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Home Darwin Awards Survivors Rules Search Slush Pile


THE DARWIN AWARDS: EVOLUTIONARY ACTION

The Darwin Awards honor those who tip chlorine into our gene pool, by
accidentally removing their own DNA from it during the spectacular climax of a
'great idea' gone veddy, veddy wrong.


HOT AUGUST HISTORIC AWARDEES


ARMOR HISTORY LESSON: 16 YEARS AGO...

(26 August 2006) Haphazard Armor
England | Darren's death was a puzzle. The 33-year-old was found slumped in the
hallway of his house, bleeding from stab wounds. Had an assailant attacked him?
Police could find no supporting evidence. A year later the Inquest revealed why
Darren can take his place among the stars of the Darwin Awards. Left alone in
the house while his wife was on holiday, he decided to he decided to 'fork
around and find out' if his new jacket was stab-proof...

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PALLET HISTORY LESSON: 5 YEARS AGO...

(August 2017, Japan) Forklift Around And Find Out
Logistics was uppermost in the mind of a warehouse employee of Tanarumono
Logistics. The worker needed to change a light bulb ten meters overhead and the
forklift could only reach 2.5 meters, clearly not close enough. Expressed as a
math problem: A person can reach a light fixture 2 meters overhead — and wants
to replace a lightbulb 10 meters overhead — so how many 15-cm wood pallets must
be stacked onto a 2.5 meter forklift platform, to reach the burnt bulb?

Title Suggestions From Readers
"The Odds Were Stacked Against Him"
"Jenga Difficultly Level: 10"
"Stack Attack!"
"An Unpalatable Death"
"Pallatative Care"
"Skidmark"

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HEEDLESS HISTORY LESSON: 25 YEARS AGO...

(77%) Out Of Their Minds
23 August 2007, HOLLAND || Darwin notes: "This sort of thing is rare today
because changes were made to vehicles to protect the guilty, but for awhile
there were quite a few incidents reported to the Darwin Awards."
HOLLAND || A group of employees was thrilled to enjoy a team-building bus tour,
and get a break from BAU (Biz As Usu). It was sunny, and the more boisterous
employees enjoyed sticking their heads out of the rooftop window like puppies in
the wind. And then it happened — two men were singing lustily as the wind
caressed their faces, when the bus entered a viaduct...
 
and the Heedless became the Headless. . .
 
which really isn't a thing, they only snapped their necks, a quick and painless
death and a lesson for the rest of us.

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TRAIN HISTORY LESSON: 20 YEARS AGO...

(2 August 2002) Long Lonesome Train
Kansas | Driving along Interstate 35, an Olathe driver's sloppy-jalopy broke
down. Attempts to repair it were futile. So the man pulled out a cellphone—the
mobile's moniker in 2002—and called for a tow. As he ambled along the railroad
tracks parallel to the freeway, he focused intently on the device (as one does)
and was utterly oblivious to the sound of a train whistle...
 
The train engineer reported that he covered his left ear so he could better hear
the conversation on his device!

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CHICKEN HISTORY LESSON: 27 YEARS AGO...

(79%) Count Your Chickens
Six people drowned Monday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into
a well in southern Egypt. An 18 year old farmer was the first to descend into
the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently by undercurrent

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WILD ANIMAL HISTORY LESSON: 15 YEARS AGO...

(77%) Beer for Bears
Serbia | It's well known that alcohol impairs judgement. It's well known that
carnivorous wild animals and humans don't mix. What happens when we combine all
three...?

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SWIMMING POOL HISTORY LESSON: 14 YEARS AGO...

(77%) One Foot In The Pool...
Indonesia | Charles had just completed his studies at King William's College,
and his dreams were ambitious. He planned retire by the age of 30. Unfortunately
for Charles, his expensive education omitted an important lesson from the
curriculum...

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GRENADE HISTORY LESSON: 16 YEARS AGO...

(76%) Hammer of Doom
Brazil | August brings us a winner from Brazil who tried to disassemble a Rocket
Propelled Grenade by driving back and forth over it with a car. This technique
was ineffective...

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'CHINESE FIRE DRILL' HISTORY: 12 YEARS AGO...

