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Discord Safety CenterPolicy HubSafety LibraryInternal Conflict Resolution
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June 3, 2022



INTERNAL CONFLICT RESOLUTION

In every group, eventually a conflict or dispute will arise which needs to be
resolved. Sometimes this can be a small issue, but a conflict can also escalate
to an argument which spirals out of control, and negatively impacts your team
and your community. In this article we will look at typical situations that can
occur that might lead to a conflict between members of your staff, how to
de-escalate situations and work on conflict resolution, and how you can handle
the demotion or removal of a moderator when no resolution can be reached. We
will also cover the best practices for giving and receiving feedback from other
members of the staff team.


CAUSES OF INTERNAL CONFLICTS

There can be many causes for conflicts between your moderators, some of which
occur more often than others. Some of these can easily be prevented, while
others might need a more intentful thought process to stop them from escalating
to a conflict.

Personality Clashes and Differences

The main reason for conflicts to arise is a difference in personalities amongst
your team. Everyone perceives, analyzes and responds differently to certain
situations. While this should be a learning opportunity for everyone involved,
it can lead to arguments when moderators can not get along. While emphasizing
there are different approaches to the same issue, you should teach moderators to
learn from each other instead of disagreements ending in a conflict. When a
moderator constantly disagrees with someone else, or ends up in a personal
argument, try taking them aside and let them know that they should be working on
their personal issues. You can help them as an objective observer - it can be
very valuable to let members of your team know that you understand their
individual perspectives and are working to balance them.

Try to avoid the “Halo/Horns effect” as much as possible. This is a type of
cognitive bias where your view of someone’s actions can influence how you think
and feel about that person in general, both positively as well as negatively.

Poor Communication

Misunderstandings between your moderators can lead to a conflict as well,
especially when there is a different understanding of how a situation should be
handled. Having transparent, consistent communication where everyone is on the
same page is very important in an online setting such as Discord. Text is often
perceived differently than talking over voice or even in person. Oftentimes a
language barrier can lead to misinterpreting a message as well. Try to prevent
misunderstandings from happening with clear communication and when
misunderstandings happen, step in where possible and explain how the situation
should be handled. Foster a culture where it is not only allowed but encouraged
to ask for clarification on someone’s statement if you have any doubts about
what their intent was.

Bullying and Harassment

Making jokes is beneficial for maintaining a healthy and welcoming environment
and even a way to deal with the tough situations moderators may face. However,
it is important to make sure that jokes don’t push the boundaries of what is
appropriate and lead to perceived bullying of server members behind closed
doors, or even other members of your own team.

What is perceived to be a harmless in-joke in context could out of context seem
like a malicious and unwarranted comment. When it is clear someone is not
comfortable with certain jokes or feels targeted, you need to step in and clear
the situation by telling moderators involved that you want a positive atmosphere
where everyone feels welcomed and comfortable while clearly identifying what
line was crossed so it does not happen again. That’s not to say that all close
knit groups trend towards exclusionary jokes, but it is something that can
happen without a team even being cognizant that it’s a problem. Hence why it’s
pertinent to keep inclusivity and good faith intent in mind with situations like
this.

Unfair Treatment

A main cause for conflicts is unfair treatment amongst members of your team.
This might be because there is a lack of equal opportunities, or because there
are unrealistic expectations. Make sure that everyone on your team is treated
equally as everyone deserves the same treatment, regardless of your personal
relationships. This also means you and other moderators should have reasonable
expectations of each other. Moderators often volunteer to help out in your
community, so don’t expect them to be available at all times; they might have
other responsibilities as well. Any mod team’s north star should be that “real
life comes first”, and to be lenient amongst themselves in the face of that.

Unclear Responsibilities

Sometimes it is not clear what responsibilities everyone has on the team. This
can lead to misunderstandings and eventually to conflicts. Make sure everyone on
the team receives adequate training and information on what different roles and
positions should be doing. You might want to divide different responsibilities
amongst members of your team or between different roles, such as moderators and
administrators. Be as transparent and clear as possible on what everyone should
be doing.

Competition

Sometimes moderators feel that they are competing against each other, especially
if there are statistics or promotions available. You should always be clear that
moderation is not about competition, it is about helping your community in the
best way possible. Not every moderator has the same time available to help, so
naturally there are going to be differences amongst your team. Moderation is not
about quantity but quality - if this negatively skewed competitive atmosphere is
a frequent issue, it may be worth looking at whether there are mechanisms within
your community that encourage competition conflicts that could be removed or
revised, such as quotas, public moderation statistics, or leaderboards.

