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BLOG ARCHIVE

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* Letting Go of Stuff
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SATURDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2012

LETTING GO OF STUFF

As we prepared to move, my husband and I were rather ruthless when it came to
getting rid of stuff. A friend, who is a mom to eight, once shared that when
they moved, she threw away seven garbage bags full of stuff. I've always kept
that in the back of my mind and aimed to do the same. We not only pitched seven
huge trash bags (the big, black kind you use for raking leaves), we exceeded it.
I think we ended up with at least nine big black bags, plus lots of smaller
ones.

What were in those bags? Lots of odds and ends. Lotion bottles less than half
full, partially burned candles and ones I didn't like the scent of, broken toys,
toys that we no longer needed (and no one else would want), lots of papers,
magazines, mismatched linens, dusty decorations, clothes not suitable for
donating (or not worth going to the trouble of donating), books (being a book
lover, this was hard for me, but at some point, some of it--in the words of
Charlotte Mason--is just twaddle and can go), and on and on.

I realized that I didn't want the clutter that was at home in my home to go with
us to our new home. We wanted a clean, fresh slate, surrounded only by the
things we love the most. (I've blogged about paring down to what you love the
most here).

Now that we are moved in and busy unpacking, the culling continues. Call this
the second round of cuts. We're still finding things that we don't want or need.
We'd rather have the space and the uncluttered look. Today, we worked on going
through toys again. Some will be donated, others discarded.

Here's an organizing tip that's guiding me right now:

Photo Credit
Pretend your home has a doorman out front, guarding who (in this case what) is
allowed to enter. You are that doorman.

You've got to decide, before something ever enters your house, if it's worth it
to you. It will take up valuable space and require effort on your part to find a
spot for it, use or read it, maintain it, etc. So do you really want to let it
get passed the door?

Here's an example:
Your friend asks you if you want a stash of her cooking magazines. Do you really
want them to come into your home? Do you have time to go through them? Do you
have a spot to put them? Are you really going to use them?

Be ruthless when it comes to acquiring and then letting go of stuff!

Another couple of tips that are helping me immensely come from Raising Olives.
Kimberly wrote that when her children are given toys, they assume that the giver
did not intend for them to keep them forever and pass them onto their children.
Rather, the gift was meant to be used and enjoyed for a season. When it has
lost its charm or usefulness for that child or children, it can happily be
passed onto some other child who will, in turn, love and appreciate it. (I can't
find the exact post, but here is another good one).

In another post about keeping up with keepsakes, Kimberly offers great advice
concerning those special things that have been passed down or kept from your own
childhood: Use them, and, in her words, "as things wear out we throw them away,
happy that our children were able to enjoy something that we loved when we were
young."

That even goes for fragile items. Kimberly writes, "I figure that something that
belonged to my great grandmother, but is stored in a box in the attic throughout
my kid’s childhood will have little meaning to my children. The things that
we’ve chosen to keep, we’ve also chosen to display and enjoy. (Yes, with 10
children sometimes things get broken, but my children have many happy memories
of playing with and listening to the music box that played with and listened to
at my great-grandmother’s home when I was a girl.)"

So, in my zest to pare down, I kept that advice in my head as I went through
toys and stuffed animals today. The little yellow bunny I apparently had as a
child? It didn't make the cut. I don't remember it; it means nothing to me, and
my kids have other stuffed animals they like more that are filling our bin for
stuffed animals. The bear the OB/GYN gave one of our children at birth? It
didn't make the cut either. They've never played with it, it isn't as cute as
others we have, and is it going to be like my yellow bunny when they're grown?
They'll take it out of a box, look at it, wonder why Mom kept it for them, and
wonder if they should get rid of it, or keep it "just because." We're sparing
them that guilt by making the decision now. (A word of caution--we are letting
them make decisions about stuff we know is important to them. I know this bear
is not one of those things, so I am making the decision).

As the new year approaches and many of us make resolutions to become more
organized, I encourage you to go through your stuff as if you're moving, and let
it go!

A final thought...isn't it interesting that when we, as believers in Christ, die
and go to heaven, we don't take anything with us. What is truly important is
already there. We don't need to say, "Hey, can I just grab this one thing real
quick to take with me?" We won't miss it. So why is it so hard to let go now?

Look toward heaven, our true home. Keep in this life the things you love the
very most. Let go of the rest. You'll experience less stress, more peace, and
time to enjoy your husband and children to the full.

