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Angry Fish Tank Guy
Posted at: 2013-06-10 13:08:26 | 24207 comments | Add Comment

Original ad:
55 gallon tank great condition.no scratches. comes with filter. $125.
484-***-****. CALL ME ONLY - NO EMAILS. 484-***-****

From Me to Felix *********:

Hey,

That fish tank is beautiful. I must have it! Is it still for sale?

Mike

From Felix ********* to Me:

CALL THE NUMBER

From Me to Felix *********:

What number?

From Felix ********* to Me:

484-***-****

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called that number and nobody answered.

From Felix ********* to Me:

i never heard it ring. call again and leave a message if no answer.

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called again. Nobody picked up so I went to leave you a message, but it
said your voicemail was full.

From Felix ********* to Me:

my voicemail isnt full the phone never rang. are you calling the right number?
484-***-****

From Me to Felix *********:

I just called the number again and I got a fax machine noise. Is there a trick
to dialing your number?

From Felix ********* to Me:

what trick??? its a phone number you just dial it!

From Me to Felix *********:

Are you sure you didn't give me the number to a fax machine? Would you rather
communicate through fax? That would actually be easier for me.

From Felix ********* to Me:

NO!

From Me to Felix *********:

I wasn't sure what to do, so I sent you a fax. Did you get it?

From Felix ********* to Me:

DONT SEND ME A FAX

From Felix ********* to Me:

STOP SENDING ME FAXES

From Felix ********* to Me:

SERIOUSLY STOP TRYOING TO SEND FAX! IT WONT WORK BECAUSE ITS A CELL PHONE!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

Can't you just set your cell phone to fax machine mode?

From Felix ********* to Me:

what the hell is fax machine mode? cell phones dont have that!

From Felix ********* to Me:

OMG dude ENOUGH WITH THE FAXES!!!!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

Sorry, I set the fax machine to try sending the fax every fifteen minutes until
it goes through. It was the office fax machine and I already left for the
weekend. Can this wait until Monday?

From Felix ********* to Me:

NO IT CANT WAIT UNTIL MONDAY ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

From Felix ********* to Me:

GO BACK TO YOUR OFFICE AND CANCEL IT RIGHT NOW

From Me to Felix *********:

My apologies, I can't go back. I'm at the airport and my flight to Vancouver
leaves in an hour and a half. I'll cancel the fax on Monday when I get back.

From Felix ********* to Me:

HEY! NO! FUCK THAT YOU BETTER FIND A WAY AND CANCEL THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW!!!! CALL
SOMEBODY AT THE OFFICE MAKE THEM DO IT I'M FUCKING SERIOUS

From Me to Felix *********:

Nobody is at the office, it is 6:30! Actually, you know what? The janitor might
be there. We are pretty good friends. Do you want me to contact him?

From Felix ********* to Me:

YES

From Me to Felix *********:

Okay, I gave him your info. He's going to call you shortly. I'm on the plane now
and they are making us turn our cell phones off for takeoff. Good luck!

From Felix ********* to Me:

DONT HAVE HIM CALL ME YOU IDIOT JUST HAVE HIM CANCEL THE FAX

From Me to Felix *********:

This is an automated out-of-office reply from Mike Partlow:

I will be out of the office on vacation in Canada until Monday, June 10th. I
will not be checking my emails until I return. Have a great weekend, eh?

From Felix ********* to Me:

GOD DAMMIT

From Me to Felix *********:

This is an automated out-of-office reply from Mike Partlow:

I will be out of the office on vacation in Canada until Monday, June 10th. I
will not be checking my emails until I return. Have a great weekend, eh?

===================================

I made another email account as Dave the Janitor...

===================================

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Hi there! Is this Felix? Mike told me to contact you about buying a fish tank.
I'm Dave, the janitor at Mike's office. I tried calling the number he gave me
but it sounded like a fax machine or something, so I am emailing you instead.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

yeah hi dave here's the situation. mike has no idea how phones work and tried to
send a fax to my phone using the fax machine at his office. now my phone is
getting a call from the fax machine every 15 minutes. he said you can cancel the
fax?

