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When you learn a new way to think, you can master a new way to be... via Private
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10 DAILY HABITS THAT OFTEN DRAIN 90 PERCENT OF OUR JOY (WEEK AFTER WEEK)
Written by Marc Chernoff // 38 Comments
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You ultimately become what you repeatedly do. If your habits aren’t helping you,
they’re hurting you. Here are some fairly common and widespread examples of the
latter that will drain all your joy, week after week, if you let them:
1. FOCUSING ON HOW LIFE “SHOULD” BE EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
Try to use frustration and inconvenience to motivate you rather than annoy you.
You are in control of the way you look at life. Instead of getting angry, find
the lesson. In place of envy, feel admiration. In place of worry, take action.
In place of doubt, have faith. Remember that your response is always more
powerful than your present circumstance. A small part of your life is decided by
completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is
decided by your responses. Where you ultimately end up is heavily dependent on
how you play the hands you’ve been dealt.
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2. WANTING TO CONTROL THE UNCONTROLLABLE.
Be selective with your energy today. If you can fix a problem, fix it. If you
can’t, then accept it and change your thoughts about it. Whatever you do, don’t
attempt to invest more energy than you have, tripping over something behind you
or something that only exists inside your head. Truth be told, some of the most
powerful moments in life happen when you find the courage to let go of what
can’t be changed. Because when you are no longer able to change a situation, you
are challenged to change yourself — to grow beyond the unchangeable. And that
changes everything.
3. HOLDING TIGHT TO THE WAY THINGS ONCE WERE.
You’re not the same person you were a year ago, a month ago, or even a week ago.
You’re always learning and growing, and life is always evolving. Again, even
though you can’t control everything that happens, you can control your attitude
about what happens. And in doing so, you will gradually master change rather
than allowing it to master you. So be humble today. Be teachable. The world is
often bigger than your view of the world. There’s always room for a fresh idea
or a next step. But first you must accept the fact that things may never go back
to how they used to be, and that this ending is really a new beginning.
4. REFUSING TO PRACTICE SELF-FORGIVENESS.
Forgive yourself for the bad decisions you’ve made in the past, for the times
you lacked understanding, for the choices that accidentally hurt others and
yourself. Forgive yourself, for being young and reckless. These are all vital
lessons. And what matters most right now is your willingness to grow from them.
(Note: Angel and I discuss this further in the Adversity chapter of “1,000
Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
5. ENDLESSLY SETTLING FOR THE DEFAULT SETTINGS.
There are thousands of people who live their entire lives on the default
settings, never acknowledging the fact that they can customize everything. Don’t
be one of them — don’t settle for the default settings on a daily basis. Don’t
hide behind indecision or laziness either. And forget popularity! Just do your
thing with passion, humility, and honesty. Do what you do, not for an applause,
but because it’s what’s right. Pursue it a little bit each day, no matter what
anyone else thinks. That’s how dreams are achieved.
6. RESISTING NEW IDEAS AND LESSONS.
To make real progress in the long run you must let go of the assumption that you
already have all the answers. So don’t stop learning! Don’t stop investing in
yourself. Research. Read. Devour books. Engage with people, including those who
think differently. Ask questions. Listen closely. And don’t just grow in
knowledge. Be a person who gives back. Use what you’re learning to make a real
and lasting difference. (Note: “The Good Morning Journal” is a great tool for
noticing and keeping track of all your lessons learned.)
7. CONSTANTLY SEEKING FLEETING CONTENTMENT.
There are two variations of contentment in life — fleeting and enduring. The
fleeting type is derived from instants of material comfort, while the enduring
type is attained through the gradual growth and progress on matters that are
truly important to you. At a quick glimpse it might be difficult to decipher one
from the other, but as time rolls on it becomes vividly obvious that the latter
is far superior. So just remember, if it entertains you now but will hurt or
bore you someday, it’s a distraction. Don’t settle. Don’t exchange what you want
most for what you kinda want at the moment. Study your routines. Figure out
where your time goes, and remove distractions. It’s time to focus more on what
matters in the long run.
8. ALWAYS WORRYING ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE’S STORY.
Don’t be so satisfied with the success stories of others and how things have
gone for them, that you forget to write your own. Unfold your own tale and bring
it to life on a daily basis. You have everything you need to become what you are
capable of becoming. Incredible change happens when you decide to make yourself
a priority. And remember, you won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s
why you have to be a priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care
of yourself, and become a daily part of your own support system. This means
consuming less and creating more. It means refusing to let others do your
thinking, talking, and deciding for you. It means learning to embrace and use
your ideas and instincts to write your passage, one day at a time.