Sharing With:
The Better Mom

Posted by Moms In Need Of Mercy at 12/29/2012 12 comments
Labels: Home Management, Messy Monday Tips for Getting It Together, Organization

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2012

MESSY MONDAY: ROUTINE MAINTENANCE OR LACK THEREOF

If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you may remember that about a year
ago, I mentioned that our local school district wanted to buy our home (and
others on our street) to expand the high school we live next to. Well, that time
has finally come, and we have slightly over two weeks to pack up and move out.
(I have seen so many answers to really specific prayers through this time that I
feel peaceful. The testimony of this time is a great subject for another post).

(not my desk! Photo Credit)

One of the biggest things I've realized is--why did I not carve out time along
the way for routine maintenance of certain tasks? Instead, I let them go,
choosing to spend my time with the more urgent instead of what appeared
optional. And now, that is biting me in the behind.

Today, I spent an hour finally sorting my desk. I put things away that have been
waiting to return to their proper home for...(I'm embarrassed to say) months.
The whole process didn't take as long as I thought it would, making me wonder
why I avoided it for so long.

Lesson: in the new house, take 15-20 minutes a week (perhaps Sunday afternoon?)
to order my desk.

My other big project today: sorting through magazines that have accumulated,
waiting to be flipped through.

First, I don't receive many magazines to begin with because I can't keep up, but
I like Better Homes & Gardens, and Taste of Home. I also have some Family Circle
and Everyday Food issues I've wanted to thumb through. But, as most moms know,
when you're busy with kids and dinner and dishes, taking time in the evening to
flip through a magazine is a luxury that never presents itself. The magazine
doesn't scream, "Pay attention to me!"; the baby does.

So I quickly went through a stack, ripping out pages of recipes to try and
decorating ideas to file. Now to finish doing that before it remains undone and
catches up with me...

Lesson: If you're busy, limit (or eliminate) your magazines. Carve out time
once a week (or month) to look through the latest issue. File what you want to
keep. Throw the rest away, or give the whole thing away to a hospital, library,
etc.

Overall lesson: no task becomes unbearable if we carve out time regularly and
routinely (such as the same time every week or month) to just get it done.

What is your worst one that you consistently put off, and how can you make a
plan to tackle it this week? The ones I've dreaded the most have taken less than
an hour (I thought they would take hours!)

Sharing With:
We are That Family (Works for Me Wednesday)
Women Living Well
Raising Homemakers
Deep Roots at Home

Modest Mom

Posted by Moms In Need Of Mercy at 10/28/2012 2 comments
Labels: Home Management, Messy Monday Tips for Getting It Together, Time
Management

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 9, 2012

THE BULLS-EYE DAY

Photo Credit

Some homeschool days can be rough. But then there's the ones that make us say,
"Ah-ha! This is why we do this!"

I am happy to report we had one of those bulls-eye days a few weeks ago, and
we've had some pretty good days since. Each morning after breakfast and chores,
we read a chapter of Leading Little Ones to God: A Child's Book of Bible
Teachings, followed by a chapter of Missionary Stories with the Millers.
On this particular day, the reading discussed how the Holy Spirit helps us
bravely tell others about Christ. The missionary story featured a brave
missionary in Egypt who risked his life to share the Gospel.

This happened just a few days after our ambassador was killed in Libya and
unrest spread throughout the Middle East (not that it's stopped...).

The kids and I had a great discussion about Christianity and current events. We
talked about how the difference between Islam and Christianity and how Muslims
in the Middle-East persecute Christians, to the point of death. The boys
wondered if they were in Egypt and were asked by a militant Muslim if they
believed in Christ, if they should say no, and tell a lie that they believe in
"Ohama" (a cross they accidentally coined between Obama and Mohammed, ha ha ha)
to save their life.That led into another hugely important talk about persevering
in faith in Christ, even if it means our lives on this earth, because we know
this is simply a shadow of what is to come.

We read and talked about what Jesus said:

> "Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but
> rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not
> two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground
> apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So
> do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.
> “Therefore everyone who confesses Me before men, I will also confess him
> before My Father who is in heaven. But whoever denies Me before men, I will
> also deny him before My Father who is in heaven."
> --Matthew 10:28-33

As we were discussing, I felt so thankful for the time to be able to sit outside
with the world map and the Bible and our books, and share life-altering truths
with my children. Every day is such an impressionable, formative time in their
lives. As a friend of mine said when I interviewed her about why she
homeschooled (back in my reporter days), she looked at her daughter learning to
read in school and thought, "I want to be the one to do that. I want to be the
one to teach her to read." So she took her out of 1st grade and homeschooled
her--and then their seven other children--ever since.