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Mike didn't mention anything about a fax machine to me. He told me to buy a fish
tank from you and he'd get it from me on Monday.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

oh jesus christ...no... he was supposed to tell you to cancel the fax that keeps
calling my phone. are you at his office? can you stop the fax?

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

So you aren't selling the fish tank?

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

look forget the fish tank just stop the fax machine, PLEASE!!

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Why are you so worried about this fax machine? Can't you just turn your cell
phone to fax mode?

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

that isnt a thing! look im done screwing around here. just stop the fax machine,
ok?

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Tell you what, I'll cancel the fax machine if you drop the price on the fish
tank to $75.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

look im in no mood to haggle with a janitor over a fucking fish tank.

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Excuse me? "with a janitor?" What is that supposed to mean? What if I had a
fancy rich person job as an investment banker? Would you haggle with me then? I
don't like your condescending tone, buddy. I know being a janitor isn't the most
desirable job, but I gotta put food on the table for my kids somehow! Sorry I'm
not an astronaut with a degree in brain surgery! You're in no mood to argue with
a janitor? Well guess what? I am in no mood to turn off fax machines for a rude,
snobby, patronizing fish tank owner!

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

i didnt mean to insult you. i like janitors. im sorry! can you please just turn
off the fax machine!

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Fine. But I am telling Mike what you said to me and I don't think he will want
to buy a fish tank from you after that. Are you this rude to your fish? Oh I'm
Felix! Sorry, I'm in no mood to feed a goldfish! Maybe if you were a $500
Blueface Angel fish I would feed you.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

......are you done?

From Dave the Janitor to Felix *********:

Yes, I stopped the fax. Sorry it took me so long to figure out how to cancel it.
I'm just a janitor. What do I know about fax machines? I don't have a fancy
degree in fax machine engineering.

From Felix ********* to Dave the Janitor:

yeah yeah.... thats enough. thanks bye


===================================

A few days later, from my original email account...

===================================

From Me to Felix *********:

Felix,

I just got back from Canada to find out you were belittling my janitor? Dave is
one of the best janitors I have ever had the pleasure of working with, so you
better watch your mouth. You think you are better than him or something? Big
words coming from a guy who doesn't even own a fax machine. You can forget about
me buying your fish tank!

Mike

From Felix ********* to Me:

good because im not selling anything to a stupid FUCK who cant even figure out
how to dial a phone number!!!!!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

Please, stop harassing me and Dave. You've done enough. Leave us alone.

From Felix ********* to Me:

oh im harassing YOU? the dumbass who sets a fax to send me every 15 minutes and
then LEAVES THE FUCKING COUNTRY? you know how many times that fax machine called
me you stupid piece of shit you have the nerve to say IM harassing YOU? go fuck
yourself you fucking fuckhead!!!!!!

From Me to Felix *********:

This is an automated out-of-office reply from Mike Partlow:

Hola! I will be on vacation in Mexico until Monday, June 17th and will not be
checking my email until I return. Adios, amigos!


24207 comments | Add Comment
Stubborn Shovel Seller
Posted at: 2012-08-29 06:27:13 | 4893 comments | Add Comment

Original ad:
Pole hedge trimmer for sale - Homelite electric hedge trimmer. Great condition.
$50 OBO. Email me at russ*******@gmail.com.




From Me to Russ *******:

Hey Russ,

That's a really nice shovel you have in the picture. Is it for sale?

Mike

From Russ ******* to Me:

Sorry guy. Only selling the hedge trimmer.

From Me to Russ *******:

I'll give you $10 for the shovel.

From Russ ******* to Me:

Cant you read? The shovel isnt for sale.

From Me to Russ *******:

You drive a hard bargain on the shovel. I'll give you $15 for it, and that is my
final offer.

From Russ ******* to Me:

Here is my final offer: shut the hell up and leave me alone!

========================================================

Later, from another email account...

========================================================

From Me to Russ *******:

Hey I'm emailing you about the shovel. Your asking price of $10 sounds fair to
me. And with the free extention cord, that is a steal. I'll take it!

From Russ ******* to Me:

What are you on about? The shovel isn't for sale.

From Me to Russ *******:

Excuse me? That's not what your ad says.

From Russ ******* to Me:

My ad says nothing about the shovel. I'm selling the hedge trimmer, not the
shovel. Look again. Nowhere is a shovel mentioned.

