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* The Onion * * The A.V. Club * Deadspin * Gizmodo * Jalopnik * Jezebel * Kotaku * Quartz * The Root * The Takeout * * The Inventory America's Finest News Source. Send us a tip!ShopSubscribe HomeLatestNewsOpinionLocalPoliticsEntertainmentSportsVideo America's Finest News Source. HomeLatestNewsOpinionLocalPoliticsEntertainmentSportsVideo Opinion FANS REACT TO APPLE’S NEW VR HEADSET After the tech company introduced the Apple Vision Pro, The Onion asked Apple fans what they thought about the new VR headset, and this is what they said. Baseball CHILD SNATCHES FOUL BALL AWAY FROM ADULT WHO COULD’VE REALLY USED THE WIN Local MAN WHO WENT TO GROCERY STORE HORNY LEAVES WITH WAY TOO MANY OVERRIPE MELONS GROVELAND, CA—Saying he knew he’d made a mistake the second he looked down at his shopping cart in the checkout line, local man Travis Fischer begrudgingly admitted to reporters Wednesday that he had purchased way too many overripe melons after… Breaking News FORD UNVEILS NEW 4-LANE SUV DEARBORN, MI—Touting the new offering as the latest in safety, driving efficiency, and comfort, Ford officials unveiled Wednesday their new four-lane SUV. “Our all-new 2024 Ford Explorer 4XLT offers premium interior flexibility at a reasonable price… Breaking News ELI LILLY UNVEILS INSULIN THAT DOESN’T WORK ON POOR PEOPLE INDIANAPOLIS—Announcing that landmark new laboratory methods had made the once dreamed-of medication a reality, pharmaceutical company Eli Lilly unveiled insulin Wednesday that doesn’t work on poor people. “Thanks to our proprietary advancements in… Opinion EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH ROBERT F. KENNEDY JR. American Voices APPLE LAUNCHES VR HEADSET Local EXCITED PARENTS INFORM ONLY CHILD HE’S GOING TO HAVE A LITTLE COMPETITOR FOR THEIR LOVE AND ATTENTION WATCH Bee Fact: Did You Know? CC Share Subtitles * Off * English Share this Video FacebookTwitterEmail RedditLink Bee Fact: Did You Know? Jimmy Carter Becomes World’s Heaviest Man At 850 Pounds 00:23 Now playing Americans Describe What It's Like Surviving A Mass Shooting 00:38 Now playing Body Language Fact: Did You Know? 00:11 Now playing 104-Year-Old Man Awarded WWII Medal Just To Be Nice 00:29 Now playing CHECK THESE OUT Cartoons TACO BLUES-DAY News In Photos STREAKER ON CRUTCHES Opinion TWITTER USERS REACT TO ELON MUSK’S CENSORSHIP News In Photos SUBMERGED TRASH ADDS WELCOME POP OF COLOR TO BLEACHED CORAL REEF Infographic WHAT’S IN THE PENTAGON REPORT ON UFOS Breaking News GAY PRIDE CELEBRATIONS ACROSS U.S. MORE Local MID-SIZED CITY’S SO-CALLED RUSH HOUR ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC Entertainment TAYLOR SWIFT FANS REACT TO HER BREAKUP WITH MATT HEALY Entertainment ‘OPPENHEIMER’ GIVEN SURPRISE R RATING FOR TITLE CHARACTER’S NEAR-CONSTANT FULL-FRONTAL NUDITY Breaking News ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY BOOSTS TOURISM BY ADDING ZIP LINE LOCAL Show all Local PARENTS EXPLAIN WHY THEY OPPOSE ‘WOKE’ UNIVERSITIES “I don’t want my 18-year-old daughter being exposed to the concept of respect.” Local FRIGHTENED MAN MOMENTARILY FORCED TO ENGAGE WITH REALITY IN BETWEEN TV EPISODES Local CHRISTIAN COUPLE ENDS FIGHT WITH PASSIONATE MAKEUP ABSTINENCE Local MAN’S ONLY REMAINING SOURCE OF PLEASURE IS BEING MAD IN THE CAR Local REPORT: THERE JUST SOMETHING DARK AND INTRIGUING ABOUT MAN WITH SERIOUS PERSONALITY DISORDER POLITICS Show all Politics CONSERVATIVES REVEAL WHY THEY’RE SO TRIGGERED BY PRIDE MERCHANDISE After threatening boycotts of companies and violence against retail workers, conservatives explain why they’re so triggered by products celebrating Pride Month. Breaking News FLORIDA BOARD OF EDUCATION BANS ANY MENTION OF OUTSIDE WORLD Infographic A HISTORY OF THE U.S. DEBT CEILING Politics PENCE SAYS DECISION TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT CAME AFTER GOD TOLD HIM HE COULD GET 6-FIGURE SPEAKING DEAL FROM IT Breaking News JIMMY CARTER WINS BOXING MATCH AGAINST JAKE PAUL IN CASE YOU MISSED IT Breaking News INTERNET DIVIDED OVER VIDEO OF BLACK COP SHOOTING WHITE COP WHO WAS CHOKING OUT RACIST WHITE WOMAN WHO CALLED POLICE ON BLACK TEENAGERS Local THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO SOMEONE TAKING OZEMPIC Breaking News COULD YOU PROCESS A CLAIM AT A HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANY? Breaking News LOCKHEED MARTIN BOOSTS EARNINGS OUTLOOK CITING BILLIONS OF INNOCENT PEOPLE STILL LEFT TO KILL OPINION Show all American Voices LANDFILL OF FAST FASHION CLOTHING NOW LARGE ENOUGH TO BE SEEN FROM SPACE Opinion MEN EXPLAIN WHAT CONSENT MEANS Opinion AMERICANS REACT TO THE NATION’S MASCULINITY CRISIS Opinion CEOS DEFEND CORPORATE GREED ENTERTAINMENT Show all Now playing 00:10 TikTok BEE FACT: DID YOU KNOW? Now playing 01:12 TikTok NATION’S BLAKES CRUISE EASILY THROUGH LIFEGUARD TRYOUTS Entertainment TAYLOR SWIFT FANS REACT TO HER BREAKUP WITH MATT HEALY Entertainment ‘OPPENHEIMER’ GIVEN SURPRISE R RATING FOR TITLE CHARACTER’S NEAR-CONSTANT FULL-FRONTAL NUDITY Basketball ATHLETES RESPOND TO LEBRON JAMES’ RUMORED RETIREMENT Football JETS IMPRESSED BY HOW QUICKLY AARON RODGERS COMPLAINING ABOUT ROSTER Baseball LITTLE LEAGUERS CONCERNED INTRODUCING PITCH CLOCK WOULD CUT INTO GRASS-PICKING TIME Basketball STEPHEN A. 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