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* about the experiment…
* Where am I again?

emoting fullness

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EPIC FAIL

June 23, 2012

Epic – dramatic, all consuming, sweeping
Fail – miss the mark, let down, loss

Yep, I’ve epically failed my experiment. Why? Because I forgot about it. No
legitimate excuse, no dramatic tale of “my dog at my computer”. Just didn’t do
it. Funny, right? A little. I started journalling again; which has been
refreshing, but not much of it would I want to share – and believe me you
wouldn’t want me to! But here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to amend my
experiment terms. I think I mentally “blocked” it because 5 times a week wasn’t
really achievable for me. I overestimated my enthusiasm. I’m going to say 2
times a week will be my goal. That still gives me a good two months of writing.
And maybe even more thoughtful content too. What do you think? Well, that’s what
I’m going to do. So, here goes the adjustment.

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Posted by Jules in The Experiment Tags: Fail

SUNDAY AFTERNOONS

June 3, 2012

What is it about Sunday afternoons? They beg for slower paces, a calm, a quiet,
a literal pause in the craziness of life. Alas, as the afternoon wanes into
evening, reality and every day cares seem to creep up, seep into the periphery.
The worries and stresses seem to start in the pit of my stomach, almost
poisoning the rest of the day. (And yes, I know this all sounds overly dramatic,
forgive me. ). So here I am, taking a deep breath (writing and NOT stress
eating, I might add ) watching “The ’60s“, trying to ponder things that are
bigger than myself. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a somewhat fluffy (“Are you
crying?” “I think it’s just teargas.” “I thought it was love.”), but moving
account of two families during the tumultuous decade of the 1960’s (with an
AWESOME soundtrack). And yep, I’ve seen it more than once. There’s something
about it that gives me hope. Maybe it’s because (SPOILER ALERT) everything
turns out all right in the end, or the fact that the characters conquer
everything from the Kennedy assassination, Vietnam War protests, Haight Ashbury
memories, to tracking down Bob Dylan in Greenwich Village. Makes me feel like I
can conquer the world or something (all within 3 hours). Onward!

Well, back to the show…they are about to petition for McCarthy-ism!

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Posted by Jules in Uncategorized Tags: ramblings, tv

POKING AND PRODDING AND STILL SMILING :)

May 30, 2012

This afternoon I did something I haven’t done in too long. I gave blood. I’ve
never given blood in a small town, let alone in an American Legion Post. When
I’ve given blood in the past I’ve always received a number, a cookie and juice
on my way out the door. This time it was a little painful, time consuming, and
so fulfilling. I can attribute my surprisingly positive experience to three
main things (besides the fascinating photo/flag displays of a Veteran club.

1. small town friendliness
2. volunteer escorts and conversationalists
3. homemade beef stew, cornbread, and cheesecake! (okay, that’s 3 in 1…)

There’s something to be said for people who give kindness, time, and
encouragement. It many ways I would venture to say that these donations rank
right up there with red blood cells. I felt like my contribution and time were
unique and priceless. And the food…smelled so good! I even think that in
anticipation of the scrumptious “required 15 minute meal” my blood “donated”
faster than the past. Is it creepy if I said that I enjoyed donating my blood
today? Well, if it is, I don’t care. Well done, Erie Kansas Red Cross
Volunteers! See you in 112 days at your next donation day.

This experience made me think more about not just what I do, but how I do it.
The how really means something.

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CHOPPED!

May 29, 2012

Tonight I found a really great secondary option to stress eating…take it out on
fresh veggies! I found this great idea for freezer cooking on Pinterest. There
were six recipes you could put together from one shopping list. I went nuts at
Walmart today…and bought way more meat in one day than I ever have in my life.
And veggies. Peppers, onions, squash, celery, potatoes. Lots of each. And
tonight, when I started to get a little stressed and started craving those
cookies I went straight for the knife and cutting board. There was something
about being able to attack those veggies with a vengeance. I isolated myself in
the kitchen, jammed to some music and let my thoughts spill out with each slice
of the blade. Two hours later I have 6 meals prepared, safely in the freezer,
ready for the crock pot on a moment’s notice. Man! I feel so accomplished, so
prepared, resourceful…and the best part? I don’t want to late-night snack over
the stresses of tomorrow. Not even a little bit. I’m just basking in a job
well done and have some great looking future meals to prove it. I may be on to
something here. And now I’m exhausted.

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Posted by Jules in The Experiment, Uncategorized Tags: food, freezer

CONFESSION TIME

May 27, 2012

Man, I’ve been avoiding this. <sigh> But I have to confess. I caved. On
Friday I snarled at my computer all the while emotionally scarfing down
chocolate chip cookies. I’d like to blame this unfortunate slip on family drama
and the prospect of a long car ride involving said drama and all the while
trying to plastering a smile on my face. But, alas, I can’t blame anyone or
anything other than myself. Needless to say I avoided my computer and this blog
for two days. What is the draw, I wonder? Seriously, there’s this gallon
ziplock bag in the fridge, chuck full of homemade chocolate chip cookies (my
aunt lovingly prepares them each week for Grandma) and it was calling my name.
It was like I was in a trance. I was out side of my mind…and underestimated my
foe. Before I knew it I was covered in crumbs, and 3 cookies were missing from
the bag. Ugh.

