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"I'M EXTREMELY EMOTIONAL OVER THIS AND WAS UP ALL NIGHT IN TEARS."

I'm not a big fan of cats. I don't hate them but if I visit your house, I don't
want to pat your cat, sit on the couch where it has been, or have you make me a
sandwich after patting it. I didn't want that sandwich anyway. The Maxwell House
instant coffee was bad enough and when you smelled the milk to see if it was
still okay, despite being a week past its use by date, I saw your nose touch the
carton.

I actually rescued a cat once; I was walking across a bridge, over a river that
was in flood, when I heard mewing and saw a frantic cat being pulled along by
the raging torrent. I picked up a fairly hefty fallen branch and threw it over
the rail to where the cat was. I didn't see the cat after that but I'm pretty
sure it would have climbed on and ridden the branch over the next set of rapids
and waterfall to safety.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi, I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing
since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for
me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this
afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black
and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.

Thanks Shan





From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not
half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I'm surprised you managed
to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened
and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a
vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"

Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of
course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return
of Missy.

Regards, David



From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I'm really worried about mine. I
have to leave at 1pm today



From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

I never said I dislike cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went
clothes shopping and bought a pair of expensive boots. They were two sizes too
small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks
and cut my toenails really short. Unfortunately, I lost all feeling in my feet
and stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & Coke onto his 'Choose
Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat
down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled
causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead
onto the corner of a floor speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its
shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a wet brown stain down the
back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.

Attached poster as requested.

Regards, David





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come
the photo of Missy is so small?



From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.

Regards, David



From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? Im extremely emotional over
this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think its funny. Can you make
the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please.

Thanks.



From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you
understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome
constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text
messages, log onto Facebook, and look out the window.

I'm willing, however, to overlook this faux pas as you are no doubt preoccupied
with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across a busy
intersection or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent
three days down a well once but that was just for fun.

I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of
Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it
to say lost.



From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the
telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie
poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I
would help you.

Thanks.



From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,

I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but
after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty
litter, I kept the cat in a cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I
wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that
home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I
pretended I wasn't home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put
enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and
pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to
learn to let go.

Please find attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed
instructions.

Regards, David





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. You
have a photo of my cat.



From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

Shannon,

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has likely met any one of several violent
ends, it's possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and
says, "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with
its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and
save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an
accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels.
If it had been my dog, I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and
replaced with wheels. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it
in races. If I did the same with a horse, I could drive it to work. I'd call it
Steven.

Regards, David



From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.



From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. Why did you even put
that there? Apart from that its perfect can you please remove the reward bit.

Thanks Shan



From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten
minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.



From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.



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