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Home
Testimonials
About Me
FAQ
Mission Statement
Clinician Resources
Professional Mentoring

Open Menu Close Menu

Home
Testimonials
About Me
FAQ
Mission Statement
Clinician Resources
Professional Mentoring

Let's Connect

GREAT QUESTION!

An asexual surrogate partner is someone who provides emotional and physical
intimacy to individuals, often to help them overcome challenges related to
relationships or intimacy. Unlike traditional surrogacy, which may involve
sexual activity, an asexual surrogate partner focuses on non-sexual aspects
while fostering a safe and supportive environment.

To simplify, it’s just like traditional surrogate partner therapy but with
different boundaries. CLIENTS DO NOT NEED TO BE ASEXUAL TO WORK WITH ME. That
said, a client who identifies as asexual or is considering if they are asexual
might appreciate a practitioner who can better understand.

2023 was the year that I learned that I am on the asexual spectrum. While I am a
sex-favorable asexual, meaning that I’m not repulsed by sex, sex takes a lot of
spoons for me. With this new realization, I can now better understand why sex in
my work feels like more effort than I’m willing to give.

I started in professional cuddling in late 2015, which is strictly platonic
work. I love that space! I also love the work I’ve done in surrogate partner
therapy. I’ve had a lot of success working with clients, many times never
touching on erotic contact. My surrogate partner colleagues would love everyone
to understand that the core of our work is relational more than erotic. Even
though it doesn’t always go to sex, for many of my colleagues there is erotic
potential. In my flavor of SPT, arousal is welcome but there will be no
possibility of erotic contact.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR YOU, THE CLINICIAN?

Suppose you’ve ever felt uncomfortable with the sexual aspect of the work. In
that case, that discomfort now has a chance to shift into curiosity about what
is possible in the surrogate partner container. The benefits of SPT are still
available to your clients!

 * We can still work in a close triadic team.

 * We can still address sexual issues.

 * We can still help our clients learn to feel safe in their body and with
   another person.

 * We can still help clients experience the value of non-sexual intimacy.

 * We can still help them build healthy relationship skills/communication.

 * We are just never going to have sexual contact.

This will also mean I might not be the right fit for all clients. I never was
the right fit for EVERY client. Each surrogate partner comes with their own
flavor of the work. There has never been a one-size-fits-all. I can see my
limitations being difficult for clients to understand. The sex has traditionally
been the carrot that brought a lot of people to the work. It may even mean that
we don’t call it surrogate partner therapy when introducing it to the client. I
love using phrases like “Foundations of Human Connection”, “Nervous System
Coach”, and “Human Connection Coach” to name a few.

Ultimately, I support clients in learning what safety feels like. Period.

WHAT ARE THE LIMITS TO MY WORK?

I work in two stages and you will always be in the decision-making as an
involved clinician if you choose to be involved.

 * Stage 1 is clothed work. We never take our clothes off. This is almost 100%
   of my work. If this is a limit that feels great for you and your client, it
   never needs to go any further than this. Rates can be found here.

 * Stage 2 is clothes-off. This can include body image work, normalizing bodies,
   and even naked cuddling. It’s still platonic. I’ve had some clients blossom
   in this space so I’d hate to take it off the menu entirely.

 * Optionally, if there is a need for masturbation coaching or more
   sexually-based work, I have referrals available.

Thank you for your interest! I hope that helped answer the big question: “But
how?!” I’m glad to continue this conversation and answer any other questions
that have come to mind. Shoot me a message and check out the rest of my SPT
information by clicking the button below.

Learn more about Foundations of Human Connection, My Surrogate Partner
Therapy/Cuddle Therapy Hybrid

Did you catch my presentation at the 2023 AASECT Annual Conference with Dr Lee
Phillips, Brian Gibney, and Brandon Hunter-Haydon? Great news, you can watch it
now! Also check out the interview with the client from the case in Business
Insider.

Based in San Diego, California

Serving Southern California and Open to Traveling to You for Weekend Intensives



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