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HOW TO BE A GOOD PERSON AND WHY IT MATTERS

Medically reviewed by April Justice
Updated December 9, 2023by BetterHelp Editorial Team


What makes a person a “good” person? Should we strive to be good—and if so, why?
If you asked twenty people what it means to be a good person, chances are you
would get twenty different answers. What individuals perceive to be good
character traits can vary depending on several factors. Religion, culture, and
family dynamics, for example, can all play a part in forming one's viewpoint on
a topic like this.

Note that human beings are complex and that sorting all people into the strict
binary of “good” or “bad” is generally not possible or particularly helpful.
Attempting to do so can even result in distorted thinking, which can sometimes
lead to mental health concerns like low self-esteem, anxiety, or depression.
Here, we’ll use being a “good” person as a general term that refers to behaving
in ways that are broadly considered to be considerate and kind, but it can be
helpful to keep in mind the deep nuances of a topic like morality.



Being A Good Person Does Matter
Work With A Trained Online Therapist




WHAT IS GOODNESS?

The word "good" is defined by Merriam-Webster as "virtuous, right and
commendable; kind and benevolent." Henry David Thoreau was quoted as saying,
"Goodness is the only investment that never fails."

Ultimately, though, “good” is a subjective term—but in general, it can very
broadly be defined as a person who acts in ways that are perceived to be morally
positive or upstanding.


A “good” person often has certain habits or characteristics that reflect their
efforts to be a considerate individual who avoids harming others. While, again,
these can vary from person to person and culture to culture, a few general
examples of these traits can include the following.


EMPATHY

The empathy definition in psychology is the ability to emotionally understand
another person's feelings by imagining yourself in their position. An empathetic
person tends to be able to express an understanding of how others feel and treat
them accordingly.


HONESTY

An individual who wants to be a good person might also strive to be honest with
themselves and others. Dishonesty can damage trust between two people and
potentially lead to distance or conflict within a relationship.


FAIRNESS

Someone who practices the principle of fairness might aim to be aware of their
biases and avoid letting those negatively affect others. This could manifest as
a belief in justice or equality, for example. 


RESPONSIBILITY

Responsibility or accountability for one’s actions is also considered by many to
be a sign of a good person. It usually involves an effort to make decisions that
aren’t harmful to others and to take ownership of them if they are.


WHY BEING A GOOD PERSON MATTERS

One’s motivation for being “good” can vary widely. Research suggests that
altruism—or the act of showing selfless concern for the well-being of others—is
a uniquely human trait, of which there are many examples. Biologically,
evolutionarily, or on some other level, many may feel generally driven to be
kind and not harmful—a trait which many people equate with being a good person. 

However, there are many other complex factors that go into how humans decide to
behave, and our actions can have effects in many areas of our lives. If you’re
in the process of deciding what values you want to live by, you might consider
some of these potential outcomes of who you may choose to be. 

Getty/10'000 Hours




EFFECTS ON YOUR CAREER AND OPPORTUNITIES

Your actions and behaviors help build your reputation which, among many other
factors, can help to create the opportunities you encounter in life. Behaving in
ways that are generally respectful of others may help others develop a positive
opinion of you. This could lead to benefits in your career and other
opportunities that may help you achieve what you’re looking for in life.


EFFECTS ON RELATIONSHIPS

The way we behave can also impact how others see us and relate to us, which can
affect our relationships overall. For instance, many people are looking for
friends and romantic partners who are “good” people in that they’re honest,
caring, respectful, etc. People who are looking for healthy, supportive
relationships often tend to seek out others who make them feel safe rather than
uneasy or disrespected.


FEELING A SENSE OF PURPOSE 

Deciding on a set of values that you want to live by and then sticking to them
as best you can may help give you a direction and a purpose in life. This may
even correlate with less loneliness and better overall health.


SEEKING SUPPORT RELATED TO BEING A GOOD PERSON

The idea of being a “good” person can affect a person’s mental health in a
variety of ways. For instance, a person might have trouble coping with mistakes
they’ve made in the past and how they may have affected those around them. Or,
they could hold themselves to an impossible standard of perfection, which could
lead to feelings of depression or anxiety. If you’re looking for support in
discovering your values or changing the way you relate to morality, a therapist
may be able to help.



Being A Good Person Does Matter
Work With A Trained Online Therapist



If you’re interested in therapy but prefer to receive this type of care from the
comfort of home, you might try online therapy. In one study published in World
Psychiatry, researchers examined the effectiveness of online therapy in treating
a wide range of mental health disorders. Their research indicates that online
therapy can be as effective as face-to-face counseling in many cases, which
reflects the similar findings of other studies as well. With a platform like
BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist who you can meet with
via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging. See below for client reviews of
BetterHelp counselors.