(76%) Ride 'Em Cowgirl
In THAT much of a rush? A cautionary tale for those who can't spare the time to
slow down and do things properly. Kentucky Kelita Hicks was travelling 'at
highway speed' down Country Road 519 in her

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'CROSSING THE ROAD' LESSON: 8 YEARS AGO...

(76%) Race To The Death
For most people, the danger of fast traffic is obvious; for example few would be
foolish enough to attempt to cross a major Interstate with 80-mph/130-kph
traffic. Rare that anyone dies walking across a busy street, but then... there
is Kevin Ward.

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MINI HISTORY LESSONS: RANDO YEARS AGO...

(75%) Darwin Awards Shorts
These five random snippets were collected from emails over the past decade.
Their origins and veracity are unknown. A man in a diabetic shock swerved off
Route 2 in Lexington, Mass

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FLOTATION HISTORY LESSON: 16 YEARS AGO...

(74%) Faithful Flotation
Gabon | During an impassioned sermon, a congregation was surprised to hear their
35-year old pastor insist that one could literally walk on water, if one had
enough faith...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


SNAKE HUNTING LESSON: 23 YEARS AGO...

(71%) Smarter Animals
An Iranian hunter was shot to death near Tehran by a snake that coiled around
his shotgun as he pinned the reptile to the ground. Another hunter reported that
that the victim, named Ali, tried to catch the snake alive by pressing the butt
of his shotgun

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DIY HISTORY LESSON: 12 YEARS AGO...

(70%) Do It Yourself, Do Yourself In
Ah, summer, the most blissful of seasons, when Darwin's most popular summertime
activity -- do it yourself stupidity -- kicks into high gear. Meet Charles, 34,
a Denver masonry contractor who works with

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GREYHOUND BUS HISTORY: 13 YEARS AGO...

(70%) Missed The Bus
A 24-year-old woman was ironically successful in her attempt to catch a bus in
Quebec City. Clutching a can of pop, the woman ran into a restricted area...

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ROLLER COASTER HISTORY: 23 YEARS AGO...

(69%) Roller-Coaster
Tales of roller-coaster accidents are the stuff of nightmares. It turns out that
such tragedies are less common than folklore would have us believe. In The
Science of Roller Coasters, Ted Oehmke reveals that there have been only 42 such
deaths in the last 11 years. It

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'MILITARY INTELLIGENCE' HISTORY: 23 YEARS AGO...

(69%) Intelligence Blunders
A deadly explosion in the Philippines was linked to careless NBI agents smoking
near a bucketful of dynamite powder. Remnants of hand grenades, bullets, and
weapons were scattered far and wide...

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'KING LOUIS III' LOVE HISTORY: 1140 YEARS AGO...

(69%) Lovestruck Louis III
Blindly following lust, the world came crashing down upon the head of King Louis
III, overzealous ruler of Francia. Despite great military success, great loss
followed on its heels when a comely lady caught his eye...

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ASTRONOMY HISTORY LESSON: 23 YEARS AGO...

(66%) Lights Out
On Friday the 13th, Scott and his sister Kimberly had an electrifying experience
while attempting to view the annual Perseid meteor shower. Scott, an aspiring
young astronomer, set up his telescope for a closer view of the sky. Alas, poor
Scott did not reflect on the

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ELECTRIC RESISTANCE LESSON: 23 YEARS AGO...

(63%) Resistance is Futile
A US Navy safety publication describes injuries incurred while doing don't's.
One page described the fate of a sailor playing with a multimeter in an
unauthorized manner. He was curious about the resistance level

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JET SKI HISTORY LESSON: 23 YEARS AGO...

(61%) Wet Will He
This story sounds like an urban legend, but it's true. Rodney was jet skiing
around Lake Washington, enjoying the sun and the power between his knees. But he
noticed that his battery was beginning to fail. He idled over to a dock near
Juanita Beach Park

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ECLIPSE HISTORY LESSON: 23 YEARS AGO...

(60%) Mental Eclipse
A 42-year-old man killed himself watching the eclipse while driving near
Kaiserslautern, Germany. A witness driving behind him stated that the man was
weaving back and forth as he concentrated on...

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ROCK THROWING LESSON: 20 YEARS AGO...