From Me to Russ *******:

Quit dicking me around. This ad says you are selling the shovel!



I can assure you I am not Jewish so you can stop pretending you aren't selling
the shovel.

From Russ ******* to Me:

Oh my god...I swear I didnt put that up. Somebody is messing with me!

From Russ ******* to Me:

Can you send me the link to that ad so I can have them take it down?

From Me to Russ *******:

Sorry, I can't find the link anymore. My wife needed to use the computer so I
had to delete my browsing history because I was looking at porn earlier. It was
somewhere in the stuff for sale section, if I'm not mistaken...so does this mean
I can't buy your shovel?

========================================================

From another email account...

========================================================

From Me to Russ *******:

Dear Anti-Semite douchebag,

I got a bone to pick with you. I came across your ad in my search for a new
shovel and it seemed like a great deal. Until I read your disgusting comment
about not selling the shovel to Jewish people. How the hell do you think that is
acceptable in this day and age? What does it matter what religion someone is for
you to sell them a shovel? This is absolutely despicable and an outrage to the
Jewish community. You make me sick.

Sincerely NOT buying your shovel of hatred,

Mordecai Goldstein

From Russ ******* to Me:

I don't have a problem with jews at all! Someone else put that ad up to mess
with me and I cant find where it is! Can you send me the link to the ad please??

From Me to Russ *******:

Why don't you shovel your Nazi bullshit to someone else? This "Jew" isn't buying
it!

========================================================

He finally decided to email my original account:

========================================================

From Russ ******* to Me:

Look you little prick I know you put that fucking ad up and you need to take it
the fuck down RIGHT NOW. I'm not selling the fucking shovel GET OVER IT and quit
being immature you son of a bitch.

From Me to Russ *******:

I'm sorry, I thought I was doing you a favor. I wanted you to see how many great
offers you could get if you decided to sell the shovel.

From Russ ******* to Me:

I'M NOT SELLING THE FUCKING SHOVEL LET IT GO! Tell me this asshole if you were
doing a favor then why did you put that shit about the jews in there???

From Me to Russ *******:

I detected some strong anti-Semitic undertones in our initial conversation...I
just assumed you were an anti-Semite. My apologies.

From Russ ******* to Me:

TAKE THE AD DOWN

========================================================

I emailed him one last time, from another account.

========================================================

From Me to Russ *******:

Good afternoon!

I saw your ad for the shovel for sale. I'm more interested in the axe you have
in that picture. Are you selling the axe? I'll give you $20 cash for it.

- Dave

4893 comments | Add Comment
Glorious Master Translator
Posted at: 2012-04-23 17:29:34 | 2860 comments | Add Comment

Original ad:
I need someone who speaks japanese to help me translate something. wont take too
long. please email me ASAP!


From Me to ************@***********.org:

Hi! You need Japanese translate? I Chan, I help you with translate.

- Chan

From Scott ******* to Me:

hey chan. so ok heres the deal. my cd player suddenly stopped working and i cant
figure out why. for some reason the only manual i have is entirely in japanese.
i took a pic of the page im pretty sure its the trouble shooting part. can you
see if it says anything about no sound coming from the output?



From Me to Scott *******:

Ok, I find three thing may help you:

"Failure of Sound from Device"
"Skipping of disc for poor sound"
"Sound volume low very much"

- Chan

From Scott ******* to Me:

umm..what does it say for the failure of sound one?

From Me to Scott *******:

"Hello and thank you for chose glorious master CD player! Apologies many for
trouble of product. To fix failure of the sound, follow step:

1. Unplug glorious master CD player
2. Plug glorious master CD player back in"

I hope this help!

- Chan

From Scott ******* to Me:

that doesnt help me at all. is that all it says?

From Me to Scott *******:

Oh no! Very sorry. There more steps to help you! Here:

"If still experience failure of the sound, your glorious master CD player
possessed by audio demon. To banish audio demon, follow step:

1. Ignite seven candle
2. Pray to Benzaiten, Goddess of Music
3. Benzaiten will banish audio demon to eternal suffering
4. Try play CD again

If you fail banishing of audio demon, you failure. Much dishonor of family name.
Suggest immediate death by Seppuku."