Our children's futures are so important. I'm blessed to be able to have the time
through homeschooling to lay a solid biblical (and academic) foundation to
prepare them for a successful, influential life, where they can engage with
current events from a Christian worldview. And that is one of the biggest
reasons why we homeschool.

Sharing With:
Gratituesday @ Heavenly Homemakers
Women Living Well
Works for Me Wednesday
Titus 2 Tuesdays
Raising Arrows
Deep Roots at Home
Raising Homemakers

Posted by Moms In Need Of Mercy at 10/09/2012 1 comments
Labels: Attitudes toward Children, Homeschooling

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2012

THE BROKEN DAY

Photo Credit

I last blogged about homeschooling, which is a lifestyle my husband and I are
committed to. Some days are the picture of perfect, happy family life and
learning--the cozy kind one might imagine when they picture how homeschool goes
in some people's homes (particularly those who blog about it).

But some days are not beautiful at all. Some days we're just stumbling through,
grateful for grace and mercy, that the day will end and there will be a new
(hopefully better) one tomorrow.

A few weeks ago, my husband was out of town for the week. The. entire. week. I
was here with four small children. Three energetic young boys, 7, 5, 3. A
teething (four molars) toddler that cried and clung to my leg most days. Most
fun I've had in a long time.

Here's part of a raw journal entry (names have been removed):

"[Child] is going through an awful attitude phase, snapping at me over just
about everything...
[Child] was rudely complaining about how the letters looked in his Italic
handwriting book. I asked him to make just one letter a to try it the italic
way, and he just snapped. I walked away teary-eyed...

Here's the list of things the boys broke or otherwise damaged today--
1) Broke the orchid pot. [Child] climbed on the counter [rule violation] to get
the bungee cords they've been hooking to their belt loops to go bungee-jumping
off the railing outside. They already tore their pants once, so that's
off-limits, yet they did it again, and I took them away and put them up high.
2) [Child] threw something at [other child] and hit him in the head hard.
3) [Child] threw something at the lightbulb in his bedroom during quiet time
and broke it.
4) Apparently, [child] threw something at my Ansel Adams picture from Justin [my
husband] and it broke the glass.
5) [Child] took everything out of the alcove upstairs to see what it looked like
empty [we have a storage area going up our stairs]. I couldn't even get out of
the hallway of our room to the stairs. He put some stuff back and was supposed
to be putting more stuff back, but was actually taking it out again. A big tub
of baby clothes fell and the clothes tumbled out, all over the stairs below.
6) [Child] punched [child] in the eye, which gave him a blood blister, then
proceeded to scratch him several times. This made him look like he ran into a
barbed wire fence (as someone commented later...at church).
7) Not to mention all the food crumbs, water spills, other fights during the day
8) [Child] woke [grumpy, teething baby] from morning nap so she only slept a
half hour. Then she cried and clung to my leg all morning.
What a day. Taking a shower and going to bed."
---
So this was a bad day. I wondered why I choose to keep my kids home with me day
after day after day. I was looking up the number for the school district to
inquire into where they had enrollments for kindergarten and second grade. Yet,
I knew this lifestyle--even on its worst days--was something we were committed
to. So I didn't make the call.

We're a family. We're learning to live together and love each other, through
thick and thin. The bad days test our resolve, and dare I say, our love for one
another. On the bad days, we go to bed, grateful the day is over, and pray for a
more hopeful day to come.

And then we receive the answer to our prayers. A good day comes. We learn side
by side and have great discussions about things that matter, and we're so
thankful we're doing this, that our children are home with us for these talks,
for these moments.

If you had a bad day, a better one's coming. It's like the waves on the sea. Bad
days, good days, they all roll together to form our story, our homeschooling
experience. I'm grateful for what the bad days show us and they ways they help
us grow; I'm more thankful, though, for the good days!

Sharing with:
Women Living Well
Raising Homemakers
The Better Mom
Heavenly Homemakers

Posted by Moms In Need Of Mercy at 9/25/2012 4 comments
Labels: Attitudes toward Children, Homeschooling, Mercy for Bad Days

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2012

PUBLIC SCHOOL, HOMESCHOOL, AND SOCIALIZATION

My 98-year old great-aunt eyed my children a few weeks ago and asked what school
they attend. When I told her we homeschool, she said adamantly, “You shouldn’t
do that. Kids need to be around other kids.”

