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Submission: On July 17 via manual from US — Scanned from DE
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* The Onion * * The A.V. Club * Deadspin * Gizmodo * Jalopnik * Jezebel * Kotaku * Quartz * The Root * The Takeout * * The Inventory America's Finest News Source. Send us a tip!ShopSubscribe HomeLatestNewsOpinionLocalPoliticsEntertainmentSportsVideo America's Finest News Source. HomeLatestNewsOpinionLocalPoliticsEntertainmentSportsVideo Opinion KIDS REACT TO CLIMATE CHANGE With flooding, extreme heat waves, and hot oceans currently ravaging the earth, climate change is only projected to worsen. The Onion asked children how they felt about global warming, and this is what they said. Breaking News LAST FACTUAL PIECE OF INFORMATION DELETED FROM INTERNET Local FEMALE EMPLOYEE WHO LOOKS UNWELL ASKED IF SHE’D LIKE TO GO HOME AND PUT ON SOME MAKEUP CHICAGO—Remarking on her unusually pale skin and tired eyes, marketing department head Larry Kilmartin asked a female employee at Claremont Industries Thursday if she’d like to go home and put on some makeup. “You’re looking a bit rough, Sarah, so… Local AMAZED WOMAN SEES FACE OF JESUS ON CRUCIFIX TOLEDO, OH—Marveling that the Son of God had appeared to her in the most surprising of places, local woman Florence Stahl said she was amazed Monday when she saw what looked to be the face of Jesus Christ on a crucifix. “It’s a miracle, the image of… Entertainment HOLLYWOOD ACTORS THREATEN TO DISFIGURE THEIR GORGEOUS FACES IF CONTRACT NOT REACHED LOS ANGELES—Putting down their picket signs and picking up knives, striking SAG-AFTRA members announced Friday that they would disfigure their gorgeous faces if a contract with the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers was not reached… Local WORST WAYS PEOPLE MISUSE THERAPY SPEAK Breaking News STUDY: MORE AMERICANS MOVING TO SUN BELT TO GET HEAD START ON LIVING IN SCORCHED HELLSCAPE Entertainment STUDIOS SAY ACTORS OVERREACTING TO PROPOSAL TO HAVE LIMBS MANIPULATED BY CORDS HOOKED THROUGH FLESH WATCH This Week's Most Viral News: July 14, 2023 CC Share Subtitles * Off * English Share this Video FacebookTwitterEmail RedditLink This Week's Most Viral News: July 14, 2023 Netflix Limits Users To One Eye Per Screen 00:36 Now playing Turtle Fact: Did You Know? 00:09 Now playing Biden Asks Americans To Come Sit By Him And Keep Him Company Until The End 00:26 Now playing Senate Freaking Out After Dianne Feinstein Gets Her Hands On Gun 00:26 Now playing CHECK THESE OUT American Voices HOLLYWOOD ACTORS VOTE TO STRIKE Cartoons EXTRAMARITAL UNFAIR News In Photos DRINKING HIDDEN FROM CAT Breaking News TIMELINE OF ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE News In Photos BIDEN LOWERS SKIN HALFWAY TO OBSERVE NATIONAL DAY OF MOLTING Infographic PROS AND CONS OF UKRAINE JOINING NATO MORE Local TIPS FOR GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE Baseball 4-SECOND JUMBOTRON APPEARANCE LONGEST ANYONE WILL EVER PAY ATTENTION TO AREA MAN IN ENTIRE LIFE Entertainment DISNEY CRACKS DOWN ON COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT FOR PEOPLE PICTURING MICKEY MOUSE WHILE MASTURBATING Opinion TWITTER USERS EXPLAIN WHY THEY’RE MOVING TO THREADS LOCAL Show all Local OKLAHOMA STUDENTS EXPLAIN THE TULSA RACE MASSACRE Oklahoma’s head of public schools recently stated that race was not a factor in the 1921 Tulsa Race Massacre, an event in which white mobs killed around 300 Black residents and burned some 35 blocks of businesses and homes. The Onion asked current… Local WOMAN FIGURES IT EASIER TO JUST GET NEW ONE AFTER FORGETTING BOYFRIEND IN UBER Local WHITE ARTIST REASSURES SELF THAT PEOPLE WILL LOVE PAINTING OF EMMETT TILL DUNKING BASKETBALL Local GRANDMA SCUTTLES INTO CORNER AFTER SHADOW OF ENORMOUS GRANDSON CAST ACROSS ROOM Local MARK ZUCKERBERG ACQUIRES ‘MATRIX’ OUTFIT HE TOO SHY TO WEAR TO WORK POLITICS Show all Politics EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MOMS FOR LIBERTY Moms for Liberty is a highly influential, highly controversial Republican-affiliated organization that fights to ban vaccine mandates, critical race theory, and gay rights from schools. The Onion outlines everything you need to know about Moms for… Breaking News BIDEN DEAD AFTER AIDE ACCIDENTALLY PRESSES SOFT SPOT ON TOP OF SKULL Commentary ALSO, I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DISCLOSE THAT I HAD SEX WITH A SALMON | BY SAMUEL ALITO Breaking News CHUCK SCHUMER CALLS ON FDA TO INVESTIGATE 72-HOUR ERECTION HE GOT FROM PRIME ENERGY DRINK Slideshow DOCUMENTS THE NATIONAL ARCHIVES CLAIMS TRUMP HAS STILL NOT RETURNED IN CASE YOU MISSED IT Breaking News THE ONION’S AI-GENERATED CONTENT PRESENTS ALL MEN AND BLUEBERRIES IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER Breaking News RACISM RESOLVED AFTER HERO DESTROYS MAD SCIENTIST’S BIGOTRY RAY Breaking News EMPOWERING NIKE AD CHALLENGES VIEWER TO GET UP OUT OF FETAL POSITION Entertainment EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE ‘BARBIE’ MOVIE OPINION Show all Opinion AMERICANS REACT TO ‘FOREVER CHEMICALS’ IN THEIR WATER Cartoons EASY DERIDER American Voices SECRET SERVICE CLOSES WHITE HOUSE COCAINE PROBE WITHOUT SUSPECT Opinion AMERICANS REACT TO HUNTER BIDEN’S GUILTY PLEA ENTERTAINMENT Show all Entertainment HOLLYWOOD ACTORS THREATEN TO DISFIGURE THEIR GORGEOUS FACES IF CONTRACT NOT REACHED Entertainment DISNEY CRACKS DOWN ON COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT FOR PEOPLE PICTURING MICKEY MOUSE WHILE MASTURBATING Entertainment STUDIOS SAY ACTORS OVERREACTING TO PROPOSAL TO HAVE LIMBS MANIPULATED BY CORDS HOOKED THROUGH FLESH Now playing 02:48 TikTok THIS WEEK'S MOST VIRAL NEWS: JULY 14, 2023 Football NFL PLAYERS SUSPENDED FOR VIOLATING DRAFTKINGS TERMS OF USE Basketball FREE AGENT KYRIE IRVING EXCITED TO ALIENATE ALL POTENTIAL OPTIONS Hockey VEGAS-AREA PAWN SHOP CELEBRATES BEING 6 WEEKS AWAY FROM OWNING STANLEY CUP Football TYREEK HILL SURPRISED TO DISCOVER ASSAULT ILLEGAL IN FLORIDA word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word word mmMwWLliI0fiflO&1 mmMwWLliI0fiflO&1 mmMwWLliI0fiflO&1 mmMwWLliI0fiflO&1 mmMwWLliI0fiflO&1 mmMwWLliI0fiflO&1 mmMwWLliI0fiflO&1