I hope you banish audio demon! Much luck.

- Chan

From Scott ******* to Me:

wtf? does it really say that?

From Me to Scott *******:

I just translate what you give.

From Scott ******* to Me:

no way it says that. what kind of useless manual is this? how is that supposed
to help anyone?

From Me to Scott *******:

Very sorry, audio demon big problem with many CD player! I have sword, much
sharp, good for seppuku. You want borrow?

From Scott ******* to Me:

wtf are you talking about. an audio demon? this is BS. are you screwing with me?

From Scott ******* to Me:

did i send the wrong page? i think this is the table of contents. can you look
at this and tell me which page is the troubleshooting one? then ill send you
that one



From Me to Scott *******:

That no table of content, that Sushi take-out menu! Try #16, Spicy Salmon Roll!
Much delicious!

From Scott ******* to Me:

..........ok buddy. thanks for nothing you jackass




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later, from another email account


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



From Me to *********@*********.org:

Hey there,

I saw your ad and think I can help you. I majored in Japanese in college, speak
it fluently, and lived in Miyazaki for two years.

Mike

From Scott ******* to Me:

thanks so much mike. i was talking to someone else for help, but idk what his
problem was. dude kept sending me all this BS. anyway my cd player isnt working
and the manual is only in japanese so i need help reading the troubleshooting
part. i think the attached picture is the table of contents, could you see if it
says what page the troubleshooting part is on and then ill send you that?



From Me to Scott *******:

You sent me a sushi take-out menu. Are you sure you have the right documents?

From Scott ******* to Me:

wtf!!! i dont know what is going on! it has a picture of the cd player on the
front and then this is the next page. why would they put a sushi menu in there?

From Me to Scott *******:

Japanese instruction manuals are not like the American manuals you are used to.
They often include advertisements, and I guess in this case, a sushi menu.
Looking at it closer, it says "Thank you for purchasing this glorious master CD
player. Why not order sushi while you enjoy music?"

Mike

From Scott ******* to Me:

well that is dumb...whatever. i think this page is the troubleshooting part
because of the tables. am i right? do you see anything about there not being any
sound?



From Me to Scott *******:

Yes, this is the right page. It says to unplug it and plug it back in.

Mike

From Scott ******* to Me:

yea i did that. nothing. is that it?

From Me to Scott *******:

Well, you're not gonna want to hear this, but it says your CD player is
possessed by Amanojaku, or "audio demon." You should light three candles and
pray to Benzaiten, the god of music.

Mike

From Me to Scott *******:

Scott? Were you able to banish the audio demon?


2860 comments | Add Comment
Lost
Posted at: 2012-01-24 00:00:00 | 1283 comments | Add Comment

Original ad:
36" RCA tube TV for sale. good condition. pickup only. very heavy. first with
$50 gets it. no phone- email only.


From Me to ************@*********.org:

Hey there,

I want your TV. I have $50 cash and can pick it up anytime. What is your number?
I'll call you for directions.

Mike

From Steve ***** to Me:

hi mike. i live at 54 ********* dr. can you get it today? i dont have a phone so
just show up and knock on my door. ill be home all day sound good?

From Me to Steve *****:

Sounds good. I'll be over in a few hours.

Thanks,

Mike

From Me to Steve *****:

Hey, I'm on Pughtown Rd right now but I am having trouble finding your house.
Can you help me out? I pulled over on Wilson Rd and I'll wait for your
instructions.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

i dont live on pughtown. i live on ******** dr. if you turn rite onto pughtown,
then rite on bethel rd from pughtown it will take you there.

From Me to Steve *****:

Okay, I turned onto Pughtown again but I don't see Bethel Rd. I crossed over a
river and now it says I am coming up on Route 113. Am I going the right
direction?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

no. i said make a rite on pughtown. you made a left. turn around and go the
other way. your not even close so you have a way to go.