So as children pack up their backpacks and lunchboxes and head off to school for
the next 170 days, no one ever asks, “Your kids are in public school. Aren’t you
concerned about socialization?”

Yet, I believe, there is reason to be concerned.

In response to a study about the college class of 2016, community college
freshmen talked to our local NBC station about their social skills. Startingly,
one student admitted she’d rather text than talk to someone in person, and
another girl said that in a group of new people, they all just pull out their
phones and start texting friends they know because they don’t know how to
handle the social awkwardness of the situation.

That is what I call not being socialized.

And yet, they’ve been in the public school system for 12 years.
So they’re supposed to be “socialized,” right?

When it comes to socialization--the very argument that people use as a
catch-phrase against homeschooling—it seems as though graduates of the public
school system are not all that properly socialized.

How do we define socialization? As a homeschool parent, I think of it as being
able to relate to not only their peers, but people of all age groups (and not
through texting, but face-to-face communication). Merriam Webster defines
socialization as :
> 1 to make social; especially : to fit or train for a social environment
> 2 a : to constitute on a socialistic basis <socialize industry> b : to adapt
> to social needs or uses
> 3: to organize group participation in <socialize a recitation>
> : to participate actively in a social group

Let’s look again at what that college freshman said. In a social situation with
new people, they all just pull out their phones, because it’s less awkward that
way. That is not participating actively in a social group. By definition, they
are not properly socialized.

Contrast homeschoolers.

The socialization argument always makes me laugh, because—while it may be
well-meaning— it is so ignorant. One would have to lock a child in a dark room
all day, every day to keep him from having social interactions with others. Kids
are around other kids (and other adults), at church activities, at playgrounds,
through sports, homeschool groups, and more (not to mention in our home, they
each have three siblings to socialize with).

Not only are they learning how to relate to kids of all ages (without a cell
phone, I might add), because they accompany me on errands and to various civic
functions, they also learn how to socialize with people of all ages.

Meanwhile, public school students are learning how to fit into a group, or how
to not fit in. Some parents cite this as a necessary skill for life. But is it
really?

When has a co-worker or a friend cattily made fun of your clothing choices,
hairstyle, makeup, teeth? Picked on you mercilessly? Or when have you done these
things to someone else? It just doesn’t happen as we grow up and learn how to
properly socialize in the real world. Yet it happens daily in schools, to the
point that children have commited suicide over it. Is this really the kind of
socialization we want for our kids?

I remember when I was in fifth grade (in public school). A girl sat outside,
against the brick wall of the school, crying during every recess, because the
other kids were so mean to her. They picked on her because her teeth were
crooked; they picked on her because she was a bit overweight compared to some
classmates (but probably of normal weight for an 11 year old girl); they picked
on her for her hair and for her name.

Feeling badly for her, I used to sit by her and try to make her feel better. She
started to hate the other kids, because “they were so mean,” she cried. I still
remember this, years later.

Was this a necessary part of “socialization?” Does this experience mirror the
real-world of adult life? Did it do any good for her? Absolutely not. I bet she
may still have self-esteem issues to this day, due to the damage caused by these
peers. I’m sure it also distracted her from learning.

Yet, if she would have been home, no one would have been making fun of her. She
would be learning in a safe environment and growing up with a healthy sense of
self-esteem. She would have been practicing normal communication skills with
people of all ages, which would not have included belittling and heavy texting.

So when it comes to socialization, do my children really need to be in
classrooms filled with their peers, as my great aunt and so many others think?
Or is home where it's really at?

More links on homeschoolers and socialization:

* http://www.hslda.org/docs/nche/Issues/S/Socialization.asp

Sharing With:
Women Living Well
We are That Family
Raising Homemakers

Posted by Moms In Need Of Mercy at 9/10/2012 11 comments
Labels: Homeschooling, Training Children

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SHARETHIS

Moms In Need Of Mercy I don't want to be just a good mom--I want to be a great
mom! To do that, I definitely need lots and lots of God's mercy. Five children,
ages nine and under (4 boys, 1 girl) call me Mama, and they bless my life and
draw me to the feet of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. A former broadcast news
journalist, I traded in the glamour of being on-air for the glory of motherhood.
My husband is my best friend and companion in this crazy little endeavor of
seeking to raise a godly family amidst the chaos of daily life with very active
little people. (For the record, it's Cheryl). :) View my complete profile

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