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96points


1.6K

Parenting, Relationships3 days ago


PARENTS WON’T LET THEIR DAUGHTER SLEEP LONG ENOUGH AFTER NIGHT SHIFTS, ARE
SURPRISED WHEN SHE FINALLY YELLS AT THEM


Rokas Laurinavičius and
Denis Tymulis



We all have the same 24 hours in the day. Only the way we arrange and use them
can be totally different.



Last week, Reddit user Better Arachnid submitted their personal story to the
subreddit “Am I the A***ole?“, asking its members to help her figure out if
she’s causing her family unnecessary trouble.

You see, the woman lives with her parents and works nights. However, they still
want her to live according to their schedule and spend time together, insisting
that their daughter has to adapt to the household.

But Better Arachnid isn’t willing to compromise her sleep and prioritizes it
over enjoying the mornings together.

Unable to find common ground, the woman and her parents started fighting over
her daily routine and eventually the situation got a little out of hand. Now,
she is torn. On one hand, she needs sleep to function but on the other, she
isn’t sure if she’s handling the conflict right.


THIS 24-YEAR-OLD IS WORKING NIGHTS TO SUPPORT HERSELF BUT HER PARENTS—WHO SHE IS
STILL LIVING WITH—AREN’T SUPPORTING HER



Image credits: Liza Summe (not the actual photo)


THEY WANT THEIR DAUGHTER TO FUNCTION JUST ON A FEW HOURS OF SLEEP SO THE FAMILY
COULD SPEND TIME TOGETHER








Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)





There’s a common belief that people like Better Arachnid who continue to live
with their family entering adulthood are spoiled and too lazy to take care of
themselves.

And you can understand why someone might think that. After all, a record share
of young adults moved in with their parents during the coronavirus pandemic. The
figure reached 52% in July 2020, soon after millions relocated due to lockdowns.

But “the higher prevalence of living with parents among those 18-24 at the end
of 2020 was almost entirely university students living in their parents’ homes,
and not young adults in the labor force,” Daniel McCue, a researcher at the
Harvard Joint Center for Housing Studies, noted.

As restrictions eased, the numbers went down to pre-pandemic levels. According
to data from October 2021, 46.5% of young adults now live with their parents.


THE WOMAN THEN ASKED PEOPLE TO JUDGE WHO WAS IN THE WRONG, AND EVERYONE
UNANIMOUSLY SAID SHE’S NTA – NOT THE A***OLE















Jeffrey Arnett, a senior research scholar at the Department of Psychology, Clark
University, has been studying 18-to-29-year-olds, an age group he calls emerging
adults, for over 30 years now.

Arnett describes their in-between status as no longer adolescents, but not yet
fully adult. “Although 52% [was] the highest percentage in over a century, this
number has, in fact, been rising steadily since hitting a low of 29% in 1960,”
the scholar wrote in The Conversation. “The main reason for the rise is that
more and more young people continued their education into their 20s as the
economy shifted from manufacturing to information and technology. When they’re
enrolled in school, most don’t make enough money to live independently.”



Before 1900, it was typical for young people in the US to live at home until
they married in their mid-20s, and there was nothing shameful about it. “They
usually started working by their early teens – it was rare then for kids to get
even a high school education – and their families relied upon the extra income,”
Arnett explained. “Virginity for young women was highly prized, so it was moving
out before marriage that was scandalous, not staying home where they could be
shielded from young men.”

“In most of the world today, it is still typical for emerging adults to stay
home until at least their late 20s. In countries where collectivism is more
highly valued than individualism – in places as diverse as Italy, Japan, and
Mexico – parents mostly prefer to have their emerging adults stay home until
marriage. In fact, even after marriage, it remains a common cultural tradition
for a young man to bring his wife into his parents’ household rather than move
out.”

In today’s individualistic U.S., however, most people expect kids to hit the
road by age 18 or 19 so they can learn to be independent and self-sufficient.
But can you label someone who works nights to support themselves as lazy? Even
if you disapprove of their choice, sabotaging their well-being isn’t the way to
communicate that.






















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96points
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Rokas Laurinavičius

Rokas Laurinavičius
Writer, BoredPanda staff

Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a
sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering
everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography.
Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 235 million people have read the posts
he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

Read more »

Denis Tymulis

Denis Tymulis
Author, BoredPanda staff

Denis is a photo editor at Bored Panda. After getting his bachelor's degree in
Multimedia and Computer Design, he tried to succeed in digital design,
advertising, and branding.
Also, Denis really enjoys sports and loves everything related to board sports
and water.

Read more »

Show All Contributors
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Share your thoughts

POST


Steve
Steve
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
3 days ago

Do these people not understand the concept of someone working overnight and
needing to sleep in the day?


40
40points

reply
-
-
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
3 days ago

They act incredibly self-centred. They could have compromised, such as getting
up early for breakfast with their child, having supper with them, etc. They're
also setting a bad example for the younger brother to follow.


19
19points

reply
Load More Replies...
Zero
Zero
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
3 days ago

You'd be amazed at how many people don't really understand the night shift
schedule. I worked it myself for a couple of years and had other friends who did
longer stints, and it's impossible to not know somebody who doesn't get it. Even
with pencil & paper.


4
4points

reply
Suzi Q
Suzi Q
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
2 days ago

My husband did night shift nursing. He was living in a sober house at the time.
The other residents accused him of relapsing because he was "sleeping so much."
Thing is, he was clean off meth. If he relapsed, he would be WIDE AWAKE. He
moved back in with me so he could get sleep. He's been clean for over 5yrs.