9. FEARING LITTLE (NECESSARY) FAILURES.
Sometimes we literally have to fail dozens of times to succeed. And no matter
how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of
everyone who isn’t trying. So don’t get so hung up on a few failed attempts that
you miss the opening for a hundred more opportunities. All of your ideas that
don’t work are simply stepping stones to the one idea that does. And remember,
failure is not falling down; failure is staying down when you have the choice to
get back up. Always get back up! Oftentimes good things fall apart in the near
term so better things can fall together in the end. (Read “Stumbling on
Happiness”.)
10. WAITING FOR THE “PERFECT” MOMENT TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP.
Don’t buy into the myth of the perfect moment. Moments aren’t perfect, they’re
what you make of them. So many people wait around for the stars to align to do
what they’re here to do. The perfect moment, the perfect opportunity, the
perfect state of being, etc. Wake up! Don’t “wait” away the vast majority of
your life! Remind yourself that too many people wait all day for 5pm, all week
for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. And you
don’t be one of them. Ultimately, you will come to succeed not by finding a
perfect moment, but by learning to see and use life’s imperfections as stepping
stones.
AN EXERCISE FOR BUILDING BETTER HABITS STARTING TODAY
If you feel a like you’ve wasted too much time and joy on one or more of the
points above, this quick actionable closing exercise is for YOU.
Choose any area in your life that you want to improve, and then:
1. Write down the specific details about your current circumstances. (What’s
bothering you? Where are you stuck? What do you want to change?)
2. Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that have
contributed to your current circumstances? (Be honest with yourself. What
are you doing regularly that actually contributes to the situation you’re
in?)
3. Write down a few specific details about the “better circumstances” you’d
like to create for yourself. (What would make you happy? What does an
improved situation look like for you?)
4. Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that will
get you from where you are to where you want to be? (Think about it. What
small, daily steps will help you gradually move forward from point A to
point B?)
NOW, IT’S YOUR TURN…
Yes, it’s your turn to not fall back into your old patterns of living today
simply because they’re more comfortable and easier to access. It’s your turn to
remember that you’re leaving certain habits and situations behind for a reason:
to improve your life — because you can’t move forward if you keep going back.
And it’s undoubtedly your turn to reclaim your joy and make your time count
going forward!
But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know
what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us.
Which one of the points above resonated the most today?
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter
to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Photo by: Georges Petrequin
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COMMENTS
1. Susan says
May 23, 2024 at 6:03 am
Among the best reads I’ve found online so far in recent times. On point and
concise points. Thank you. Several resonated deeply, but number 7 is
something I’m working on right now.
Reply
* Maqebo Soaisa says
May 23, 2024 at 10:16 pm
The Sections that spoke to me more than others are the last two…fearing
little necessary failures, and waiting for the perfect moment. Those are
my greatest weaknesses and I need to take the given advice so I can start
making the necessary changes. Thank you very much.
Reply
* Chris Neavin says
June 2, 2024 at 1:37 pm
My biggest weakness is forgiving myself, I loved this article n I’m
going to use all the lessons, thank you so much.
* Laura Clark says
May 25, 2024 at 1:51 am
Thank you, very relevant. Thank you.
Reply
* Arti Chopra says
May 25, 2024 at 5:21 am
Absolutely I am able to resonate with most of the pointers .
My key takeaway is don’t do things to impress others just do things to
get improve and progress each day towards your dreams .
Reply
2. Tiffany Victoria Bradshaw, MBA says
May 23, 2024 at 6:27 am
It was a great list I resonated with the concept of trying to control the
uncontrollable, and making #1. I also liked the information about forgiving
yourself. I liked this list so much that I added it a few of the points to
my list of golden rules that I’ve been re-creating from myself lately. I
have subscribed and I’m now an inspired reader/follower.
Reply
3. Simba says
May 23, 2024 at 6:32 am
Thank you for the essays and emails. This is the best self awareness piece
I have read anywhere online in a long time. I will re-read this list a few
more times to help me improve, thank you.
Reply
4. Sonja says
May 23, 2024 at 6:50 am
This list is impressive! Such perfect reminders. I have found not forgiving
myself for life changing mistakes I made while young to be the biggest
obstacle to a peaceful and productive life. Thank you your newsletter
there’s always something that I needed to let sink in deeper.