COUNSELOR REVIEWS

"Michal has been very supportive. Her techniques are very handy and have really
helped me switch my negative thoughts to positive ones. Looking forward to
learning more from her to become a better version of myself. Thank you Michal."



"Krysten has been an immense help in dealing with and confronting my anger and
depression issues. I started to notice immediate changes in my general
disposition within a week of working with her. My friends and family have even
said I seem less bitter and jaded. And the fact that I can communicate with her
frequently has done wonders in keeping me on track and progressing forward. My
time working with Krysten and being on BetterHelp has been a positive experience
and done much more for me than traditional in-office therapy ever did."




TAKEAWAY

Being a “good” person is a complex topic, since each individual may have a
different idea of what this looks like. In general, however, empathy,
consideration, and accountability are broadly associated with being a good
person across many cultures and belief systems. If you’re having trouble coping
with past actions you’re not proud of or are looking for balance in your
perspective of what a good person is, you might benefit from meeting with a
therapist—either in person or online.






Read More
Frequently asked questions
Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.


HOW CAN YOU BECOME A GOOD PERSON?

There isn’t a consistent definition of what makes a good person. Even rules that
seem constant and rigid, like “Good people don’t hurt others,” can become
flexible under the right conditions. For instance, most humans condemn murder
and believe it is morally wrong, yet there are often exceptions that allow for
taking a life in the case of self-defense or during war. 

Deciding what makes you a good person requires understanding your moral
identity. What do you believe to be morally right? When can the rules be bent or
broken? Do small actions, like holding the door open for someone, make you a
good person, or does it take a more substantial effort, like volunteering for
charity work?

Becoming a good person means understanding your moral code and improving
yourself until your actions consistently reflect your values. While that journey
is different for everybody, there are some common tips that may help you: 

 * Don’t make excuses. Becoming a good person is a personal responsibility, and
   no one can achieve your goal besides you. Be wary of pointing the finger at
   others; becoming a good person often means examining your mistakes and making
   peace with your shortcomings. 
 * Use honest and direct communication. Lies and deception are rarely seen as
   traits kind people possess. Learn to articulate your thoughts and feelings
   openly and honestly. 
 * Help others. Take time to assist others when you can; helping others through
   tough times will likely improve your reputation and self-perception. Good
   deeds and kindness are commonly considered a foundational part of being a
   good person. 
 * Become a good listener. Knowing how to listen actively can make it easier for
   you to understand and empathize with others. Empathy is commonly associated
   with goodness, and demonstrating empathy is likely an important skill to
   have. 
 * Always be respectful. Your words and actions should always demonstrate
   respect for the people around you and the environment that you’re in. Take
   time to learn how to control your negative emotions. You don’t have to agree
   with everything or appease everyone, but even when disagreeing, you should
   maintain a respectful tone and demeanor. 
   


WHAT IS THE POINT OF BEING A GOOD PERSON?

Philosophers have debated the reasons for being a good person for centuries.
Today, there are several philosophical and sociological arguments that justify
good behavior. One of the longest-running unsettled arguments is the
egoism/altruism debate. The egoism/altruism debate examines what motivates
humans to be good to each other.  

The altruism side of the argument asserts that humans have an intrinsic drive to
help others. The existence of an empathetic connection between humans supports
the altruism argument. For example, if a person comes across someone who is
injured, they are likely to try to assist them, probably because they empathize
with their position. In the altruism argument, empathy motivates good and
helpful behavior, allowing for self-sacrifice with no prospect of receiving a
reward. 

In contrast, the egoism argument suggests that people tend to be motivated to
help others for self-serving reasons. It may elevate their status in society,
make it more likely they can receive help from others, or put others in their
debt. Furthermore, some proponents of the egoist perspective assert that even
when someone helps another with no intention of a reward, the warm feeling of
satisfaction that commonly comes after helping someone else may serve as its own
reward. From an egoist perspective, helping behavior is inherently self-serving,
no matter whether an external reward is expected. 


HOW DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD PERSON?

Feeling like a good person is often related to self-improvement and
self-acceptance. You will likely feel good when your behaviors align with your
core values. No matter what your exact definition of a “good person” may be, if
your actions match your beliefs, you will likely feel like a good person. 

You may want to consider building your self-esteem and recognizing your
strengths. You likely have much to offer the world around you, and recognizing
your inherent goodness can help you feel better about yourself. Self-examination
may also be helpful. Taking time to analyze your understanding of what is
morally right may offer insight into how you can be a good person on your
terms. 


HOW CAN I BE A BETTER PERSON AND HAPPY?