Different Values and Standards

Moderators usually come from all over the world and might have different values.
Sometimes, these might result in a conflict. Remind your moderators that they
should always respect each other's values, regardless of their own opinion.
Moderators should be able to explain why they feel a certain way in order for
others to be more understanding of the situation. When someone has values that
do not align with the server’s moderation philosophy, you might need to remove
them from your team.

Unresolved Underlying Issues

It is not always possible to immediately see a reason for a conflict, this might
be due to unresolved underlying issues. It is very hard to know these without
having a conversation with everyone involved. There can be many more causes for
a dispute to arise, but it is always important to find the underlying issue
which causes a conflict, only then are you able to resolve it.




PREVENTING INTERNAL CONFLICTS

To minimize and prevent conflicts from happening, try as best as you can to get
a comprehensive view of why and how conflicts occur in your server. It is very
important to develop interpersonal relationships with all of your moderators and
value their contributions to the server. Encourage moderators to take initiative
in projects they are enthusiastic about, especially in collaboration with other
moderators. Just as moderators set a positive example in your community, you as
the leader of your moderation team should set a positive example within your
team.



When you propose major changes to the server, listen to your team’s viewpoints
before deploying and explain why a decision was made. Good communication is very
important within a team, not only to prevent conflicts, but also to keep all
moderators on the same page. All moderators should feel involved and informed
when you are making major changes.

You can give your moderators regular feedback on how they are doing and what
they can improve. Make sure moderators always feel welcome to provide feedback
constructively and positively to each other and that they can always contact you
or someone in charge in case a conflict does arise.

Try to discourage gossip within your team, both internal and external. When
moderators start to talk about each other behind their backs, it becomes
personal and can distort the relationship your moderators have and how they see
themselves within the server. Instead, encourage moderators to form friendships
with each other by organizing social events for your staff. During those events,
you can learn about the different personalities in your team.

Last, but not least; you shouldn’t lash out over mistakes.Give feedback where it
is appropriate and move on. Be quick to forgive and forget. You should always
prevent belittling your moderators while also creating a culture of
de-escalating situations in private.

‍

‍


RESOLVING AN INTERNAL CONFLICT

There are many ways to resolve conflict internally and most of these will depend
on what the cause is for the conflict. A good way of resolving conflicts is
using the Thomas-Kilmann model. It should be stated that conflicts are not
necessarily bad and shouldn’t be avoided at all costs. When you are working in a
team, it is important to be able to challenge the status quo and question each
other, to keep everyone on the aligned and up to date.

In the Thomas-Kilmann model, there are two dimensions when you are choosing a
course of action: assertiveness and cooperativeness. Assertiveness is the degree
to which you try to satisfy your own needs where cooperativeness is the degree
to which you try and satisfy the other person's concerns.

Based on these dimensions, there are five ways to handle a conflict:



 * Avoiding: Ignoring the conflict
 * Accommodating: Satisfying the other person’s concerns at your own expense
 * Compromising: Finding an acceptable compromise that partially satisfies
   everyone
 * Competing: Satisfying your own concerns at the expense of others
 * Collaborating: Finding a solution which satisfies the concerns of everyone





All these different ways to handle a conflict are your intention to solve them:
Sometimes situations occur differently than you expect at first. Don’t jump to
conclusions when you are dealing with a conflict, as the reasons for conflicts
are often more complex than they first appear.  Everyone tends to resolve
conflicts in a certain way, so try to balance them so you don’t end up
overwhelmed or overwhelm others.

The first step is to identify the cause for the conflict. You might already know
this based on previously sent messages, but sometimes you need to contact
everyone involved separately and in private to determine the cause of the
conflict. It is your responsibility to determine how to handle a situation.
While collaborating together to resolve a conflict might look the most
appealing, this will not always be possible. Try not to completely avoid a
conflict: if you feel uneasy dealing with conflicts or don’t want to give
moderators feedback, you might not want to be in a leading position.

