advice.theshineapp.com Open in urlscan Pro
2a05:d014:275:cb01::c8  Public Scan

Form analysis
0 forms found in the DOM

Text Content

This website stores cookies on your computer. These cookies are used to improve
your website experience and provide more personalized services to you, both on
this website and through other media. To find out more about the cookies we use,
see our Privacy Policy.

We won't track your information when you visit our site. But in order to comply
with your preferences, we'll have to use just one tiny cookie so that you're not
asked to make this choice again. By clicking Accept you consent to our use of
cookies.

Accept Decline
About
Advice
Podcasts
Shine at Work
Get Started
 * About
 * Advice
   * CARE
   * CHILL
   * GROW
   * HUSTLE
   * PLAY
   * WORK
 * Podcasts
 * Shine at Work
 * Get Started

care chill grow hustle play work


13 THINGS THAT DON'T DETERMINE YOUR SELF-WORTH

Stephanie Jade Wong

Aug 5, 2021



”Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.” -
Unknown



For years, I’ve wondered about my worth.

It all started after I watched the movie The Joy Luck Club. In one scene, the
mother tells her daughter a story about worth. The mother explains, “My mother
not know her worth until too late; too late for her, but not for me. Now, we
will see if not too late for you, hmm?”

The movie made me think: How do I know my worth, and how do I know it before
it’s too late?


DO YOU KNOW YOUR WORTH?

Self-worth is how you value yourself. It’s not based on what others think of you
or the things you have (or haven’t) accomplished—it comes from within. But it’s
easy to forget that our worth isn’t determined by outside forces.

In an article for Psychology Today, Amy Morin, L.C.S.W., a psychotherapist,
explains that we constantly measure our worth, but we’re often not aware of how
we do it. Sometimes it's by our careers, our appearance, other times by our
relationship—she compares this method to measuring our height with a random
stick.

> We constantly measure our worth, but we’re often not aware of how we do it.

“When it comes to measuring self-worth, many people use something just as
unreliable as a random stick,” Morin writes. “You may not even consciously think
about what type of stick you use to measure your self-worth. But it's likely
that, deep down, you know. After all, when you feel like you're measuring up,
you feel good about yourself. But when you feel as though you've fallen short,
your self-esteem likely plummets.”

So often, the “stick” we’re using to measure our worth exists outside our
control. We measure our worth based on the X’s on our to-do list, the number of
matches on a dating app, the likes on our latest Instagram post, the promotions
we receive—the list goes on and on. We tend to notice how our sense of
self-worth affects us (aka those “I’m not good enough” feelings), but we rarely
stop and think about how we’re doing our calculations.

> We notice how our sense of self-worth affects us, but we rarely stop and think
> about how we're doing our calculations.

How we measure our worth affects the kind of life we live, according to Morin.
And when we let other people and things determine our worth? It sets us up for a
rollercoaster of emotions. That's why the best “measuring stick” we can use is
one that we control.

“Use a measuring stick based on factors you can control—not the external events
in your life,” Morin says. “When you know who you are—and you're pleased with
the person you've become—you'll experience a sense of peace through life's
inevitable ups and downs. You'll believe in yourself regardless of whether
you've been fired, gone through a divorce, or failed to get a promotion.”

> "When you know who you are—and you're pleased with the person you've
> become—you'll experience a sense of peace through life's inevitable ups and
> downs."
> - Amy Morin

I’ve learned this lesson the hard way. I’m a people pleaser, and I let that
determine my worth for the longest time. I always felt like I had to prove
myself as worthy of everyone for everything. I did things that made others
happier than it made me. I did this so often that I lost track of what I valued.

Thankfully, I recently realized that this "measuring stick" set me up for
disappointment. I decided that what made me happy mattered more than pleasing
others. I’m still a work in progress, but I now try to measure my self-worth
based on my own sense of self rather than how other people perceive me. It’s a
tactic Morin suggests, too.

“Instead of chasing things that temporarily boost your self-esteem, measure your
self-worth by who you are at your core,” she writes.