Reply
* Jacintha says
May 24, 2024 at 2:04 am
To achieve our dreams do your part consistently don’t think about others
opinion.
Reply
* Amir Davis says
June 7, 2024 at 2:04 pm
Thank reading this article is a blessing to me and others. Thank you
Angel God bless you.
5. Laura Hoffart says
May 23, 2024 at 7:16 am
I’ve been a reader of your blog for quite some time now and finally decided
to purchase one of your books for a dear friend. The problem was deciding
which book! So I ended up buying all 4 just now! I hope they enjoy your
inspirational messages and lessons as much as I have.
Thank you Marc and Angel!
Reply
6. Crystal says
May 23, 2024 at 7:36 am
So many of the points you shared felt like you were speaking directly to
many of the things that I’ve been thinking about lately. The ideas of ‘You
will not always have the support of others so don’t forget to be your own
support system on a daily basis’ and ‘forget popularity, do what is
important to you with passion and honesty’ really hit home this morning.
Appreciate your encouragement and support!
Reply
* Marie says
May 24, 2024 at 12:15 am
Thank you. Very well written. Positive and inspiring. I appreciate you
Marie
Reply
7. Che Jackson says
May 23, 2024 at 7:59 am
Holding too tightly to the way things were is a message for me and quite a
few in my network. I’ve caught myself being the “stay off my lawn” and “the
youth of today” grumbler, rather than embracing change and being open to
learning new ways and ideas. I’m taking this one to heart!
Reply
8. Renee Cermola says
May 23, 2024 at 8:28 am
I just wanted to take a quick moment to tell you how much I enjoy your
articles. Your words of wisdom are very well written, informative, and
always hit home. I look forward to reading them daily and often share with
friends and family.
Reply
9. Linda says
May 23, 2024 at 9:20 am
These are the best set of habits I read in a long time. I esp liked the one
“always worrying about someone else’s story” Thats one I am going to nail
on my wall. I am awful at that and as of today I am going to try so hard to
change that way about myself. The one about not being able to control the
uncontrollable knocks hard on me too because sometimes I feel that way. I
am doing a mindfullness course for the past few weeks and it is really
helping me with mindset and a lot of other things. I can feel the
difference happening to me. Just today I had to wait in a long line at a
store and I was more relaxed about it than ever before, It works and so do
all your tips if we follow them. Thank you so much, I respect you taking
time to do up all this information and send it to us.
Reply
* Raveendra Raman says
May 25, 2024 at 3:27 am
It is one of the best reads, can be termed as “Life Changing Gems”,
beautifully crafted, quite inspiring and practically possible to achieve
what we love. Thanks for the wonderful topics. Keep inspiring !
Reply
10. CalebkinG says
May 23, 2024 at 9:38 am
I enjoyed and resonated with each paragraph. Simply stating the truth in a
simple way. But the great idea and fascination behind it’s impact is
hitting at the heart of that which does affect us on a moment to moment
living. And , how willingly adjusting ourselves from an internal landscape
can effectively change us, improving our lives and of those we get a chance
to interact with.
Reply
11. jacques fleury says
May 23, 2024 at 10:10 am
A masterful little nugget of practical wisdom! I can see myself putting the
ideas presented in this article as part of my daily habits. The very
brilliantly written first line captured my attention right from the jump:
“You ultimately become what you repeatedly do.” Hence if your daily habits
are not resulting in the “you” you want to be, than change your habits! And
thanks to this inspirational article, I plan to do just that!
Reply
12. Adil Zareef says
May 23, 2024 at 10:37 am
Very sensible advice. And at 78, I feel confident that your points here at
spot on! I’m passing them along to my grand kids.
Reply
13. JIM says
May 23, 2024 at 12:23 pm
Since this has been a very difficult time for me…the love of my life passed
away 2 months ago…I’ve been trying to find a way to move forward. Going
from a full time care giver to a purposeless griever has taken its toll.
This article points to a way to start to move on. All the closure tasks
have been overwhelming but I continue to move forward knowing that it is
what she wanted. My task is to cherish the memories but find a way to build
a new life that would make her proud and honor her memory.
Reply
14. Fran says
May 23, 2024 at 1:34 pm
We are our habits and we are creatures of pattern. Absolutely!
We become what we think, we have to watch our character…
Excellent points!
Reply
15. Harsh says
May 24, 2024 at 1:02 am
This was really an eye opener. An awesome article that fires the reader up
to begin to take action. Thank You for writing this.