From Me to Steve *****:

Uh...I turned around and I'm still not seeing Bethel. It looks like I'm at
Pughtown and Rt. 100. Should I go down that?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

NO! you drove passed bethel dude IT INTERSECTS WITH PUGHTOWN. turn around and it
will be on your LEFT

From Me to Steve *****:

I already turned onto Rt. 100 because you took too long to respond. It is kind
of hard to turn around on this road. Doesn't 100 intersect with 113? I'm just
going to do that and then loop around back to Pughtown Rd.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

no dont do that!! you will be on 100 for like 15 miles before that happens! just
turn around and get back on pughtown this should be easy

From Me to Steve *****:

This would be much easier if I could just call you. What is your phone number?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

i already told you i dont have a phone. how is this so confusing to you? where
are you now?

From Me to Steve *****:

I think I'm on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. It says the next exit is King of
Prussia in 15 miles. Should I get off at that exit?

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

dude why the FUCK would you get on the turnpike? didnt you notice something was
wrong WHEN YOU HAD TO GO THRU A FUCKING TOLL???? jesus man you are hopeless!

From Me to Steve *****:

Calm down. No need for profanities. I saw the toll and realized something was
wrong, but there wasn't anywhere for me to turn around so I just went through
it. I accidentally went through the EZ-PASS thing instead of the regular toll
and I think it took a picture of my license plate. Should I get off at the King
of Prussia exit? I just passed a billboard for Geico insurance, if that helps.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

i cant help you. you are beyond lost. next time get a fucking GPS if you are
this bad with directons

From Me to Steve *****:

Well, I hope you are happy. I just got pulled over for texting while driving,
and going 103 in a 65. The cop is running my information right now.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

how the fuck is that my fault!?

From Me to Steve *****:

Apparently my registration and insurance are expired, so they are towing my car.
Also, they said there is a bench warrant out for my arrest for not paying some
speeding ticket I got last year. They are taking me to a police station in
Norristown. The cop said I should be processed in a few hours. Would you be able
to bail me out? Bring the TV, too. They are taking my phone now so I won't be
able to talk to you after this.

Sent via Blackberry

From Steve ***** to Me:

are you fucking with me? im sorry dude but you are a fucking idiot and im done
dealing withyou



==============================
EPILOGUE - SEVERAL DAYS LATER
==============================

From Me to Steve *****:

Hey, it is Mike again. Where were you? You never came to bail me out. I had to
get a bail bondsman and now I owe like $1500. On top of that, they found a bowl
and some weed in my car, and a little bit of cocaine. I'm getting charged with
possession, which is going to cost me a fortune. Plus my speeding ticket which
is going to be over $200. Seeing as this is your fault, I think you should pay
me at least $500 as compensation. I don't know when I will get my car back so
you will have to bring the $500 to me. I live in West Chester, when can you come
with the money? Also, bring the TV.

Mike

From Steve ***** to Me:

listen up you stupid fuckhead. i gave you the easiest directons and you still
got fucking lost. did i ask you to go on the turnpike and get pulled over for
speeding like a fucking idiot? did i ask you to have drugs in your car? NO. you
must be smoking crack if you think im giving you $500 and the tv. im surprised
the cops didnt find crack in your car you fucking crackhead. none of this is my
fault you are just a fucking dipshit that cant follow directons so fuck the fuck
off and never email me again!!!!

oh and i sold the tv to someone else and the guy had no problems finding my
house cause HES NOT A FUCKING MORON


1283 comments | Add Comment
Special Skaters
Posted at: 2011-11-08 05:25:19 | 1494 comments | Add Comment

Original ad:
Attention all ice skaters and hockey players! Volunteers needed to train
children participating in the Special Olympics hockey team. Anyone with adequate
skating skill can be used to help teach our athletes to skate. Please call
410-***-**** or respond to the email address above.
Judy


From Me to ************@**********.org

Judy,

I am writing in response to your ad regarding helping children learn to skate.

I was a legend in minor league hockey until my career was cut short by a career
ending injury. I still love the game of hockey though and would love to pass on
my skills to your wonderful children. I look forward to hearing from you.

Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

Mike,

I am sorry to hear about your injury. That is very unfortunate. Are you still
able to skate? I only ask because we need someone to skate one-on-one with the
children.

Judy

From Me to Judy *******:

Oh yes, I am still able to skate. I think you misunderstood me. My career was
cut short because I was banned after causing another player to have a career
ending injury. It was an unfortunate accident, but the league came down
extremely hard on me. It really wasn't fair, if you ask me.

Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

Yikes! What were the circumstances of the ban/injury, if you don't mind me
asking?

