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Home & Family

WHAT TO DO WHEN A LOVED ONE DIES

PRACTICAL STEPS YOU NEED TO TAKE IN THE EARLY DAYS

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leanne Potts,

AARP

168 Comments
En español
Published June 11, 2020
/ Updated May 24, 2023
FG Trade / Getty Images
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When people die, they leave behind a life that must be closed out. The funeral
must be planned, bank accounts closed, pets placed in new homes, final bills
paid.

When someone you love dies, the job of handling those personal and legal details
may fall to you. It’s a stressful, bureaucratic task that can take a year or
more to complete, all while you are grieving.

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The amount of paperwork can take survivors by surprise. “It’s a big
responsibility,” emphasizes Bill Harbison, a trusts and estates lawyer in
Nashville, Tennessee. “There are a lot of details to take care of.”

You can’t do it alone. Settling a deceased family member’s affairs is not a
one-person task. You’ll need the help of others, ranging from professionals like
lawyers or CPAs, who can advise you on financial matters, to a network of
friends and relatives, whom you can delegate tasks to or lean on for emotional
support. You may take the lead in planning the funeral and then hand off the
financial details to the executor. Or you may be the executor, which means
you’ll oversee settling the estate and spend months, maybe even years, dealing
with paperwork.

To marshal the right help, you’ll need a checklist (see below) of all the things
that need to be done, ranging from writing thank-you notes for flowers sent to
the funeral to seeing a will through probate.

TO DO IMMEDIATELY AFTER SOMEONE DIES

GET A LEGAL PRONOUNCEMENT OF DEATH

If your loved one died in a hospital or nursing home where a doctor was present,
the staff will handle this. An official declaration of death is the first step
to getting a death certificate, a critical piece of paperwork. But if your
relative died at home, especially if the death was unexpected, you’ll need to
get a medical professional to declare them dead. To do this, call 911 soon after
your loved one passes and have them transported to an emergency room, where they
can be declared dead and moved to a funeral home. If your family member died at
home under hospice care, a hospice nurse can declare them dead. Without a
declaration of death, you can’t plan a funeral, much less handle the deceased’s
legal affairs.

TELL FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND EMPLOYER

Send out a group text or mass email, or make individual phone calls, to let
people know your loved one has died. To track down all those who need to know,
go through the deceased’s email and phone contacts. If you have been using an
online platform (such as CaringBridge, Facebook or Lotsa Helping Hands) to share
updates about your loved ones’ condition and organize support, you can tell
people there. Inform neighbors, coworkers and the members of any social groups
or church the person belonged to. Ask the recipients to spread the word by
notifying others connected to the deceased. Put a post about the death on social
media on both your account and the deceased person’s, if you have access.

Contact the deceased’s employer right away so they can handle payroll matters
and workload. Find out if the employer offers death benefits and how any pension
will be handled for the surviving spouse.

LEARN ABOUT EXISTING FUNERAL AND BURIAL PLANS

“Ideally, you had the opportunity to talk with your loved one about his or her
wishes for funeral or burial,” writes Sally Balch Hurme, an elder law attorney
and author of Checklist for Family Survivors. If you didn’t, she advises you
look for a letter of instruction in the deceased’s papers or call a family
meeting to have the first conversation about what the funeral or memorial
service will look like. This is critical if your loved one left no instructions.
You need to discuss what the person wanted in terms of a funeral and burial,
what you can afford and what the family wants.

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WITHIN A FEW DAYS OF DEATH

MAKE FUNERAL, BURIAL OR CREMATION ARRANGEMENTS

* Talk with a surviving spouse or search the paperwork to find out whether
there was a prepaid burial plan. If not, you’ll need to choose a funeral home
and decide on specifics like where the service will be, whether to opt for
cremation, where the body or ashes will be interred, and what type of
tombstone or urn to order. There are even new green burial options. It’s a
good idea to research funeral prices to help you make informed decisions. A
funeral home can assist you with many of the other steps listed below.

* If the person was in the military or belonged to a fraternal or religious
group, contact the Veterans Administration or the specific organization to
see if it offers burial benefits or funeral services. Benefits for veterans
may include a military salute at the funeral or payment for a headstone or
its engraving.

* Get help with the funeral. Line up relatives and friends to be
pallbearers, deliver eulogies, plan the service, keep a list of well-wishers,
write thank-you notes and arrange the post-funeral gathering.

* If your loved ones’ remains need to be transported to another state, you’ll
have to work with both a local funeral home and one in the state that will be
receiving the remains. The funeral homes will arrange for transportation of
the remains. If the deceased has been cremated, you can transport the
cremains yourself (the funeral home will provide you with the necessary
paperwork to carry with you).

* If the person chose to donate their body to science, a social worker at a
hospital or with hospice can help you coordinate the body donation, and you
will receive cremated remains at a later date.

