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STEADY MOM




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LET IT GO





Off and on over the seven years I've written here, we've occasionally
had seasons where life became extra busy or extra difficult: with the children,
finances, health, house-hunting, jobs--you know, everyday matters.

During those times I'd chat with Steve, wrestle with thoughts, or write out a
good pros and cons list titled: Should I continue blogging at Steady Mom?

I'd fill a page with reasons to quit or continue, go over the same ideas with
Steve again and again, but no matter how challenging life became, I never wanted
to throw in the towel completely. I'd cut back for a while or take a sabbatical,
then return to get on with this part of my mission and an important outlet for
me as a mama of three littles.

But last week, as I realized it was time to write a new post here, I didn't
feel much enthusiasm. When I took a minute to consider why, the thought came:
"Let it go." (Sorry to be all cliche and "Frozen" about it, but that's really
what happened!)

Immediately, I felt a huge wave of peace and freedom. I knew that yep, it's time
to quit, at least for now.

Why am I letting Steady Mom go at this particular moment? Well, let's see:

 * There are seven full years of archives here, which is a lot of inspiration
   for intentional mamas to find (& it will all remain here for anyone to read!)
 * I started this blog in early 2009, when my kids were ages three, four, and
   five. Now they are ten, eleven, and twelve. We're in a completely different
   life stage. I need to honor them and honor this season by being open to
   change.
 * God used Steady Mom to open doors for my writing at Simple Homeschool and
   through my books, projects that are keeping life beautifully full at the
   moment.
 * Steady Mom was my place to experiment with blogging, to "find my voice."
   Well, I found it!

Have you ever visited a blog that hasn't been updated for years, and the writer
never said goodbye? I didn't want to do that to you or to future readers who
stumble upon this space.

Some of you have miraculously been reading here for years. Without you I never
would have developed this platform that has brought me so many opportunities. I
owe it to you not to just disappear without a trace. 

And I'm not really disappearing, after all! I'm just one click away at Simple
Homeschool.

As is always the case in nature and in our lives, as one season ends, another
begins. I can't wait to see all that it holds.

Thank you from my heart for walking the journey toward intentional, professional
motherhood along with me. God's richest blessings on you and yours!
 

"Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great
strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when
to let go and then do it.”
~ Ann Landers

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Posted on February 01, 2016 in Practical Advice | Permalink | Comments (47)


10 THINGS YOU'RE GOING TO GET RIGHT THIS YEAR





It's that time again--when we think through our resolutions and goals for the
next twelve months. Some years the process overwhelms me. I mean, there's
already so much I screw up on in spite of my best intentions.

Why strive for more that I may or may not reach?

That's why I've put together a list of ten things I believe you are going to get
right as mamas this year. A list to remind you of all the awesomeness you usher
into your family just by being your regular, imperfect self:

1. This year, you will say yes to you.

You are you--with your personality, strengths, and weaknesses. As much as
possible, honor who God made you to be and celebrate it!

2. This year, you will say yes to your kids.

Just to clarify, I don't mean to say yes to everything they want. Say yes to who
they deeply are.

The longer I parent the more I realize that at a core level, my kids already are
who they are. I'm not going to change them, so why not enjoy the process of
watching their identities unfold? 

3. This year, you will read-aloud as many days as you sanely can.

Even if it's a sentence, a Bible verse, or a comic strip. Christmas Day I
found a beautiful poem that inspired me, so before dinner I took two minutes to
read it to the family. Two minutes, done--with a little extra beauty our way as
a result.

Need help choosing books and making this a habit? I've got you covered! And
remember the "sanely" part of this resolution--it doesn't apply to the insane
days. 

4. This year, you will share what you love with your kids.

Maybe it's cooking, writing, reading, or woodworking. What you love inspires
you, therefore it will inspire your kids as well! Model a life of passion in
front of them.

5. This year, you will enjoy intentional screen time guilt-free. 

Our culture is currently all-screens, all-the-time--and I'm not advocating that.
What I am advocating is that you intentionally think through and decide about
screens in your home, for your unique kids and unique situation.

Then enjoy whatever you decide. Without worry, without guilt. 