4
4points

reply
Tina Hugh
Tina Hugh
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
2 days ago

Congrats to you and hubby!


0
0points

reply
Cassie
Cassie
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
2 days ago

These people don't understand the concept of respect.


1
1point

reply
LagoonaBlueColleen
LagoonaBlueColleen
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
3 days ago

My mom was like this with my night working ex. He worked 12 hour nights and she
expected him to be up during the day to spend time with our daughter and help
out with housework, and just be available all the time. I had tried to reason
with her and tell her he needs his sleep so he's not driving around all night
sleep deprived. She took it as "making excuses for his laziness". She's also a
big narcissist who only sees things her way, refusing to compromise for anyone.
So, she'd make plans and expect him to be present. Of course he wouldn't and
she'd spend the entire time bitching about how he "doesn't care about us." These
parents remind me of my mom. Doesn't sound like they'll ever change their
perspective. She needs to move out.


20
20points

reply
-
-
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
3 days ago

On Reddit, they said that there is a housing crisis in their state. They'd have
to move to another state, which would mean finding a new job. That might not be
easy early in one's career. On the other hand, if the parents are pissed off at
not seeing their child mid-day, wait till they don't see them except a few times
a year!


12
12points

reply
Load More Replies...
LagoonaBlueColleen
LagoonaBlueColleen
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
3 days ago

It's likely they have a problem with someone sleeping during the day in the
house, while everyone else is awake. They may not even like the fact she works
nights, purposely trying to get her to give in and quit her job. No matter their
reasons, it's manipulative and controlling, and highly toxic. I wonder if she
knows of another place to live, like with other family or friends.


7
7points

reply
Bobbi McGough Robert
Bobbi McGough Robert
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
2 days ago

Or every few years!


0
0points

reply
Ramona Jackson
Ramona Jackson
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
1 day ago

"She's a narcissist" is all you needed to say. 'nuff said.


0
0points

reply
Tina Hugh
Tina Hugh
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
2 days ago

This comment has been deleted.


0
0points

reply
Ghosts
Ghosts
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
3 days ago

Like someone said in the thread, start calling them whist at work, like 4am.


18
18points

reply

Load More Comments

POST


Steve
Steve
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
3 days ago

Do these people not understand the concept of someone working overnight and
needing to sleep in the day?


40
40points

reply
-
-
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
3 days ago

They act incredibly self-centred. They could have compromised, such as getting
up early for breakfast with their child, having supper with them, etc. They're
also setting a bad example for the younger brother to follow.


19
19points

reply
Load More Replies...
Zero
Zero
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
3 days ago

You'd be amazed at how many people don't really understand the night shift
schedule. I worked it myself for a couple of years and had other friends who did
longer stints, and it's impossible to not know somebody who doesn't get it. Even
with pencil & paper.


4
4points

reply
Suzi Q
Suzi Q
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
2 days ago

My husband did night shift nursing. He was living in a sober house at the time.
The other residents accused him of relapsing because he was "sleeping so much."
Thing is, he was clean off meth. If he relapsed, he would be WIDE AWAKE. He
moved back in with me so he could get sleep. He's been clean for over 5yrs.


4
4points

reply
Tina Hugh
Tina Hugh
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
2 days ago

Congrats to you and hubby!


0
0points

reply
Cassie
Cassie
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
2 days ago

These people don't understand the concept of respect.


1
1point

reply
LagoonaBlueColleen
LagoonaBlueColleen
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
3 days ago

My mom was like this with my night working ex. He worked 12 hour nights and she
expected him to be up during the day to spend time with our daughter and help
out with housework, and just be available all the time. I had tried to reason
with her and tell her he needs his sleep so he's not driving around all night
sleep deprived. She took it as "making excuses for his laziness". She's also a
big narcissist who only sees things her way, refusing to compromise for anyone.
So, she'd make plans and expect him to be present. Of course he wouldn't and
she'd spend the entire time bitching about how he "doesn't care about us." These
parents remind me of my mom. Doesn't sound like they'll ever change their
perspective. She needs to move out.


20
20points

reply
-
-
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
3 days ago

On Reddit, they said that there is a housing crisis in their state. They'd have
to move to another state, which would mean finding a new job. That might not be
easy early in one's career. On the other hand, if the parents are pissed off at
not seeing their child mid-day, wait till they don't see them except a few times
a year!


12
12points

reply
Load More Replies...
LagoonaBlueColleen
LagoonaBlueColleen
Community Member • points
posts
comments
upvotes
FollowUnfollow
3 days ago

It's likely they have a problem with someone sleeping during the day in the
house, while everyone else is awake. They may not even like the fact she works
nights, purposely trying to get her to give in and quit her job. No matter their
reasons, it's manipulative and controlling, and highly toxic. I wonder if she
knows of another place to live, like with other family or friends.


7
7points

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Bobbi McGough Robert
Bobbi McGough Robert
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2 days ago

Or every few years!


0
0points

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Ramona Jackson
Ramona Jackson
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1 day ago

"She's a narcissist" is all you needed to say. 'nuff said.


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Tina Hugh
Tina Hugh
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2 days ago

This comment has been deleted.


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Ghosts
Ghosts
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3 days ago

Like someone said in the thread, start calling them whist at work, like 4am.


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