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Skip to content Browse Courses Learning Options Resource Center About Us For Trainers For Individuals ⚲ Contact Us Communication Performance Leadership On-Demand Virtual In-Person Speeches Blog Assessments Webinars Industries Books Why Crucial Learning Press Careers Trainer Zone Certification Continuing Education ⚲ Browse Courses Communication Performance Leadership Learning Options On-Demand Virtual In-Person Speeches Resource Center Blog Assessments Webinars Industries Books About Us Why Crucial Press Careers For Trainers Trainer Zone Certification CEUs For Individuals Contact Us CRUCIAL SKILLS® A BLOG BY CRUCIAL LEARNING CRUCIAL INFLUENCE HELPING YOUR CHILD MANAGE DIABETES: A KEY TO BEHAVIOR CHANGE by Joseph GrennyJune 12, 2024June 10, 2024 Dear Crucial Skills, My 14-year-old daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes last year and we are always fighting in the home about her sugar levels and eating habits. She screams and shouts and blames us for everything. I try to be firm and not give in to her tantrums, but my husband is disgusted with her and speaks ill of her. I want her to see a therapist, he says she’s a lost cause. This breaks my heart. What can I do? Signed, Diabetic Drama Dear Diabetic Drama, My daughter was diagnosed with type one diabetes at age twelve. Much of your story brings back many feelings. I sympathize with your daughter, who is navigating an age when we’re all desperate to feel normal while dealing with a health issue that could make her feel abnormal. Some feel betrayed by their bodies when they get a startling diagnosis like this. Layer on top of that the conflict in your family and I’m sure it’s a tough time for her. I’m sure it’s a tough time for you as well. I’m sorry that the division between you and your husband is adding to your stress. I knew little about the disease when my daughter was diagnosed, and I felt terrified of the unknown. I got incredible relief from learning that just a couple of good habits would promise her a healthy life. But it turned out that convincing me and influencing her were two different problems. For the first year she would frequently lie about her blood sugar, skip testing, and avoid adjusting her insulin when she was around friends. As a result, I panicked. Things got better when I started to realize this was not a Crucial Conversations problem, but a Crucial Influence problem. The Crucial Influence framework reminded me that she didn’t just have motivation problems, she had ability problems we well. I grew more sympathetic and less impatient with her as I considered the host of personal, social, and structural barriers she faced. An even bigger breakthrough came as Crucial Influence principles informed how I influenced her. For example, I realized that my attempts to motivate her were all forms of “verbal persuasion.” I’d remind her what her endocrinologist had said. I’d show her statistics about potential consequences of noncompliance. I reasoned, pleaded, and criticized. And nothing helped. I got a hopeful idea when I read what I had written previously about intrinsic motivation in the book: When you want to motivate the unmotivated, nothing beats direct experience. People don’t feel the way they do about certain behaviors because of the behaviors themselves. We don’t like or dislike doing something because of the task itself. How we frame it determines how we feel about it. Some people love cleaning house because they frame it as a way to achieve order or beauty. Others see it as a chore and loathe it. The task is the same; the frame is different. If you want people to feel differently about something, you must help them frame differently. And nothing shifts a frame like a direct experience—immersion in a reality that helps you connect your choices with their human consequences. I invited my daughter on a Friday date after school. I let her choose a special place she wanted to have a treat, where I prepared her for what came next. Our stop would be an adult endocrinologist clinic where we would have a chance to visit with people who were years down the road with her disease. She was nervous but agreed it would be a good idea. The visit changed her mental calculation about day-to-day decisions profoundly. She felt differently about testing her blood sugar because she had spoken with real people whose lives helped her see her decisions differently. One patient whose kidneys were failing and required weekly dialysis explained that easy testing was not available when she was first diagnosed. That one-hour experience changed how my daughter felt because it helped her to frame her decisions as protecting her kidneys, not obeying her parents. Your husband may feel differently about your daughter’s struggles if he has an opportunity to attend a diabetes clinic to talk with those who share what it’s like for a teen to adjust to the disease. Your daughter may feel differently if she has a tangible experience with the longer-term consequences of today’s decisions. And I hope you’re able to achieve better feelings in your home as you come to frame each other’s struggles in more sympathetic and effective ways. Warmly, Joseph SHARE THIS: * Facebook * X * LinkedIn * Reddit * Email * You can learn more insights and skills like this in Crucial Influence -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Leave a Comment Submit a Question Want advice from our authors and experts? Send us your questions! Ask Now Newsletter Take advantage of our free, award-winning newsletter—delivered straight to your inbox. Subscribe Recommended Blog Posts -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Helping Your Child Manage Diabetes: A Key to Behavior Change Read Response -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When Leaders Won’t Respond to Your Emails Read Response -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- JOSEPH GRENNY AUTHOR AND COFOUNDER “If I haven’t challenged you, I haven’t helped you.” Joseph Grenny is a New York Times bestselling author, keynote speaker, and leading social scientist for business performance. His work has been translated into twenty-eight languages, is available in thirty-six countries, and has generated results for more than half of the Forbes Global 2000. Invite Joseph to speak at your next event. LEAVE A REPLYCANCEL REPLY DISCOVER THE POWER OF CRUCIAL SKILLS Enroll in one of our FREE miniseries and learn a few skills to improve your work and life. Crucial Conversations Miniseries Learn skills to disagree better and dialogue more in this video series with Emily Gregory. Explore Getting Things Done Miniseries Feeling frenzied? Join Justin Hale and go from distracted to focused in four short lessons. Learn More Crucial Influence Miniseries Join author and thought leader Joseph Grenny in this series about leadership and the power of influence. Check It Out SHARE THIS: * Facebook * X * LinkedIn * Reddit * Email * 1-801-765-9600 1-800-449-5989 Explore Browse Courses For Individuals Resource Center Help Center Certification About Contact Us Blog Press Careers Terms & Policies Sitemap