6. This year, you will say "I love you" more times than you can count.

You'll lose track because it comes out of your mouth so often--in good times
when it easily comes off your lips, and in hard ones where it's a pure
discipline to get the words formed.

7. This year, you'll sing in the shower, dance in the hallway, lip sync to
Taylor Swift, and skip in the street.

Acting childlike with your child is a wonderful way to bond. Silliness opens the
door to their hearts.

Note to self: You are a grown up, meaning you don't have to act silly all the
time. But when you feel it, do it!

8. This year, you will fail often.

It's going to happen, sweet mamas, so you might as well face it. I'm here to
tell you failing is one of the things you'll do right this year! Why? Well, just
peek at your growing babes.

Don't they screw up each and every day? Why should you be any different?
Acknowledging your day-to-day failure breaks the strongholds of perfectionism
that often pass through generations like the plague. 

9. This year, you will apologize.

After the failures, an "I'm sorry" is the difference between a mama screw up and
an opportunity.

Your heartfelt apology contributes to a healthy family life.

10. Most importantly, this year you won't run away.

Through hard times and good. In sickness and health. If fortune smiles or if
everything falls apart.

Oh sure, you might lock yourself in the bathroom for ten minutes. But you will
come out again! You will face those challenges that come shaped like little
humans and through your commitment to them you will transform their lives.

In the process, you'll transform yourself this year, too. In all the best of
ways.

So beautiful moms, I raise my glass in a toast to you! You're getting so many
things right. More than anything else, I pray you'll have eyes to see and
acknowledge all the good you do this year for those you love and serve.



"Maybe this year...we ought to walk through the rooms
of our lives not looking for flaws, but for potential."
~ Ellen Goodman

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Posted on January 01, 2016 in Retaining Enthusiasm | Permalink


KEEP THE THRILL FACTOR LOW THIS HOLIDAY SEASON




Snapshots from Thanksgiving 2015



"Something was shining bright in the top of Laura's stocking...
And the shining thing was a glittering new tin cup. These new tin cups were
their very own.
Now they each had a cup to drink out of.
Laura jumped up and down and shouted and laughed..."



Whenever I read that passage in Little House on the Prairie as a young girl, I
never knew exactly what to think of it. I was aware that a tin cup, a small
cake, a stick of candy, and a penny (as Laura and Mary go on to find in their
stockings) would not create the same thrill for me that it did for the Ingalls'
girls. 

How could they be ecstatic over these common items?

Now I see the words through a new, improved mama-lens: These common items
weren't common for the Ingalls--they were special!

Ironically, my own set of Little House books (the classic yellow ones for those
who remember them) taught me this lesson. I had the set on my Christmas list one
year, and when Nana and Sugie gave them to me I squealed with glee. Books from
the library were fairly common in our house growing up, but we didn't buy
them often.

To own the ones I loved was a pure joy. 

How can we follow the same principle this holiday season? How can we elevate the
common, so that the simple things give our kids a thrill?

We do it by intentionally designating what is common and special in our homes. 

Let me illustrate with an example. I can't take credit for planning this one
out, mind you, because it happened accidentally. (But I'll still take the credit
if you'll give it to me. :) )

My 12-year-old daughter Trishna loves creative writing. In our home, we provide
reams of paper for her to practice her craft, and she does. She staples
them together into books, drawing and writing furiously in the creation of her
stories.

If we gave her a ream of paper for Christmas, she'd look at us with raised
eyebrows. 

Paper is common, expected. Not much thrill there. (Note that this isn't bad,
either. It just IS.)

Yet somewhere along the way, spiral notebooks became special in our home. Blank
books or journals bound together became as treasured as gold. Yes, I'm talking
the same spiral notebooks you can buy for $1 or less at back-to-school time.

If we wrapped one of these for Trishna and placed it under the tree, there would
be much rejoicing when she opened it. It's the common elevated, thus it yields a
big reaction at very little expense.

When we don't think this through we end up spending more energy and money, just
to provide the same level of thrill for our kids.

I've learned this lesson just as much from the times we've gotten it wrong. 

On at least two holidays Steve and I have gone all out, finding what we thought
was the perfect gift, spending quite a bit of money on it, and having it fall
flat.

Once a child even confided later that it wasn't what they really wanted--they
wanted something much less grand (and much less expensive!)