Self-improvement is likely one of the most critical steps toward becoming
happier. People with good personalities who understand their place in the world
and surround themselves with a support network tend to be much happier than
those who do not reach those goals. Achieving those goals requires committing to
self-improvement and growth. It requires a willingness to examine your moral
identity and develop an understanding of how you conceptualize the difference
between good and bad.

Many people begin by identifying their strengths and improving their
self-esteem. You likely have strengths to offer, and utilizing your natural
strengths can make becoming a better person much easier. Early in your
self-improvement process, you should decide on reasonable goals that will
continually make you a better person. Goal-setting can be challenging; it is
important that you stay within your limits and grow into a better person at a
reasonable pace. 


HOW CAN I IMPROVE MYSELF EVERY DAY?

Committing to daily positive change is likely a worthwhile goal. Improving
yourself daily lets you take small steps towards a larger personal goal. Many
people find setting both long-term and short-term goals to be helpful. Long-term
goals should represent relatively large aspirations related to your
self-improvement, and short-term goals should represent steps you can take to
achieve your larger goals. 

Ensuring that your long-term and short-term goals are reasonably achievable is
important. Your goals shouldn’t take so little effort that you don’t have to
work to attain them, but they shouldn’t be so hard that you risk burnout trying
to accomplish them. Appropriately balancing your goals is likely to help you
stay on track and motivated as you incorporate daily self-improvement into your
life.  


HOW CAN I CHANGE MYSELF TO BE BETTER?

Bettering yourself requires time, effort, and dedication. When you set goals and
work toward them, you are physically changing the pathways in your brain, which
requires consistent effort and repetition. If you are trying to rid yourself of
bad habits or develop better ones, you may need to commit days, weeks, or months
to the process. That is why choosing achievable goals is so important; if you go
too long without reaching a goal, you may experience depleted willpower and
burnout. 

When deciding your goals and how you want to achieve them, it may be helpful to
study your successes. You likely have many strengths you can leverage on your
self-improvement journey, some of which you may not realize you have. Consider
paying close attention to the positive feedback you receive from others. 

Reflect on what strengths are apparent and how you can use those good qualities
to achieve your goals. If feedback from others in your life is sparse, consider
asking those around you for feedback directly. Don’t expect everything to be
positive; you should be prepared for some (hopefully constructive) criticism.
You can reflect on the criticism, too, especially if it conflicts with your
goals, but be sure to come back around to the positive. 


HOW DO I GET BETTER AT SOMETHING?

No matter what skill you are trying to develop, getting better at something
requires willpower and persistence. Self-improvement requires actions that
physically change your brain as your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors change.
Sticking to your goals is arguably the most challenging part of getting better
at something, especially at the beginning of the process. 

Here are some basic steps to help you remain committed to your self-improvement
journey: 

 1. Develop a growth mindset. A person with a growth mindset sees failure as a
    necessary part of success. You may want to work on accepting the trials and
    tribulations of personal growth. Doing so may make it easier to avoid
    burnout and stay committed to your goals. 
 2. Develop refined goals. Goals that are too broad (e.g., “I want to get
    better”) are difficult to achieve. It is important that your goals be
    attainable. Each time you achieve one of your goals, the reward center in
    your brain reinforces the behavior that got you there. Refined goals are
    balanced; they aren’t so easy that you don’t have to work to achieve them
    and aren’t so hard that you burn out trying to attain them. 
 3. Keep your focus. It is easy to get distracted from whatever improvement
    goals you have. Vices and bad habits are potential distractions, but so are
    the demands of daily life. Other people’s poor behavior can distract you as
    well. Consider learning to forgive people quickly, for your sake, instead of
    theirs.  Make sure you are reminding yourself of your goals and tracking
    your progress daily. 
 4. Maintain accountability. Monitoring your progress towards your goals lets
    you analyze how your journey is coming along. If there are areas where you
    are struggling to progress, take time to figure out where the challenges are
    and how you can overcome them. Take responsibility for your own progress;
    only you can make yourself a better person. 


HOW DO YOU KEEP GROWING IN LIFE?

Consistent personal growth requires dedication and commitment. As you become a
better person, you will need to identify new growth areas and goals to move
forward. It is likely prudent to engage in self-evaluation regularly. Take time
to learn yourself, understand your moral identity, and determine which goals you
should set next in your improvement journey. 

It may also be helpful to seek feedback from others. Friends, family, and
coworkers can all be valuable sources of insight into your strengths and
weaknesses. When seeking feedback from others, ask that they be open and honest
with you. This means that you will need to prepare yourself to receive negative
as well as positive feedback. Although criticism can be unpleasant - even if
it’s constructive - listening to negative feedback can help illustrate areas for
personal development, while positive improvement-oriented feedback is likely to
improve your performance overall.

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