From Me to Judy *******:

Not at all. It really wasn't a big deal. The guy was fine, but everyone turned
it into this huge ordeal. During a fight, I broke his eye socket, fish-hooked
his cheek apart and slashed his achilles tendon with my skate. He also suffered
brain damage from blood loss, but that is more the paramedics fault than mine
for letting him bleed out for so long. Looks like the only sport he'll be
playing now is "shitting in a bag" (heh heh). Anyway, the pussies at the
commissioner's office considered it "gross misconduct" and "assault" and gave me
a lifetime ban. Can you believe that? I thought this was supposed to be hockey!

So like I said, I was a legend in minor league hockey. My nickname used to be
"Murderin' Mike" (don't worry, I never actually murdered anyone. It was just a
cute nickname). I won more fights than everyone else in the division combined.
In fact, I've only ever lost one fight on the ice. But I won the rematch in the
parking lot (thank you, tire iron!) I know everything there is to know about
fighting and would love to pass on my skills to your kids. If you want them to
be the best damn hockey fighters in the special olympics, I am your guy. With my
training, the other teams won't stand a chance. The ice will be stained with
their blood, teeth, and broken dreams.

I am currently in between jobs so I can dedicate a lot of time to helping out.

Best,

Murderin' Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

What do you think this is? The Special Dlympics are for the mentally
handicapped. You know that, right? What you described is brutally violent and
has no place in the Special Olympics. Frankly I think you deserve to be in jail.
Thank you and goodbye.

From Me to Judy *******:

Whoa there. Don't be so dismissive! Do you even know anything about hockey? It
sounds to me like you think hockey is just soccer on ice. Well I've got news for
you, Judy, you couldn't be more wrong. In hockey, we don't fake injuries and
have to miss half the season due to a pulled vagina muscle. We fight it out like
men. Fighting is what hockey is all about. It is a tradition that dates back to
the first hockey game ever played. If you want your kids to learn how to play
hockey, they are going to have to learn how to fight.

I'll teach your kids how get away with everything without the referee seeing it.
I'll show them how to make butt-ending, head checking, slashing and tripping
look like an accident. They'll learn how to fight like hockey players. I have a
whole set of moves I like to use during fights. My personal favorite is the
"bowling ball", where you gouge both of the opponent's eyes and then jam your
thumb into the roof of their mouth. I used that during a fight once and the guy
actually started convulsing! It struck fear into the heart of the other team and
we ended up winning the game.

With my expert training, your team will be the most feared team in the entire
special olympics. Please reconsider hiring me.

Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

You aren't coming anywhere near these children. Your attitude towards this whole
thing is disgusting. Its absolutely disturbing that you find this kind of
behavior acceptable. Especially for mentally handicapped children. I don't know
what kind of insane league you played in but that is not the level of intensity
that's meant for these children.

From Me to Judy *******:

Oh, I get it. You're saying that because these kids are mentally handicapped,
that they don't deserve to be treated like regular people? Instead, you want to
point out their disabilities and tell them that they will never be able to play
hockey like normal people. When I saw in your ad that the kids were mentally
challenged, I wasn't fazed. I didn't see kids with disabilities, I saw kids that
I could turn into great hockey players. Do you not want them to be able to play
hockey like everybody else plays it?

Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

Give me a freaking break. You know that isn't what I meant. Don't pull that card
on me. You expect me to believe that a violent psychopath like you genuinely
wants to help the mentally challenged play hockey? Yeah, right! You don't give a
damn about these children.

From Me to Judy *******:

Judy,

I am starting to think that you are the problem with this team, not the kids.
You do not have the right attitude to be working with these kids. If you want to
tell these kids that they shouldn't learn hockey the right way because they are
mentally challenged, then that is just sad. It is a shame that you are taking
away the joy of competitive sports from these kids. Competitive sports are great
for kids - it keeps them from turning to drugs and violence in the streets.

Can I please talk to your supervisor? I would like to take your position and
suggest that you be fired. You clearly do not have the right attitude to be
helping mentally challenged kids.

Sincerely looking forward to taking your job,

Mike

From Judy ******* to Me:

Sure - her number is 1-800-GOTO-HELL

Sincerely done talking to you,

Judy


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