When you need a reminder to detach yourself from other self-worth “measuring
sticks,” here are 13 things that don’t determine your value in this world.


13 THINGS THAT DON’T DETERMINE YOUR SELF-WORTH


1. YOUR TO-DO LIST

Crossing off items on your to-do list is a satisfying feeling, but you can’t let
the number of things you crossed off your list (or the number of things you
don’t) control your worth.

“While it's normal to feel proud of your accomplishments, basing your entire
self-worth on your achievement is like building a house on an unsteady
foundation,” Morin writes. “You'll need to experience constant success to feel
good about yourself—and that means you'll likely avoid doing things where you
could fail.”


2. YOUR JOB

No matter the type of job you have or how much you love (or hate) it, your job
doesn’t define who you are as a person.


3. YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA FOLLOWING

So what if you don’t have a million Insta followers or Twitter retweets? In this
digital world, it can feel like that number determines your value, but you’re
more complex than what anyone can see on a screen.


4. YOUR AGE

Speaking of numbers, your age is just a number. Some people may say you’re too
young or too old, but that’s just who you are at the moment, so just be.


5. YOUR APPEARANCE

If you want to change the way you look, do it for you. But know that your
physical appearance shouldn’t define how worthy you are. “A beautiful body or a
handsome face won't last forever,” Morin writes. “Hair loss, wrinkles, and a
middle-age spread can feel catastrophic for someone whose self-worth depends on
their physical appearance.”


6. OTHER PEOPLE

I’m guilty of comparing myself to others who have the same job title as me and
others my age. But I’ve learned I have to manifest in my own lane—and so should
you.

> Manifest in your own lane.

You do you. Let them do them. Sometimes others may pass you on this road called
life and that’s OK. We’re all traveling at different speeds.


7. HOW FAR YOU CAN RUN

Ever tell yourself you’ll run a mile and then beat yourself up when you weren’t
able to? It happens, but know that your worth comes from trying at all, not how
quickly you crush a goal.


8. YOUR GRADES

Maybe tests freak you out or school is just really difficult. Your grades don’t
determine your intelligence, and they don’t measure things like your dedication
and integrity.


9. THE NUMBER OF FRIENDS YOU HAVE

The more friends the merrier? Sometimes. But whether you have a ton of friends
or just a couple, what matters is how you treat one another and if you can turn
to them in times of need.


10. YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS

Single schmingle. It doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of love or of being loved—it
means you’re doing you and focusing on loving yourself.


11. THE MONEY (OR LACK THEREOF) IN THE BANK

Whether you’re a billionaire or don’t have much in your wallet, the amount of
money you have or are making doesn’t define your worth. “Going deep into debt to
create a façade of wealth backfires in the end because while goods and services
have monetary value, they don't reflect your value as a human being,” Morin
writes.


12. YOUR LIKES

I’m not talking about Facebook likes, but your personal likes, such as your
taste in music or movies. Like what you like, whether it may be considered “high
art” or “low art.”


13. ANYTHING OR ANYONE BUT YOURSELF

Bottom line: Your worth is entirely up to you. You are worthy because you say
you're worthy and because you believe it. Look within, and trust that you are
enough.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Read more: Read This If You Ever Find Yourself Doubting Your Worth

Shine is supported by members like you. When you buy through links on our site,
we may earn an affiliate commission. See our affiliate disclosure for more info.


Stephanie Jade Wong

Stephanie Jade Wong is a former Shine intern. The Brooklyn-based writer hoards
beauty products to review for her blog. When the Bay Area native isn’t blogging,
she’ll leave notes for strangers all over NYC. She’s fascinated by bodega cats,
and will probably smile at your dog before she smiles at you. If you can’t find
her, she’s probably in a yoga or barre class thinking about what she’s going to
eat after.
Start your self-care ritual today
Listen to daily meditations and discuss how you’re practicing self-care with a
supportive community.
Download now
About Shine at Work Podcasts Get Advice FAQ Contact Privacy Policy Terms of
Service