If you need to resolve a conflict, choose a neutral place to work it out. This
might be a separate server or a private group. None of the people involved in
the conflict should have power over the others, so you or someone else should
act as an objective observer. If the conflict is between other moderators, you
should offer guidance, but don’t offer solutions: ultimately it is up to others
to resolve their conflicts, you are not taking sides.

Remember that not all conflicts require consequences. Most conflicts are sparked
by the passion of your moderators who are simply in disagreement on how to deal
with situations. Try to turn a conflict into a learning opportunity for everyone
involved. Let them explain how they view the situation and how they would have
handled it or behaved differently. Afterwards, you should be able to identify
specific disagreements that you can solve. Listen to everyone involved and give
everyone an equal opportunity to express themselves. Remind everyone to stay
respectful at all times, even if they disagree with each other.


‍

‍


GIVING AND RECEIVING FEEDBACK

As said before, you should discourage gossip within your team and encourage each
other to give constructive feedback. It is important that everyone knows how to
give and receive feedback to prevent a conflict from happening in future
situations.

Giving Feedback

When you notice a moderator that displays behavior or takes action that can be
improved, you should give them feedback on how to improve this in the future.
Don’t rush in giving your feedback, everyone needs time to process. When a
situation becomes heated, it will not be the best time to give feedback.
Remember to always give feedback in private!

If you are in doubt as to whether or not you should give feedback, see if you
can recognize a pattern in their behavior or actions. Everyone makes mistakes
and that is perfectly fine as mistakes serve as a learning opportunity and you
should only give them feedback if it becomes a pattern. Additionally, it’s
recommended that you ask for consent to give feedback. While this may seem a
little counterintuitive to helping the moderator improve or change, blindsiding
someone when they’re not ready can result in backlash rather than progress.

When you do decide to give someone feedback, don’t focus on the person who made
a mistake: focus on their behavior or action instead.By making feedback personal
and equating it to an issue with the individual rather than their choices, you
can come off as argumentative and unconstructive and biased. Never exaggerate
their behavior, be sure that you are clear and specific . When you make
generalized or vague comments about someone, they will not be able to improve
their behavior. Feedback should be actionable- there should be a suggestion or a
change that the individual can work on as a result of the feedback. Otherwise
it’s just airing your grievances, which is unproductive for all parties
involved.

The next time you see someone doing something good when you have given them
feedback in the past, give them a compliment! Positive, specific feedback is
especially effective in encouraging repeating said good actions. Giving each
other positive feedback is just as important as giving each other constructive
or corrective feedback.

Remember to always treat others as you would like to be treated yourself. It is
proven that negative feedback is given mostly when people are experiencing
negative emotions like hunger, anger, loneliness, and tiredness. This negative
feedback method is referred to as the HALT-mode, and it is important to try to
avoid situations where you are giving feedback when you find yourself in one of
these states.

Receiving Feedback

When someone is giving you feedback, it is very important to listen to what they
have to say. Don’t jump to conclusions, react defensively, or disagree
immediately. Take a moment to summarize the feedback as you understand it to
make sure you have understood their feedback correctly.

You should always thank someone for giving them feedback, even if you disagree.
It has to be clear you are welcoming feedback to improve. If you do not thank
them, they might not give you valuable feedback in the future.

Ideally feedback is very clear and specific, in which case you can end the
conversation by thanking them for their feedback and reflect back what you are
going to do with the feedback in the future. Other times it might not be
understandable to you and as a result, it is unclear what you should do
differently in the future. In this case you should ask questions to understand
their feedback better. To have a better understanding of what they want to
achieve with their feedback, it is a good idea to ask the other person how they
would have handled the situation or how they would have behaved. After this you
should thank them and reflect back on what you are going to do with their
feedback.

It is okay to let someone know why you disagree with their feedback, but
remember to stay respectful at all times and explain clearly why you disagree.
Everyone should feel heard, even if you are not acting on their feedback.




HANDLING DEMOTIONS

There are many reasons why you might want to remove a moderator from your team,
including internal conflicts you are unable to resolve. Removing or demoting a
moderator is not easy to do, but can be a necessary evil. Removing someone from
your team should be in the best interest of your community or team and can often
be in the best interest of that person as well. Be sure to give someone an
opportunity to learn from their mistakes before removing them. Give a warning
first and have a conversation in private with them, following the principles of
giving and receiving feedback outlined above.

While it is not easy to deliver bad news, here are some tips to keep in mind
when you do want to remove someone from your team.