Whoops. 

Once we gave a child a huge version of the toy they wanted. Bigger
equals better, right? Actually, they told us later that it was too heavy to play
with. Two years later, it sits on a desk and gets looked at regularly.

Whoops.

I now shop differently for the kids. I look for what will yield the biggest
thrill for the least amount of effort and expense. 

By keeping the thrill factor low in our homes, we save money and energy. We also
do our kids a big favor--one that leads them to find joy, both now and in the
decades to come, in the small and the simple. 

Books mentioned in this post:

A Little House Christmas Treasury




"They had never even thought of such a thing as having a penny. Think of having
a whole penny for your very own. Think of having a cup and a cake and a stick of
candy and a penny.
There never had been such a Christmas."

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Posted on December 01, 2015 in Practical Advice | Permalink


TO THE MOM OF LITTLES I WAS SEVEN YEARS AGO





Glimpses of our 2008 days



Dearest 2008 Jamie,

Hello mama of a five-, four-, and three-year-old! Congratulations on your
blossoming brood. You've gone from zero to three kids in three years.

You are exactly where God wants you, but you're also completely out of your
element! The next seven years have so much to teach you. 

And if I could go back in time, this is what I wish I could let you know:

That blog you're currently following, the one that teaches young moms that every
minute of their day needs to be accounted for and used diligently? Jamie, please
stop following it.

Stop feeling guilty for your in-built, God-given need for rest. You'll figure
this out eventually, but if you could get there sooner it would save you so much
angst!

Welcome to survival mode; it will be your life for the next few years.

Stop resisting it. This isn't going to be your most productive season; it isn't
meant to be. Do what has to be done to keep family life functioning, and don't
aim for much more. More will come, but not for a while.

That amazing babysitter you've hired five hours each week? Jamie, why are you
still staying with the children when she's there?

Can someone say "balance," lady? Get out of that house and surround yourself
with quiet--for just a little while! You'll discover this soon.

Another thing I'd love to give you a heads up about:

Put on an extra episode of Signing Time or Little Einsteins once in a while!
You're too rigid about how little screen time you allow. You don't have family
nearby like some do, and you have a husband who regularly travels for work. Your
sanity sometimes equates to screens for your littles, and that's okay.

Another big revelation is coming your way in the years ahead: You're a highly
sensitive person!

This explains so much! Knowing this, you'll be able to tailor life to what you
need most, enabling your whole family to thrive in new ways. 

In seven years, you'll be amazed to look back and see all God is doing in you
and the kids right now. You'll be so glad you listened to your heart, and didn't
try to rush them. You'll be thankful you took big risks, even though some worked
and some didn't.

If there's one message I could pass on, it would be this:

Your core values determine your family's reality. 

Knowing this would encourage you to lighten up just a bit.

Here's what I mean:

Because you have a core value to eat healthily, it doesn't matter that you put
in a frozen pizza once a week.

7 years later, your kids eat well and aren't afraid to try new foods.

Because you have a core value to limit screens, it doesn't matter that you let
the kids watch extra when they're sick or you need a mental health day.

7 years later, your kids are not addicted to screens even though you use them
regularly.

Because you have a core value to build your life around the power of story and
books, it doesn't matter if one day or week you don't get around to reading.

7 years later, your kids adore books.

Because you have a core value to live as followers of Jesus, it doesn't matter
that you sometimes screw up, lose it with the kids, raise your voice, or cry in
the bathroom.


7 years later, your kids are learning for themselves the power of grace and
forgiveness.

So if I could whisper to you from the future, 2008 Jamie, I'd tell you to be
gentler with yourself. Be yourself a bit more, without so much analysis.

I'd tell you to deal with what's in front of you each day, and to reserve a tiny
bit of energy for pursuing your own dreams.

Because seven years from now, you'll be so glad you pushed publish on that first
mundane blog post in 2008. You won't believe where it's going to take you!

Written with much love from,

2015 Jamie (who can't wait to hear from 2022 Jamie in seven more years!)

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
~ Eleanor Roosevelt



P.S. I hope my readers who are currently mamas of littles will be able to find
encouragement in this back to the future letter!

34
18


Posted on November 01, 2015 in Practical Advice | Permalink

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