* If the deceased will be buried in a cemetery, you’ll want to find out how the
cemetery is maintained. Sometimes small country cemeteries rely on family
members to maintain the grounds and graves.

* Get a friend or relative who is a wordsmith to write an obituary.

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SECURE THE PROPERTY

If the deceased person lived alone, lock up their home and vehicle. Ask a
friend or relative to water the plants, get the mail and throw out any food in
the refrigerator. If there are valuables in the home, such as jewelry or cash,
lock them up. “You have to watch out for valuable personal effects walking out,”
Harbison says. Enlist a friend or neighbor to keep an eye on the home during the
funeral or memorial service to ward off a potential burglary.

PROVIDE CARE FOR PETS

Make sure pets have caretakers until there’s a permanent plan for them. Send
them to stay with a relative who likes animals or board them at a kennel. The
pet will be grieving, so be sure they’re with someone who can comfort them.

FORWARD MAIL

Go to the post office and put in a forwarding order to send the mail to yourself
or whoever is working with you to see to the immediate affairs. You don’t want
mail piling up at the deceased’s home, telegraphing to the world that the
property is empty. This is also the first step in finding out what
subscriptions, creditors and other accounts will need to be canceled or paid.
“The person’s mail is a wealth of information,” Harbison says. “Going through it
is a practical way to see what the person’s assets and bills are. It will help
you find out what you need to take care of.”

TWO WEEKS AFTER DEATH

SECURE CERTIFIED COPIES OF DEATH CERTIFICATES

Get up to 10 copies of the death certificate. You’ll need death certificates to
close bank and brokerage accounts, file insurance claims and register the death
with government agencies, among other things. The funeral home you’re working
with can get copies on your behalf, or you can order them from the vital
statistics office in the state in which the person died.

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FIND THE WILL AND THE EXECUTOR

Your loved one’s survivors need to know where any money, property or belongings
should go. Ideally, you talked with your relative before they died and they told
you where they kept the will. If not, look for the document in a desk, a
safe-deposit box (if you do not have a key or are not the co-owner, you will
need a death certificate and proof that you are executor to access it) or
wherever they kept important papers. People usually name an executor (the person
who will manage the settling of the estate, also called the “personal agent”) in
their will. The executor needs to be involved in most of the steps going
forward. If there isn’t a will, the probate court judge will name an
administrator in place of an executor.

MEET WITH A TRUSTS AND ESTATES ATTORNEY

While you don’t need an attorney to settle an estate, having one makes things
easier. If the estate is worth more than $50,000, Harbison suggests that you
hire a lawyer to help navigate the process and distribute assets. “Estates can
get complicated, fast,” he says. The executor should pick the attorney.

CONTACT A CPA

If your loved one had an accountant, contact them; if not, hire one. The estate
may have to file a tax return, and a final tax return will have to be filed on
the deceased’s behalf. “Getting the taxes right is an important part of this,”
Harbison says.

TAKE THE WILL TO PROBATE

Probate is the legal process of executing a will. You’ll need to do this at a
county or city probate court office. Probate court makes sure that the person’s
debts and liabilities are paid and that the remaining assets are transferred to
the beneficiaries.

MAKE AN INVENTORY OF ALL ASSETS

Laws vary by state, but the probate process usually starts with an inventory of
all assets (bank accounts, house, car, brokerage account, personal property,
furniture, jewelry, etc.), which will need to be filed in the court. For the
physical items in the household, Harbison suggests hiring an appraiser.

TRACK DOWN ADDITIONAL ASSETS

Part of the work of making that inventory of assets is finding them all. The
task, called marshaling the assets, can be a big job. “For complex estates, this
can take years,” Harbison says. There are search firms that will help you track
down assets in exchange for a cut. Harbison recommends a DIY approach: Comb your
family member’s tax returns, mail, email, brokerage and bank accounts, deeds and
titles to find assets. Don’t leave any safe-deposit box or filing cabinet
unopened.

MAKE A LIST OF BILLS

Share the list with the executor so that important expenses like the mortgage,
taxes and utilities are taken care of while the estate is being settled.

CANCEL NO-LONGER-NEEDED DIGITAL SERVICES

These include cellphone, streaming services, cable and internet. Remember to
cancel ongoing home deliveries and services.

DECIDE WHAT TO DO WITH THE PASSPORT

You have a couple of options for how to deal with your loved one’s passport. You
do not have to return it; you can keep it as a memento, with the stamps on its
pages reminding you of past adventures. If you’re worried about the possibility
of identity theft, mail the passport to the federal government along with a copy
of the death certificate and have it officially canceled. If you want the
canceled passport returned, include a letter requesting that be done. You can
also request the government destroy the passport after it’s been canceled.