Don’t delay the conversation

Once you have made the decision to remove someone from your team, don’t hesitate
and wait for the conversation to take place. When someone is causing more issues
than they are solving, they will need to be removed sooner than later, but make
sure that someone has had enough opportunities to fix their mistakes and resolve
their issues. Please make sure you have this conversation in private, for
example in direct messages or a voice call.

Keep it short and clear

When you are talking to someone you are removing, it is important to keep your
message short and clear. Tell them they are being removed from the team, why you
have made this decision, and when this will take effect. Be transparent in what
reasons you have for removing them, but do not go into too much detail with
specific examples. This may result in a conversation where you are arguing about
these examples rather than informing them of their removal.  You’re aiming for
polite dismissal, not a lambasting of their character.

Stick to your decision

Despite your message being short, clear, and transparent, you might still
receive counter arguments as to why they should not be removed and to give them
another chance. It is important they can express themselves, but it should be
clear at all times that the decision to remove them has already been made and is
not up for debate. Always listen carefully to what someone has to say and
appreciate their feedback, but unless someone has substantial evidence a mistake
was made, repeat your decision and make it clear that your decision is final.

Be helpful and compassionate

Even though you are delivering bad news, you should take a supportive approach
in the conversation. Remember that while it might be difficult for you to
deliver bad news, it most definitely is difficult to be on the receiving end.
Show empathy for them and especially when they have done a good job in the past.


In some cases, the moderator you’re removing may wish to receive feedback on
what they can improve - giving this feedback in a constructive fashion is
important, and will help them to avoid future problems. This feedback should
include reflecting on the positive contributions they made to the team, helping
them understand what the causes of conflict might have been while they were on
your team, or simply trying to give them something positive to take forward and
work on as a result of your conversation. This conversation shouldn’t reflect a
reversal of your decision, but can be a useful point of reference if they want
to join other servers or work on improving their skills down the line, or
perhaps even re-apply to join the team in the future.

Inform your team

When someone has been removed from your team, make sure to inform the team of
this decision. It is up to you whether or not you want to share the reason for
their removal, but refrain from sharing details as these are confidential,
especially when these could be potentially harmful to someone. You also want to
prevent anyone, including yourself, from talking bad about them, as this sets a
wrong precedent for your team. As with your decision, you should be
straightforward and clear to your team, an example of this could be: “Today we
have decided to remove Sarah from our team. I will not go into too much detail
why this decision was made, but we believe it is the best decision for the
community and the entire team.”

In case someone was removed because of misbehavior, you might want to include
that in the message, as this gives the team assurance you are not removing
someone because of a personal conflict, and it shows a strong message about how
you want moderators to conduct themselves.




WRAPPING UP

In every group, eventually a conflict or dispute will arise which needs to be
resolved. There are common causes, such as personality clashes and differences,
poor communication, unclear responsibilities, and harassment. To minimize and
prevent conflicts from happening, try and understand as much as possible why
conflicts occur in your server. It is very important to develop interpersonal
relationships with all of your moderators and value their contributions to the
server. Try to discourage gossip within your team. When moderators start to talk
about each other behind their backs, it becomes personal and can distort the
relationship your moderators have and how they see themselves within the server.

You can resolve conflicts using the Thomas-Kilmann model. It is important to
know conflicts are not necessarily bad and shouldn’t be avoided at all costs.
When you are working in a team, it is important to be able to challenge the
status quo and question each other, to keep everyone on the same page and sharp.

When you want to give feedback to someone, talk to them in private and be clear
and specific. Prevent giving feedback when you feel hungry, angry, lonely, or
tired. Focus on their behavior or action instead and never exaggerate their
behavior. Oppositely, when someone is giving you feedback, it is very important
to listen to what they have to say and to avoid jumping to conclusions, reacting
defensively, or disagreeing immediately. Take a moment to summarize the feedback
to make sure you have understood their feedback correctly.

Sometimes you need to remove someone from your staff team. Don’t delay this
conversation, keep it short and clear, and stick to your decision. When the
conversation is taking place, be helpful and compassionate and do not forget to
inform your team as well, but make it clear that certain things remain private
for the safety and privacy of those involved.

Keeping all of those points in mind when managing a team environment will be
integral to maintaining a healthy atmosphere full of various viewpoints that are
united in the shared desire to keep your community safe.












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