This was certainly not the life I thought I had. And I
couldn’t believe that God could have allowed this, especially after I had
been on my face, seeking him the hardest I’d ever been. And after my
prayer. Clearly this was not the same page. That is what I thought anyway.
God obviously thinks differently. After I caught my breathe, literally, I
realized I had more compassion in my heart for my husband than I’d ever had
before. God was with us. He said he wanted nothing more than to spend the
rest of his life with me and our five girls. It was very difficult at
first, but we bought a copy of Moments Together for couples and started
reading it everyday. In February of last year, all on his own, my husband
came to me an d said he wanted to have his vasectomy reversed and have
another baby. That’s why this seems so hard. We prayed ALOT before we
choose that route, because we wanted to make sure it was of God. We had so
many confirmations that it was the right choice and its been almost a year.
I trust God with all of my heart, but every month we aren’t pregnant is so
hard. I know a big family isn’t for everyone and people actually, tell me I
should just be happy with the five I have, but when you know God puts a
desire in your heart, how do you ignore it?

Reply
1. Mandy

Wow, thank you for sharing your story. Praying for God’s perfect will
for your family!

43. Cathy

I went through similar struggles when I became pregnant with my 3rd child.
I felt inconvenienced and upset. I also felt guilty for my feelings. Now, 7
years later, I’ve come to learn that God is good and HIS provision is
abundant. My now 7-year-old is a huge blessing to my family. God still
gives me my dreams of a career. But, it’s according to HIS time table. God
is gracious.

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