NOTIFY THE FOLLOWING OF YOUR LOVED ONE’S DEATH:

* The Social Security Administration (SSA): If the deceased was receiving
Social Security benefits, you need to stop the checks. Some family members
may be eligible for death benefits from Social Security. Generally, funeral
directors report deaths to the Social Security Administration,
but ultimately, it’s the survivors’ responsibility to ensure the SSA is
informed. Call the SSA at 1-800-772-1213 to report the death, or visit
your local SSA office. The SSA will let Medicare know that your loved one
died.

* Life insurance companies: You’ll need an original death certificate and
policy numbers to make claims on any policies the deceased had.

* Long-term care (LTC) insurance companies: If your loved one had LTC
insurance, regardless of whether they were receiving benefits, you’ll need to
notify the insurer of the death.

* Banks, financial institutions: If you share a joint account with your
deceased loved one, you’ll need to notify the bank that they’ve died. Most
bank accounts carry automatic rights of survivorship, which means if your
name is on the account, you have full access to the funds when your loved one
dies. You become the sole owner on the date of your relative’s death. Most
banks will require a death certificate to remove the relative from the
account. If the deceased person was the sole owner of a bank account, the
bank will release funds to the person named as beneficiary once it learns of
the account holder’s death. Many banks let their customers name a beneficiary
or set the account as Payable on Death (POD) or Transferable on Death (TOD)
to another person. You’ll need to show the bank a death certificate to get
the funds released. If the owner of the account didn’t name a beneficiary or
POD, things get more complicated. The executor will be responsible for
getting the funds to repay creditors, pay bills and divide funds according to
the dead person’s will. You may need to open a special “estate of (the
deceased’s name)” account for any income received after death.

* Financial advisers, stockbrokers: Determine the beneficiary listed on
accounts. Depending on the type of asset, the beneficiary may get access to
the account or benefit simply by filling out appropriate forms and providing
a copy of the death certificate (no executor needed). While access to the
money is straightforward, there are tax consequences to keep in mind. You
will be responsible for paying any taxes earned by the account once your
loved one dies. Keep in mind, the tax burden could be significant on a
well-funded investment account.

* Credit agencies: To prevent identity theft, send copies of the death
certificate to one of the three major credit bureaus: Equifax, Experian or
TransUnion. You only need to tell one of them, and it will tell the others.

* Frequent-buyer/flier points: If your loved one has frequent-flier or
frequent-buyer programs with points, contact the company and see if they can
be transferred to a beneficiary or family member.

CANCEL DRIVER’S LICENSE

This removes the deceased’s name from the records of the department of motor
vehicles and prevents identity theft. Contact the agency for specific
instructions, but you’ll need a copy of the death certificate. Keep a copy of
the canceled driver’s license in your records. You may need it to close or
access accounts that belonged to the deceased.

CLOSE OR UPDATE CREDIT CARD ACCOUNTS

Contact customer service and tell the representative that you’re closing the
account on behalf of a deceased relative who had a sole account. You’ll need a
copy of the death certificate to do this, too. Keep records of accounts you
close, and inform the executor of any outstanding balances on the cards. Credit
bureaus, as part of their regular reporting process, will also send card issuers
an alert that your relative has died. But if you want credit accounts notified
faster, contact them directly. Be sure to cut up your dead loved one’s credit
cards so they aren’t lost or stolen.

If the credit card account is shared with another person who intends to continue
using it, keep the account open but notify the issuing bank of the death so the
deceased’s name can be removed from the account. Destroy any cards with their
name on them to prevent theft and identity fraud.

TERMINATE INSURANCE POLICIES

Contact providers to end coverage for the deceased on home, auto and health
insurance policies, and ask that any unused premium be returned.

DELETE OR MEMORIALIZE SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS

You can delete social media accounts, but some survivors choose to turn them
into a memorial for their loved one instead. Twitter, Facebook and Instagram all
allow a deceased person’s profile to remain online, marked as a memorial
account. On Facebook, a memorialized profile stays up with the word
“Remembering” in front of the deceased’s name. Friends will be able to post on
the timeline. Whether you choose to delete or memorialize, you’ll need to
contact the companies with copies of the death certificate. TikTok does not
offer a memorial option for a deceased user’s account.

CLOSE EMAIL ACCOUNTS

To prevent identity theft and fraud, shut down the deceased’s email account. If
the person set up a funeral plan or a will, they may have included log-in
information so you can do this yourself. If not, you’ll need copies of the death
certificate to cancel an email account. The specifics vary by email provider,
but most require a death certificate and verification that you are a relative or
the estate executor.

UPDATE VOTER REGISTRATION

Contact your state or county directly to find out how to remove your dead
relative from the voting rolls. The rules vary by state. Some states get
notifications from state and local agencies and will remove your dead relative
from voter registration rolls automatically. States will also remove voters if a
relative notifies them of the death. Depending on where your loved one was
registered to vote, you may need to give notice of the death in writing, by
affidavit or with a death certificate.

Editor’s note: This article was originally published June 11, 2020. It has been
updated with more recent information.

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