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COLUMBIA BANS MARCHING BAND FROM 0-9 FOOTBALL TEAM'S FINALE BECAUSE THE BAND
MADE FUN OF THE TEAM



Jack Dickey|published: Thu Nov 17 2011 05:30


Aw, horseshit. The Ivy League fun police have lost their damn minds. Columbia's
banned its marching band from playing at the football team's final game this
weekend, because, after the last game, the band made fun of the team with new
lyrics to the school's fight song. Please.

Listen, I can tell you practically firsthand—I say "practically" because I'd
never dare attend a game—that there hasn't been a single fun thing about this
season of Columbia Lions football. Well, OK, maybe you consider an 83 percent
success rate on extra points "fun." I would lean toward sad, pathetic, or
poignant, perhaps. The team's 0-9. In the last game, they gave up 62 points to
Cornell. Before that, they lost 37-0 to Dartmouth, and 44-21 to Albany, among
other losses. This is a program that produced Marcellus Wiley, Jason Garrett,
and Sid Luckman! Sad days now.

The band, however, is fun. Here are its new lyrics to "Roar, Lion, Roar,"
deployed last week at Cornell:


We always lose lose lose by a lot and sometimes by a little we all were winners
at the start, but four years has taught us all the value of just giving up,
cause we really suck why are we even trying? we always lose lose lose but we
take solace in our booze.

Nothing wrong with those! All the team has done is lose, lose, lose. But
apparently one of the coaches confronted a drum major shortly thereafter, and
that was that. The Athletics Department says the band "embarrassed our
student-athletes, coaches, parents, and fans" (all, what, 15 of them?) and
therefore they can't play during the Brown game this weekend.

If it's any consolation, maybe the musicians can learn some dirges and play in
the parking lot after the game. Because 0-9 Columbia will lose to 7-2 Brown, and
coach Norries Wilson's career record at Columbia will fall to 16-44, and he'll
have to be axed, right? There's only so much the patricians can blame on the
crazy kids and their tubas.

Athletics bans marching band from football finale [Columbia Spectator]


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