Phew. Glad that’s over. Confession is truly good for the soul. I’m thankful
to have it done. I’m thankful for a turn around today. And the courage to
write tonight.

Jules

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Posted by Jules in Uncategorized Tags: confession, cookies, honesty

CAN I RELY ON THE WEAKNESS?

May 24, 2012

I’m watching a rerun of NCIS. I generally like this show, they almost always
catch the bad guys, the dialog is catchy, the relationships (although a little
cheesy) are written in a genuine light. But this episode is striking a new
cord. There’s this little 7 year old girl who has escaped her captor’s grip and
now she’s helping Special Agent Gibbs find her kidnapped mother. A child
heroine is abnormal for this show. But even more abnormal…the little girl is
blind. Has been since she was born. But what’s more amazing is that this
little girl is also a piano prodigy. She can hear and identify every frequency.
Her hearing abilities were integral in saving her mom (which JUST happened, by
the way!). She could hear the birds chirping outside the railroad car where she
was held hostage.

And this got me thinking. How are we using the hidden gifts we have? I say
hidden, because I mainly only think of my abilities that are highly visible.
The knee jerks. The everyday strengths. It’s often been said that when one of
our most used senses is removed, we have to rely on the others to make up the
difference. What if we chose to not rely on our strengths? Would we be able to
honestly rely on the weaker abilities? Would it work? Would it make the
weaknesses stronger? Would those weaknesses turn into gifts we could rely on?
Would they not only “show up” but become our ace in the hole? I wonder. God
is very clear that He offers us His strength.

1 CORINTHIANS 4:10

The Message (MSG)

9-13It seems to me that God has put us who bear his Message on stage in a
theater in which no one wants to buy a ticket. We’re something everyone stands
around and stares at, like an accident in the street. We’re the Messiah’s
misfits. You might be sure of yourselves, but we live in the midst of frailties
and uncertainties. You might be well-thought-of by others, but we’re mostly
kicked around. Much of the time we don’t have enough to eat, we wear patched and
threadbare clothes, we get doors slammed in our faces, and we pick up odd jobs
anywhere we can to eke out a living. When they call us names, we say, “God bless
you.” When they spread rumors about us, we put in a good word for them. We’re
treated like garbage, potato peelings from the culture’s kitchen. And it’s not
getting any better.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%204:10&version=MSG

This was such a sweet reminder. Placing my faith in my own strength (or
weakness) is something I keep falling back on. Placing my faith in the REAL
STRENGTH will bring real change.

Hmmm…

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Posted by Jules in Uncategorized Tags: 1 Corinthians 4:10, honesty, strength,
truth, weakness

BEFORE YOU READ THIS…I APOLOGIZE

May 23, 2012

Okay, I know it’s only day 3 for this experiment, but this post is going to
basically just be an example of going through the motions. I’m irritated,
frustrated, hanging from my last bit of rope with my patience. Some students I
mentored in New York came up with a descriptive nickname this time of the month.
The gals and I started calling it “Shark Week”. I sure feel like a
fire-breathing, man-eating shark right now. UGH! So, I don’t have much to say
(or type) rich now because I might just chuck my beautiful laptop across the
room.

Actually, I really wish I did have something to write about right now. I’d
probably be a really great ranter. I did make a big mistake today…I went to
Walmart. That was probably what set me off. Too many slow moving people. Too
many screaming kids. Not enough air conditioning. Not enough lanes open. All
of this is surprising since I’m in a very rural part of the world…why did
everyone and their sister decide to go to the one major grocery store in the
area TODAY?! Didn’t they know that it’s Shark Week and I’m ready to roll!?

Well. That’s 15 minutes for me. Better luck tomorrow.

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Posted by Jules in The Experiment Tags: experiment, honesty, venting

CLARIFICATIONS AND A LITTLE BLOGGER’S REMORSE

May 22, 2012

A few years ago I bought a computer. It was a Dell Inspiron with 386 Mbps hard
drive (or something equally as small…but that was big back then!). It didn’t
come with a wifi card, so I had to by one of those USB plugin deals. And I had
to purchase Microsoft Word separately. But I couldn’t pass it up! It was only
$400! I mean, come on! That was a great deal for a laptop 7 years ago, right?
I just had to have it. Right then. No matter what. So, what do you think I
did? I charged it to my lovely little plastic card and brought it home the same
day. It wasn’t until later (by later I mean the next day) that I realized what
a mistake I had made in my impulsiveness. I could have gotten a better computer
with wifi and Microsoft Word included for the same price if I had just waited
and done a little homework. The epitome of buyer’s remorse.