Reply
16. Jocelyn says
May 24, 2024 at 2:48 am
Indeed a best article I have read related to this topic. There is something
very refreshing about this one. It’s different from the usual cliché
motivators. This feels somehow connecting and relatable. I must say it
could be the power of the writers!
Thank you very much for this….
Reply
17. Paula says
May 24, 2024 at 4:10 am
I look forward to reading your essays everyday they give me so much
encouragement to become the best version of myself which leads me to be
where l want to be…. A HAPPY PERSON LEADING A HAPPY LIFE… the way l want to
live it .. l will try every day .. l would like to thank you both for
sharing your essays .
Reply
18. Joyce Nosiphiwo Nqatyelwa says
May 24, 2024 at 11:26 am
This is the first time that I read such an essay that talks directly with
me as most of points are spot on. Understanding and admitting who you are
willing to learn to be a better person to interact with life’s diversity
for holistic growth is a therapy of a lifetime result to maturity
irrespective of age and circumstances around you. This is indeed great and
awesome!
Reply
19. Muzaffar says
May 24, 2024 at 6:37 pm
It’s so inspiring! Makes me do introspection. I am a senior citizen and
despite dazzling achievements in life, the ghost of past keeps me
regretting that I could have done even better than what I did. I am 71 and
sometimes physical degeneration discourages me in my creative endeavours.
Reading Salman Rushdie’s “Knife” inspired me even after losing one eye and
one hand he could come out with such a masterpiece so why should age
related problems become discouraging factors in my creative writing. I will
continue with my passion of creative writing till I breathe mu last! ‘I
would never allow others to become a hurdle in my “blessed madness”! Your
article gives me hope. I will read and reread it whenever I feel
discouraged just because of age.
Reply
20. Marlon Valentine Brando says
May 24, 2024 at 9:27 pm
Thanks for the wonderful message you sent.
I’ve got to look at my daily habits to get out of the rut I find myself in.
Reply
21. Mini says
May 25, 2024 at 12:55 am
Totally n completely adored this blog. It was one of the most beautiful,
practical ,sensible ,easy to follow ,no shit n a genuine advice for
everyone ! Congratulations for this extraordinary work!!! Keep doing more
!!All d best ! ??
Reply
22. Tabassum says
May 25, 2024 at 2:08 am
Just the right things I needed to remind myself! You are so precise and
right at every point you have enumerated here, I can’t choose one which
resonated with me-almost all did, some more than others. I think “worrying
about else’s story” is something very well put and hit a point I had never
acknowledged in myself before, but it does exist and needs to be addressed.
Thanks a lot for your wonderful write up! I find it quite motivating!
Reply
23. Arthur Hills says
May 25, 2024 at 4:51 am
Thank you for this.This is the most important thing I’ve read online in
quite awhile. Its inspiring, motivational and a tool to move forward. Stay
blessed.
Reply
24. Eva says
May 25, 2024 at 11:16 pm
Great points and inclusion of actual steps to help. Well done.
Reply
25. Durva says
May 26, 2024 at 5:42 am
I made a huge mistake, about which I keep thinking daily. But today
accidently found this essay, and i must say i’m very grateful for this
piece and also the time when i much needed it. Gonna note everything now. A
big thank you!
Reply
26. James E Sparks says
May 27, 2024 at 8:33 am
I loved this article number one and two really resonated with me many of
the others did as well. I am open to any of these and not push them away.
I’ve heard it said in order to get to the feelings you want you have to
learn to go through the feelings that you don’t want rather than avoid
them.
Reply
27. Dana DeLuca says
May 27, 2024 at 8:56 am
Amongst all of the trash on the internet, I find this gem. It’s the best
written, most insightful essay, that I’ve ever read concerning motivation!
Thank you for taking the time to put it together and sharing it with the
world. Keep up the good work! And .. May you always Stay Blessed
Reply
28. Luara says
May 27, 2024 at 3:43 pm
This is the best thing I’ve read in awhile. 100% on point and explained in
a way that is easy to understand. Forgiving yourself is the most hardest
part for me in life. I’m still not sure why but I’m starting to understand
that without forgiving myself I will not move forward on life. Thank you so
much for sharing this article. So very helpful…??
Reply
29. Jill Deniston says
June 4, 2024 at 2:45 am
I love these! I needed read some of these today. I really liked the one
about making yourself a priority.
Reply
30. Uncle Sam says
June 5, 2024 at 1:45 am
Thanks for this essay, the points and how to follow them up are very
realistic and the explanations are very easy to understand
Reply
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