(57%) A Rocky Roll
An innovative petty crime spree turned into a Darwinian opportunity when a
Vancouver man fell out of a minivan while throwing rocks. Five men had been
denting mailboxes and moving cars with their low-tech missiles, when 2

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DIVING HISTORY LESSON: 23 YEARS AGO...

(49%) Show Off
A 27-year-old man, bent on impressing three boys, dove into the ocean from an
80-foot cliff. He was knocked unconscious by the impact with the water and rocks
below. One boy climbed down the cliff and dragged the man from the sea, while
his friends called for help.

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CAR TIRE LESSON: 22 YEARS AGO...

(49%) Tired of it All
Daniel was tired to death - literally -- at the Buckeye Ford Dealership in
London. He had sneaked onto the lot in the wee hours of the morning with theft
on his mind. His modus operandi was to jack up t

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SAUNA HISTORY LESSON: 23 YEARS AGO...

(45%) Sauna Kills Monk
An elderly Buddhist monk and three of his followers died after spending hours in
a homemade herbal sauna. Five others remain hospitalized in serious condition.
The poorly constructed sauna had been set up in a basement room in the Bungrasi
Buddhist temple near Bangkok. The group

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GYM ELECTRICITY LESSON: 22 YEARS AGO...

(28%) Power Punch Proves Fatal
Ian was a fitness fanatic and self-employed electrician living in an English
seaside town. He had recently converted one room of his cottage into a new gym.
Among the weights and exercise equipment hung a...

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WHEELCHAIR SAFETY LESSON: 12 YEARS AGO...

(25 August 2010) Angry Wheelchair Man
As the video shows, an agrry man is rolling toward an elevator as the doors
close and the lift departs. Annoyed, he reviews his options and choosed to back
up, ram his wheeled chair into the reinforced shaft doors, and repeat THREE
TIMES until literally breaking through. Plunging down an empty elevator shaft is
a weird way to die, but his perseverence paid off;with a Darwin Award.




DARWIN AWARDS FEATURED IN THE NEWS!

Professor William McComas Named 2020 Winner of Prestigious Friend of Darwin
Award!! William F. McComas, Parks Family Distinguished Professor of Science
Education in the College of Education and Health Professors, named one of the
three 2020 winners of the prestigious Friend of Darwin Award for his impact on
evolution education.


MISC MEDIA, SHORT SNIPPETS


SALON 2000 INTERVIEWS WEBMASTER WENDY: "WE'RE WITH STUPID."


SALON 2000: 'THEY COULDA BEEN A CONTENDER'

RESEARCH: Study Supports The Theory That Men Are Stupid. Source of data: Darwin
Awards archive.

What a Way to Go: Woman Who Created the Darwin Awards Wants to be a Winner
Someday

Cool Safety Infographic from Best Nursing Masters.com

https://www.toptal.com/designers/htmlarrows/math/
𝒟𝒜ℛ𝒲ℐ𝒩𝒜𝒲𝒜ℛ𝒟𝒮
☝☢☣☠☯♡✌✍—➠∞


HUMAN LANGUAGE IN CHAINS

Language evolves! But our culture in its tidy way locks us into a particular
spelling for each word, insists on a rigid sentence grammar, on correct
pronunciation and not wrong wrong pronunciation. (And anyway why is
'pronunciation' so hard to say?) These artificial constraints on puts a living
language into a straightjacket. Discourages us from writing 'thru' and 'donut'
and b/c -- the offical ('offal') language is tedious, cumbersome, a fading
snapshot. Bejeezus!

--Thanatologist Wendy Darwin




CAPTAIN AHAB MEET CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: CIVILIZATION IS INCOMPATIBLE WITH LIFE ON
EARTH. "HAPPY EARTH DAY! TODAY AND EVERYDAY."


HUMANS WIN DODO AWARD

"Who will have the last laugh?"

Would a Dodo make a great Darwin Award medallion? Think: "You're extinct, ya
stupid dodo!" Cool idea... but <cough> calling Dodo dumb does not sit well with
me. The bird was a meek member of the Pigeon Family, easy to catch and eat, and
extincted by man in 1691 only 100 years after its 'discovery'. This lovable dodo
picture may help us see our behavior clearly. Human ate the last dodo. Humans
are devouring every bit of the biosphere.
 
"Dumb as a Dodo" meet "Slow as a Sapien"

--Thanatologist Wendy Darwin


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