Today I was feeling a little blogger’s remorse. Same general feeling of second
guessing, deep gut aches, stress eating as buyer’s remorse. Only this time it
was filled with “what the heck am I thinking sharing this with the internet
world??”. I’ve thought seriously hard about deleting this blog about 10 times
today…just forgetting it ever existed. But then I spoke with a good friend who
encouraged me to stick with it, to ignore the fears and scary thoughts, to be
brave and continue. So, here we go…day 2 (thanks Linda!).

I want this experiment to be successful. For that to happen, some
clarifications need to happen, I believe. One is that it needs a time limit.
So, I’ll add that now. 3 months. As I mentioned in my first post, the study
from Psychological Science Journal lasted 3 months. So, that’s how long I’ll
try this out. Sounds simple enough. August 21, 2012 will bring this initial
experiment. I also need to add a desired result in order to determine the
success/failure of the experiment. Let’s say I will lose at least 5 pounds in 3
months. The study’s average was 3.4, but I’ll be writing way more than just
once, so I’m hopeful it will encourage less stress eating :). For clarity’s
sake, here are my experimental parameters:

-write for 15 minutes a day (about something personally important)

-5 times a week

-ending August 21, 2012 (3 month duration)

-desired result: loss of 5 pounds (which I’ll assume is from less emotional
eating and more emotional writing)

Make sense? Phew, I hope so. This feels more real to me now. Maybe even more
doable. If you have any thoughts, please let me know.

Onward…

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Posted by Jules in The Experiment Tags: blogger's remorse, clarification,
experiment, honesty, parameters, perimeters

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HELLO WORLD :)

May 21, 2012

TERRIBLE pic, but you get the idea…

I’ve been told that in your first post it’s good blogging etiquette to introduce
yourself. Let’s get that one out of the way, shall we? My name is Julie, I’m
33 years old and I’m single. I’m a faithful (not perfect!) follower of Jesus.
He is my Rock and my Salvation (want to know more? Just ask). I’ve been
working with a non-profit Christian organization for 8 years. A couple months
ago I moved from the vibrant, beautiful city of New York to the fascinating (and
bizarre) world of rural Southeast Kansas. Yep. I have the privilege of living
with my aging (but still sharp and loving!) Grandmother. I find it an honor to
love and serve her in this way, and she keeps me around for the heavy
lifting…and I can be pretty amusing at times. This major life transition is
really the spark behind this blog. And here’s why…(deep breath inserted here)
I’m overweight.

And I’d like to try an experiment…

Weight loss (or lack of it) hasn’t always been a problem for me. In fact, most
of my young adult life I was at a healthy weight, I was active and fit. I
played soccer from 6 years old until my junior year of college. I lettered in
both track and soccer in high school (sprinter and sweeper respectively). I
loved being active and I never really worried about my weight. I don’t think I
was even really aware of my body at that point. It wasn’t until a severe car
accident when I was 21 that resulted in a seriously staph infection and 7 knee
surgeries (including 2 total knee replacements, among other things) that I
stopped being active.

That’s when things get interesting. Growing up I could eat anything (and did,
most of the time!). I love all things chocolate, diet sodas (preferably Coke
Zero), coffee (lots!!), anything Italian…and bread. Oh. Man. I’m a bread
junkie. If it smells buttery, yeasty, a little sweet and warm it mine as well
be calling my name. So…what do you think happens when you eat a lot but aren’t
active? The current, much larger “me”. “Thanks, Captain Obvious.” Saying this
isn’t really the purpose for this blog. What I’d like to chat about is
something I’ve discovered about myself that is less obvious. I’m a
stress-eater; anger-eater; sad-eater; freaked out-eater; lonely-eater;
depressed-eater…summed up I’m an emotional-eater. Yep, it took me 33 years to
figure that out. Do I know why I turn to food for comfort? (like, why couldn’t
I have been born an emotional-exerciser?!) Nope. And to be perfectly honest,
I’m a little freaked out even thinking about diving into that one. But I know I
have a problem. A problem that I believe can be solved. So…like I mentioned
earlier, I’d like to try an experiment.

This week I read this:

“Jotting down thoughts on something you really care about…can make you happier –
and slimmer…a study in the journal Psychological Science reveals that when women
who were dissatisfied with their weight completed a one-time writing exercise of
scribbling about an important personal issue for 15 minutes, they went on to
lose 3.4 pounds over about three months” — Whole Living Magazine (June 2012)

So, I’m trying this out…on you. The parameters I’m putting on this experiment
are that I will write about a something 5 times a week for at least 15 minutes.
Not sure what those will be, but I will strive to focus on topics that are
personally important. Can you think of anything else that would be helpful to
add to this experiment?

This is an important personal issue for me. I want to understand myself more.
I want to understand why I do the things I do. And, as scary as it is, I want
to dive deep and (with God’s guidance, because let’s face it, I don’t want to
venture into the deep without Him) uncover the reasons why I look to food for
comfort. And, if you find yourself asking similar questions, I invite you to
join me. It’s always good to know that we’re not at it alone.

And…if I’m honest, by blogging about it, I have accountability to help me
continue. So, thanks

Honestly,

Jules

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Posted by Jules in The Experiment Tags: experiment, healthy-living, honesty,
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